Your Strength

“Granny Smiths!” Jared exclaimed suddenly, a little above an inside voice, but not quite a yell. It was about nine in the morning and Jensen jolted awake at his outburst.

“What?” Jensen replied, obviously very irritated. Jared had learned many things about Jensen while they were together, but the main thing was that if there was one way to put Jensen into a bad mood, it was wake him up. He hated his alarm clock for a reason.

“Shit, I’m sorry, babe!” Jared said earnestly. “Go back to sleep.”

Jensen rolled over a little on top of Jared and frowned at him for a long moment before nodding and closing his eyes, resting his head on Jared’s chest. His breathing evened out rather quickly, and Jared could tell he’d slipped back into sleep. Jared smiled down at him, leaning into his hair to take a long whiff: he’d been right. Granny Smiths. From the moment he’d met Jensen, he’d been trying his hardest to figure out what his underlying scent was. Of course, Jensen wore cologne sometimes that masked it, but Jared noticed that for the grand majority of the time, Jensen smelled vaguely familiar. He just hadn’t put his finger on it until that morning, lying in bed next to the man thinking about the first time they’d met. He’d been thinking about the water fight, and the bobbing for apples. How Chris had used Granny Smiths because they were Jensen’s favorite—and then he realized that Jensen smelled like apples. But not just apples in general, rather Granny Smiths: not quite sweet smelling, rather a tartness that was barely noticeable but distinctive.

Jensen’s scent perplexed Jared a little. How could Jensen seemingly inherently smell like apples? Sure, Jensen had the apples in their kitchen at all times, and he often munched on them, but he hadn’t eaten one since they’d come to the ranch and Jared could still smell the vague scent on him. Maybe Jensen didn’t actually smell like apples, Jared mused. Maybe he just associated the scent with Jensen because of the bobbing for apples. He’d have to covertly convince Megan to take a whiff later on in the day and report back to him.

He wanted to laugh at this idea, but he refrained, afraid of waking Jensen again. He looked down at his boyfriend again, and saw his pretty features pulled drastically down in a pained frown, his eyes flickering behind his eyelids. Jared had noticed that every once in a while, Jensen had nightmares. A couple times, he’d even talked in his sleep during the nightmares, groaning or murmuring vaguely. Jared had never heard Charlie’s name, but he knew Jensen probably suffered from PTSD to some degree, probably less now that a couple years had passed. He never wanted to ask Jensen about it, though. Jensen was private, hated dwelling in the past. And Jared knew that Jensen trusted him enough to tell him, when he felt the time was right, if ever. He certainly didn’t want to coerce Jensen into it.

Suddenly, Jensen tensed and his eyes popped open. Jared saw the momentary panic followed immediately by the exhaustion. Jensen’s breathing was elevated and he took a moment to steady it. Jared could feel Jensen’s pounding heart where Jensen’s chest was pressed against his side. Jensen took in a shuddering breath and glanced up at Jared.

“Nightmare?” Jared inquired neutrally, while wrapping an arm around Jensen. Jensen relaxed into Jared’s embrace and sighed heavily.

“Kind of,” Jensen shrugged a little. “You know when you’re having a great dream but you wake up a little, so you try to go back to it?”

“Yeah,” Jared nodded.

“It was like that, but then the dreamed changed,” Jensen sighed.

“For the worse, I imagine,” Jared said, kissing the top of Jensen’s head. Jensen nodded and closed his eyes again, frowned, and opened them again. He sighed heavily again.

“I can’t sleep after that,” Jensen said, sitting up a bit and leaning against Jared. Jared could smell, almost overwhelmingly, Granny Smiths. There was no way it was in his head. He knew Jensen’s shampoo didn’t smell like apples, but he felt like asking anyway, but before he could Jensen spoke. “I always dream he’s pushing me out a window. Or Danny out a window.”

“Charlie?” Jared clarified quietly.

“Yeah,” Jensen confirmed.

“Why a window?” Jared asked a little hesitantly.

“Because it’s not too far off from what actually happened,” Jensen replied just as cautiously. Jared’s body tensed, as a flash of anger made Jared want to punch the life out of Charlie. Jensen sighed. “Where did Chad stop the story when he told you?”

“He wasn’t quite sure what happened when Danny went to you,” Jared replied honestly. “He just knew you two got hurt.”

“Danny came over, Charlie got angry…” Jensen started fiddling with the sheet that covered him, a sign of anxiety.

“Jensen, you don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to,” Jared told Jensen, kissing Jensen.

“I know,” Jensen agreed. “Charlie got angry, and hit Danny. The entire time with Charlie…it had been kind of a daze for me. It didn’t seem real to me. But when he hit Danny, I got angry. I’d always been angry, but…Danny, she’s family. I’d been trying to keep her out of it, save her. I kept thinking, I was poisonous and I can’t poison her. I’d do anything not to poison her.”

