Chapter 13
Vera stopped at the threshold. Joan's bedroom was lush, soft and surprisingly inviting. Beside the headboard were long glass vases, iridescent peacock feathers placed inside. The antique canopy bed stood large, the sheen of highly polished wood glinting in the light. Vera looked up. She could see the stars through the skylight. In that bed, she thought, you could watch the enormity of Space.
Joan had turned the dimmer down on the lights, so a softness fell over the room.
"It's an Aivazovsky." Joan finally said.
Vera frowned for a moment, unsure what Joan was referencing, but followed her gaze to see she was talking about the painting, hung over the magnificent bed.
"It's a single ship in a storm. He makes you unsure whether it will sink in those waves, doesn't he? The water looks so real that if you dare touch it you expect your fingers to come back damp."
Joan turned to Vera and smiled slightly, "are you going to come in?"
Vera took a tentative step forward. She was in Joan's domain now. She had been given access to her most private recess and the privilege was not lost on her. She was not sure why or when this situation became awkward, but now she felt ultimately shy.
Where Vera's towel came down to nearly her knees, Joan's barely covered her. Her long legs rose up and Vera was suddenly afraid that if Joan moved in a certain way she would unknowingly reveal more than Vera was willing to take in in this moment. If Joan was aware of this, she surely didn't show it. She stood staring at Vera with her arms crossed, a slightly confused smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.
"We've lost the feeling, haven't we?" Joan finally ventured.
"It's just..." Vera blushed, "I suddenly feel very shy around you. I mean, this is where you sleep. Where..." she flushed deeper, thinking about the other possible things Joan had even done in her bedroom.
Joan approached Vera cautiously, then put a hand to her cheek. "Vera. Do you still want this?" She brushed her thumb over Vera's lower lip. Vera turned into the warmth and let her lips part.
"Could I kiss you?" Joan's voice a deep whisper.
A noise came from Vera's throat that was neither a confirmation or rejection as she shot up on tiptoes to bring herself closer to Joan's face. Joan leaned down slightly and connected with Vera's lips. This kiss was unlike the others. Somehow there was hesitation. The realness of their bodies in this space had created a prickling in the air. There was a slight fumbling this time about whose hands went where and finally Joan pulled back.
"This is ridiculous. Clearly you want me and I want you. What's going on here? I'm adrift." Joan rubbed her hands over her face with a sigh.
Vera was lost for words. She felt this tension too, and was unsure where it came from. The overall feeling between the two back in the bathroom was lost here. Was it because it was not to be? Were they playing with fire and now that it was a real option, it felt too dangerous?
"Vera, Vera." Joan groaned, "how about this?" She backed up and began towards the bed. "Why don't we sit and ask each other what we'd like and go from here? That way it's like an experiment. A strange experiment in each other. Does that make sense? Am I being clear?"
"Joan, I don't know..." Vera trailed off but began towards the bed.
Joan patted the space beside where she sat and genuinely smiled. "Come now, it can't be all bad. We are both nearly naked in my bedroom. We can take it one step at a time. What the worst thing that could happen?"
Vera sat and swallowed hard. The red that seemed to appear on Vera's neck when she was shy or nervous bloomed deeper. Joan had noticed. She smiled even wider.