*March 4 2:35 PM*
“Hello, you’ve reached Peggy Carter. Sorry I’ve missed your call. I’m either extremely busy or extremely tired. Either way, if you leave your name and a message, I will return your call at my earliest convenience. But if you’re Angie, please darling, I’ll see you when I get home. No need to worry.”
The phone beeps on the other end, signaling the end of the voicemail. Angie sighs in slight annoyance at the voicemail message.
“Hiya, Peg. I know you hate when I worry, but I can’t help it. You’re my girl, so it’s kinda my job. Plus, if I don’t worry, who will? Alright, babe, go save the world. I love you.”
Angie hangs up the phone and places it back into her tote bag. While she walks, she looks up at the sky and smiles. The sun is bright and the only clouds in the sky are big, fluffy ones. They remind her of her first date with Peggy. She didn’t know it was a date at the time, but when she and Peggy were laying on a grassy hill looking up at the shapes the clouds formed and Peggy leaned in and kissed her, well, then of course she realised it was it was a date. It has since become their favourite pass time, to look up at the clouds and see ridiculous shapes.
Angie sees a cloud that looks kind of like Peggy, and the time when she can finally see Peggy just can’t come any sooner.
---
*April 8 11:58 PM*
“Hello, you’ve reached Peggy Carter. Sorry I’ve missed your call. I’m either extremely busy or extremely tired. Either way, if you leave your name and a message, I will return your call at my earliest convenience. But if you’re Angie, please darling, I’ll see you when I get home. No need to worry.”
“Hiya, English. I just wanted to call and say happy birthday. I know I’m a little early. It’s technically not your birthday yet, but I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday. I hope I’m the first. And even if I’m not, please lie and say that I am. Okay, good night Peggy. I love you. I miss you.”
Her voice cracks while leaving the message. She doesn’t mean for it to crack, but it does.
Angie looks at her the clock on her phone. It reads ‘12:03 am’. She clears her throat and wipes the forming tears from her eyes. She isn’t going to cry on Peggy’s birthday. She won't allow herself to.
“Happy birthday, Peggy.” she whispers to herself and to the empty side of the bed next to her.
---
*April 10 1:48 AM*
“Hello, you’ve reached Peggy Carter. Sorry I’ve missed your call. I’m either extremely busy or extremely tired. Either way, if you leave your name and a message, I will return your call at my earliest convenience. But if you’re Angie, please darling, I’ll see you when I get home. No need to worry.”
Angie doesn’t leave a message. She only hits the redial button.
“Hello, you’ve reached Peggy Carter. Sorry I’ve missed your call. I’m either extremely busy or extremely tired. Either way, if you leave your name and a message, I will return your call at my earliest convenience. But if you’re Angie, please darling, I’ll see you when I get home. No need to worry.”
---
*December 22 12:01 AM*
“Hello, you’ve reached Peggy Carter. Sorry I’ve missed your call. I’m either extremely busy or extremely tired. Either way, if you leave your name and a message, I will return your call at my earliest convenience. But if you’re Angie, please darling, I’ll see you when I get home. No need to worry.”
“Hey Peggy. I’m a little drunk. Okay, maybe a lotta drunk, but it’s Howard’s Christmas party. I’m upstairs in his room. Did you know he has a drawer filled with nothing but woman’s underwear? Oh look, another panty drawer. Howard’s kind of a slut.” Angie laughs. She feels warm from the alcohol but she knows once it fads, she will go back to feeling cool and numb- the familiar feeling she’s had for months.
She stumbles to the bed and falls face forward. She holds to phone to ear, but she doesn’t say a word. Her heavy breathing fills the air. A few minutes pass until she continues speaking.
“So it’s been awhile since I’ve called. I’m sorry. I’ve been kinda busy. With work mostly, but I also got a part in this new play. It’s not the lead, but I do have a lot of scenes. I’m happy with it, I guess. Of course, I’d be happier with the lead but beggars can’t be choosers. Or at least that’s what my mom says. What would you say? I think you’d say something cheesy like ‘You’re the lead of my heart’ or something like that. But I guess it doesn’t really matter.”
Angie is silent again. She can hear the music from the party down below. It’s just passed midnight, but the party has no signs of ending anytime soon. In fact, the music has gotten louder. Angie doesn’t want to be here anymore, but leaving doesn’t feel right either. She’s glad she brought a bottle of vodka with her to Howard’s room.
She balances the phone on her shoulder and uses her cheek to pin it in place.
“Sorry, just trying to open this bottle of vodka. It’s kinda hard though. My hands feel kinda numb. Almost got it. Yes, I got it.”
Angie takes a big swig of the clear alcohol. It doesn’t burn her while it makes its way down her throat. She feels it working. It warms her quickly but the coldness returns even quicker.
“I think I’m going to pass out. I’ve had so much to drink. You’d be so angry with me if you saw me right now. I miss your angry face. And your happy face. I miss your face in general. I just miss you. I lo...”
Angie accidently hits the ‘end’ button. But she doesn’t notice. She has fallen asleep with the phone still pressed to her ear and vodka bottle in her hand.
The pain in the morning is nothing compared to the pain she’s felt for the past months.
---
*March 2 2:34 PM*
“Hello, you’ve reached Peggy Carter. Sorry I’ve missed your call. I’m either extremely busy or extremely tired. Either way, if you leave your name and a message, I will return your call at my earliest convenience. But if you’re Angie, please darling, I’ll see you when I get home. No need to worry.”
“Today is my last at the Automat. I’m finally taking your advice. I’m quitting my dead-end job as a waitress to become a full time actress. I made mama cry when I told her, but she calmed down a little when I told her it was for you. I still don’t think she’s happy about it, but I’m happy. I’m happy, Peg. It’s been awhile since I could say that, but I’m happy. Like actually happy. I still get sad sometimes whenever I think of you, but then I think of the happier times and I feel better. Even the sad times make me happy sometimes. There’s this girl at the theater who sometimes asks me why I’m sad. I just tell her it’s ennui. I don’t think she knows what that means. I’ll let her figure that out for herself.”
Angie stops just outside the L&L Automat. Her last day is kind of bittersweet. She’s glad to be quitting such a frustrating job with its terrible coffee and even worse male customers. But this is where she first met Peggy, she almost doesn't feel ready to leave a place with such significance. , But even so, sometimes she’d rather not be reminded of the woman she loves. Sometimes she just wants forgets even though she knows she’ll never forget.
“I think after today, I won’t ever step foot in this place again. Even if it has some wonderful memories. Like the first time we met. Remember how you burned your tongue trying to prove how cool you were even though I told you it was a fresh pot and that you should be careful. You never listened to me. I think you did it to impress me. But trust me, Pegs. You didn’t have to do anything to impress me. I was already impressed. Well, I gotta go. I love you.”
---
*March 4 2:38 PM*
It’s colder today. Angie is wearing one of Peggy’s sweaters. It smells like her; like sweat and vanilla. She wraps it tighter while she walks down the grassy path. The wind blows gently through the trees and the birds sing bittersweet love songs or at least that’s what Angie thinks. Everything is bittersweet now. It’s her happy.
She reaches the end of the path and pulls out her cell phone.
She dials the only number she has memorized.
"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."
She dials again.
"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."
She puts her phone down for a moment while she touches the headstone in front of her. She forgets how real it is. She doesn’t want it to be real but it is. The words on the stone are still heavy on her heart.
Margaret “Peggy” Carter
April 9, 1982-March 4, 2015
She dials the familiar numbers one more time.
"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."
Those words echo in her ear while tears fall silently onto the grass.