“You weren’t the poisonous one,” Jared could feel his own angry and a sadness that made his throat constrict and his heart ache.

“I know that,” Jensen agreed again. “I know that now. Anyway, when he hit Danny, I fought back. Harder than ever. Things escalated and he kind of tackled me through the balcony doors.”

Without thinking better of it, Jared traced a few of the scars across Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen tensed but nodded.

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

“What…” Jared didn’t know if he should prod for further information or not; he thought not, so he let the thought drift.

“What happened next?” Jensen finished for Jared. “I hit my head pretty hard on the concrete of the balcony, so I was pretty out of it…but he started strangling me. A lot. For longer than he ever had before. I couldn’t breathe…I was pretty sure I was going to die.”

Jared could feel tears prickling the back of his throat and all he wanted to do was hug and kiss and love Jensen, but he waited for Jensen to finish. Jensen had his arms crossed across his chest, his shoulders tense. Jared had always been good at body language, so he let Jensen tell his story with only his hand on his shoulder, his thumb working circles across a single scar.

“But then Danny hit him,” Jensen continued. “Over the head with a pan. He’s in a coma, I don’t know if Chad told you that. And then I passed out and poor Danny had to deal with it all. I scared her half to death when I passed out. She couldn’t find my pulse and she thought I was dead. I feel bad for the EMTs who picked us up.”

Jensen fell quiet and Jared wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin on Jensen’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“You know,” Jensen sighed, but this time it was light and without dread. “That’s a pretty perfect response.”

“And I’m sorry,” Jared added. “I’m sorry that…everything happened to you.”

“I don’t need you to apologize,” Jensen told him, turning and putting a hand on his cheek. “You had nothing to do with it.”

“I’m not apologizing,” Jared told him, leaning his forehead against Jensen’s. “I’m expressing my regret that it happened to you.”

“Well, I don’t need your expression of regret,” Jensen told him.

“Maybe you don’t, but I do,” Jared said. “Because I need to tell you that it physically pains me to think of you being hurt.”

“Well, don’t think of me being hurt,” Jensen said, kissing Jared’s forehead. “Think of me as I am now. Happy. Actually happy.”

“Good,” Jared smiled at him slowly. “Good.”

“How about we get up and start making breakfast for these free loaders staying with us?” Jensen suggested.

“God, fucking free loaders,” Jared groaned playfully.

“I know,” Jensen agreed. “But then again, we did invite them, so I guess it’s kind of our responsibility.”

“True, I guess,” Jared agreed. “I was thinking I’d make biscuits and gravy, sound good?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Jensen nodded and they both got out of bed. Once in the kitchen, they set the oven.

“It’ll take a few minutes for that to heat up,” Jensen pointed out. “Do you want to take a dip in the lake?”

“Yes,” Jared grinned and they both ran upstairs like kids, changing into their swim trunks as fast as they could. They raced down to the lake and dove in without pause. They swam and Jared splashed Jensen, which made Jensen roll his eyes. He swam over to Jared and gave him a long kiss.

“Granny Smiths?” Jensen asked when they pulled apart.

“It’s a theory I’m working on,” Jared told him.

“Oh?” Jensen raised his eyebrows.

“You’ll know in due time, my dear Jensen,” Jared grinned at him. “In due time.”

“Alright, you weird man,” Jensen smiled, and rolled his eyes. He kissed Jared again, for a few longer moments.

“Hey!”

Jared and Jensen pulled away and looked to the offending shouter, who they saw as Gen and Felicia.

“Hi, c’mon in guys!” Jared motioned to them.

“Your oven is ready!” Gen called.

“I suppose I should go in,” Jared said.

“I can for you,” Jensen offered.

“How about both of us?” Jared compromised with a grin.

“Okay,” Jensen agreed and they both swam to shore.

“Morning,” Jensen greeted both of the women with a kiss on the cheek, and Jared followed suit.

“Hey,” they greeted.

“What’s for breakfast?” Gen asked a little too eagerly.

“Biscuits and gravy,” Jared told her, to which she grinned.

“Oh my God, yes,” she sighed. “Can I watch you make the gravy? I am so hungry.”

“Yes, and I’ll even make you a bowl of cereal to hold you over,” Jared furthered.

“You, sir, are a dream,” Gen smiled gratefully.

They both started up to the house and Jensen went to follow, but Felicia’s hand fell onto his shoulder a little hesitantly.

“Wait, Jensen, can I talk to you?” she asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Jensen confirmed, looking to Jared for a moment. “I’ll be up to help in a second.”

“I can help too, if you want,” Gen offered. “Repay you for the hospitality.”

“Well, I mean, Southern manners won’t allow me to do that, Gen,” Jared laughed.

