Chapter 11
The storm is ready to unleash its wrath upon us. It's as though the Earth itself is angry, irritated by the intruders, ready to wash us out off its surface if need be. The thick grey clouds collide, the rain starts pouring, and every moment that passes increases the storm's anger. Thunder. More rain. Winds that shake the earth.
We've closed off all the hatches and pulled in all the tents and everything from outside that needs to be kept safe and sound. It's our first big storm on Earth, and probably not the last. We would survive.
I'm not so sure about Finn.
He is still holding on, but he's so far away I fear he could leave us any second now. And all I can do is sit and watch him, watch Clarke pace around nervously as Raven incessantly tries to contact the Ark. I don't know if my insides twist more because of Finn or because of Bellamy. He still hasn't returned, and I donćt like the sound of the weather outside one bit.
The very real possibility of Raven never reaching out to the Ark is starting to gnaw at us all, and at her especially. She doesn't stop, doesn't take a breath, not for one second. But she's visibly losing her mind. All Clarke can do is clean Finn's wound every now and then, careful not to move the knife. The anxiety of waiting to hear from someone on the other side has had me dizzy all over again, and if I move suddenly, I feel like I might black out again.
''This is a restricted station. Who is this? Please identify yourself.''
I jump onto my feet so fast all of my blood pulls up and slams against my skull. One hand against the wall to steady myself, I move to stand next to Raven. I must be hallucinating.
''This is Raven Reyes. I- I'm from Mecha Station. I'm transmitting from the ground. The hundred are alive. Please, you need to get Doctor Abby Griffin. Doctor Abby Griffin. Now.''
''Hang on Raven, we're trying to boost your signal.''
''Oh, my God,'' I breathe.
''Raven?'' Dr Abby's voice comes through, making Clarke run to the radio, ''Are you there?''
''Mom? Mom, it's me!''
''Clarke?''
The conversation is hectic; everyone seems to take a turn on the damn radio, even the Chancellor himself. I'm still grasping the fact that this is real and it's happening - and though there are many questions I want to ask, right now is not a good moment. Finn is dying, and the damn storm is disrupting the signal so bad, we can barely hear every third word they're saying on the other side.
I hate standing here, useless. I make it a point to myself to learn as much as I can from Clarke when it comes to things like this - I know the basics such as CPR and dressing wounds and all that first aid crap they taught us back in school, but anything more severe and I'm a girl in the Skybox, hands tied. What if Clarke wasn't here, and even she's just a kid, not an expert? Instead of just sitting and watching and trying not to stand in the way, I try my best to make it sitting and learning, and standing ready if anything needs to be fetched. When I make to go out with Octavia to get the moonshine canisters, Clarke stops me, though. My concussion is apparently worse than we can know, and I really need to rest. Going out into a storm isn't exactly the calm I need. And I hate it.
''Storm's getting worse,'' Clarke says, ''Monroe, close the doors.''
''But we still have people out there,'' I argue, scared of the thought of what might catch them out there in these conditions.
''Monty and Jasper still aren't back yet,'' Octavia confirms, ''Neither is Bellamy.''
''It's okay, they'll find somewhere to ride it out,'' Clarke assures us. It doesn't soothe my anxiety at all. It sounds like empty words of comfort.
The search for wires and a needle decent enough to use on Finn ironically temporarily keeps my mind off things. I guess we'll just have to make do with after-care if all of this works. What terrifies me the most is the possibility of complications once Clarke actually starts working on Finn, because we have no equipment to deal with any of that.
''Hey! They're back!'' someone announces. It might have been Monroe because she is the one opening the door again.
In comes Bellamy with two boys in tow dragging the body of the Grounder that attacked us. He actually did it, just like he said. I'm not really surprised - Bellamy is the type to do whatever he firmly puts his mind to, and nothing could stop him. The Grounder's unconscious when they drop him on the ground - the thud it makes gives me a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. Everybody looks at the scene in complete shock - everyone but me, that is.
''The hell are you doing?'' Octavia stomps up to Bellamy, seething.
''It's time to get some answers,'' he says.
''Oh, you mean revenge!'' she retorts.
''I mean intel,'' Bellamy insists, ''Get him upstairs!''
They struggle to get the Grounder to the upper level - the man is bigger than the two boys put together and then some.
''Bellamy, she's right,'' Clarke tells him, but Bellamy replies with nothing but a look full of anger.
''Look, this is not who we are,'' she insists.
''It is now,'' he says.
