Chapter 58
''I should have gone with Indra and the rest,'' I tell Sean as we stand facing the main gate, Monroe at my other side, in the crowd that swallows us, ''I've faced Reapers before. Some of those guys don't know what the hell they're dealing with. And me, I'm stuck here waiting now.''
''Calm down,'' Sean says, ''It's gonna be fine.''
''I hate optimists,'' Monroe grumbles, looking restless and jittery, her foot dancing against the ground.
''I mean, seriously - what could go wrong?!'' I ask sarcastically, to which we all snort into much needed laughter.
''It's time,'' Clarke announces, still followed by her bodyguards. I didn't even see her come. Monroe only nods and follows her back, and Sean and I keep behind them.
Monroe is given a drill, and her walk to the gate is a bit shaky. She's nervous, but she manages to drill a hole into the door. Sgt. Miller is to insert the hydrazine bomb into it, but his hands shake too much. Lincoln follows him to provide protection in case any of the Mountain Men try taking any shots, but Sgt. Miller doesn't exactly feel any safer or under less pressure. I can see Lincoln grab his arm and lean in to tell him something, and whatever it is that he said has calmed and emboldened the man. Sgt. Miller replies something to Lincoln, before he steadily inserts the bomb.
''And now we wait,'' I say, more to myself than anyone else.
''And now we wait,'' Clarke agrees quietly, before her voice rises up the way it does when she gives an order, ''Be ready! We need to blow that lock as soon as the power is down.''
Sgt. Miller nods nervously, handing the detonator over to Clarke. Everyone's in position. Clarke stands next to Lexa, who surprisingly enough seems to have given Clarke the baton and isn't saying much. I'm nervous, but I'm clutching my rifle firmly. When the Mountain Men start shooting, a bow and arrows won't be much use, unless Lexa re-assigns me with the archers.
But nothing's happening. The sun's set behind the mountains a while ago now, and it's about to be pitch dark soon, and my nerves are on edge, and nothing's happening. What if something went wrong? What if Wick and Raven are in trouble? Or worse, dead?
If they're dead, then so are we.
''Come on, Raven,'' I say through my teeth, still trying to calm myself. But the longer we wait, the more panicky I get. I feel safe enough behind the line of warriors with metal shields, but that's beside the point. Clarke and Lexa - they're standing at the van apparently fearlessly unprotected, but I know everyone's ready to swoop in and shield them if it comes to it. Lexa looks calm and settled, Clarke looks ready to jump out of her skin.
Loud, heavy gunfire sounds through the air, and every single soul in the army seems to jump at it. My heart wants to flee my chest, my skin crawls - it's not supposed to go like this. Before I can think, I run up to Clarke and Lexa, but Lincoln's there before me.
''Clarke!'' I call, but she looks back at me terrified.
''It's coming from the dam,'' Lincoln informs, like we haven't figured it out.
''They know we're going for the power,'' Clarke nods.
''They know we're going for the door,'' adds Lexa.
''Rogou trigeda!'' Lincoln shouts orders to his team, ''Ge yo ogud!''
''Raven will get it done,'' Monroe tells us, as though to re-assure us, ''She's one of us.''
And I know it wouldn't be the first time she's done the impossible. She's saved our asses many times over. But I can't help being terrified. This time is different.
''Maybe they need back-up,'' I suggest, ''We can spare a team to go after them.''
''No, we can't have a battle on that front,'' Clarke shakes her head, ''We're not wasting anyone.''
''You're wasting Raven and Wick!''
Lexa's eyes land on me almost threateningly when I seem to forget myself and raise my voice at Clarke. Clarke, on the other hand, almost ignores it.
Monroe's hand lands on my forearm. ''This is Raven we're talking about.''
''She's not invincible,'' I utter back almost through my teeth, eyes stinging.
''As soon as those lights go off,'' Sgt. Miller tells Clarke, ''You push that button. We'll do the rest.''
Clarke looks at the detonator she's clutching, before she gives a nervous nod.
But we don't have to wait much longer. A loud explosion soon booms through the night, and the lights go off. They've done it.