They both walked up to the house and Felicia and Jensen stayed on the shore.

“What’s up, Felicia?” Jensen inquired and Felicia smiled at him.

“So…I just want to say that I really admire you,” Felicia started and her voice was a little shaky. She cleared her throat a little. “I mean, you must already know that I think you’re amazing. Because you are! Brilliant. I mean, you got an Oscar on your first Blockbuster. That’s crazy. That doesn’t happen. I mean, it does, but it’s rare. That’s what I’m saying, I guess. You’re rare. A rare genius. Brilliant.”

Jensen gave her a smile. “Felicia, maybe you need to take a deep breath?”

Felicia obliged, breathing deeply for a moment. “Alright, so listen. I want to propose an idea to you. You’re brilliant at what you do, I think I mentioned that.”

“Yeah, once or twice,” Jensen chuckled.

“Right, well, I…I love what you do. And I think…I don’t know, maybe I could do what you do,” Felicia looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back up at Jensen.

“Felicia, I have no doubt in my mind that you could do what I do,” Jensen told her honestly. “And probably better than I can.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” Felicia laughed, but seemed to relax a little more. “But that’s the thing: I want to write…well, a screenplay. For a movie. Like you do.”

“Alright,” Jensen nodded. “I’ll do anything I can to help.”

“Well, I mean, that’s kind of the thing,” Felicia continued. “I was wondering if it would interest you…to maybe do a little more…than help.”

“How do you mean?” Jensen asked.

“Well, I was wondering—and feel free to say no, I know you may have other projects that you’re more committed to, or maybe you just don’t want to—but I was wondering if you, maybe, wanted to co with me,” she finished quickly, all in one breathe.

“Co?” Jensen raised his eyebrows curiously.

“Sorry, right. Co-write, and co-direct,” Felicia clarified. “No need to co-produce, Mark says he’s certainly interested. Not to mention, I have a few studios that will probably pick up whatever I pitch them.”

Jensen stared at her. “Co-writing, I get. But you want me to co-direct?”

“Well…yeah. I mean, if you’re comfortable, I would even want you to direct by yourself,” Felicia told him. “I mean, I kind of already know what I want the movie to be about—and it’s kind of personal. I think I may have to take a step back, if I write it.”

Jensen stared at her. “I’ve never directed alone, that seems a bit much.”

“Then I’d be happy to co-direct with you!” Felicia nodded enthusiastically. “I can help you, show you the ropes, and then maybe you can take it over towards the end.”

Jensen was silent for a long moment, thinking, but also smiling. “You know, it’s funny that you’re offering this to me. It seems not too long ago, I was talking with Jared about potentially getting into directing.”

“See? This could be the perfect opportunity!” Felicia squealed. “Does that mean you’ll do it with me?”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded finally. “I’d love to!”

Felicia launched herself into Jensen’s arms. “You’re amazing!”

“As you’ve said,” Jensen rolled his eyes.

“Now…one more thing,” Felicia said when she pulled away. “This, of course, is just a random idea, of course, but just curious. Have you ever acted?”

“Acted?” Jensen frowned at the line of inquiry. “A little. Why?”

“Well, just a random idea, again, but maybe you’d like a part in the film,” Felicia suggested. “I mean, I’ve got the premise and all because—again—kind of person, but there is definitely a part that I think you’d fit perfectly.”

“Oh, Felicia, I don’t think so,” Jensen shook his head. “I haven’t acted in years. I mean, thank you…but I don’t think so. However, may I offer my boyfriend, who I’m sure you’re aware acts, in my place?”

“Of course, I thought of Jared, and I’ll definitely offer him a role as well, but maybe when we really get into it, you’ll see you in this character,” Felicia told him, putting a hand on his arm. “I mean, I see you in this character. What if you’re perfect for it?”

Jensen sighed. “I don’t think I’ll be perfect for it, but I guess we’ll see.”

“Great!” Felicia squealed again, pulling Jensen into another hug. “This is amazing!”

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed a little less enthusiastically, but still excited.

“Alright, let’s go help your boyfriend,” Felicia grinned. “And I promise I won’t bug you about it until after vacation.”

“You won’t bug me,” Jensen laughed as they started their way up to the house.

“Yeah, but Gen gets angry with me when I talk shop on vacation,” Felicia told him. “She thinks I spend too much time masticating.”

“Now, why on earth would she think that?” Jensen laughed.

“I know I’m intense,” Felicia admitted. “But I love what I do. I’m passionate about it.”

“I know,” Jensen smiled down at her. “It’s admirable.”

When they went into the kitchen, others were mulling about. Chad and Misha were up, and Felicia gravitated towards Misha with a grin on her face, dragging Jensen behind her.

“Felicia, I need to help Jared cook,” Jensen protested.

“This will only take a second,” Felicia reassured him, then turned to Misha. “He’s in!”

