Ten Realities and My Trusty Fork

If you like Piña Coladas

And getting caught in the rain

If you’re not into yoga

If you have half a brain

Leo hummed quietly in the darkness, trying to forget about Jason’s world, the lyrics playing over and over in his mind. He didn’t remember much more of the song. Was he finally going crazy? Nah, he couldn’t be going crazy. He poked himself with Forky to remind himself he was still alive.

As soon as he jabbed the dull spikes of Forky into his forefinger, the world began to reappear around him. And thank god it did so at a familiar site- camp. It was like appearing on the Argo II. He glanced around camp. It looked normal enough, he supposed. Hordes of kids messing about, doing whatever…

Then he saw Hazel.

He’d never been more confused. He poked himself with Forky again to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. 

He was used to innocent smiles and a cute giggle. A lithe frame that was covered by her Camp Jupiter tee that was probably the smallest size they carried but still a tad too big. This Hazel, however, was none of those things. She was standing maybe a few yards away. She was wearing black skinny jeans, a flannel in dark hues of red and purple under a black hoodie, and her hair looked messy as ever.

He took a few steps forward. She immediately whirled around, glared at Leo, and demanded, “What do you want, Valdez?” Upon closer inspection, he saw that her lips were colored with black lipstick and her eyes abused with eyeliner. Her shirt depicted some type of edgy design. Around her neck were strands of jewelry, and on her hands there were several expensive-looking rings and bracelets.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how she’d got them.

“Uh, hey, sorry,” he said.

She narrowed her eyes. “What the hell do you want?”

Leo was actually taken aback at that. He’d thought that if he said a naughty word aboard the Argo II, Hazel would literally take him by the ear and make him wash his mouth out with soap. “Just… uh…”

“Make it snappy, android! I’ve got enough problems with that meathead Ares kid who won’t piss off. I don’t need your load dumped on me too. Go bother my brother next time, will you?” She pulled down the sleeves of her hoodie which has previously been rolled up to her elbow and took out a pair of fingerless gloves that she put on over all of her (most probably very deathly) rings.

Android? He looked Hazel over against. She looked like what your typical Hades kid would look like- so very, very emo.

“Well? What do you want, idiot?” She barked, causing Leo to actually jerk back a bit.

“Do you know where Jason and Piper are?” He asked hesitantly. He’d never been so scared of Hazel in his life.

“Probably sucking each other’s faces off in his cabin,” she faked a gag, or maybe it was real, and rolled her eyes, “Maybe you could get in on the action, Valdork. Those who go at it like rabbits and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind adding you to the mix.”

Leo stared at Hazel as if he’d just seen a puppy get kicked into the street and then get ran over by a car before it’s corpse got violently eaten away at by scavenger birds.

“What, you gonna stare at me all day?” she shooed him off, “Go mess with the Ares kid. He’s probably desperate enough to let you have a shot with him.” Then she spun on her heels and started off. Leo didn’t waste much time watching her go, but he was practically meet with an immovable force the second he turn around.

“Frank?” he asked after a second, “Uh, hey, buddy…”

Frank didn’t look like a person he should be calling buddy.

If the dude could’ve looked any more scary than he did in his world, he did here. If you took the most stereotypical Mars kid- well, Hazel’d called him an Ares kid, but same difference- on the entire planet and made him tall, Chinese, and able to shapeshift, that would be this variation of Frank.

“Don’t call me that,” Frank’s voice had an odd commander-like quality to it. “Why were you talking to her.”

It was a question that didn’t quite come out like one. Much more like a direct order. “Oh, y’know, just asking her about my friends…” he laughed nervously and clasped his hands behind his back. He stepped away from Frank. “I’ll just be going now.”

“Back the hell off, Valdez,” Frank said coldly, staring at Leo intensely.

“Yeah,” he near whispered, “definitely.” Then he hit the ground running and didn’t look back to where Frank stood. Jesus, was everyone here terrifying?

He spun around and tried to find a familiar face. Everything looked so strange. Like, it was the same place for sure, but it’s been run through filters and editing stunts. Everyone just looked so… cookie cutter.

The Apollo kids hung off the porch of their cabin and sang. The Aphrodite kids were mostly inside, but some were sitting on the steps to the front door and chatting mindlessly, doing their makeup and stuff. The Demeter kids looked like they’d literally become one with nature.

Leo sighed and rubbed his temples. He was overthinking things. “Okay, Valdez, get it together…” he murmured to himself.

