Blue
Ali made it back to Miami later that night. She pulled into her mom's condo building parking garage and sat in her car. She knew going inside meant that she would have to talk to her mom. She knew the questions that were coming. She knew her mom wanted to know how counseling went. Her mother meant well, but she had a nack for not letting things go. Maybe that's where she got it from, Ali thinks. Not letting grudges go. The feelings she couldn't let go of.
She gets out of her car, picking up her purse from the passenger seat and walks to the elevator doors. Her mind won't shut off. The brunette keeps thinking how absurd her mom is living in a high rise in a hurricane prone city. She waffles back and forth in her mind waiting for the elevator. Stepping in, she looks at all the buttons. She knows she should press 20 and just go upstairs and get the questions over with. She presses 2.
Ali wanders out on the pool deck, looking out onto the ocean. The sun setting behind her and the Atlantic Ocean becoming less turquoise and more navy. There is a chill that comes in with the breeze and she wraps her arms tightly around herself. Looking out at the ocean used to calm her, but as she looks out she cries silently.
She doesn’t know how long she is out there, but she feels a blanket being draped over her shoulders. Her mom coming to stand next to her, "Honey, it's getting late, you should come inside."
The brunette looks to at her mom, and it's like looking in a mirror. She wonders if this was always meant to be her life, just like her mom. Getting married to someone who she knew she would love forever, only to end up getting a divorce. Or in Ali's case on the road leading there. Her mom was just her 30 years ahead.
"I used to love the ocean. I used to think of the endless possibilities and power it held." The younger brunette began.
Deb looked over at her distraught daughter, "And now?"
"I feel so lonely and small when I look at it." Ali said, tears still streaking her cheeks.
Her mom wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "Come on honey, let's go."
The made their way upstairs, Ali shrugging off the blanket and throwing it over the back of the couch. "I'm going to go take a shower, it was a long ride home.." She trails off walking down the hallway towards the guest bathroom. Once she gets in the shower, she lets the hot water fall over her trembling body and she cries.
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Ashlyn's drive home is much shorter than Ali's. She and Ali had bought a house on the beach, just east of Orlando. Ashlyn drives the hour home, parking her car in the driveway, half hoping Ali's car had found its way there too. Instead of her Alex, she sees Alex Morgan's convertible parked there. She makes her way through the front door and doesn't hear anyone. She looks around the house that seems far too big for her now. They had planned to have a family here, now the five bedrooms just taunted her.
"Alex? You here?" Ashlyn calls out. Nothing.
The blonde wanders through her own home feeling like she doesn’t belong.
When she reaches the back of the house she sees Alex sitting on her patio, dirty blonde hair blowing in the breeze. She looks at her for a few more minutes. She knows why she's here. She's a good friend. An unexpected friend, but a good one. If you had told her that one day her best friend, besides her wife, would be high maintenance Alex Morgan, Ashlyn would have laughed in your face. The blondes mind slips back to her wife, her true best friend. That's what hurt the most about this. What do you do when the person you turn to, to talk about all of life's shit, is the one person you can't talk to right now?
She slides the glass door open, welcoming the salt breeze that hits her face. "Hey"
Alex turns to face her, "Hey. Thought you could use a friend or two today.." She pauses reaching down to the floor grabbing a bottle of Johnnie Walker and holds it up to her. "Me and good ol' Johnnie here are here for you!" She says with a drawn out southern accent.
Ashlyn takes the bottle from her and looks at it. This is just what she doesn’t need, she knows that. She knows she can't drown her sorrows in a bottle. She learned that all too well from her dad, brother, and brother-in-law. That doesn’t stop her from going inside to grab two glasses though.
She comes back out to the patio and gives Alex a glass, she pours the fingers of whiskey for each of them. Alex takes a slow sip, scrunching her face, not really drinking whiskey that often. The blonde on the other hand takes the full glass in one gulp, before pouring herself another.
Alex looks at her with raised eyebrows, "That bad?"
"I just don't know Alex.. I don't know why I made her move here. We had done long distance before. You and Serv made it work long distance for a while. We could have done it again. I don't know why I asked her to move here with me. She always loved soccer first, and me second. I guess that should have been my first clue.." The blonde says, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.
"Ash.. You can't believe that can you? You know she loves you with everything she has. Just as much as you love her. Even now. You're just going through a rough patch. It happens to all of us." Alex says, twirling the whiskey in her glass.
Ashlyn takes another sip of hers, savoring it this time, before looking at Alex with 'go to hell' look.
"Ok, maybe not ALL of us, but you know what I mean. I have been very fortunate with Serv, but that doesn’t mean it's been all rainbows and sunshine. Marriage is work. Love is work. The fact that you're going to counseling speaks volumes."
"Not that that did any good. We didn’t say anything today. I know she thinks that this all started when we moved here. That we have been just going through the motions of life for seven years, but I know that’s not true. She was happy you know.. We were happy." Her thoughts trail off.
Alex just looks at her knowingly. Putting her hand on Ashlyn's knee, giving it a slight squeeze. Silently telling her she didn’t have to continue. Tears now streaming down Ashlyn's face uncontrollably.
This was the one thing Ali and Ashlyn never talk about. They never talk about losing their baby.