Misha smiled at them both. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Felicia frowned at Misha. “That’s it?”

“What’s Jensen into?” Chad raised his eyebrows mischievously. “Is it flight attendant role playing? Please tell me it’s flight attendant role playing?”

“Oh, I can assure you, it is,” Jared said from behind Jensen, who turned with huge eyes.

“I was just about to come help you,” Jensen told him, then stage whispered to him, “Felicia’s kidnapped me. Help.”

“Your mom and Gen kicked me out of the kitchen,” Jared told Jensen. “Donna said that she was also a host and we’ve cooked for the whole weekend, so she’d relieve me. And Gen kept telling me I was doing everything wrong.”

“Yeah, I apologize. She’s kind of a backseat driver—or chef, in this case,” Felicia frowned a little.

“It’s alright,” Jared laughed. “She seemed satisfied enough with the way Donna was doing it.”

“I’m sorry my mom kicked you out,” Jensen laughed. “Although, I have to admit, she is a very good cook.”

“She’s where you get your talent?” Jared asked, and Jensen nodded.

“She’s a lovely woman,” Misha smiled at Jensen.

“Oh, so proper,” Chad laughed. “He’s so proper!”

“Opposites attract,” Jensen told him and Chad narrowed his eyes.

“Then how about you and Jared?”

“Light and dark,” Jensen said, pointing to Jared and himself respectively.

“Ever the romantic,” Misha laughed.

“Breakfast is up, help yourself in the kitchen,” Donna called out to everyone and there was a slow migration to the kitchen, and Jensen and Jared brought up the back.

“What’s up with Felicia?” Jared inquired.

“She’s excited because I agreed to co-write and co-direct a film with her,” Jensen told him.

“What?” Jared stopped and looked at Jensen, a huge grin spreading across his face. “Jen, that’s amazing!”

Jensen smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess it kind of is.”

“Wow, you’ll be the dynamic duo,” Jared laughed.

“She’s also going to offer a role to you,” Jensen said.

“That’s nice,” Jared laughed. “Though, I’d like to think it’s for my merit, not my connections?”

“Why, of course!” Jensen agreed. “We don’t hire duds.”

Jared laughed. “Good, much obliged.”

“She, uh, also wanted me to play a role,” Jensen added.

“Really? That’s awesome, we’ll be acting together!” Jared grinned.

“No, I don’t her I probably won’t do it,” Jensen shook his head. “It’s been so long since I acted.”

“Has it been?” Jared asked.

“Acted in a production,” Jensen amended.

“So? You’d be great,” Jared grinned. “Talent recognizes talent, after all.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “You’re so cocky. And I could never compete with your talent. It’d be too much.”

“No, you’d definitely be able to compete,” Jared shook his head. “I have a feeling you may even be better.”

“You’ve never even seen me act,” Jensen rolled his eyes.

“No, but nonetheless,” Jared laughed.

“Alright, let’s focus on getting through the rest of the weekend before we start discussing my acting,” Jensen rolled his eyes.

“I mean, hey, if you don’t want to, that’s your prerogative,” Jared stopped Jensen for a moment by wrapping his arms around his waist. “I’m just saying, you’re amazing at everything you try. So, if you don’t want to act because you’re afraid you may be a little rusty, I just want you to know that I think you’d be amazing at that too.”

“You’re sweet,” Jensen smiled at him. “And I am honestly considering it, based on many facets. Not simply the fact that I would be rusty.”

“Alright, good,” Jared grinned at him. “Now let’s get some biscuits and gravy, and see if you’re mama is the cook you’ve led me to believe.”

After breakfast, everything seemed to flow rather easily. Everyone broke into different groups to do different things, and there was even scheduling going on. Megan and Mac promised to meet each other to go horseback riding at two that afternoon, and Jared and Jensen’s parents along with Felicia and Gen decided to meet up at noon to go for a short hike around the grounds. Misha, Chad, Jeff, and Josh all took the boat out indefinitely, promising to pull up to the dock if anyone wanted to join them. Jensen got out an old canoe from the shed along with two paddles and offered them to Danny and Chris.

“That’s cheating,” Jared told him after they had disembarked. “You can’t shove them together just to win the bet.”

“I’m not shoving them together just to win a bet,” Jensen laughed. “I’m shoving them together because I honestly can’t picture anything better than my two best friends getting together.”

“Really?” Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist from behind and whispered in his ear, “You can’t imagine anything better.”

“Alright, I can’t imagine anything better regarding my friends,” Jensen laughed, leaning back into Jared. “Otherwise, yes, I can definitely imagine many other things better.”

“Oh?” Jared kissed Jensen’s neck. “Like?”

“Like when we had sex in the boat house,” Jensen replied. “Or in the barn. Or the stables. Or the kitchen.”

