Chapter 40
We run out to meet Clarke, Abby ahead of us, but at the sight of her back in camp everyone seems to gather around, eager to hear what she has to say. Clarke looks tired, but above anything she looks shocked. Whatever they've been discussing all day has to have taken a certain kind of toll on her. I don't like it, but if we're headed somewhere with the Grounders, then it's worth it. I look to Bellamy, who looks back with uncertainty that gnaws at me on the inside as we wait for Clarke to finally open her mouth and reply to Finn's question:
''What's wrong?''
''They want you,'' she says, almost breathlessly, ''If we want a truce, we have to give them Finn.''
''That's ridiculous,'' I scoff, not understanding at all that she's dead serious. The crowd around us starts buzzing with whispers immediately, word travels like electricity.
''What the hell are you talking about?'' Raven demands.
''That's their offer.''
''That's not an offer,'' she insists.
''It's punishment,'' Finn says, ''For what happened at the village. Blood for blood.''
''That's insane,'' Bellamy argues.
''Damn right it's insane,'' I agree, ''Are they serious?!''
''If we refuse?'' Abby asks.
''They attack.''
The whispers in the crowd escalate, to arguing, to shouting. ''I say we give him up!'' ''Get rid of him!'' ''Yeah!''
''Easy, people!'' Byrne demands order, but this is suddenly so scary, suddenly my insides twist, because this is familiar, too familiar, and if anyone makes one wrong move Finn could end up with a metaphorical noose around his neck and a crate below his feet.
''Give him to the Grounders!'' someone steps up from the crowd - I can't even catch who it is before Raven shoves him.
''Back off!!!''
''Hey,'' I grab her arms, ''Calm down! Raven-''
''Listen to me,'' Clarke steps up to her, looks her in the eyes - I realize Raven is on the verge of a breakdown now, ''Nothing is going to happen to him. I promise. Okay?''
''I'm not dying for him!!'' someone else shouts, ''Spacewalker burned 3 months of oxygen from the Ark! He should've floated a long time ago! Throw him out!''
''Back off!!'' Raven goes off again, tearing away, but this time she punches the man in the face with more force than I thought she could muster. She's on him now, and then Byrne is on her trying to restrain her, but Raven punches her too, and it's all a big mess now, with two guards literally dragging her away.
This is really, really bad.
I turn around to look at Finn. He looks lost and terrified and guilty beyond what words could describe. Bellamy stands close at hand ready to defend him if things should go more wrong, but if we don't get out of this stew, they will, and pretty damn quickly. The crowd is raging now.
Dad is reading my mind, ''Get the boy out of here,'' he says.
*
''Mom gave the order,'' Clarke says to us, ''We've tightened the security. That's all we can do for now, until we figure something out.''
''Like what? Clarke, this isn't a solution,'' I practically beg, ''You need to get back out there and negotiate different terms!''
''Hey,'' Bellamy places a hand on my arm, ''Clarke's doing the best she can. We'll figure this out.''
''Well, that's not good enough!!!''
''We should go tell him,'' Clarke continues calmly, ignoring my lashing out, ''Then find a place, get him to safety.''
''You do that!,'' I tear away from Bellamy's grasp, ''I'm gonna try and figure this out.''
Angry with all Hell's fury, I walk away. If anyone would know a way, it would be Lincoln and Octavia.
''O,'' I quietly call from the doorway. The room is empty except for her and Lincoln, and Lincoln seems to be asleep. She turns around at the sound of my voice, then carefully steps out to meet me.
''How's he doing?''
''Better,'' she says, looking exhausted, ''Still restrained though, just in case.''
''That's good,'' I say, ''We need to talk to him about Finn.''
''T, there's nothing Lincoln could do-''
''No, but he might know a way, give us an idea. Something to offer instead of Finn-''
''You don't understand,'' she says, her eyes boring into mine, ''This is most important to them. Revenge is more than just revenge to these people. It's their way of life, their tradition, all they stand for.''
''O, there has to be something else we can give them, we can't just let them kill Finn-''
''There is nothing,'' she replies, ''Don't you get it? They could have asked anything of us. This one life taken is more important to them than anything.''
''How can you just say it like that?'' I barely whisper.
''Because it's the truth,'' she says, ''I don't want Finn to die. I know we can't just hand him over for the killing. But I know what these people are like, Tasha. I know what this means to them, and they're not easily to give it up.''
''Then whatever we think of has to be pretty damn good.''
''Like what?''
''I don't know!'' I throw my hands up, ''Service to them? A constant share of our supplies, our food?''
She shakes her head, ''We don't have anything they need. We already agreed on our medical help and technology. Finn killed eighteen people, and they want him to suffer eighteen deaths. You're gonna need to come up with something much better in exchange for that.''
''Eighteen deaths?'' I ask, though afraid of the answer, ''What does that mean?''
''It's gonna go slowly. Hands, eyes, tongue... I assume,'' she frowns, hugs herself instinctively, ''Everyone in grief will have a turn with the knife, that's what I know for sure. It's their way. Then the Commander will finish him, at sunrise,'' she takes a breath, ''He'd have to go through all that alive.''
