A Solved Puzzle
****
Emma
I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up to screams. My eyelids sprang open and I looked at the clock.
Midnight.
Wait, where was I? Who was screaming?
Regina.
I bolted out of bed and ran across the hall. Banging on her door yielded nothing, so I crashed through it yelling for her.
“Regina! Regina!”
She was still screaming, tears running down her face. Her eyes were closed and I knew she couldn’t hear me.
“Come on Emma…what else might work?”
Comfort.
I quit yelling for her and slipped into bed beside her. Wrapping my arms around her shaking body, I tried to wake her up.
“Regina…shhh…come on, it’s okay. It’s just a nightmare. Wake up Regina. Regina please.”
Finally, the screaming subsided. Her eyes opened and she looked up at me. I expected her to shove me out of her bed, to send a fireball my way, or produce any manner of magic to get me out of her house. Instead, she buried her face in my shirt. Her body wracked with sobs and I held her tighter.
We sat there for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only an hour or so. When her breathing finally evened out, she shifted and looked up at me.
“Emma.”
Her voice was still cracking. Those eyes, pleading with me for something I could not yet understand.
Before I knew what was happening, she was kissing me. Lips pressed fully onto mine, interlocking like this was always how they were meant to be. For a single moment, I pressed back, holding her vulnerable body close to mine. For a single moment, all was right with the world.
****
Regina
I must have been having a nightmare because when I woke up Emma was holding me. She looked scared; her eyes saying words she could not. With no energy left to fight anything, no motivation remaining to pretend I hated her, I collapsed into her warm chest and released sobs which were years in the making.
At some point, I ran out of tears. I could only look at her.
“Emma.”
I couldn’t stop myself, she was so beautiful and I knew in that moment how much I loved her. I kissed her. There was a moment where she kissed back, where she made our lips a solved puzzle. But then…the worst I could have imagined happen.
She let go.
“No, Regina, we can’t. No.”
I never knew how much I dreaded hearing those words until she said them. Somewhere in my mind I knew that it was too good to be true (after all, how could a savior love an evil queen?) and that the kissing must have been a reaction more than a feeling. Pleading with her to stay, I grabbed her hand and held it tight.
“Please, Emma. Don’t go.”
She got out of bed, whispered “I’m sorry,” and then…she left.
****
Emma
I didn’t stay behind to find out if she was okay in the morning. All I could feel was how my lips still tingled where she had touched them, how everything still tasted just like her, how I loved her so goddamn much.
“Don’t think like this, Emma. She doesn’t love you. She’s lonely. You were there. It was a reaction.”
Running that morning was therapeutic in a way it never had been. Every time my feet pounded on the ground, I reminded myself what this was.
Right foot.
She
Left foot.
doesn’t
Right foot.
love
Left foot.
you.
****
Regina
After she left that morning, all I could do was lay in bed and cry. When I finally could get up, I searched the whole house for her only to find I was still alone in this mansion.
“You are such an idiot Regina. You kissed her. What in the hell made you do that? This is Emma freakin’ Swan. She’s the Savior. You’re the Evil Queen. Get this through your head. It does not matter how much you love her, she does not love you.”
I dropped the coffee cup I was holding.
“She never will.”
With hot coffee splattered everywhere, I stripped and went to take a shower. The hot water felt wonderful and all I could do was stand under it, begging it to wash away all that had happened.
Just as I was stepping out, there was a knock on the door. I quickly put fresh clothes on and left my hair as it was, not caring much about appearances. Turning the knob, I saw the last person I expected to see.
Her.
“Regina, before you say anything, just let me explain…”
Then, I saw her eyes dart to my face (I watched as they traced my lips) and she ran away. I closed the door and collapsed behind it.
****
Emma
Somehow, my run led me to her house. I was running up the steps, thinking of a million different ways to explain last night to her, when I knocked on her door.
She answered, and for a moment all I could think was that she was more beautiful than ever in her jeans and sweater, her black hair still wet and uncombed. The temptation to reach in and kiss her was almost too great, so I spoke instead.
Halfway through speaking the words to explain that she was too vulnerable right now, that I didn’t want to hurt her, my eyes drifted to her gorgeous lips. I ran.
Over a month passed before we spoke again.