I don't like the darkness in his face, in his voice, but I know it. I have known it. It is only when someone or something hurts our loved ones that this darkness awakens from its slumber and crawls out into the world. I remember that feeling of hatred that evolved from pure anger. I used to think Chancellor Jaha and all his minions back on the Ark were actively killing my mother. They were knowingly letting her die, so is there any difference really? I stole for her, I fought for her, I almost killed for her. I was locked up for her and beaten for her and almost floated for her. And I wouldn't have done a single thing differently. There isn't a person alive that I wouldn't turn inside out for a strand of her hair. I know exactly what he plans to do as soon as he climbs up there.
But I also know that he's right. These people had a century on us. If we're going to stand any chance at all, we need to know things. We need to know things about them.
Octavia seems to read through my silence, through the way I - of all people - didn't say anything to Bellamy Blake. Because the outrage directed at me following the closing of the upper hatch could match the storm outside.
''You knew about this?'' she only asks at first, though the quietness of her voice seems almost dangerous.
I try to ignore her - Clarke has reconnected to her mom on the radio and is going through the first steps with Finn. None of us need this. But the younger Blake is not one to back down.
''I can't believe you!'' she hisses, ''You, of all people! You, who lifted your nose to the sky after what happened with Murphy! Like you were the saint and we were all some vile demons t-''
''Octavia, calm down,'' I interrupt her, voice level and calm, refusing to make this worse. Especially when Finn's life is at stake right before our eyes and Clarke is trying to focus.
''I will not calm down,'' she growls back, ''Believe it or not, that man did save my life! And now my brother is going to torture him, kill him maybe, and you KNEW! And you didn't even think to stop th-''
''I did think to stop this!!'' I spit back, giving in, all composure lost, ''I did think about the possibility of that man helping us!! First of all, you really think I could have overpowered your brother?!!''
She stands silent for a short moment, furious the way only she can be, unsure of what to say next. ''You knew and you didn't even tell anyon-''
''You know why, Octavia?! You know why, miss Over-fucking-protected?!'' I'm shouting before I even know it, ''Because I don't want another Jasper! I don't want another YOU and having to walk into a fucking SLAUGHTERHOUSE to get you. I, unlike SOME, am taking this Grounder threat a little more fucking seriously. And if you really think we can go on and survive without knowing a damn thing about them or the world they all live in, suit your fucking selves! I'm not dying as hunting bait.''
I leave Octavia stunned, just standing there. Her jaw quivers in a way that tells me she has about a million more things to yell at me for, but my accusation freezes her, which I know only makes her even angrier. Awkward silence settles across the room - everybody seems to hold a collective breath. I look to Raven as she all but hugs the radio, and I look at Clarke and the focus in her eyes and the almost unnoticable shakiness in her hands - and I feel this vile pang of guilt in my heart immediately. She's doing her best to save Finn's life all with terror in her very bones. What the hell are we even doing?
''Everyone, get up here!!'' I shout, making my way up to the hatch, ''Clarke needs to focus!!''
''Do what she says. Come on,'' Raven claps her hands.
One by one we all cluster on the middle level. Octavia storms up to the upper level immediately. She returns barely a few minutes later, even angrier than before. She sits across from me, giving me one single dirty look. The horn Finn and I saw on the Grounder and the realization I know we'd both made would not leave me alone, for all of Octavia's judgement. He might have very well saved our lives in that forest, but that doesn't change the fact that he'd take one of our own, out of the blue. It doesn't change the fact that his knife is in Finn's body as we sit here and wait. It doesn't change the fact that his people almost killed Jasper. And it definitely doesn't change the fact that we know next to nothing about them, when knowledge means our surival. I don't want Bellamy to torture the man, especially because of that horn haunting me. But we need answers.
What I feel for needs to be left behind. My softness needs to be left behind. If we're going to survive, we need to be just a little bit more ruthless. Because the old way clearly wasn't working. The Grounders sure as hell ain't soft, and right now, they have the lead.
*
I go to the upper level, only to find the Grounder chained up and already covered in blisters. His head is hanging low, as though it wouldn't take him much to slip into unconciousness. Bellamy seems to be taking a break, a belt wound up around his hand. The two boys whose names I don't really know just stand by and stand watch. There's more sweat on Bellamy's face than the Grounder's, and he's trying to catch his breath when he sees me enter, his hands resting on his knees.
''Anything?'' I ask.
''Not a word,'' he straightens up.
''Maybe he doesn't understand us, Bellamy,'' I make the argument again.
''He would have tried to tell us that then,'' Bellamy explains, ''But no. He won't even open his mouth.''
''Okay, but this is clearly not working,'' I shake my head. I want to think of a different approach to offer, but I have nothing.
