To everyone else, it was an anticipated thing. When the group got together, Emily and Jess would fight.
But Emily and Jess had their own anticipation. Of seeing one another, of being left alone at any moment, of bonding unexpectedly.
The accident had brought them a hell of a lot closer.
Matt and Emily and Mike and Jess had long since split, the lodge putting somewhat of a wedge between them. But the two couldn't stop thinking of each other, all through recovery - Jess' being much longer and more rigorous than Emily's. Neither of them talk about the time that Emily came alone when Jess wasn't in surgery or rehabilitation. Jess is half-convinced that she conjured it up in her drugged out state.
But something about the way that Emily sat in the chair, turned towards the window in an attempt to show her indifference despite the fact the tears that ran down her face. That felt very real.
Jess convinced herself that even if Emily had come, it was probably just her reminiscing on their old best friendship. People always feel guilty cutting off connections with people after that person goes through a tragedy.
After Jess made a semi-full recovery, she attempted to come out of the shell she'd built in that time spent alone. She had to come to terms with the fact that bits and pieces would forever be missing from her toes and fingers from the frostbite. That some of her teeth would be chipped or gone, and can only be saved so much. That some scars on her back and face would not heal.
She'd spent many nights crying to herself, feeling like she had nothing left to offer.
Emily made her feel like she had more. It was weird, her ice cold demeanor actually benefited Jess in her recovery. The group doted, pitied, coddled. But Emily treated her like normal, the times that they spent alone spent in reassuring silence that Jess couldn't explain.
She worked on training her brain, trying anything to keep her mind off of shit involving the lodge. She got oddly into adult coloring books to keep her mind sharp and her hands in use before she forgot how to use them. Her nurses were so sweet, they'd hang them up all around her room, and it was filled with them in no time. She also read tons of books on brain games. It felt nice being able to excel at something other than being beautiful, although she still was. Just different. A different person altogether.
She picked up the nervous habit of twirling a pencil, and there was always one behind her ear or stuck in a bun or something.
She liked gloves, and missed painting her nails, even though she'd always complain about it when she had to.
She managed to apply her makeup around the small wounds and she still felt that she looked good.
She preferred not to associate with people who didn't understand what had happened at the lodge.
But it was after she had made a full recovery, and she was finally hanging around the group again - all of them going through their own shit - that she found the need to be by Emily grow stronger.
It was one of those weeks where being alone with her thoughts wouldn't cut it, so she resorted to drinking. She got more than a little tipsy, and wound up in a situation where she tripped, reopening the stitches on her face.
"Fuck!" She cursed, immediately pulling out her phone to assess the damage. She pulled up her camera, but her head was too foggy to comprehend anything other than a ton of blood.
She leafed through her contacts, propping herself up against the hallway wall, and dialing Emily.
She picked up after it rang twice, with a very startled, "Hello?"
"Em - Emily," She started.
"What do you want? Are you drunk right now?" She asked, usual iciness returning to her voice.
"Yes. I need you to drive me to the hospital. Please." She slurred, tears welling up in her eyes.
"What happened?"
"I gotta go. Come quick." She said, and hung up.
She shook her head, a sob wracking her body before she pulled herself up, her side tender from where she fell. She lugged her seemingly heavy body to the bathroom, trying to find cotton balls and alcohol, ending up making a mess.
Emily didn't bother knocking, swinging the front door open hastily.
"Jess?" She chorused throughout the house.
"Up here!" Jess slurred pitifully, attempting to apply the alcohol before hissing in pain.
Emily climbed the stairs, seeing Jess through the open bathroom door.
"Jess, stop." She said, prying the bottle of alcohol and cotton ball away from her hands. The bottle accidentally fell in the sink, but little leaked out before Emily sat it upright. She left the cotton ball.
"Jesus Christ Jess, you've outdone yourself. Come on, they'll clean you up at the hospital."
"Can you take me to my regular? I miss the nurses there."