He started towards the dip of the U-shape the cabins were to get to the Zeus cabin. The big white pillars shone in the daylight, but there was a cooler on the porch of the place,a few lawn chairs, and sunglasses on the windowsill. It looked more lived-in. He knocked on the door.

He was about to draw the conclusion that Jason wasn’t in when the door swung open and he saw his friend. Messy hair, no shirt, in no other clothing than boxers, and he yawned upon seeing Leo.

“Dude,” he groaned, “Too fucking early.”

He hadn’t even heard Jason curse so casually. Not as strange as Hazel, but still weird.

“It’s midday, Grace.”

“I’ve been busy all night, bro. I’ve got one killer hangover, and Piper’s still in bed. Why didn’t you go bother Percy?”

Leo blinked at him. Did he mean her bed or his bed?

“Just come in,” Jason relented, eyes squinted in the daylight, “I’ll get dressed.”

He ushered Leo inside the cabin and slammed the door. It was kind of a mess.The only thing that hadn’t been obstructed was Zeus’ statue in the middle of the room. The floor was covered in dirty clothing. There was a fridge in the corner of the cabin that’d been set up a kitchen, with counters and the like. There was a rack of women’s clothing by the dresser. In the dresser itself, there was clothing sticking out of drawers and quite a few bras hanging by their straps on one of the top drawers. Jason picked some clothes from the floor, they looked clean enough to Leo, and headed for the bathroom, clicking the door closed behind him.

The door to the bathroom had a hole in it, like someone had punched it in. Beer cans were strewn on every flat surface, and there were even some on the floor. It looked so stereotypically jock-y teenager, Leo couldn’t believe this was Jason’s cabin. From the right, he heard a rustle of blankets, then a pitiful whine of, “Babe…” He looked over. There, on Jason’s massive king-sized bed, was Piper.

Or, at least, it kind of looked like Piper.

Her hair was long and layered and highlighted with shades of brown that rippled together. She was like a princess, she had minimal bedhead despite having just woken up. She shoved the blankets off her, clothed, thank the gods, for Leo to see she was dressed in a very un-Piper get up- a black lacy bra and panties. She stretched and looked over at Leo with a wave, like him seeing her nearly-naked was an everyday occurrence. Leo’s face colored and Piper arched an eyebrow.

“The android shows some emotion!” she laughed, flipping her hair back over her shoulder and slipping out of the bed, “Leo, be a dear and grab me my white crop top and my navy skater skirt?”

Leo stared at her blankly. “Uh… Yeah. It’s hanging?”

“Mhm.”

Leo stepped over to the rack. He pushed aside some non-skirt stuff until he was left with dresses and actual skirts. The first navy skirt was a pencil one, and the second had to be the skater. Right? Right. He knew a crop top was a shirt short, so he picked the only plain white one Piper had on hand. He gave those to her, and hoped that was the answer.

“Thanks, hon. Tell Jason not to wear orange today, please.” She asked. Leo complied, once more, and yelled through the bathroom door, “Piper says no orange today.”

He heard a hissed curse, then the sound of fabric sliding against something. “I’ll be out in five, Leo.”

He started to look around, only to see Piper’s back, bare of a bra strap. He immediately spun around, as he did not want to see one of his best friends naked. Was this Leo really this comfortable with his friends?

Jason was out of the bathroom in a bit. They were stuck in the cabin for a while longer, though, as Piper dressed her hair up into a bun, tracked down her necklace that Jason apparently got her for their three-month anniversary, and did her makeup. He never thought about how straining being friends with a girly Piper would’ve been.

They bustled out of the cabin after that. Leo trailed behind his two friends, feeling really out of place. He glanced off towards the other cabins as they passed. Everything was so relaxed. Perhaps this was a world where there was never a war. That’d be nice. If only everyone weren’t so…

He couldn’t put his finger on it.

It was like one of those bad high school movies, where there was always one person less popular than his friends. Leo was that kid. Everything seemed to slow as Jason and Piper walked. People stared. He hated being behind him, no one even seemed to notice he was there.

He’d already been called android twice, and he didn’t know why. It was a pretty pitiful insult, not really insulting at all, but it still rubbed him the wrong way. He sighed and dragged his feet as he walked.

It was probably around noon. Jason had been training with some Ares kids for the past hour or so. He was sitting next to Piper in the stands off the training grounds, who was checking her appearance in a compact mirror.