“Yeah, we had quite a lot of sex,” Jared laughed. “Pretty much everywhere.”

“Not in the lake,” Jensen pointed out and Jared kissed the other side of his neck.

“That’s very true,” Jared agreed. “I guess we need to put that on our to-do list.”

“Was that a pun?” Jensen asked and Jared laughed.

“Unintentional, but yes,” Jared laughed.

“We have to wait until we don’t have nearly as many people who could potentially see us,” Jensen told him. “Like either of our parents. Or siblings. Or friends.”

“Agreed,” Jared nodded. “That would be embarrassing.”

“No kidding,” Jensen laughed.

“Woo-hoo!” They both turned to the sound of Gen’s, Jared letting go of Jensen’s waist, but staying close. Gen stood with Felicia and both of their parents.

“Hey, lovers!” Felicia yelled at them and Jensen felt the sudden urge to turn around and jump into the lake. “Wanna come on the hike with us?”

“You know, I’m not actually a big fan of hikes,” Jensen called back.

“Ah, c’mon, Jensen! Jared, convince him?” Gen inquired.

Jared looked at Jensen with his patented puppy dog look. “Please?”

Jensen rolled his eyes at him, but nodded. “Fine. It’s not like it’s hiking anyway. It’s not particularly hilly around here.”

Jared grinned at him and took his hand, walking over to the group. Donna beamed at Jensen, but Jensen’s father offered only a tight smile. Jared’s parents were as happy as ever, and they all began by walking out towards the barn, which edged the large property. Mostly, the parents talked amongst themselves, while Jensen and Jared talked with their two friends. It was soft and pleasant, though Jensen wish it were a little cooler. He loved Texas, but he’d gotten used to L.A., which of course had its hot days, but not Texas hot.

By the time they’d gotten back, the boat was off the lake and Misha, Chad, Josh, and Jeff were lounging by the beach. When Chad spotted Jared in the middle of conversation with Josh, he grinned and motioned him over. Jared, still holding Jensen’s hand as they had been off-and-on for the hike, pulled Jensen after him.

“Jared, we were talking about video games and I was telling Josh just how much you sucked at Guitar Hero when we were young,” Chad started unceremoniously.

“I did not suck,” Jared laughed. “It was you that sucked.”

“Not true!” Chad guffawed.

“Actually, I wasn’t going to say anything in front of Josh, but it was totally you that sucked, Chad,” Jeff confirmed. “You sucked. Don’t get me wrong, Jared was only mediocre. But you just really were not good.”

“Thanks, Jeff,” Chad frowned at him, then looked at Misha and Josh. “I honestly thought I was good.”

“No surprise there,” Jensen snorted.

“I bet you couldn’t do any better,” Chad shot back.

“Oh, don’t make that bet,” Josh warned. “Jensen was the reigning champ in our family.”

“That I can definitely believe,” Jared laughed.

“You know, Chad,” Jensen gave him a sly smile. “I think we may have a few video games inside. Maybe if we’re lucky, Guitar Hero will be one. I mean, I don’t remember, but maybe? Josh, do you remember if that was one of the games we brought here?”

“I think so,” Josh shrugged. “I mean, it was one of our favorites, so probably.”

They all went inside and, luckily, Guitar Hero was one of the games in what Josh and Jensen referred to as ‘the game room’, but was really just a Den. First, Jensen and Chad matched off, and Jensen kicked Chad’s ass without even trying. Everyone went against Jensen, the reigning champ until, finally, Misha stepped up.

“Look, when I win, I really don’t want you to take it personally,” Misha told him. “I spent far too much time perfecting my Guitar Hero in order to impress some unmentionables.”

“Unmentionables?” Chad immediately asked. “I want to know about the unmentionables.”

“Maybe later,” Misha allowed. “Let’s do this.”

It was a close couple of songs, with Misha and Jensen coming in tied the first time, Jensen barely in first by one point the second time, and Misha in first by seven points the third.

“Well, Misha did win by the larger margin,” Chad pointed out.

“True,” Jensen admitted. “All hail the new champ.”

Misha laughed and gave a grand bow. “What can I say? Wasted a lot of my pre-teen years on that game. I’m glad it finally came in use!”

“Alright, I need to start on dinner,” Jensen said, excusing himself.

“Do you want my help?” Jared offered.

“Nah, Jay, I’m good,” Jensen replied, leaning over to kiss Jared quickly before exiting the room.

“It’s been years since I’ve seen him this relaxed,” Josh told Jared very quietly, so the other’s wouldn’t hear. “I’m glad you’re with him.”

“Me too,” Jared agreed with a grin. “Now, you and me. Let’s pit the less Guitar Hero gifted brothers against each other.”

“You’re on,” he agreed.

A couple hours later, everyone came in for dinner, which was Jensen’s famous ribs.

