Chapter 23
I didn't dream it; I didn't black out. It's Jasper and Octavia that get in first, cutting Bellamy down. By the time he's breathing again and I am somehow back on my feet, Murphy has already run away and closed himself off on the middle level. Bellamy is so furious he barely stops to take a proper breath - he's already banging on that hatch trying to get to Murphy like it's the only thing that matters in the world. I, on the other hand, need a moment. I'm dizzy and my vision is blurred.
Octavia hurriedly helps clean some of the blood off my face while Bellamy tries to open the hatch still, Jasper right behind him. ''I'm fine,'' I insist, tasting more blood, wiping more with the back of my hand. Murphy could have at least broken my nose, and it's a miracle that he didn't.
''Murphy!'' Bellamy bangs against the hatch, his voice so raspy it sounds like he might tear up his vocal cords, ''Murphy! It's over! Murphy!!! There's only one way out of this for you now!!''
''Wanna bet?!'' I hear a voice taunt from above.
Fucking Murphy.
''Give me that,'' I take Jasper's rifle, click it ready. Point it at the hatch. ''Bellamy, move!'' I call, my vision still a slight blur. I owe Murphy a gun barrel trained at his face, but this will do.
Something explodes so loudly that the whole Drop-Ship shakes, and I instinctively half-duck. It's come from above.
''Murphy!!!!'' Bellamy yells at the top of his lungs, managing to barge upstairs. Clambering up, he finds nothing but a god damn hole in the wall. No Murphy.
''What the fuck did he do?!'' I screech from downstairs, before taking a peek. He used one of Raven's gunpowder stashes, and in doing so may have just cost us all of our lives.
''The guy knows how to make an exit,'' someone comments.
''Should we go after him?'' Jasper asks.
''No. Grounders will take care of Murphy,'' Bellamy replies sturdily, ''We're going after Clarke, Finn, and Monty. You and Raven were right. We don't abandon our own.''
''You guys go ahead,'' I say, adjusting the gun strap, ''I'm going after Murphy.''
''Not a chance,'' Bellamy argues, ''Don't be foolish, he's not worth it.''
''He's worth every second,'' I check my ammo, ''And I have a score to settle-''
''You're angry,'' Bellamy grabs my arm just as I move to run after Murphy, ''I get it. But you're not gonna risk your life over it. I won't let you.''
Just as I'm about to argue that I don't need his permission to do anything, he interrupts me again.
''Besides, I need you here,'' he says, ''Every gunner except me and Jasper stays. We'll have plenty of time to settle personal scores if we get through this.''
''You know I can track Murphy down in less than an hour,'' I argue, even though I know he's right.
''And then what, you're gonna kill him?'' he looks me straight in the eyes, unwavering, ''We both know you couldn't. So let the Grounders do the dirty work.'' He turns to Jasper. ''Two guns, you and me,'' he says, ''That's it. Raven stays here to build up defenses. We lost a day because of this, and a lot of our gunpowder. Raven!!!''
''Bellamy, wait. Look, I just- Thank you,'' Jasper stops Bellamy, only to hug him like he'll never get to do it again. ''Long way from whatever the hell you want,'' he explains. I smile, despite myself.
''Get ready, we're leaving asap,'' Bellamy tells him, ''Everyone back on their task!''
Jasper nods eagerly and storms right out, Octavia walking away somewhat reluctantly. Now that we're alone, Bellamy's entire demeanor changes. He steps up to me, unsure of what to say or do.
''You alright?'' he asks gently, his hand careful on my cheek. He wipes some of the remaining blood away.
''You kidding me?'' I almost chuckle, ''Murphy almost hanged you. Are you okay?''
The corners of his lips curve up in a slight smile. ''Put something cold on that,'' he tells me instead, ''It will bruise like hell.''
''Maybe I'll scare off the Grounders then,'' I grin. I'm surprised when he laughs, albeit weakly.
''I'm leaving everything to you and Miller, you're in command now,'' he says, ''Stay sharp.''
