Last Kiss

They won.
They won the 2015 Women's World Cup.
They won against Japan.

They won on the field that Ali's dreams had been shattered, all those years ago.

They. Fucking. Won.
The stadium was covered in red, white, and blue.

It erupted in celebration.

They were World Cup Champions.

They were all on top of the world.

All except Ali.

She was going through the motions, celebrating with her team, her family. You'd never second guess,
never doubt that she didn't feel on top of the world.

That's how numb she was about it all.

What was the point of all this, if she couldn't share it with the one who had mattered the most.

The one who she had dreamt of running too once the final whistle blew, declaring loudly that they had become Champions.

What was the point if she couldn't share it with her the way she wanted too.

Not in the way it actually unfolded.

With the team draped in US flags across their shoulders.

Abby running to her wife, sharing a kiss that would become viral. (That could have been me and her).

Not in the way that, when Ashlyn's name was announced for the silver gloves, she didn't bat an eye. The team managing to subconsciously form a circle around Ali.

They all clapped but their eyes didn't meet Ashlyn's, not that they could even if they tried.

Instead sharing that moment completely separate on that pitch, so far that they might as well have been in different continents again.

When she did glance at Ashlyn, as the blonde received her trophy, you could see the defeat in her body.

Standing there next to Hope, like she was at a funeral and not receiving the silver gloves at the Women's World Cup.

Not in the way that as soon as Ashlyn stepped off that stage, she left the pitch so fast, you'd think it was on fire.

As Ali watched the women she had fallen in love with, the keepers eyes down cast, she couldn't fight the hurt she felt, at the fact that this was the second time watching Ashlyn walk way from her. (I guess I should get used to that)
------
Ashlyn stood there, next to Hope, as she got the silver gloves. Embarrassed for her behavior the last time they met. She was still convinced that the keeper was dating Ali, but she had no right to react the way she did. No right to be jealous.

She kept to herself, eyes never leaving the floor except to wave to the few fans who clapped. Even though she heard clapping from the team she didn't look that way.

As soon as she was able to, she left the pitch and stadium all together.

Not looking back, knowing she didn't even deserve to look at Ali anymore.
So she walked away from Ali, for the third time, leaving a piece of her heart and soul on that pitch in Canada.

----

For Ali it was all a blur.

The ceremony, the jersey reveal, LA, the talk show with Pinoe, the Parade in New York, everything, though she vaguely remembers holding hands with Taylor Swift.

Ali was so numb she barley registered that July 9th had come and gone, the one year anniversary. She's pretty sure Hope, HAO, Kelly, Syd and Pinoe are the reason she doesn't remember what happened that day.

So I'll go
Sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes

It was all such a blur that next thing she knows, is she sitting on the floor, in her once shared living room, wearing one of Ashlyn's jerseys. (When the hell did I put this on?)

She hadn't really been home since January, finding any reason not to be there. Ashlyn's stuff still occupied the house. She didn't have the strength to get rid of any of it, plus she hadn't heard from the Keeper. So she wasn't just gonna throw it all away. (I really should though)

She looked around the living room, memories of the past years spent with Ashlyn invade her mind.

The random moments Ashlyn would ambush her with hugs:

“Ash I need your help” Ali said, walking into the living room. She was looking down at her phone, not paying attention, playing plants vs. zombies.

“I can’t take out this yeti zombie!” the brunette complained, “Ash seriou- oof”

Just like that she was surrounded by the blonde keeper, trapped. Ash had wrapped her legs and arms around the defender, tackling her onto the couch. “Koala!” Ashlyn had yelled, effectively trapping Ali in the death grip of a koala.

Ali was laughing uncontrollably, “Ash! Wh… What are… You doing?!” she tried to get out between laughs.

Ash just smiled as she calmly replied, “I’m a koala Alex, and nothing can separate a koala when it’s attached to something duh.” Ali squirmed in attempt to get free, but it was useless. She was laughing way too much to have any strength and Ashlyn showed no sign of letting go. “Nope. Koala’s are to strong, you have to say I’m the cutest koala ever, in order for me to let go.”