“Your sauce is a little sweet,” Alan commented the moment he took a bite and Jensen rolled his eyes at him.

“Add salt, dad,” Jensen suggested.

“Like it’s that easy,” Alan muttered to himself and Jensen offered an exasperated look to Mac who returned it with a stifled laugh. Jensen sat next to Jared, Mac next to her father across from them. She leaned in to Jared and whispered rather loudly,

“They always fight about the ribs.”

“We do not,” Jensen shot at her angrily.

“Yes, we do,” Alan said. “It’s tradition. Your sauce is too sweet, my meat is too chewy.”

“I like chewy meat and sweet sauce,” Mac told them. “So if you just teamed up, then they’d be perfect.”

“Speak for yourself,” Megan piped in. “This meat is freaking amazing, Jensen!”

“Thanks,” Jensen smiled at her, then pointedly looked at Mac, who raised her hands in defeat with a huge grin.

“Yes, you seem to be a rather good cook,” Jerry told Jensen from farther down.

“Learned from the best,” Jensen said. “Donna here is a master in the kitchen. And Alan, I suppose, isn’t too bad either. If you excuse the chewy meat.”

Jensen gave his father a playful grin and Alan returned by rolling his eyes and smiling a little. Jared realized that Jensen looked a lot like his father in that moment: Alan rolling his eyes but smiling. They were a lot alike, Alan and Jensen. Jared had been noticing all day. They were both a little bow-legged. They both itched their noses as a way to stall slightly before speaking. They both rubbed the bridge of their nose or the corners of their eyes when they were tired. They were both quiet, but laughed with their whole bodies. Jared gave Jensen a fond look that he caught and returned quickly before returning to the conversation that Jared had tuned out of. The rest of dinner went easily, and more of them adjourned to have drinks afterwards. Only Jared’s parents, and Jensen’s brother excused themselves. Jensen’s parents got one couch while Danny, Chris, Mac and Megan got the other. Josh sat in one armchair and Jared opposite him with Jensen on the arm. Jensen had pulled in chairs from the dining room for Misha, Chad, Felicia, and Gen. They chatted idly for a while, but soon everyone was yawning.

“We’re heading out tomorrow morning,” Alan said.

“You have to come and hang with me,” Mac told Megan immediately.

“Definitely!” Megan agreed.

“Are you planning on going early?” Jensen asked, trying for casual.

“Yes, we are, and yes, I do expect you to get your grumpy ass up and see us off,” Donna told him sternly. Jensen stifled a groan.

“I think my parents are heading out tomorrow as well, though, probably closer to afternoon,” Jared offered. “Right, Megan?”

“Yeah, probably,” she vaguely agreed.

“Well, I expect you to get up with this grouch and say good-bye as well, Jared,” Donna told him, still stern, but this time with a smile.

“Of course!” Jared nodded enthusiastically. “I wouldn’t miss sending you guys off.”

“And I hope we see you again soon,” Donna added, to which Jared smiled.

“Me too,” Jared agreed.

“Okay, if I have to wake up early, I’m already going to bed too late,” Jensen murmured. “So, I’m off.”

“Yeah, I’m with you,” Jared agreed.

Everyone murmured agreement, except Danny and Chris who said they’d stay up for one more drink. As they all walked out, Jared and Jensen exchanged a knowing smile, looking back at Danny who leaned in to talk softly to Chris.

“Can I have a word?” Alan put a hand on Jensen’s shoulder when they’d reached the hallway.

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded, then glanced at Jared. “I’ll be in soon.”

Jared nodded and watched Jensen and his father walk into the dining room. Jared thought about going into the bedroom, but one of Jared’s primary bad habits was being a little too nosy for his own good. Everyone had gone ahead of him, all but Mac. Their eyes connected and she nodded, walking back to him.

“Let’s do it,” she agreed, and Jared felt a little guilty. “Don’t feel bad, I used to do this all the time. Our dad has always been hard on Jensen…eldest, and all that. I usually thought it best if I knew just how to help after they’d fought.”

“How do you know they’re going to fight?” Jared whispered as they crept to the end of the hall, pausing when they reached the archway into the dining room.

“This is what my father does when he’s picking a fight,” Mac whispered but silently shushed Jared when he started to reply, as Alan had begun to speak in the other room.

“How are you, Jen?” he asked and Jared raised his eyebrows at Mac. She shook her head, a silent wait.

“Dad, let’s get to it,” Jensen sighed, and Jared could practically see Jensen rubbing his hand through his hair or across his eyes.

“Jared seems nice,” Alan said.

“He is,” Jensen agreed.

“Charlie seemed nice,” Alan furthered.

“Jared isn’t Charlie,” Jensen said and Jared could hear the soft anger in his tone, and knew his green eyes would be flecked with malice.