“You’re a lot more talkative today,” Piper said, eyes still trained on her own face as she applied a layer of lipgloss.

“I am?”

“Yeah, I like it,” she snapped the compact closed and caused Leo to flinch. Her eyes lit up at this.

“You flinched!” she exclaimed, “You are human!”

Leo narrowed his eyes slightly, turning away from Piper. It wasn’t like he was a machine…

“So, you have you eye on any girls?”

This broke Leo from trance. “No,” he said immediately.

Piper wriggled her eyebrows, and in a sing-song voice, said, “I don’t believe you!”

“I would tell you if there was a girl,” he tried to sound matter-of-fact.

“Uh-huh,” she drawled, “Is it Kayla? Lou Ellen? Oh, gods, Drew?”

“No, no, and definitely not.”

Piper huffed and sank back into though. “Is it a guy?”

Leo’s face colored. “No!”

Piper grinned. “Ooh, it totally is!” She squealed and grabbed Leo’s hands, turning slightly on her seat to look at him, “Is it Solace? Or one of the Stolls?” she gasped, “One of your brothers?”

“Ew! No!” he exclaimed.

“You’re so emotional!” Piper stressed. Why was this so odd to her? Of course he was. He noticed Piper wasn’t looking at him anyone, instead glancing over his shoulder. He turned around to see who Piper was staring at, but she gripped his chin and turned his face back to her.

“It’s just Annabitch,” Piper told him, “Don’t look in the serpent’s eyes and she won’t hurt us.”

He wasn’t looking at her, but Piper wasn’t exactly being quiet, and he could feel Annabitch’s (Annabeth, probably) aura of hate.

“Skank,” Annabeth muttered under her breath. Leo hadn’t ever been caught in a catfight, but he felt like one was about to start, because Piper’s face turned cold immediately.

Her smile was forced, her eyes were hard, and she laughed humorlessly, looking down at Leo and saying, “Sorry, Leo, I thought I saw a bottle blonde worth my time and effort speaking to. Not like those exist, though.”

“I’m not a bottle blonde.”

“Mhm, sure, honey.”

Annabeth murmured something under her breath. This time, when Leo turned around, Piper let him. She had glasses resting on the bridge of her nose, eyes scanning the pages of a thick book. Three more books were stacked beside. Her hair was falling out from behind her ear and into her face, her features strained from trying to look indifferent. She was wearing a pair of black leggings that came just below her knees and a sky blue button up with the sleeves rolled to her elbows.

“What was that?” Piper bit out, “No need to be so salty, Bethy.”

Leo saw Annabeth stiffen.

Piper’s grin was terribly mean. “Super-duper salty all the time. Constantly giving everyone that ‘waiting until marriage’ krillshit, cod. Water you even trying to hide, Annabetta-fish?”

There was nothing subtle about the insults. Annabeth’s fingers dug into the pages of her books.

“Why so quiet? Don’t be crabby. You know that your deep sea fintasies are coming truer by the day. And, besides, I thought you knew Percy was an asshole.” Annabeth was unresponsive, “Hey, birdbrain! I’m talking to you! What’s the deal, think you’re better than me because you’re ‘smart’? Because you aren’t a ‘whore’?” Piper made air quotes around the words she stressed, “Gods, the only time your nose isn’t buried in the book is when you’ve got it buried in between Percy’s fucking legs.”

Piper wasn’t just being teasing. Piper was being a full-on, honest-to-gods, completely and utter bitch. Or, rather, beach. He could've slapped himself. That wasn’t funny.

Annabeth took in a deep breath, closed her book, looked at Piper, and spoke. “I don’t have a problem, I just prefer not to talk to girls who try to act like they’re better than me because they can name twenty clothing lines from one designer without batting an eye. When you remember stuff like that, I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.”

Mentally, Leo ‘ooohed’ and yelled smackdown! He didn’t say anything aloud, though. He always saw Annabeth and Piper as, well, allies. Not friends, no, they spent far too little time together to he considered that, but certainly not hostile towards each other. What was going on?

“And at least my boyfriend’s not fucking my half-sister.”

This was the final straw in the field for Piper, because her face turned red. She looked almost murderous. “You-,” she managed before there were whoops from the training grounds and Jason, shirtless and sweaty, was high-fiving and giving those bro-hugs to the guys he’d been training with. Piper stood, dusted off the front of her outfit, glared at Annabeth, and stalked over to Jason to go coo over him.