Ali squealed and laughed even more, “Never!”

“Fine Princess, have it your way.” Ashlyn started tickling Ali, being relentless. Ali couldn’t help but squirm and squeal.

She eventually gave in, “ok! Ok, you’re the cutest koala ever!” causing both of them to laugh as she playfully shoved Ashlyn off the couch.

Or the months after they got together, the kisses, gentle touches, spontaneous slow dancing

Ashlyn was sitting at the breakfast bar on her laptop, she had been going over the TWLOHA website, because Jamie wanted her input on the layout. Ali was in living room watching tv, when the keeper approached her. With her hand held out to Ali, she silently requested the brunette to stand, which she of course did.

The blonde guided Ali’s left hand to her right shoulder, as she placed her left on the defenders hip. She slid her right hand down Ali’s arm and side until it landed on her other hip. Ali had caught on and instinctively brought her right hand to the back of Ashlyn’s neck, resting her head on the keeper’s chest.

They swayed together in perfect harmony across the living room floor, no music was needed, they had a rhythm in their hearts.

When she has asked the keeper, “What was that about?”

Ashlyn had kiss her forehead, and simply replied, “I just wanted to hold you close.”

Ali had quickly come to realize that Ashlyn, during these spontaneous slow dances, just needed Ali close to her. Ashlyn need Ali in a way that was more intimate than cuddling or sex.

Her eyes scanned to the shelves and tables when she noticed that the pictures of her and Ashlyn were gone, along with the blondes skateboard and shoes that normally cluttered near the door.

She begins to panic. (That means she was here… Come and gone without me knowing. Again.)

She rushes to Ashlyn's old room, nearly colliding with the door trying to get it open, to find everything on the bed. (Kyle must have moved them in here) she looks around the room and her heart can't take it anymore.

Everything is still here.

Her presence is still here.

She takes out her phone, dials a number she hadn't in the past 6 months. Quickly exiting the room she slams the door shut behind her, sliding down against it, and presses call.

“Hello?”

“Hey … um it's Ali”

“Ali? Is everything ok? Are you ok?” The other person rushes out, genuine concern in their voice.

Ali holds back the tears, she feels bad that it's taken this long to talk to them, “no, I mean yeah. Everything's ok- I just-“she exhales, and takes the phone from the ear for a second to gather herself.

“I’m sorry I haven't-“

“Ali”

“I feel-“

“Ali”

“I should have called a long time ago, “

“Ali. Ali, it's ok.” There was a pause, “Grandma was upset that you didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to us, but we understand.”

“I'm so sorry Chris”

“Hey. None of that. We figured you thought that we knew about Ash leaving-“

“Wait. You're telling me you didn't?” Ali's interrupts.

“No. Whitney called us the next day. She must have known Ashlyn didn't tell us, said that she wanted to tell us before we tried to get ahold of her through you… she must have remembered the last time she went MIA” the older Harris replied.

Ali's emotions were all over the place. She was heartbroken about having Ashlyn's stuff here, upset with herself for not talking to Grandma Harris and Chris sooner. To being ferrous with the keeper for not even telling the two most important people in her life.

She had been so caught up in the thought of Ashlyn just leaving her, that she didn't think to realize, she wasn't the only one Ashlyn left blindsided by this.

“Oh my god...” Ali didn't know what else to say, what do you say after that? After finding out that you weren't the only one who hurt this bad by Ashlyn's disappearance.( I mean sure you knew that your teammates were hurting too, and of course it must be hard on Whitney, but Chris and Grandma Harris… They were her family. Her lifeline.)

This made the reason she called that much harder.

“So, are you sure you're ok Ali?” Chris inquired, “not that I don't want to hear from you, but is there a reason you called?”

There was a pause on Ali's end, contemplating if she should even ask.

