An emotionless killing machine. That's what they think she is, what she's been trained to do for years and years. It's what she wanted to be , the only thing she grew up knowing. An agent , an assassin.
But despite that , despite everything there still is a human caged within her , hidden, lost. Ever since that day. Ever since anya, she buried it deep. She realised that feelings only weaken her-soften her (she sneered at the word) , and so she let them go. She hid the human she was and became a soulless. But sometimes it reaches out beyond the bars barring it in and with light touches and gentle whispers , it manipulates her. It slips in like a slithering snake and Imprisons her, instead. And sometimes , just sometimes she lets it. she gives in and let's it take over. Let's her feelings guide her.
Lust, love, shame, rage
She lets them all control her, only for a few seconds.. or minutes maybe. But it's too much , it's too risky especially with this target, with agent carter. She got mad after that kiss. Mad at herself for being so reckless, at Peggy for having such soft lips. So she attacked her harder than ever at stark's vault. And maybe looking her in the eyes made her falter , maybe it was why she lost , why she almost died. But maybe it's what kept her going too, after the fall. She could've stayed there, bled to death , finished herself the way they'd once taught her. But no, non of that happened. And it was all because of her.
The memory of her alone sends waves of emotions seeping into her bones. She was angry that she couldn't finish her mission , that she let such a silly thing she didn't believe in take over her. A second of hesitation , and that's all it took to almost get herself killed, she knew it was wrong, and she wanted it to stop. But oh- She also wanted to see Peggy writhing beneath her , she always has , but sometimes it's not because she's dying. And she always gets what she wants.