He pulls me gently to a further corner so the other guys won't hear the conversation. 'Then what do you suggest?'' he asks me, ''Because I'm fresh out of ideas, and I really don't think asking nicely again is gonna work.''
''I don't know, Bellamy,'' I shake my head desperately, ''I don't like any of this.''
''You think I do?'' he asks.
''I know you don't,'' I quickly reply. He's not a monster; he can't be. We can't be monsters, none of us. We didn't choose this, or want this to happen. We can't be.
''We found a journal,'' he goes on, ''He's been watching us for a while.''
''Really?'' I ask, ''How do you know?''
''There's a picture of Octavia,'' he replies, ''Among other things.''
''Oh, my God,'' I can instantly feel every hair on my body stand upright, ''Anything else?''
He shakes his head in response. ''Just vials of some herbs, something.''
''Probably medicine. Or poison,'' I offer, ''See that's the kind of knowledge we could use.''
Bellamy nods. ''If only he would talk,'' he says, ''I gave him too long a break. Go. You don't have to see this.''
''I can take it,'' I say. I feel almost... disgusted with myself just shying away and pretending nothing is happening one floor above me. And more than that, it doesn't seem fair that we put it all on Bellamy and don't share the dirty work. This is for all of us.
''I know you can,'' he tells me, ''But you don't have to. Go and keep an eye on Octavia for me.''
''She won't do anything stupid, not with you in here,'' I say, ''Besides, we're not exactly on good terms right about now.''
He frowns in question.
''She figured out I knew you would go after the Grounder. It got ugly,'' I explain, ''I kind of went off on her. I feel a little bad now, actually.''
''Don't. She needs to hear it,'' he reassures me, ''And she won't hear it from me.''
I nod, and decide to comnply with his request. Maybe it's simply a little bit easier for him to do this if none of us are watching him. ''I'm gonna go check on Clarke and Finn,'' I say.
*
As I make my way down the stairs, the Drop-Ship starts shaking so hard it almost throws me off and sends me flying three floors down. Both my feet and left hand slip off, leaving me hanging by my right hand only, and the instant fear that grips me has my heart racing so fast I can hear it in my ears. The shaking settles quite quickly though and I swiftly regain my grip on the metal bars of the ladder, though the sudden shock leaves a buzz in my bones. My head starts pulsating again - this storm might justle me up pretty bad before it ends. I'm almost afraid to take a peek outside - it seems strong enough to flip us over. That's not possible, of course. But it sure feels like it.
When I finally do make it down, Clarke is working on closing up Finn's wound. The knife is out.
''Thank God,'' I breathe, a wave of relief washing over my whole body. Raven is so emotional she only nods earnestly and tries her best not to cry.
''So now we just wait for him to wake up?'' I ask.
''Something like that,'' Clarke replies, a hint of fearfulness still there in her voice, though her face only shows exhaustion, ''Any news from Bellamy?''
''The Grounder won't talk,'' I respond, ''He's been watching us for a while though. Bellamy found a journal.''
Clarke scowls. ''I don't like the sound of that,'' she says as she finishes the stitching, breaking the string off, ''I better see what's happening up there.''
''What if we need you here?'' Raven manages to ask nervously.
''I'll be right back,'' Clarek replies, ''Finn's okay now, just a bit feverish.''
A bit of an awkward silence ensues when Clarke leaves me alone with Raven; I haven't spoken to the girl much since she came, and I haven't heard too much about her either. I have no idea what kind of relationship she and Clarke have now, or Finn and Clarke for that matter, but I can assume Clarke isn't gaining much from the looks of things. It hardly matters now.
''So, you and Finn go way back, huh,'' I say.
''Yeah. He's the only family I have,'' Raven smiles at his sleeping form, pushing back the hair from his pale, sweaty face.
''He's a great guy,'' I admit, ''I'm not the one to trust people easily but Finn... Well, you would know. You probably know him better than anyone.''
''Yeah,'' she chuckles in response, ''He's always been the one universally liked. He has his way with people.''
''He's done so much good since we landed here, you have no idea,'' I say honestly, ''People like him... We need him.''
Just as the last word leaves my lips, Finn's entire body starts shaking so violently, that I think the makeshift table we've built for him might break right beneath him. I know he's seizing but I don't know what to do as panic takes over me, over both of us, and Clarke is all the way up there and there is no time - she needs to be fast so I scream her name at the top of my lungs, scream as hard as I can. Raven shouts and demands to know what's happening, fighting through her tears. It seems to take forever for Clarke to come down, like each second is a year and Finn is further away. Then he stops seizing. And I can't move, though I want to. I want to come near him anc check if he's alive or dead. I want to see. But I can't move. I don't know if it's the fear or the shock.