“Ali you can ask me anything … You know that right?” Chris tried reassuring her.

Ali dropped her head and pinches the bridge of her nose, “have you heard from her, since the World Cup? Is she ok?”

Chris is a bit taken back, he didn't think Ali would ask that question. He figured it was about her stuff still at the apartment. “Um, well … Yeah she's ok,” he replies looking out the sliding glass door at the ocean behind the house.

There's something behind Chris's voice that Ali can't pinpoint. She knows he’s not tell her something, what that could possibly be, ranged from lying about hearing from Ashlyn, to the Florida native sitting right in front of Chris as they speak.

The second thought hit Ali like a freight train (Holy fuck she's probably right there… Fuck) after a beat or two her thoughts are interrupted by the older sibling.

“You still there?” Chris questions, his gaze focused on a surfer off in the distance.

"Yeah, sorry.” Ali replies, “may I ask when?”

Chris let out a breath, Ali held hers.

“Grams said she stopped by last week, she was going back to Germany, and the Spirit are giving her the rest of the season off to practice with the Germans. I was at work and she left before I got home… But I hear Grams gave her an earful,” he chuckled lightly.

Chris hears Ali let out a breath, “how are you really doing Als.”

Ali is stuck between lying and breaking down, telling Chris the truth.

Her mind chooses the later, “I'm not ok Chris,” her voice breaks half way through the sentence.

Chris clenches his jaw to hold back the tears, he has to stay strong for Ali. He hears her choked up sobs through the phone and it almost breaks him. (Damn it Ash)

“Whenever you're ready Ali… I'm here for you ok.” He reassures her, knowing Ali will talk when she's ready.

Chris is gripping his phone so tight is knuckles are white. He almost throws it across the room as his mind takes him back to the call from Whitney.

Chris had been surfing, his mind was going a mile a minute. Trying to figure out what could have had his little sister so off yesterday.

Ashlyn had called to say goodnight to him and Grams, but he could tell something was off.

“I just wanted to say goodnight bubba… And how much I appreciate what you and Grams have done for me all these years.” The Keeper had said.

“Ash… you don't need to thank us, we'll always be here for you.” After a short pause he continued, “ is everything ok sis?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Just thought I hadn't expressed that in a while…. Anyway long day tomorrow I should get to my room-“ Ashlyn replied.

“Your room? You’re not in there right now?” Chris questioned, “ surprising you aren't spending every second with Ali” he joked.

“ ha ha, I came up to the roof for a second, she went to talk to Syd or something..” The blonde tone was low, almost flat.

Chris knew something was up, when ever Ali's name was said or brought up, he could feel his sister smile through the phone. This was not the case.

“I gotta go, goodnight bubba. Give Grams a hug for me.” Next thing Chris knows the line is dead.

Chris had sat there amongst the waves, feeling a set build, he saw it as a sign to go call Ashlyn and get to the bottom of this.

When he got the call from Whit, her voice had broken and Chris just wanted to hug her.

Now, again, sitting at the kitchen table listening to Ali calm herself, he had to hold it together.

"Take all the time you need Al" he whispers.

"I just need to know if she's ok... that she's taking care of herself Chris. You're the only one I could ask, everyone else wouldn't understand.." she replied.

He's about the say something when she speaks again, " I'm sitting outside her room door... and I- I couldn't help but want her to come back to me- but I knew..." she exhales, " her things are still here- I can't stay here anymore."

Chris lets out a small sigh. (I was wondering when it would become too much.)

He and the elder Krieger had had a talk about what to do with Ashlyn's stuff since neither had heard from her. They knew once Ali actually spent time alone at the apartment, that the brunette wouldn't be able to handle it. So they agreed that Kyle would move the keepers stuff to her room and go from there, if Ali wanted them to move it they would.

"Ali, whatever you need me to do, I will do it. I know this can't be easy on you." Chris replies

Ali thought about this for a minute. What did she want to do with her stuff? Have chris take it back to Florida? Put it in storage? She had no clue at the moment.