"Your regular fucked up your stitches in the first place." She grumbled, grabbing Jess' wrist, dragging her downstairs.
"No, I did. I got drunk and fell."
"Fine, then I'll take you to your regular. Dumb bitch."
The car ride was quiet, and Emily managed to find some paper towels in the glove compartment for Jess to put on her face and around any areas she may get blood on.
"Why didn't you call anybody else?" Emily asked, and it wasn't hostile.
"None of them picked up." She lied, holding her head in pain. Emily stayed quiet.
They went inside, and the people at the front desk immediately recognized Jess. She tried to smile, but found that the wound made it too painful.
"What happened?!" A pretty dark skinned lady said, motioning for her friend to page a doctor.
"She drank too much and fell, and reopened her stitches." Emily said indignantly, and Jess just looked apologetically.
"You know you're not supposed to drink on your medication."
"Yeah, I know."
Jess was rushed to someone who quickly performed sutures. To both of their dismay, she opened two of the three wounds below her right eye.
"With them being reopened, you'll have an even higher chance of them scarring permanently." The doctor told her.
"I'm used to scars. Used to permanent." She smiled a watery smile. The doctor pat her knee and moved on to something, or someone, else.
"We both went through a lot." Emily finally said, the first thing she's said since explaining the situation to the doctor, and she said it quietly, grimly.
"I know. I know I'm being dumb. The whole group has been through a lot, I don't know why I'm having a hard time."
"That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we've all done stupid stuff trying to recover. Like we all forget that it was this shared thing."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean - and if you tell anybody I said this, I will reopen those stitches with the back of my hand - that we should rely on each other. Not hide things. Fucking talk about it like it happened. Shit's starting to piss me off." Jess snickered at Emily's threat.
"I guess we all want to pretend we're stronger than we are. I empathize."
"I get it. Out of everybody, I think I get it the most. I'm pretending I'm strong and not heartbroken over everything that happened." It was quiet for a beat.
"My buzz is starting to wear off and my face fucking hurts. Can we go home?"
"Sure, J." Emily surprised both of them by using a nickname she hadn't used in years. Neither of them commented on it.
Emily drove them both to Jess' house, and it became an unspoken thing that she would stay the night. Jess gave her clothes to borrow and they changed, both taking the empty bed of Jess'.
"Jess?" Emily said after a minute of laying under the sheets in darkness.
"Yes?"
"I miss this."
"So do I." Emily flipped over to face Jess, but Jess had to just track her with her eyes, her face still in too much pain to rest flush against the mattress.
"I wish we'd never pulled that prank."
"I'm sorry."
"No, you always stuck up for me. I appreciated the gesture more than anything."
"But where did that lead us?"
"Back together, I guess." They both snorted.
"J and Em, once again."
"Hey, that kind of rhymed." Emily praised, and they both laughed. The laughter died down and it was silent long enough for Emily to worry Jess had fallen asleep.
"Are you still up?" She asked quietly, and Jess hummed a yes.
"Stay still." Emily commanded, shifting so the covers were off of her. She propped her hands under Jess' arms, and her fingers toyed with the sheets nervously. Emily towered over her, dark hair barely grazing her cheeks. They both looked at each other for a long amount of time, or what felt like it.
Jess hadn't even noticed that Emily had teared up, too overwhelmed by the anticipation of what may happen. With baited breath from both of them, Emily finally leaned down, their noses brushing together before their lips finally connected in a tentative kiss, Emily kissing Jess like she was the most fragile thing. Jess reached her hand to brush Emily's hair back, resting it on her head, although she could only feel it on her palm.
They pulled back and Emily rolled into her spot, both of them a little awestruck by the sweet kiss just shared.
"Did you even brush your teeth, Jess? What were you drinking, peach schnapps?"
"Yes." Jess responded, no infliction in her small voice.
"God damn that's terrible. Tell your parents to buy better booze."
They both laughed harder than they had in months, and Emily fretted over Jess' stitches.
They didn't fight around the group so much anymore.