“You know, I just…” Alan sighed, and Jared noticed that it sounded a lot like Jensen’s. “It was hard for me, with Charlie. Hard for us.”

“Oh, God,” Jensen groaned. “I’m so sorry that it was terribly hard for you.”

“You almost died, boy,” Alan told him gruffly. “And we were none the wiser. Because you didn’t talk to us.”

“I did not almost die,” Jensen said and Jared knew he was probably rolling his eyes.

“Yes, you did,” Alan retorted severely.

“Alright, it got pretty bad, I admit,” Jensen said stiffly. “But guess what, Dad. My biggest concern was not keeping you in the loop.”

“You never talk to us,” Alan groaned. “That’s my problem. How do I know that this Jared guy is actually good? How can I trust your judgment?”

“Excuse me?” Jensen’s tone had surpassed angry. It was downright venomous.

“Well, you didn’t do such a great job picking Charlie, now did you?” Alan pointed out and Jared felt heat rise to his cheeks.

“This is exactly why I don’t talk to you,” Jensen growled.

“Yeah, bitch and moan all you want about how insensitive I am,” Alan grunted. “But we just want to help. How do I know this Jared guy isn’t pushing you around like Charlie?”

“Pushing…pushing me around?” Jensen sounded like he wanted to punch his father. “Thank you for trivializing the abuse.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Alan replied shortly. “Like I said, Jared seems nice, but so did Charlie.”

“Look, why don’t you just back off, Dad?” Jensen said and Jared could picture Jensen taking a quiet step closer, not breaking eye contact. “Jared is great, and I definitely don’t deserve a guy like him. But I don’t expect to you to believe me. And that’s your prerogative.”

“Oh? And what kind of guy do you deserve? A guy like Charlie?” Alan countered.

Jensen was silent.

“You have very little self worth, you know that, boy?” Alan said quietly.

“You certainly convinced me of that from a young age,” Jensen agreed.

“That’s not what I meant, either,” Alan seemingly groaned. “God, you’re so difficult to talk to!”

“Then why are you trying?” Jensen’s voice was so soft that Jared had to strain to hear. “Stop trying, Dad. You can just go on blaming me for what happened, feeling bad about yourself. It’s fine. I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Don’t you say that to me,” Alan growled. “Don’t you say that to me. After everything you’ve been through, don’t you dare go and say that I don’t care.”

“That’s not what I said,” Jensen replied, still quiet and terse with anger. “You care, I know that. But about the wrong thing.”

“And what is the right thing?” Alan inquired roughly.

“The fact that I am happy,” Jensen replied. “I’m happy. Don’t you understand? Happy, Dad. Because of Jared. And I don’t care if you think I have poor judgment or whatever the fuck you think. I am happy.”

“That’s what you said with Charlie,” Alan said.

“Round and round we go,” Jensen yelled suddenly, making both Mac and Jared jump. “I’m done with this fight. We’ve had it before, but we will not have it again. Because I’m done caring. I’m done with you.”

“You can’t be done with me,” Alan replied, a little louder than he had been, but not a yell. “I’m your father!”

“That’s your title, but not what you are,” Jensen spit. “Not anymore. Not while you continually blame me—the victim—for the shit I’ve been through. God! It’s not my fucking fault! It wasn’t my fault! Maybe I don’t deserve Jared, but I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve the small slice of Hell that I lived in with Charlie. No one deserves that.”

And with that, Jared heard Jensen stomp away. A moment later, the back door in the kitchen slammed.

“Go, he’s coming out,” Mac whispered, trying to push Jared in the living room where they could duck behind the door. Jared stayed put, breathing heavily and resisting the urge to confront Alan—maybe even confront him with his fist. Mac must have seen this in his face, because she shook her head. “You wouldn’t be helping anyone. Seriously, Jared, they’ve never fought this bad. Jensen wouldn’t want you starting anything with my dad right now. Come on.”

Jared reluctantly followed Mac into the living room, slipping behind the door just as Alan quietly left the dining room. Jared clenched his fist. Suddenly, all his worries about Alan liking him disappeared. He didn’t like Alan—didn’t even particularly respect Alan after what he’d just heard. They listened until they heard Alan’s bedroom door close and then they stepped out into the hallway.
“I need to go talk to him,” Jared turned immediately.

“He’ll be at the lake,” Mac supplied. “He likes—“

“The peace and quiet,” Jared nodded.

Mac slowly gave him a small smile. “He was wrong, obviously. My brother deserves everything good, and I’m sure glad he has you.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Jared replied over his shoulder as he started towards the kitchen. Mac followed him and at the door, she caught his arm.

“My father has a whole mess of problems,” Mac told Jared. “But I need you to know that the rest of us—we don’t agree. We’re on Jensen’s side. Mom, Josh, and me, we wish daily that we could fly to L.A. and unplug those damn life support machines.”