''They did it,'' I say, almost in disbelief, my voice too weak and quiet. It's happening.
''She did it!'' Clarke says, with more vigor, as she fumbles with the detonator.
''One minute starting now,'' Sgt. Miller announces.
Clarke looks at the device in her hand, and she looks like it's hard for her to breathe. She offers the device to Lexa and says: ''For those we've lost.'' Lexa puts her hand over Clarke's and adds: ''And those we'll soon find.'' Then, in another breathless moment, they press the button together.
But nothing happens.
''What's going on?!'' I panic.
They keep pressing the button, but still nothing happens. And this is the first time I see Lexa panic.
''What's wrong, why isn't it working?!'' she demands.
''They're jamming us,'' Clarke replies, before she runs out of cover, ''I need to get closer!''
But when she does step out, the shooters finally reveal themselves. We're showered by a rain of bullets coming from the mountain, the fire of it flickering like stars in the night. Lincoln has tackled Clarke to the ground and shields have been put up around them, but there's no way of moving ahead now until the shooters are neutralized. Lexa seems to have ordered just that, because a squad of warriors is dispatched to flank them immediately. The shooting doesn't stop though. Sgt. Miller insists on Clarke letting him get closer and do it manually, but there is no way he can reach it. Then Lexa orders a shield wall.
''Roman style,'' I mumble as I watch it form, ''You have to be kidding me.''
The shield formation moves solidly at first, and I almost think we can do this, that we have a chance. The minute is coming to its end, I know, and if we don't do it now, we have no other way in. But one by one, the shields fall, and the men are being shot down. When I see David Miller lying on the ground, I try not to panic, but my entire being is screaming. We're done, we're doomed.
''We'll find another way in,'' says Lexa.
''There is no other way in!'' Clarke cries, ''You know that!''
''We don't need one,'' Lincoln says, which makes me tear my eyes away from the fallen men. When I look at him, he's looking at me, and when he notches an arrow to his bow, and barely moves his head in a nod, he doesn't have to tell me anything to explain. I follow suit - notch an arrow, light it at a torch, pull it back.
''Ten seconds,'' Clarke announces, as I take a deep breath and aim, ''Five seconds. Four, three, two...''
Lincoln and I release at the same time, and when my arrow leaves the bow I feel an urge to close my eyes for whatever's coming. But there's no need. We've done it.
The lock's blown open.
''It worked!'' Clarke exclaims, sounding like she could weep with happiness. And I can hardly believe my own eyes. It worked.
''We need to get to that ridge and take out the shooters,'' Lexa commands now, but when Lincoln and I move, she stops us - ''No! You stay with Clarke. When the shooting stops, you get that door open.''
We nod and then she screams something to a squad and they're gone before you can tell. So we stay behind cover and wait.
The shooting goes on for another while, until it no longer does. Lexa is fast and effective - either that or they've killed her and are keeping low to set up an ambush. Right now I don't even know anymore. I don't know what to think.
It's Lincoln that dares step out first, even when Clarke and I call him back in warning.
''Lexa did it,'' he says, and I can feel someone's hand clasp around my forearm. It's Monroe - overwhelmed. I give her a smile, before we move to step out as well.
''What now?'' I ask Clarke. She needs to be fast with orders if the Mountain Men start coming out.
''Clarke, look!'' Monroe points to the ground where our people fell, and sure enough I can see it too - Sgt. Miller struggling to get up off the floor. I'm so happy and grateful, I could cry. I give Monroe my rifle so I can free my hands immediately.
''Make sure he's okay,'' Clarke orders, and a couple of men are already rushing to David's side with me. We get him behind and into safety fast, because Lincoln is already leading his squad as they're getting ready to pull at the door.
The rest of the army stands ready to Clarke's command. Monroe throws me back the rifle, and we take position next to each other, taking steady breaths. It's now or never.
Two lines of the strongest warriors are pulling at the ropes, and it takes all they have. It takes them longer than it should just to move the door one inch, but I try not to think about it, my eyes on the scope.
''Night vision,'' I smirk to Monroe. I can see my target in pitch black darkness through this thing.