"I don’t know Chris... I honestly don’t know." She sighs, "I'm stuck between getting it out of here, or me just moving altogether." She pauses for a second.

Chris isn't that surprised that Ali just wants to move, her and Ash have been in that apartment since they both came to DC.

"She's here... even if her stuff won't be, she'll still be here..."

"I know Al" Chris says sympathetically.

"I'm sorry I just dumbed all this on you" she apologizes.

"Don’t sweat it kid, I'm just happy to hear from you."

"Thank you for answering."

"Anytime Al's, you know that."

----

July 18th, 2015

Today was the welcome back game for the Spirit, it's not that Ali was dreading it, she just hated the thought of doing this alone.

Ashlyn was supposed to be standing next to her as a champion. Not in Germany still training with their national team. The thought still made her sick, that Ashlyn joined Germany, Ali loved Germany... She knew that. So why would she take that away from her as well?

She shook the thoughts from her head, today was about the Spirit, the fans, the league, NOT Ashlyn Harris. (not that she's even gonna be here) Ali rolls her eyes at herself, the fact that the blonde is still never far from her mind.

She begins her drive to the Plex, taking a different route than she normally would (time to start changing things)

Once she arrives, she does her best to enjoy the time, this is her home, her field, this is her team. She smiles as she sees fans wearing her US jersey, all the anticipation of today floats away, as she allows herself to breathe in the fact that she is a world cup camp.

She sees Mathison and quickly goes to hug her, the Canadian returns it just as tight.

"Glad to have you back Cap." Mathison says, "but if you bring up the World Cup, I might hit you" she smirks good naturedly.

Ali smiles widely, "well I mean that is what today's about shorty" and laughs as Mathison feting hurt.

"you cut me deep, you cut me real deep just now" she goes in to hug Ali once more, "missed you girl, and congratulations', you deserved it. "

"Thank you D... it means a lot"

She gets out to the field, taking in the stadium, she's always felt at home on this pitch. (lets do this)

Ali is standing there talking to Lori right before they are about to go out to the field to be announced. She's joined by Rasso and Mathison just joking around talking about being back. She's thankful no one brings up Ashlyn, for the first time in a while Ashlyn Harris is nowhere in her mind.

She's hears a fan shout "Ali Krieger, we love you!" She turns around with her nose crinkling grin and waves, she sees the fan wave back and just chuckles, she can't help but think how perfect this is.

As she turns around getting ready to walk onto the field when moments later she hears the same voice, "we love you too Ashlyn!"

She stops in her tracks (this is not happening) blood running cold, the defender looks to her right and sure enough, here comes the blonde walking towards her. Smiling at the fan and waving, (God her smile...) the Keeper turns her head and Ali looks away. (They said she wasn’t going to be here...)

As the blonde gets closer, Lori tells the others it's time to walk out, thankful for the distraction she follows Lori.

They stop short, Lori explaining that she wants them in a line, to announce them according to the paper she has. Ali prays, but her prayer falls to deaf ears as she is placed last and just to the right of the keeper.

Ali stands as far as she can away from the keeper without drawing to much attention to it. She's starting to hate Lori for the fact that she's taking forever to make these announcements.

Naming out Rasso, followed by Mathison, when she comes to Ashlyn she pause for a second and looks at Ali, who smiles and looks away.

"Next up we have our fearless goalkeeper, who has protected the Spirit net since our teams inception. Ashlyn Harris!!" The keeper waves and smiles, as does the right back, both doing this for the fans, the team.

"Ashlyn made her World Cup debut as Germanys number 1 keeper, letting only 2 goals throughout the tournament! Earning her the Silver boot! We are pumped to have her strong presence, leadership and clutch ways back here with the Spirit. Ashlyn Harris everyone."

Ashlyn waves and turns to Ali as she hears her clap.

