"Carm..?"
"Mmm, yes Cupcake?"
Her smile appears at the nickname.
You smirk.
"Why do you like the stars?"
You set your eyes on her as if you're looking into her soul for the reason to her question. She continues however before you can reply.
"I'm just curious. You always seem to watch them when you get the chance."
You wonder if she remembers what you told her the first time. So you test her.
"It's comforting...to think how small we are in comparison. All the lives we led...the people we've been..-"
She finished for you. A hand grasps yours as she does so.
"Nothing to that light."
You swear your eyes glitter with hope at her. She's the only person who seems to be able to do that. You kind of enjoys her ability to do it too. The way she can say a word or three and your heart is filled with hope that whatever deity is out there doesn't take your special star from you.
It's a cruel world, however. You know it's a possibility.
The thought makes you squeeze her hand tight.
She squeezes back like an unsaid promise she won't leave you. You can't help but feel your heart tighten but be lifted at that.
"I mean that really can't be the only reason can it? You just seem to like them! Why do you like them so much? What prompted your interest in them? Was it a book you read? An experience? Oooh! Some advice like a really old person gave you once? Maybe even-"
She's rambling. You can't help but smirk at her and prop an elbow up on your knee, holding your head in it as you watch her mouth move a thousand miles a minute. It shocks you how easily you're able to follow, but you've been with her for some time now. It's not as shocking as it used to be.
Still as it's become almost custom you tilt her head up to look at you instead of focusing on her animated hands. It's not surprising that she talks with her hands. You find it adorable.
She still shoots off a million questions and you smirk as you drop your knee, hand that hand been resting on it goes to her waist and you lean forward. She doesn't seem to be expecting it. You like how you can really still surprise her though she should expect it. If it was your choice lips would never hers.
The kiss is short and sweet, but it does get her to stop. When you move away, you push the hair out of her eyes as you lean forward into her ear and with a whisper tell her to breathe. You can tell she bites her lip with a small smile and takes a deep breath.
One of her hands finds the back of your neck and runs smoothly across skin till it's entangled in your hair. You don't seem to mind the movement and get what she's wanting. Your hand moves from hip to wrap around her as does the other. It's an embrace in a messy way.
That's become your thing. Messy but sweet. You wonder sometimes where the messy ends and the sweet begins but sometimes it's a bit of both.
As soon as you feel the normal kiss pressed to your neck you know she's waiting on an actual answer. You can practically hear the gears turning in her head. So you do what always do.
You remove your hands and let her turn in your lap so she's sitting with her back pressed against in your front and sitting in between your legs. Your hands wrap around her and you press your mouth into her hair comfortable. Her hands wrap around yours. She looks up at you.
You think it's almost serene. You're outside against a tree. Cliche kind of. You don't mind cliche.
You kiss the top of her forehead and go to answer.
"I suppose my interest in such bright things is...out of curiosity."
Her nose crinkles. You smirk.
"Such things always seem to...shine brightest during the dark. What part of that isn't curious?" You ask her with your smirk growing as she smiles at you.
"Well yeah! You couldn't see it during the day!" Oh how wrong she is, you think.
"That depends on the person, Cupcake." She looks a little confused. "Think of it like this, stars are bright. During the night, when the obnoxious city lights have gone out letting its toxicity die down-"
"Carm-" You roll your eyes.
"Would you like your answer? If so I would appreciate not being interrupted."
"Sorry!" She goes quiet. She thinks she's annoyed you...she hasn't so you press a kiss to the top of her head before continuing.
"Don't worry about it, Cupcake," You reassure her before continuing. "They are brightest during dark nights with no one obscuring them. With no one shining lights that seem to make them disappear. My interest in stars is, they are always there. Continuing. Even the ones that are millions away going out still continue to just be. What part of that is not magnificent? The idea that something might continue to be so...beautiful even after millions of years of existence."
She looks at you again. She seems to have caught onto the last sentence but says nothing only hums. You're thankful for the silence. You continue.
"We are ants in comparison. Constellations that make patterns or words in the night sky..as if the world would like to tell us something with something that no matter what happens to us will not go out. It's silly to think of it like that-"
'"-It's not silly-"
"-Because the idea they were made for us is rather ambiguous. Depending on who you are. Nothing in this world should be made for man." She wiggles beneath you and you look at her, eyes drifting from the sky and stars to her.
"Except a home," She mutters. You're not sure you agree. Homes are built, but you think that's what she's meant.
"I like the stars. Space. The whole lot because it's comforting. Knowing no matter what there's some kind of light shining."
She hums a response. You find the courage to continue.
"I don't quite need the stars anymore, however. My interest still holds in them."
She looks at you. She's confused as she sits up and her nose wrinkles. "Wait...why not?"
She's oblivious. You think you like it at times then times like this happen and you wish you could hand her a list of all the times she's proven to be exactly what you're talking about. The way she says your name breathy. The way she's content to fall asleep in the same room as you just because you're there (though it's better when your lap is free or she's able to snake a hand around you). You wish you could tell her of all the times she's woken you up from a nightmare and her faces washes dread away.
She makes you breathe.
You're dead. A vampire, you don't need to move your lungs. Breathing is different for you but like you were once human you move your lungs to breathe in more of her scent because it's hers. She literally makes your lungs work. Your heart beat.
You're unsure if it's weakness, but you sum it up to you don't give a shit because with her you're happy to take it as whatever it is. You've been through enough the past year or so you know you've faced the worst of it.
You disliked her. Then cared for her. Then loved her. Then loved her with all you are. Then you hated her- or tried to. Then you forgave each other. Now you're fairly certain you have the definition of a soulmate right here. Who would have thought? The disaffected brooding vampire could love this hard.
You must have gotten lost in those eyes of her because now she's poking you re-asking her question.
You catch her hand. You entangle your fingers with hers and she seems to smile at the gesture and you smile back. A genuine smile.
You press your nose against her cheek and smile brighter if it were possible. You've never smiled this much with anyone else. It's unique to you. She moves her head, eyes closing and her nose is against yours. As you talk, your breath is against her lips and you realize how much you'd really wish your lips could always touch hers.
"Because I have one. In the shape of a person." She giggles and kisses you once. You want to move forward and kiss her again, but she talks.
"You're such a sap." She laughs. Your smile is bigger.
Her arms are against your chest as your hands wrap around her waist. You wonder when she turned around. Fingertips graze your cheeks and you take in a deep breath of her. She giggles again.
"I am not," You tell her leaning forward. "I am just in love with the stars. In love with my own version of the brightest."
"Mmm...exaggeration," She claims as she smiles and takes your lips.
It bothers you that she downplays her importance or brightness to you. You think it might be your fault or the fact she might still feel guilty, but electric bursts shake the thoughts away for now. Her lips only seem to have a more profound affect on you as time goes on. You know the familiar feeling of your hearts temperature rising.
You're content.
"Not at all.." You manage to breathe out when she pulls away for air for a moment. "It's love."
This time, her arms are around your neck. Hand in your hair. She seems to like to be reminded you to love her. You think it's because few people have loved her before. You can't help but cherish her.
You're not a hero. You're not an ultimately good person. She's not changing you. She's accepting you.
So you swear you'll cherish her until you both die.