''You'll be right back, Bell-''
''If the Grounders come,'' he interrupts me, ''Get everyone ready to fight. They'll listen to you and Raven-''
''Bellamy,'' I stop him, ''You'll be back by then.''
''Maybe,'' he smiles, but it's kind of sad. I kiss him.
''And when I'm back,'' he continues, ''You're gonna fill me in on the whole Murphy story.''
''Promise,'' I give him a smile.
Miller interrupts us, yelling through the radio.
''All gunners! We got movement outside the south wall!''
*
We storm out, my hands clutching the rifle tighter, sweating. I take off running toward the south wall, ready to aim, channeling determination instead of fear, or instead trying to as my heart threatens to explode. Commotion. Everyone's rushing to their respective positions, ready to shoot.
''Someone's coming! Get ready!''
''Stay together!''
''Wait! Hold your fire!''
Just as my eye falls on the scope, relief stops me in my tracks.
''Clarke and Finn! Open the gate!''
''Get it! Get the gate! Move it! Move it! Clarke and Finn!''
''They're back!''
''Oh, my God,'' I laugh, feeling I could cry seeing Clarke and Finn walk into camp. ''Guns down!'' I shout, voice quivering. In all this confusion, people still have rifles trained on them for a couple of moments too long.
''Looks like your search is over before it began,'' I tell Bellamy, grinning from ear to ear. He allows himself to smile back for a moment.
''Hey, we heard an explosion,'' Clarke rushes to us, ''What happened?!''
''Murphy happened,'' Bellamy only replies, before she notices my already bruising face.
''Where have you been?'' I ask, ''Where's Monty?''
''Monty's gone?'' Clarke asks.
''What do you mean ''Monty's gone?'' - we thought he was with you!'' I insist, ''Are you telling me he's alone somewhere out ther-''
''Clarke, Tasha, we need to leave, now,'' Finn argues, interrupting our conversation, ''All of us do. There's an army of grounders, unlike anything we've ever seen, coming for us right now. We need to pack what we can and run.''
''Like hell we do,'' Bellamy replies, ''We knew this was coming!''
''Bell, we're not prepared,'' Octavia agrees with Finn, worry washing over her.
''And they're not here yet. We still have time to get ready,'' Bellamy argues, ''Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls?''
''There's an ocean to the east,'' Finn explains, ''People there will help us.''
''You saw Lincoln,'' Octavia notes.
''Yeah,'' nods Finn.
''You expect us to trust a grounder?'' Bellamy asks, then turns toward the gathered crowd, ''This is our home now! We built this from nothing with our bare hands! Our dead are buried behind that wall in this ground! Our ground!''
For a moment, I think of Atom. The boy killed by the Earth.
''The grounders think they can take that away,'' Bellamy continues, ''They think that because we came from the sky, we don't belong here. But they're yet to realize one very important fact: We are on the ground now, and that means we are grounders!!!''
''Yeah!!!!'' the crowd takes up the cheer.
''Grounders with guns!!!'' someone adds.
''Damn right!'' Bellamy shouts, ''I say let 'em come!!!''
''Bellamy's right,'' Clarke says, ''If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And God knows, in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn't change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things. Just take what you can carry, now.''
The crowd is calm again now, swayed to the other side. Bellamy seems to have lost the argument, and - as much as I hate it - it's a good thing too.
''Live to fight another day,'' I tell him. The defeat in Bellamy's eyes shatters my heart. I know what it took to make this place work. I know how much this land cost - how much fear, and blood, and tears, and pain. When something is that expensive, when you give so much for it, it becomes more than just a place. Everything within these walls has become a home, a place of refuge and respite. This camp has given us the closest thing to safety that we could ever ask for here on Earth.
I take Bellamy's hand, and give it a tiny squeeze. In return, he gives me a look of uncertainty. I know that he's aware of the risks, and I know that he doesn't trust this option much either.
The crowd around us disperses quickly, getting to packing. At a low hum, the camp is like a bee-hive, focused on getting the hell out of here as soon as possible. Then, out of nowhere, someone's cries rip through the air.
''Where is he?!'' I hear Raven's hectic cries.