The entire time out there both women can't keep still, looking around, staying away from each other. "Last, but certainly not least, our World Cup Champion from the US Womens National Team, Spirit co-captain and home town favorite. Ali Krieger! Ali had a brilliant World Cup and are thrilled to have her back! Give it up Ali!!"

Lori approaches Ali asking her if she wants to speak (no not really) she knows she should say something to the crowd, so she does. She thanks the fans for the support during the World Cup and how they helped so much.

She sees the camera man and tries to distract herself with turning off the mic, it doesn’t work. She also tries to stay in her spot for the picture, putting Lori and Matison between her and Ashlyn, which doesn’t work either. Ashlyn moves to the other side of Lori and Lori moves to the outside.

Ali keeps her head down as she is forced to scoot closer to the blonde, this is the closest she's been to the blonde since the night in January. Ashlyn keeps her head forward, wraps her arm around the Canadian, and slowly raises her arm to Ali (fuck).

Ali raises her arms to the back of Ashlyn's, when they feel each other for the first time in months, they both hold their breath at the shock of electricity that goes throughout their bodies. Ali's head shoots up and she puts on a smile along with the keeper for the photo. She tries not to think about how her body craves the touch, hurting even more when she leans more towards Lori. Or how she can smell the unique scent that is Ashlyn Harris. How beautiful she looks today.

When the picture is done the brunette lowers her head. Ashlyn heads straight off the pitch as Ali goes around Lori away from the blonde, she looks up and watches as the keeper keeps walking. (guess I will get used to that)

Even though they stay for the game and are forced to sit next to each other they do not say a word.

She hears the keeper talking to Dunn about how her flight got cancelled to Germany and decided to stick around when Mark asked her to be a part of the welcome back game. Ali can't help but roll her eyes ( you stay for him, but not for me huh. I can't believe he kept that from me.)

By the end of the game, she's furious with the keeper, how she can play the part so easily(... guess I didn’t mean anything to her after all). Ali tries to go straight to her car but, Crystal stops her, trying to get her to attend an after party since they beat the Reign.

She says she has an early flight to Seattle that she can't miss. Ashlyn, having been a few people away, hears this and her heart sinks. Further confirming her suspicion's (she's going to see Hope) She looks towards Ali, their eye's meeting and holding for just a second. Which is more than enough time to see the pain housed within each other.

Ali turns to Crystal and hugs her goodbye, and darts out the door. Ashlyn pushes her way past Crystal, who grabs her by the arm, "Don't" she says to the keeper, "let her be." Ashlyn sees the sadness in her friends eye's, and she pulls away. She makes it out the door into the hallway, looking both ways to find nothing but emptiness.

She sprints down the hall, towards the parking lot exit, she rounds the corner seeing the brunette's hands about to push open the door.

"Alex..." She gets out, but her voice gives out, barely a whisper.

Ali stops, her heart pounding, (she came after me...) she turns and looks over her shoulder, seeing the love of her life standing there. She doesn’t move, waiting, silently praying for Ashlyn to approach her. (Come on Ash... show me something, before I let this go for good) Holding back the tears, not sure if they'll be of joy or soul shattering.

Ashlyn takes a step towards Ali, but stops when she remembers what Hope had said back in Canada,
("YOU LEFT HER! You weren't there Ashlyn … Crying herself to sleep every night... I was trying to keep her alive") she loses her breathe, (I don’t deserve her... Hope kept her alive.. I almost killed her) she can't move or speak.

Ali's heart drops as does her head, pushing the door open, she walks out. Not bothering to look back. She knows the keeper isn't going to follow. The finality of the door slamming shut behind her causes the tears to flow.

Watching her walk away this time hurts ( fuck, now I know how that feels.) she lowers her head, flinching at the slam of the door, she imagines that this much be how people feel when the cell door shuts in front of you. Empty, nothing left to fight for, sealing her fate with the royal fuck ups she's made.

