I heard her call people “dear” all the time, so it wasn’t as though I was the only person she’d ever used a pet name for. She used the word so frequently that I’d noticed myself picking up on the habit.
Last night though…last night was different. We’d been on the couch, watching whatever movie Henry had picked out (only I wasn’t really watching, I was staring at the two of them together wondering how I got lucky enough to not only know my son, but also know the wonder that is his mother) when the credits started to roll. I jolted myself back to reality as Henry cleared away the ice cream bowls. I stood up to help him and nab a couple of alone minutes before leaving him with Regina for the week.
“Henry, I’m going back to New York for the week, you remember that right?”
“Yeah, Ma, I do. You’re gonna go collect the rest of our things, you’ll be back next friday…”
“Okay. I’ll be back.”
One look into his eyes told me that nearly four years later he still got a little scared of me leaving, even if he wouldn’t admit it.
I leaned over, kissed his forehead and whispered, “I promise.”
He may be verging on fourteen now, but still he wrapped his increasingly strong arm around me and hung there for a minute. I glanced up and could see her using those striking eyes to stare at us as I reassuringly rubbed his back. A small smile crept across her face before she noticed me looking and quickly turned away. When Henry let go, I rubbed his head and watched him walk over and give her a hug goodnight. Almost in unison, she and I said “Love you!” as he walked out of the kitchen.
I stayed to help with the dishes, ignoring the tingling feelings every time her perfectly manicured hand brushed mine. This was Regina freakin’ Mills. Despite what we’d been through together, there was no room nor option for me to have feelings for her. Besides, I’d seen the way Robin looked at her and had heard Tink talk about them being soulmates. So I knew that “us” was a lost cause.
These thoughts spun round in my head so much I must have been lost in them because the next thing I knew her hand was on my shoulder - oh gracious the instant electricity which ran through my body at her touch - and she was asking if I was alright.
“Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking. Guess we’re done here, huh? I guess I should go home and pack.”
Her eyes, those deep brown get-lost-in-them-every-time eyes, looked sad when I said I should leave, but I only chalked it up to her being lonely with Robin out of town and no real girlfriends to speak of. She and my mother may be getting along better but it’s a little hard to be best friends when Snow betrayed a secret, Regina killed Snow’s father and terrorized a whole kingdom, and Snow killed her mother. Not exactly a past you get over in a matter of a couple months of niceties.
Walking toward the door I wasn’t thinking of her at all. In fact, I was only thinking of how many suitcases I’d need to take in order to pack up the rest of our apartment in New York. I grabbed my coat off the hook, and I was putting it on I caught her again…just looking at me. Pushing all thoughts of her possibly caring for me out of my mind and believing her to just be waiting for me to get ready, I shoved my coat on just a little faster. This seemed to bring her out of her own world and I wondered not for the first time that night how many evenings would be spent with us taking turns being in our own worlds.
She opened the door and I turned to say goodnight and remind her that Henry had an important paper due Wednesday.
Her head nodded, and then, like it was perfectly natural and okay for her to be calling me these things, she said “Goodnight. Have a safe trip, my love.”
She called me her love and my heart skipped a beat.
It took a second for my brain to catch up to my heart and realize the words which had just escaped her lips. As I struggled to make my feet move towards my car, I turned around to see her facial expression. Regina looked perfectly content and like the words didn’t shock her world at all.
Hands shaking, I managed to unlock the yellow bug and get in. As I drove away, I saw her door close and for a fleeting moment wondered if I had just missed it and let the door close on us. Chastising myself for even thinking she could want me, I turned on the radio and decided to take the long way home.
Country music, of course, Henry had been in the car. I should’ve known that the woman who was raised around horses and all manner of animals would have enjoyed this manner of music that wasn’t even from her world and engrained a love for it in my - our - son.
Still, I was too lost in thought to change the station, so when Gloriana’s “Kissed You” came on, I didn’t even hear the first half of the song.
I should’ve kissed you. I should’ve pushed you up against the wall. I should have kissed you, just like I wasn’t scared at all.
Before my body could comprehend what my brain was begging it to do, I flipped the car around in the middle of the street, nearly tipping it over with how fast I turned.
Nobody else on the streets so I ignored every stop sign and raced as fast as I could back toward the mayor’s mansion.
I turned off the car.
My hand didn’t even bother to yank the keys from the ignition.
Ran through the yard.
Only one destination on my mind.
Back to your front porch.
I didn’t even bother to breathe as I lifted a hand to the engraved knocker.
Before I could knock…
As my fingers touched it, I heard noise inside.
…you turned the lock…
A momentary “what?” in my brain but still no reason or need to run. I wasn’t scared. This had to be done. Even if it got awkward I’d be gone for a week anyway.
…and met me on the front porch.
Her hand was still on the knob, her eyes just stared at mine. For the first time neither of us looked away from the other’s gaze. Her lips began to move, questioning why I was there.
“Em…”
And I kissed you.
I didn’t let her get my name fully out before crashing into her lips like I knew how to do nothing else. I tangled my fingers into her jet black silky hair, pressing her red lips into mine and hoping against all hope that she might do the same.
She did reach up her hands to cup my face and I thought maybe, just maybe, we felt the same way.
My heart shattered when she did not bring my closer but instead pulled me away.
I struggled to find an explanation, maybe to run, to ignore what had just happened.
“Emma.” Her voice like whiskey, deep and smooth, the warmest touch to ears which had been longing to hear my name from her lips.
I dropped my gaze, worried about what she might say. She gently brought my face up so I had no choice but to look at her.
“Emma.” She said again, this time with a slight smile creeping across her face. I couldn’t help but smile back.
One last time she said it, but this time a longer moniker.
“Emma…my love.”
She pressed her lips to mine and I pulled away just long enough to say five words.
“Regina…yes, love, I’m yours.”
As our hands continued to move into each others hair and as I tasted her lips like they were a full bodied wine, I knew there was no way I was leaving for New York this week.