Then Clarke confirms he's stable again. And all the adrenaline leaves my body so suddenly, that my legs can't support me. I'm shaking so horribly, that I choose to just plop down against a wall instead.
''I don't understand,'' Clarke says, only now showing fear, ''This isn't supposed to be happening, I did everything-''
''What?'' I ask. Whatever she's suddenly realized makes her look like she's seen a ghost.
''It's the knife,'' she replies, ''Finn's poisoned.''
All color leaves Raven's face.
*
''What do we do?'' I ask.
''There's nothing we can do,'' Clarke explains, ''We need the antidote.''
''The Grounder had some vials in his pack,'' I remember Bellamy telling me. We don't waste a second.
Clarke and I head back up, with Octavia right on our tails, which I dread immediately, because I'm not ready to have any of her bullshit, not right now. We find the vials, ask the Grounder to tell us which one's the antidote, but the man just keeps silent, and keeps silent still as Bellamy lashes him with that belt with all the power he has in him. Clarke asks again, and again, and again, desperately, but this isn't working. Octavia cries, screams, begs them to stop. I don't know what to do.
''Finn! is! dying!'' I cry at her, emphasizing every word, trying to make her understandl why can't she understand?. I'm not losing a friend over her misplaced sense of gratitude. I'm not losing a friend, period! He is not dying today.
Desperate to think of something else, Bellamy grabs a metal spike, and just shoves that thing right through the Grounder's hand. The Grounder growls in pain, but again falls quiet and responds with silence to our questions, which worsens my anxiety so much that I literally want to jump out of my skin. Bellamy looks distressed, but more than that he looks afraid, just as afraid as me - afraid that Finn will die on his watch, and everything he did, all of this torture, will have been for nothing. Clarke looks about ready to break down as Bellamy runs out of options, and I just can't break out of my stupor. I can't wrap my mind around it right now. I can't believe that this man would rather suffer so much pain for Finn's death, than just give us an answer and let it all be over with. Why does he - why do they - hate us so damn much? What is the death of one boy to them?
It isn't long before Raven storms up and barges inside, looking ready to murder someone. She goes up to the edge of a wall, yanks open the metal cover, and pulls out two wires that still buzz with electricity.
''What are you doing?!'' someone asks - it must have been Octavia.
''Showing him something new,'' Raven growls, rubs the wires together, and electrocutes the Grounder into pure agony. He goes absolutely limp when Raven pulls back. Clarke asks him again, begs him to point at the correct vial, but he's still silent.
''Speak!!!'' I shout, panic rising up to my throat, ''Just say it, God damn it!! Say it and it all stops!!!''
Raven electrocutes him again, crying. ''He's all I have!!!!'' she bawls through her words. Still nothing happens.
''I don't believe this,'' I say, but it comes out as a weak whisper.
Octavia staggers up ahead, and cuts herself with the poisoned knife before any one of us can realize what's going on. When did she even get it? What's happening? Bellamy screams. Someone grabs him.
''He won't let me die,'' Octavia explains. She kneels before the Grounder, eyes begging, blood coming out of her arm. Bellamy tries to run up to her and help her immediately, but someone grabs him as soon as the Grounder shows a reaction. That's the first one we've seen all day. It's working.
He writhes, yanks on his chains, growls - but never says a word. He's distressed. I watch, mesmerized, realizing that, if the Grounder could tear himself off and give Octavia the antidote with his own hands, he would. Calmly, Octavia points to the vials before him, one by one, until the Grounder gives the nod we've been waiting for. Clarke snatches the vial and runs down with Raven as fast as I've ever seen anyone run. Instinctively, I rush to Octavia and grab a piece of cloth to quickly wrap around her arm, while Bellamy just holds her face, shaking, asking her is she's crazy over and over again.
She'll be fine, I think as I tighten the cloth around her arm. And as soon as Finn's had his share, she'll have the antidote. And the storm will end. And we'll all be okay. Yet the questions will remain. And what fascinates me most isn't the fact that this Grounder showed that he cares for Octavia - it's that she was so sure of it that she risked her life without a second thought.
*
We leave that Grounder chained up there, because we don't really have another choice. It leaves a sour feeling in my mouth, but I know that it's as necessary as it's wrong. Miller takes the first shift to watch him, as we all make our ways downstairs. We all need a break from this.
