Chapter 2
Flashback: CONCACAF Tournament January 28, 2012
"Listen dude, she's really not as scary as she seems once you get to know her," Alex reassured her best friend as she watched her pace back and forth in their room.
"Not as scary? NOT AS SCARY?! Earth to Alex have you not been present at practice recently?! We're talking about the Hope solo here!" Kelley yelled in disbelief and frustration. Her stomach was in knots and no matter how hard she tried, the knots became tighter and tighter as her nerves settled in.
Nervousness was a feeling Kelley's body was all too familiar with lately. Ever since Pia decided to place her on the defensive line after Ali's injury, nervousness had moved itself into the small newly crowned defender. Unwelcomed, uninvited. It was like that friend that over stayed their welcome after a sleep over and no matter how hard she tried to fight it off, it was evident that it wasn't leaving anytime soon. Poorly timed tackles and being beaten by her attacker became a constant in her play. And with every mistake she made, Hope was sure to let her know. Kelley grew more and more terrified of the goalkeeper and her new position every time she made a mistake. Hope screaming at her became her greatest fear and even hearing her speak the other day in breakfast made her lose her appetite.
When Barnie approached her earlier in the night informing her that Hope requested to see her at 7:45 and to "make sure you're not late" it took all her might not empty the contents of her stomach onto the other keeper's shoes. As if she wasn't stressed enough about playing Canada the following night now she had to worry about facing the Hope Solo.
Kelley continued to pace as she rubbed her hands together. She had spent the last two hours trying to remember every mistake she had made during practice, trying to figure out what exactly Hope would be screaming at her for. She watched as the clock went from two hours, to one, to now seeing she only had 15 minutes left.
Alex lifted herself off of her bed and walked over to the smaller woman, firmly grabbing onto her shoulders to stop her from pacing as well as rubbing her her hands down to nubs. Alex was aware of Hope's questionable behavior in practice. She knew the transition was not going well at all for her best friend and it pained her to watch Kelley be so hard on herself.
"Kelley, you have to go. I promise I'll be here for you when you get back. "I'll even watch an episode of Glee with you." Alex squeezed her friend's shoulders as a sign of encouragement before ushering her towards the door.
Before the door could slam shut behind her Kelley grabbed it, "Two episodes Alex. Two!"
Taking a deep breath she turned down the hall way and began to trudge slowly towards Carli and Hope's room. Her hands were shaking as she raised her right arm and softly knocked on the door. No one answered. Hmm maybe she's not here.
Suddenly the door swung open startling Kelley.
"Hey O'Hara, Hopes in there studying for tomorrow's game. I'll be back later," Carli smiled as she pushed her way around the now frozen woman in front of her.
Swallowing hard, Kelley musters up her last ounce of courage entering the room.
Hope was seated in her bed, sheets of paper scattered out in front of her. She briefly looked up at the new defender and quickly returned her gaze back to her notes. "If we score, we might win. If they never score, we can't lose. Can you tell me who said this O'Hara?" Hope waited for an answer but instead was met with only silence. "No answer, why am I not surprised? It was our very own Christie Rampone," She sneered. "Have a seat rookie."
Quickly taking a seat at the edge of the older woman's bed, Kelley watched as Hope continued to sift through the papers. She knew the answer, how could she not? But her voice betrayed her, leaving her vulnerable. Biting the inside of her cheek to try and fight against the tears gathering she waited for her death sentence.
When Hope finally looked up her icy blue eyes were met with hazel and immediately was met with a sudden wave of guilt as she saw the pools of tears grow. Hope knew how it was to be a rookie and was all too familiar with the intimidation and bullying from the veterans. She knew that pain very well and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause behind it.
Leaning forward to grab Kelley's hand, which was firmly grasping the edge of the bed causing her knuckles to turn white, Hope signed, "Listen, I'm sorry for the way I've been acting recently in practice. I have been extremely hard on you and I realize that. Its not easy to do what you're having to do, going from attack to defense in such a short period of time. I know I haven't made it easy or made it known but you're doing a great job out there."
Hope waited for a response but Kelley remained quiet. Squeezing her hand Hope continued, "I asked Barnie to send you here because I think with my help and your hard work and determination you can become important role to our team. Taking on the role you have in place of Krieger proves to me that you have it in you, I believe in you. So what do you say?"
Kelley was shocked at what she had just heard and all she could do was smile and nod in agreement. Hope laughed as she realized this was the quietest she had ever seen O'Hara. Typically you could never get the kid to shut up. Before starting her defensive crash course she motioned to a black bag sitting across the room.
"If I tell you a secret, you promise not to tell anyone?"
Kelley could sense the mischievous tone of Hope's voice and finally broke her silence, "I promise" she squeaked out.
"There is a family sized bag of m&m's in there, I hide it from Carli because she can be such a stickler about Dawn's rules. But if I can trust you not to tell I will share with you. It can be like a reward for your hard work."
Hope watched as Kelley's hazel eyes lit up as she darted across the room to grab the candy and she couldn't help but enjoy the innocent, childish spirit that quickly filled the room.