''Raven??!'' I ask incredulously, struggling to believe my eyes. She's limping toward us, barely managing, with a trail of blood leaking behind her.
''Oh my God, Raven!!!'' I almost scream, finally realizing what the hell's happened, as we all break into a run toward her.
''Finn, get her in the Drop-Ship!'' Clarke cries out, and the echoes of her shrill voice haunt me as they carry Raven away.
I want to pray to something, to ask for help of some higher entity, to beg for Raven. But the only thoughts in my head are of despair and fear and genuine wonder if we're going to see another morning.
*
Clarke and Finn quickly fill us in on everything that's happened as soon as the worst of Raven's bleeding has stopped and Clarke can deal with the wound. I can't tear my eyes off of Raven's leg, even as I listen to their story, and the torn up flesh before my eyes somehow makes the prospects of Monty being out there somewhere alone even worse in my mind. My anger for Murphy sleeps only long enough for worry to take over, then it wakes up again and rushes over me.
''That should stop the external bleeding,'' Clarke tells Raven, as she finishes up the last stitches.
''I don't understand,'' Finn says, ''How did Murphy get a gun?''
''Long story,'' Bell and I reply at the same time.
''We got lucky,'' Raven replies, ''If Murphy hit the fuel tank instead of me, we'd all be dead.''
''Wait, there's rocket fuel down there?'' Clarke asks, ''Enough to build a bomb?''
''Enough to build a hundred bombs if we had any gunpowder left,'' replies Raven.
''Let's get back to the reapers,'' Bellamy argues again, ''Maybe they'll help us. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend,' right?''
''Not this enemy,'' Clarke shakes her head, ''We saw them, trust me. That's not an option.''
''There's no time for this,'' Finn insists, ''Can she walk or not?''
''No,'' Clarke replies, ''We have to carry her.''
''Like hell you will, I'm good to go!'' Raven argues, trying to get up. ''Hey, hey, hey!!!'' I react quickly, and push her back down.
''Hey, listen to me,'' Clarke tells her, ''That bullet is still inside you. If by some miracle there's no internal bleeding, it might hold until we get somewhere safe. But you are not walking there. Is that clear?''
Raven pauses for a moment, then concedes in obvious defeat. ''Yeah,'' she almost sighs.
''I'll get the stretcher,'' Finn says, almost running for it.
''Can't run away fast enough, huh?'' Bellamy taunts, ''Real brave.''
''Dying in a fight you can't win isn't brave, Bellamy,'' Finn replies, ''It's stupid.''
''Spoken like every coward who's ever run from a fight-''
''Bellamy, give it a break,'' I stop him, ''You know he's right, you're just angry that we have to leave. Hell, we all are.''
''It's time to go,'' Clarke agrees.
''If they follow, it's a 120 mile walk to the ocean,'' Bellamy argues.
''Look, we're wasting time!'' Finn almost shouts, jittery, ''If he wants to stay, he can stay!''
''No, he can't!'' Clarke argues, ''We can't do this without you, Bellamy.''
''What do you want me to say, Clarke?'' he asks her.
''I want you to say that you're with us,'' she says, ''Those kids out there, they listen to you.''
''They're lining up to go,'' Bellamy tells her, ''They listen to you more.''
''I gave them an easy choice,'' she says, ''But five minutes ago, they were willing to fight and die for you. You inspire them. And I'm afraid we're gonna need that again before this day is through.''
I give him an encouraging squeeze of a hand. It may have worked as a small push over his pride. Bellamy would never leave these people - his people. It's just hard for him to admit it out loud.
''What about Monty?'' I ask.
''We don't know where he is, and we have nothing to follow up on,'' Clarke replies, ''We'd be wasting precious time.''
''But what if he comes back and finds this place empty?'' I argue, ''We can't just leave him alone like that.''
''We'll keep an eye out once we're out there,'' Bellamy tells me, and with my hand in his, it sounds like a promise, ''You and me.''
''Okay,'' I say, reluctantly. I believe him, but that doesn't mean that's enough.
''Okay then,'' Bellamy smiles, a frown still creasing his face.