Chapter 5
"I'm going to grab a bottle of wine from the kitchen if you want to get settled in the living room. You remember where everything is right?" Hope asked as she kicked her shoes off and placed her car keys on the hook next to the front door.
When she was met with no answer she was not surprised; Kelley hadn't spoken since they left the airport making the car ride painfully awkward. Glancing over her shoulder at the younger woman who was nodding in response, Hope sighed before disappearing into the kitchen.
Once Hope was gone, Kelley inhaled deeply and let it out to calm her nerves. Did she remember where everything was?
Sure, she had been to Hope's multiple times in the past; she even had a key at one point. Everything still looked the same and the scent of cinnamon and coffee still lingered in the air just as it did once before. But Kelley's confidence faltered at the thought of change.
Did Hope still keep her favorite coffee mug in the cupboard above the dishwasher? The one that her grandmother had given her after she won the 2008 Olympics, a picture of the two women scanned onto the white ceramic cup.
What about the tan wool slippers that Hope insisted she needed from LL Bean? Did they still sit next to the fireplace, collecting dust after only being worn once?
Does the bookshelf in Hope's bedroom still display a photo of what Hope considered "the happiest moment of her life"? A photo of Kelley and her hugging after winning the Olympics, whispering secret sweet nothings, oblivious to the world.
As she walked down the hall and towards the living room she could sense that yes, it was still the same house but something was different.
Something had changed.
It was no longer the place she had once known.
The place that kept their secret of falling asleep watching the sunrise, her bare back pressed against Hope's warm skin.
Or the secret of their last night together within these four walls, the night Hope ended things.
That was a different time and just like the key that's now lost in the back of Kelley's closet, it was a forgotten time. The house held new memories now that belonged to Hope and Jerramy.
And when she sat upon the couch and saw Hope's coffee mug sitting cold and forgotten on the coffee table and her eyes fell on the sight of the wool slippers still in the same spot as they were three years ago, Kelley thought it would bring a sense of relief. Instead it caused the exact opposite.
"I hope white is fine," Hope announced softly as she rushed into the room.
She was struggling to juggle the bottle of wine and the two glasses but was met with a sense of relief and shock when Kelley jumped from the couch to help her. The two women were now standing within inches of each other and when Kelleys fingers grazed Hope's arm as she reached for the bottle of wine a shiver went down Hope's spine.
Realizing how uncomfortably close they were, Kelley stumbled backwards and mumbled something incoherent. Her fingers were still tingling from their contact with Hope's skin as she rubbed them along her jeans trying to rid herself of the feeling. She watched as Hope uncorked the bottle and filled the two glasses before taking a seat on the rocking chair across from her. She looked tired. Kelley noticed that her eye's were slightly swollen and wondered if she had been crying in the kitchen. Her long black her was pulled back into a loose pony tail and she had thrown on her favorite University of Washington sweatshirt. The same sweatshirt Kelley had held captive during their time together, only returning it after Alex convinced her.
"I see that you got my package," Kelley broke her silence as she motioned to Hope's sweatshirt.
Hope looked down and whispered a few choice swear words to herself when she noticed what she was wearing; she had pulled it on without even thinking about it.
"Oh Kell I didn't even..." she began to say.
Kelley threw her hand in the air to stop her and smiled, "Hope its fine..honestly." She took a sip from her wine and continued, "So it's getting late and I have an early flight tomorrow so we probably should get this talk going."
Kelley's voice was so nonchalant, and she tried her best to keep her smile from faltering but inside was a different story. Her mouth had gone dry and she felt her stomach churn as it began to fill itself with nerves. She took another sip of her wine hoping it would help but it ended up making it worse.
Hope could tell by the twitching of Kelley's nose that she was nervous. It was a subconscious habit that Hope used to tease the young defender about which resulted in Kelley making fun of her jaw-clench tick. Both women tried to break their habits and failed miserably. Well actually only Hope failed, Kelley increased her habit after being told by the keeper that her nose twitching made her even cuter than she already was.
"Earth to Solo, COME IN SOLO!"
Shaking her head, Hope regained her focus, "Huh did you say something?"
"Yes like 6 times," Kelley chuckled but then became serious once again. "So, you left him..Is it for real this time or?" Her voice drifted off as she was reminded of the few times in the past that she had heard this same news, each time it ended with Hope going back to him.
"It's real this time Kell," Hope said trying to convey her seriousness through the tone of her voice. But she knew Kelley wasn't foolish so she continued, "you were right all along, he wasn't good for me. Our relationship was toxic and I knew that but it was too hard to admit plus I just hated the idea of being alone in this huge house. I convinced myself that being alone with my own thoughts was far worse than what was going on between Jerramy and me."
Kelley listened to Hope speak, her eyes welling up. "You never had to be alone Hope, I was here. You had me but you chose him. You chose to let your demons win time and time again and you dragged me along, you destroyed me," her voice cracked and she tried her best to keep the tears from falling but knew it was impossible as they began to stream down her face.
Watching Kelley fall apart in front of her was painful for Hope. She was always well aware of just what her carelessness had done to Kelley but as she saw the tears fall Hope realized how much damage she actually did. She wanted to take Kelley's small body into her arms and never let her go but she restrained herself and instead watched helplessly. She reached over to the end table and grabbed the box of tissues "I never stopped loving you Kell. No matter how hard I tried to lie to myself I couldn't," she said softly as she handed them over.
Kelley plucked a few of the tissues from the box and wiped her tears away. They sat in silence as Hope gave Kelley time to collect herself hoping for her confession to have a positive result. But instead when Kelley was finally ready to speak, her response was not what the goal keeper was expecting.
"That's funny Hope, truly funny," Kelley scoffed. "I was not good enough for you so you had to convince yourself to stop loving me. You chose someone who almost ended your career because why Hope? It was too embarrassing to admit you fell in love with Kelley O'Hara? Or was admitting to loving a woman too much of a threat to your image? God, why did I even agree to come here in the first place?"
Hope tried to interject but remained frozen in shock. Kelley began to search for a taxi number on her phone and when Hope watched her walk out the door she began to question if she truly lost her for good.