“I know, Mac,” Jared nodded, rubbing her shoulder.

He stepped out and saw immediately Jensen sitting at the base of the lake. As Jared got closer, he saw Jensen’s arms wrapped around his knees, sitting right at the edge of the lake. Jared could immediately picture Jensen as a kid—perhaps after similar fights with his dad. Jared knew Jensen heard him approaching but he stayed still, staring into the lake. Jared sat down next to him, and that sat in silence for a few long moments.

“You and Mac heard, huh?” Jensen asked finally. He sounded resigned.

“I’m sorry,” Jared told him quietly.

“For eavesdropping?” Jensen inquired, and Jared thought he could almost hear a smile in his voice.

“No,” Jared replied honestly.

“You’re kind of nosy, you know that?” Jensen asked. “You know, had you not eavesdropped, I would’ve told you. When I got back to our room, I was going to tell you. Everything about the fight.”

“I know,” Jared nodded. “I prefer live action.”

Jensen snorted.

“Mac told me you two fight a lot,” Jared prompted.

“Not like this,” Jensen shook his head. “You should’ve seen the look on his face when I said he wasn’t my father. He looked…betrayed. Ha! Like I owe him anything. I…liked that he was hurt. I liked that I had that affect. What does that say about me? Does that make me like…”

“Like what? Charlie?” Jared asked. Jensen was silent, but Jared heard the silent agreement. “No, Jensen. You are not like Charlie. I don’t know the guy, but his reputation precedes him. And I can say with certainty that you are nothing like him. You were angry with your dad, Jensen. And rightfully so.”

“I think Charlie finally solidified his idea that I was weak,” Jensen said, so soft Jared thought maybe he wasn’t meant to hear. “Ever since I was a kid, he looked at me like I couldn’t handle life. Like I didn’t want to handle life. Then, after Danny told them about Charlie, he probably thought, ‘Predictable. Not handling himself, again.’”

Jared was silent for a long moment, then sighed. “When I was a little younger, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.”

Jensen knew this, they’d touched on it a few times, but just as Jensen didn’t like to dwell on his past, neither did Jared.

“I got help,” Jared continued. “As I’ve told you. There was a time when I was with a guy who made me happy. I thought we made each other happy. Funny enough, we met at a group therapy session, for other people with depression. His name was Brad. One night, he got into a car accident, and he died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. You know, it took me a year to finally convince myself that it wasn’t my fault, that the accident really was an accident. I thought maybe he’d been suicidal, and I’d missed the signs. I thought that I wasn’t enough. But eventually, I finally accepted that it wasn’t my fault. And you know who helped me through it the most? My dad. Because that’s what fathers are supposed to do. That’s how fathers are supposed to act. With all due respect, of course, but you have every right to be mad. He has no right to treat you like that.”

“Yeah, right or not,” Jensen shrugged. “He does. It’s fine, I’ve made my peace with it.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Jared argued.

“But I have,” Jensen told him, a little severely. “And you know what? I actually feel better, right now. Because I finally am done. I meant what I said back there. I’m done.”

“You’re just swearing off your dad?” Jared asked.

“Yup,” Jensen agreed.

“Forever?” Jared frowned out at the lake.

“Yup,” Jensen reiterated.

“I don’t believe that,” Jared shook his head.

“Me neither,” Jensen sighed. “But I’ll ignore him as long as I can.”

They sat in relative silence for a little while, until Jared sighed. “Alright, c’mon,” Jared stood and offered his hand to Jensen. “You still have to get up early and say goodbye to your mom and siblings. We should get some sleep.”

Jensen looked up at Jared and smiled a little. “Yeah, you’re right,” he agreed, taking Jared’s hand.

They walked back into the house quietly and had just stepped in their door, the light still off when a door down the hallway opened. They both peeked out and saw Danny, in nothing but her panties and a camisole with her back turned to them, tip-toeing to Chris’s door. She opened the door and surreptitiously looked around, freezing when her eyes landed on Jensen and Jared at their doorway, identical grins on their faces. Chris came to the door and wrapped his arms around her waist before realizing she was staring. He turned and froze along with Danny when he saw the still grinning Jared and Jensen.

“Mazeltov,” Jensen told them and Danny slowly began to smile.

“Obliged,” she nodded, pushing Chris into his room and following after with a wink.

Jensen and Jared went into their own room and Jensen smirked at Jared. “You owe me five bucks.”

“I can’t believe you keep winning these things,” Jared frowned at him. “Whatever, I’ll pay you tomorrow. Let’s sleep.”

Jensen agreed, and they slipped into the bed. Jared wrapped himself around Jensen lazily and a few minutes of silence passed before Jensen murmured, half sleepy, “Best of luck to them.”