Annabeth looked up at him after a moment. He could tell there was something akin to pity in her eyes. He didn’t like it.

“Sorry she’s like that,” he blurted out to Annabeth, perhaps a little too loud, because she jumps a little, her glasses sliding down her nose.

“It’s quite alright,” she says.

“I think it was pretty cool, what you said to her.”

He vaguely recognizes Annabeth is smiling as she looks back down at her book,”Yes, well, sometimes people need to be put in their place. Quite odd of you to say that though. Mostly you follow Jason and Piper around. Are they even good friends?”

“They’re…” he starts, then hesitates, because he doesn’t know if they are or aren’t in this world. Annabeth seems to take this as a negative.

“You shouldn’t hang out with people that treat you like nothing,” Annabeth looks strangely defeated as she says this, like this advice is something she’d have liked to hear, “They ruin you, you know.”

Leo nods slowly. “What she said about Percy…”

Annabeth groaned and Leo feared he’d hit a sore subject. “True, all of it. He’s beautiful and I love him but he’s such. An. Asshole.” She punctuates for emphasis.

“Like father like son.”

“No kidding,” Annabeth grumbled, “He’s always going from girl to girl, no regard for his childhood best friend, no regard for his other friends, always reckless, always leaping before he looks- he’s a mess with pretty eyes and an award-winning smile.”

“Like me,” he jokes, and to his surprise, Annabeth actually laughs.

“I like you better when you’re not completely emotionless.”

There was that again.

“Yeah, well, I’m trying to make an effort,” he shrugs, “And, you know, if Percy’s being an ass, try and talk to him. He won’t get any better than you.”

Annabeth didn’t exactly smile, but he gaze dropped and the corners of her mouth turned her. She looked like she was blushing, but he face barely colored. “I appreciate that.”

When she looked back up at him with cool gray eyes, Leo noticed for the first time how beautiful Annabeth was. Back in his world, she’d been a leader. A wise old mother-figure who sometimes helped him fix up the ship. She wasn’t attractive, she was Annabeth. But here, he noticed things. He noticed her tan skin that was still lighter than Percy’s, how her eyes were flecked with so many different shades of gray, how she had a small heart-shaped mole under her left eyes and towards her ear, and how her lips were constantly pursed, like she was always annoyed or something.

He broke eye contact first, looking down with embarrassment. Soon, that embarrassment was replaced with disgust. This was one of his friend’s girlfriends he was gawking over. He shouldn’t be thinking these things about anyone, much less Annabeth. Besides, he had Calypso. That’s part of the reason he was risking his life like this, to save the woman he loved. He’d barely hashed down who lived in this world whatsoever. He was constantly off topic.

“You know,” Annabeth said, “Maybe it’s not worth my time fawning over a boy who doesn’t give me the time of day.”

His stomach fell to his feet. He was setting Other Leo up for failure, he didn’t know what he was doing, he had to stay on topic. This was gross, this was Percy’s girlfriend, for gods’ sakes, and she was looking at him with the sparkling hint of something in her eyes.

Like Calypso had looked just before they kissed. And this realization comes too little and too late, because before he can back off, Annabeth has leaned in and given him a soft peck on his cheek. She pulls back with a semi-flustered look. He knows he’s way redder.

He doesn’t think of how gross this is.

He doesn’t think of how this is his friend’s girlfriend.

He doesn’t think that he’s kinda-sorta got a girlfriend of his own.

All he can think is how soft Annabeth’s lips are, and it’s sending waves of guilt through him.

“Get a room!” Jason yells, and this makes Annabeth’s face go a shade darker. His friends laugh, and while Piper laughs along, she gives Leo cold look. She was not amused.

Annabeth gathers up her books quickly, ducking away from Leo. “So, uh, I was wondering…”

Leo stared at her as she stumbles and stammers.

“Me and Percy aren’t strictly dating, so, um…”

“I’d love to go out with you,” he says before he can help it. Annabeth’s eyes widen and she smiles.

“Wow. Okay. Thank you.” She looks genuinely happy, dimples showing on either side of her face and making her look childish. He hasn’t seen any version of Annabeth smile this much in a long time.

“Catch you later,” he says lamely, and she dips her head in goodbye before heading off. Leo’s head is spinning, his mind dizzy. He didn’t know how to feel about anything anymore. Annabeth’s so genuine and nerdy and adorable in this world and oh my gods has he really just thought those things about Percy’s girlfriend holy hell he’s a terrible person he’s such a terrible person-

He’s shaken out of his thoughts by Piper- literally. She has a hand on either shoulder and is wriggling him. “Leo, what the hell was that?” Jason stands a bit behind her, not really joining her argument but not defending Leo either.