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After two hours and a half a bag of m&m's, Hope watched Kelley's yawns grow more and more frequent. She laughed as Kelley was reading one of her note sheets, her hazel eyes drooping as she fought off sleep and decided it was time to call it a night.
"Alright O'Hara time for bed. I know tomorrow is not going to be an easy game but it should be good practice for you to prove to not only Pia and me what you got but yourself as well," Hope said as she walked Kelley to the door.
"Thank you so much, I won't let you down. Good night Solo."
At the sound of Kelley's sleepy voice, Hope felt a tightness in her chest and smile spread across her face. "Good night Kell."
When the door finally shut Kelley remained frozen in the hall letting a feeling of warmth wash over her. "Kell." Hope had never referred to her as anything other than "Rookie" or "O'Hara" and once in a while "Kid." As Kelley walked back to her room, a wide goofy grin plastered on her face, she knew that her friendship with Hope was going to be life changing.
Present
As the door to the conference room opened a cool breeze escaped causing a shiver to rush over Kelley's body. She was unsure if it was due to the overpowering air conditioner or due to Hope's hand pressing into her lower back. Either way she mentally cursed herself.
She slid herself away from Hope's touch and watched carefully as Hope pulled the black leather chair at the head of the conference table back and settled herself into it. It took Kelley a minute to decide where to sit. The room was already beginning to feel small and suffocating so she chose to sit at the opposite end closest to the door. This gave her room to breath and a chance to escape.
Hope finally took in the woman sitting in front of her. The summer had done Kelley good, her natural highlights were shining through in shades of gold, honey, and chestnut. Her face was now covered in freckles, little brown spots left behind from the kiss of the sun. Hope didn't know she could envy a celestial object as much as she did right now.
Forcing Hope back to focus, Kelley slammed her phone down on the table, "Better start speaking Solo, your five minutes start now."
The tone of her voice was cold and now it was Hope's turn to shiver. The older woman's mind began to race trying to figure out where to begin. She didn't want to fuck up not thinking through what she said first. A flaw that cursed Hope and Kelley. She finally settled with starting off easy, "How are you Kell?"
Laughter filled the room as Kelley finally looked at the woman, darkness filling her eyes. "We both know that you didn't come here to check up on me. Cut the bull shit Hope and get to the point," she sneered.
Each word was like a dagger being thrown at full speed towards Hope's chest. She felt as each word stabbed deeper and deeper. This woman sitting in front of her wasn't Kelley or was it? Is this what happens when you allow Hope Solo to crush you and drain you of your innocence? Did she cause Kelley to become dark and twisted? As question after question popped into Hope's head she began to regret her poorly executed decision. She had come here wearing her heart on her sleeve but now she realized that maybe Kelley and her were too broken to even fix.
Kelley watched as Hope struggle with what to say. Ashamed of her behavior, she knew that she had to do something before the walls that she had fought so hard to break down began to rebuild themselves right before her eyes. Getting up from her chair she moved closer to the older woman. Being this close to her Kelley now saw how the stress of life had engraved its way on Hope's face. There were deep purple bags under her eyes, gray hairs were mixed in with black, and the little wrinkles near her eyes were slightly deeper than the last time she was this close to her face. Without realizing what she was doing, Kelley's small hand reached up and brushed the wrinkles trying to familiarize herself once again.
"I hope you know I left him because I love you," Hope whispered. Kelley quickly retracted her hand but her face remained soft.
"If you loved me, then why'd you leave me?" Kelley's voice cracked. Her eyes began to fill with tears but a pained smile remained on her face. Before Hope could respond, Kelley continued "when you said your last goodbye, I died a little more inside. I would lay in bed in tears at night with out you by my side."
Tears were now rolling down, streaking across Kelley's freckled face. They pooled at her jaw line as Hope reached up and gently wiped them away unaware that her own tears were beginning to stream down her face. "You know kid, you brought out the best of me, a part of me no one has ever seen. You took my soul and wiped it clean. You made me someone I couldn't recognize and it scared me. Loving you scared me."
Not being able to hold back any longer Kelley lunged forward bringing Hope into a tight embrace. They stayed this way for a while, crying into each other's shoulders quietly. An occasional sob would escape one of their bodies and echo throughout the room.
Hope gently grasped Kelley's chin in her hand and raised it up so her eyes were now locked on with the small defender's. She brushed away stray tears and the hair that was now stuck to the wetness of Kelley's cheeks.
Every time Hope's left hand swiped her cheek Kelley felt the coldness of the metal ring still wrapped around her finger and every time she winced a little but ignored it. Maybe she forgot to take it off. But when Hope grabbed her chin again now guiding her head upwards in preparation for a kiss the metal band was pushed against her skin. Burning her. Branding a reminder that she wasn't Hope's first choice.
That is why when the conference door flung open and slammed into the opposite wall, revealing a very frustrated Christie, Kelley could not have been more thankful. "Next time you want to play this game, take the ring off first," she whispered quietly enough for only Hope to hear.
Before Hope could even respond or defend herself Kelley gathered her things and ran out the door. Cap murmured something and shook her head before shutting the door, leaving Hope alone once again.