''I did some dolling up for the occasion,'' she shrugs and I grin. These scopes don't exactly grow on trees, but she made sure we have them. I could kiss her.
And then the door opens a bit wider, and the warriors take up their war cries, and Clarke screams: ''Attack!!!''
''Stop!!!'' someone screams right back. It takes me a moment to realize it's Lexa, and soon enough we can see her coming back through the crowd. Monroe nudges me and points to the direction.
''Chil yo daun! (Stand down!)'' Lexa demands. The warrios quiet down. She finally steps out so we can see her clearly, followed by no other than Emerson. And some sort of alarm goes off in my head immediately, but I ignore it.
''What is this?'' Clarke asks her, and by some instinct I step up right behind her shoulder.
Someone answers it before Lexa can when we hear the shout: ''They're coming out! Look!'' And we all look to the door, and one by one they're coming out indeed, one prisoner after the other, in whatever rags they kept them, and I forget about everything else when my heart leaps in hope, and I expect to see Jasper any moment now, and Nathan, and Monty, and Harper, and Bellamy right behind them.
But they never do. All I see is Grounders - a lot of them - but once they're all out, no one else is coming.
And it's hard to breathe now.
''They're surrendering-,'' Clarke says, but I think she just refuses to believe what's actually going on.
''Not quite,'' says Emerson, before he looks to Lexa. And she doesn't even need to explain it further.
''What did you do?'' Clarke asks her.
''What you would have done. Saved my people.''
''Where are my people?''
''I'm sorry, Clarke. They weren't part of the deal.''
''You made the right choice, Commander,'' Emerson tells her, and I want to kill them both, but somehow - I can't move.
''What is this?'' Lincoln steps up.
''Your Commander's made a deal,'' replies Clarke coldly.
''What about prisoners from the Ark? They'll all be killed!'' he exclaims.
''But you don't care about that, do you?'' Clarke adds.
''I do care, Clarke, but I made this choice with my head and not my heart. The duty to protect my people comes first.''
''Please don't do this,'' Clarke resorts to begging now, but Lexa looks as hard as stone.
''I'm sorry, Clarke.''
''Commander, not like this,'' Lincoln practically begs himself, ''Let us fight.''
''No. The deal is done,'' she says as the horns sound the retreat, ''You, too. All our people withdraw. Those are the terms.''
I look around to find the army dispersing. And I'm still frozen; I can still hardly move; I can still hardly breathe. This can't be happening.
''They'll be slaughtered,'' Lincoln argues again, ''Let me help them.''
''Sis em op (Take him),'' Lexa only says, to which a few warriors move to restrain him. Lincoln manages to defeat some of them, but in the end he succumbs and they take him away. And all we can do is stand and watch.
And it's only now that something clicks and I no longer can stand and watch, because in another moment I'm all up in Lexa's face, my rifle almost pressing against her. I didn't think before I did this, it was the most instinctive thing in the world - like I have no control of myself and I'm working on some sort of auto-pilot. But it's a mistake, because in less than a split-second, someone's disarmed me in three twists and has me in a headlock with a knife to my throat. I catch the way Clarke's eyes seem to beg, and it's like this is as far as Lexa's mercy can go, because she only nudges her head, and the knife leaves my throat. Instead I'm roughly dragged away from them, where I can no longer be a threat. All around us, the army is dispersing, the horns sounding still. And when I'm thrown to the ground with the force of a mighty warrior, I turn around and try to stand up only to meet a familiar face. Ryder towers over me, ready to draw weapon if need be but clearly under no order to kill me.
''I saved your life,'' I growl, accusing him, but I want to spit in his face instead.
''And now I'm saving yours,'' he says calmly, ''You better go, Sky girl. Because the next time you threaten the Commander, she won't be so merciful.''
And then he walks away. Just like that. And I want to run and latch onto his back and claw his throat out, but I know it's not him my fight should be with.
I'm alone now, nothing but me and my weakness in the dead of night, the moonless darkness and the shadow of the mountain pressing me against the ground. Bellamy and all of my friends are in there, if not slaughtered then ready to be.
And I'm not going anywhere without them.