“You asked if there was a girl. There was.”

“But not that whore!” Piper protests.

“You’re one to talk.” Leo mutters, pushing Piper’s hands off his shoulder. Piper stares. Jason pushes forward.

“What did you just say, Valdez?”

This guy is supposed to be his friend, but right now, he looks like all the other jocks that ever bullied him. There’s no friendliness in his eyes. There never was any friendliness in this Jason’s eyes, nor was there any in Piper’s.

“Your girlfriend’s a whore,” he repeats, then crossed his arms over his chest, “I’m going.”

“You… you…” Piper splutters.

Leo turns around without another word and walks away.

“Get back here, Leo! Now!” He hears Jason command, followed by Piper’s cry of, “Didn’t you hear us! Leo! Leo Valdez!”

They were ordering him around and he despised it. Maybe he was just frustrated, because people treated him like he was a dog, someone who followed his friends around mindlessly. He pushed into the Hephaestus cabin, seeking to find something to do. Besides, to Jason and Piper’s knowledge, it’s where he’d logically go. He needed to blow off some steam before he could even try to figure out whose world this was. It was mostly empty, he assumed most kids were in the Bunker. Except one workstation next to a bunk with metal sheets drawn around the area. Noises of work was coming from it. Leo took a step closer, confused as to why anyone would want to work in here, and the curtains opened by themselves. He stared at himself. Other-wordly himself.

“Hello,” his other version said. He was dirty with grease and oil, fingers and hands blistered so badly tape was wrapped around portions, hair a complete mess, goggles drawn over his eyes. Other Leo’s mouth was drawn in a hard, cold line and he looked creepily indifferent.

“Uh…”

“You’re me.”

His words were short, precise, and cool.

“Uh… yeah?”

“Was it a god?”

Leo nodded, slightly put off.

“Oh,” said other Leo, “That’s interesting. How long are you going to be here, me?”

It was a question, obviously, but it didn’t come across as one. Leo stared at his counterpart. He sort of got why he was being called android, why Piper flipped at him showing emotion, why Annabeth had seemed slightly confused about his actions, why people regarded him like a dog. He’d always thought he’d been the most stereotypical Hephaestus kid, but that wasn’t true. This guy was. He was cold, quiet, unmoving and unemotional- like a machine more so than a human.

Then it hit him.

Stereotypical. They were all stereotypical.

It made so much sense it was funny. Piper’s bitchy girly-girlness, Jason’s fratboy lifestyle, Annabeth’s glasses and witty nerdiness, Hazel’s emo-esque outfits and glares, Frank’s menacing and brooding demeanor, even Percy’s unable-to-be-tied-down personality.

He knew that these things weren’t strictly what the gods were like, but that’s because they were stereotypes. They were what people thought they were like.

Percy, Nico, Frank, Annabeth, and Jason were out of the running. That left Hazel, Piper, and perhaps Reyna. The last person… Calypso? Maybe? He couldn’t know. It was hardly Hazel’s world, he doubted she dreamed of or feared godly parent stereotypes. Reyna wasn’t even present, but he supposed, after Jason’s world, the person didn’t need to be.

Maybe it was Piper’s.

And that did make sense.

Piper revelled in defying the Aphrodite stereotypes. The guy she’d got her cornucopia from had tried to convince her that sons of Zeus were trouble, and she hadn’t listened. She didn’t encourage breaking hearts and starting trouble in the name of love, she preached just the opposite.

Piper hated stereotypes.

And this world was full to the brim with them.

“Not much longer,” he admitted. At least if I’m right, he thought. “Listen, what do you think about Annabeth Chase?”

The right corner of Other Leo’s mouth tugged up, like a sort-of smile. “I like her.”

“She asked me out, thinking it was you. Maybe you should go out with her…?”

Other Leo’s face actually did brighten at this, no longer quite so cold. He pulled off his goggles, “but you aren’t like me.”

“Open up to her,” Leo insisted, “Don’t be so robotic. We’re the same person, I swear, we just express ourselves in different ways.”

Other Leo blinked amber eyes at him.

“Just don’t be so mechanical,” he told him, then added quietly, “Piper.”

Thank Lord he was right.

The world swirled up into a giant tornado of darkness and then there was nothing.