Finn wakes up not long after he and Octavia take the antidote. I almost cry when he smiles right out of his sleep. I tell him I would hug him if I wasn't so afraid I'd break something, fragile as he looks. He actually manages to laugh. He's ordered not to move his ass one inch from that sorry excuse for a bed, and he promisingly complies. We all try to leave him as much space down on the lower floor, at least for the first few hours of his recovery. This clearly does not apply to Raven most of the time.
I decide to finally radio back Dr Abby, hoping to speak in private. I don't mind Finn hearing - besides, he seems to fall back into naps every now and then. Abby's been on stand-by and ready since this whole mess started, I get her response right away.
''Tasha? Is that you?''
''Yeah, the one and only,'' I snicker, sounding exhausted even to myself.
''I'm glad you're alright,'' she says.
''You too, Abby,'' I smile, ''I've had no news from up there so... I was wondering if you could tell me anything. My mom and dad, are they-?''
''They're fine,'' she replies too soon, ''They're both fine.''
''Did something happen?'' I ask, a little bit suspicious.
Pause.
''Abby.''
''Alycia, she... she volunteered for the culling,'' Abby says, and my heart absolutely stops beating, ''She figured since she's sick... I did my all to talk her out of it, in the end it took Jaha giving the order.''
''What do you mean?'' I ask, unsure if I'm furious or devastated, ''What the hell was she thinking?!''
''Essential personnel and all with invaluable skills were never eligible to volunteer for the culling,'' Abby explains, ''That gave her no choice, being both a teacher and a nurse... Saved her life.''
''Thank God,'' I breathe. I lost her for only one second and already felt the whole universe might fold in on itself and swallow me whole. Another shock like this might actually kill me.
''Rick is doing fine as well. Don't worry, the Parish family is perfectly intact,'' I can practically hear her smile on the other side.
''Thank you. For everything,'' I say, knowing she knows all that I mean by ''everything''.
''Watch out for Clarke for me,'' Abby tells me, ''You have to stick together.''
''We do.''
*
The storm has blessedly stopped, I realize. And just as I'm about to step outside and revel in this new day, Finn's voice gives me a heart-attack.
''I'm glad your folks are fine.''
''Jesus, Finn!!'' I just about jump, pressing a hand against my chest, ''I thought you were asleep!!''
''You should be; you guys are the ones that have been up all night while I was pulling a Jasper,'' he replies.
''You're welcome for that, by the way,'' I grin. He laughs.
*
Outside, the kids are putting the camp back together. The walls are being fixed, clutter organized, tents put back up. I realize that our food is disappearing faster than we're storing it up, and winter is coming. Most of the people do their daily gathering and hunting, but for some of us who somehow seem to get into trouble literally every other day, that's a luxury at the moment. What's most important is that Finn is alright now. We'll figure everything else out.
I can't help thinking about my stupid, big-hearted parents, though I try to push the thoughts aside, because I have no room to worry about them too. Knowing they're alright needs to be enough for now. And the fact that they've heard from Abby by now puts my mind somewhat at ease as well.
As I haul one of the tents back to its place and listen to the sound of my boots hitting the mud, I think about how this was all that life here was supposed to be. We were supposed to come down and hunt and work the land and gather its fruits, and live. We were to finally have a normal life, the way our ancestors did once upon a time, before the world went to shit. We weren't supposed to fight the local tribes. They weren't even supposed to exist.
Finally fixing up the tent and banishing my thoughts, I spot Bellamy at the gate, leaning against the edge of the wall. He's taking a breather, it seems, though all I can see is how horrible he looks. He's not okay. I wipe my hands against my pants and walk up to him.
''You look like crap,'' I tell him.
''Thanks, sharpie,'' he grins, ''You've seen better days yourself.''
''Wouldn't deny it,'' I smile, ''We should all get some good sleep today. We need to get our strength back after everything.''
''Weren't you ordered to rest?'' he squints at me.
''I feel perfectly fine now, thank you very much, '' I respond, to which he grins like I'm amusing him, ''Come on. Miles and Connor are watching the Grounder, Rogers and Monroe can take the next shift. The camp is being put back together. You can have a day of rest.''
''Octavia hates me,'' he says instead, the sullen look back on his face, ''Hell, most people in there do. The princess thinks I'm some kind of monster an-''
''You did what you had to,'' I stop him.
''I told her,'' he responds, ''I told them that. Who we need to be to survive-''
''They'll come around, Bellamy,'' I say, ''Each and every one of us, sooner or later. We'll be forced to. You and me, we just figured it out a bit earlier. Come inside,'' I offer a hand.
He takes it, but instead of following, he pulls me back, right into him, and kisses me.