The air feels too close around me. I know I'll faint if I stay a moment longer. I hear Octavia call my name once, but I am already rushing out.
Breathe. Breathe, God damn it.
*
''Hey, sweetie? Hey,'' I barely hear dad's voice, I barely feel his hands on my shoulders, ''Look at me. Honey? Look at me.''
I struggle to breathe. My hands are shaking. My mouth is dry, and I feel like if I don't actively focus on drawing breaths, my lungs will not continue on their own. I look up. Dad's eyes are full of worry and fear. I only barely recognize exactly where we are, on the edge of the camp, leaning against the wall. I do not remember running up to here.
''Drink,'' he brings a water bottle to my lips. My breathing is slowing down, so I manage to take a couple of gulps, though spilling some over me.
''Heyyy,'' dad calls again, ''Sit down. Come on.''
He gently pulls me down with him and onto the ground. It feels worse now that my legs feel useless. My breathing is slowly evening out, but my teeth still feel half numb half tingly, and I still feel light-headed. And then, like thunder out of nowhere, I start crying.
I think it startles us both when I break into tears, but dad's arms quickly go around me, which only makes it worse. Now I'm weeping violently, like I haven't in a while. In fact, I don't think I ever cried the way I do now. I am shaking, soaking up dad's shirt, but he just holds me, not saying anything, not letting go for who knows how long before I start calming down.
''Bellamy took him to the B corridor,'' he speaks gently after a while, still holding me, my face still buried in his shirt, ''We're ready to defend him, should it come to it. He's safe with us.''
''Dad,'' I sniffle, swallow another bout of tears, ''The things they'll do to him-''
''They won't,'' he pulls back to look me in the eye, I'm sure my eyes are so swollen now I look like a toad - they literally sting, ''We'll make sure of that,'' he adds, wiping away the remnants of my tears with a thumb. I nod, accepting his comfort.
''You're my life,'' he speaks again, ''You're all I've got. The most important thing to me is that you're okay. Now, your old man's not stupid, I know I can't protect you the way I'd like to, as much as I hate it. But I need to know that you're gonna be okay.''
I nod, wiping my face, ''Don't worry about me, dad,'' I sniffle despite myself - I'm having the post-crying hiccups, ''I'm gonna be fine. Nothing's gonna happen to me. We're gonna protect each other. No matter what happens.''
''Have another breather and drink some more water,'' he smiles, handing me the metal bottle again, ''Then we can start figuring this out.''
That night, I barely have an hour of sleep, riddled with nightmares.
*
''They're trying to scare us,'' Bellamy says.
I don't think that's the case. They don't have to scare us. This is them demanding what they want. Hundreds of Grounders still surround our camp, all chanting that blood must have blood. Jus drein jus daun, the words boom through the morning calm. It makes my skin crawl.
I clutch the rifle Byrne has given me. I don't think I've held one since the M16 back when we defended the old camp. I've grown so used to my bow by now, but I still hold that gun like it's my only lifeline. It makes me feel braver, just holding it, and reminds me I used to be a gunner for a reason. Then I think of Miller, and all my insides twist yet again.
I watch Abby walk up to the gate to meet the two Grounder riders. She's told them what she had before they ride away, and their ominous horns sound through the air. We're not giving Finn up. We'd fight again if that's what it comes to. That option sure as hell has me more at peace with myself. I'd never again be able to sleep at night if the decision had been different.
But now the real horror will start.
''Watch the woods!'' Bellamy shouts, ''Watch for movement!''
Everyone takes positions. Lifting the rifle, I look through the scope, scanning the treeline.
What none of us expect to see is Marcus Kane walking out of the woods, his hands up in the air.
''Can't be out in the open,'' Bellamy warns once he's back inside the gate, ''We need to get somewhere safe.''
''It's safe for the moment,'' Kane says, ''Come on. We need to talk. I managed to buy us a bit of time.''
*
Bellamy, Raven and I impatiently wait in front of the Council room, eager to hear what the hell is going on. They're taking too damn long, whatever it is that Kane had of news to share, and after a while the guards bring Jaha in too, and then I know it's serious. Again.
''What the hell's taking them so long?'' Raven voices our frustrations, pacing about like mad.
''Abby already told the riders we're not giving Finn up,'' I say, though nervous despite my tries to pacify the situation, ''Relax.''
The door swooshes open.
''What's happening?!'' Raven demands of Abby as we rush to catch up.
''You were in there a long time,'' Bellamy says.
''There was a lot to talk about,'' Abby replies, not stopping.
''Wait! Abby!'' I grab her arm to stop her, ''We deserve to know.''
''There was a lot to talk about!'' she insists.
''Hey,'' Bellamy steps up in front of her, ''We are not turning him over to the Grounders.''
''Step aside, now.''
''Abby,'' I start, my voice barely audible now with fear consuming me again. - We'd decided! Why is she acting like this? We had decided, we've told them, it's over and done! What is happening?!
Bellamy takes a small step back.
''We're all trying to find a way out of this,'' Abby says before walking away. She probably meant for it to be re-assuring, but suddenly I am more terrified than ever.
Raven, Bellamy and I remain standing frozen for a moment. Then Bellamy says:
''They're gonna give him up.''
Back to Hell number one.