Crystal finds the keeper with her back against the wall, arms grasped to her legs, forehead on her knees, silently crying. She helps the keeper up and heads to the parking lot knowing Ali is long gone. Knowing the team will be coming out soon, she gets the blonde to her car, getting her buckled she starts the car.

"where are we going" Ashlyn inquires.

Dunn lets out a rough sigh, " we can go to my place... or yours... " she turns to Ash, studying her.

"You mean Ali's … don't think she will appreciate that Crys," the blonde says.

"No … I mean your place..." Ashlyn looks at Dunn with confusion, "she moved out, it's yours now" she hands Ashlyn a key with a simple ring with the address on it, from out of her center counsel. "She had the locks changed and told me to give this to you, if you ever came back." She finishes.

Ashlyn takes the key in her hand, she looks at the hand writing, noticing right away that it is Ali's. She squeezes it in her hand, "take me home" she says softly.

When they arrive at the apartment Crystal starts to get out of the car when Ashlyn stops her, " it's ok, you don’t have to come in"

"I'm not going to leave you alone right now Ash" her teammate replies sternly. Ashlyn knows there is no changing this women's mind. So she just nods, gets out and approaches the door. When she inserts the key and turns it, the door unlocking, she clenches her jaw.

She looks around the once shared apartment, and everything looks the same, she feels like she's in a dream. Waking up to come home from January's training. Then she notices the pics are down, there's a medium sized box on the kitchen table. She walks over to open in, finding all the couple pictures in it, and the pictures she took of the brunette.

Crystal walks next to her, "you sure you want to be here?" Seeing the pictures in the box, she picks up one that has always been her favorite of the couple. Even though they aren't even looking at each other. Ashlyn is facing sideways with her right hand on her hat and she is making the shhh face with, Ali is facing forward, back against the wall, head thrown back in laughter.

Ashlyn just walks over to the couch and lays down, she doesn't want to see the rest of the apartment. She knows her room will be the same, but the room they shared... with be vacant of everything that is Ali.

You can sleep in my room, I'm gonna be out here," she says to her friend. She looks at a spot on the ceiling memories of a conversation she had with Ali comes up.

She was lying down on the couch when Ali came and snuggled on top of her. They had been together for 3 months, but it had felt like a lifetime. With Ali's head on her chest she began to run her hands through the brunettes hair.

"babe?" Ali whispers, Ashlyn smiles at the sound and replies, "yes princess?"

"What if we don’t win the World Cup?" She replies scared. Ashlyn can tell she's nerves about being in Canada again. The field that took away her Olympic dream can now take away her World Cup dream.

"Alex"

"yeah"

" I will be on that field as soon as I see the ref put that whistle in their mouth, to signal the end. Running into your arms, lift you off that field to spin you around and congratulate you with a kiss, on Winning the 2015 Women's World Cup. You will be a Champion." She kisses the top of Ali's head, " that field will not take anything away from you again. I swear Alex, you will make it to that stadium to have that gold medal around your neck"

Ali smiles into her chest. (God I love this women.... I love her) she pushes up and meets Ashlyn's eyes.

"That's how confident I am in you, and the team. We will make it all the way." Ashlyn now smiles, "that or you're gonna have to bail me out of a million dollar bet I put on team winning" she laughs.

Ali slaps at her chest, "Ashlyn Harris! I swear you better be joking or you're sleeping in your room tonight!" She says sternly.

"ok ok, I'm joking …. it was 2 mill." She smirks, Ali scolds, "kidding! But that's how confident I am.. I would place 2 mill on us winning."

Ali smiles at the blonde, "thank you"

"of course princess"

"let's go Stud" Ali smiles sweetly. Getting off the keeper and headed to the bed room.

"I'd follow you anywhere" Ashlyn replies, getting up as well.

She snaps out of it, tears in her eyes as she recalls the convo, looking back at that day on the field (I broke my promise to you Alex... I'm so sorry)

She falls asleep, wishing thing were different, wishing the brunette was there with her, in her arms.

But she's not.. And it's her own fault. (Welcome home Ashlyn)