Bad Luck Charm
You felt responsible for the things in the world that go wrong.
You think of yourself as a bad luck charm.
You admit that you’re depressed but there is something bright in your dreams.
Something bright and warm and makes you feel better.
You wake up in tears because it’s not real.
You hate the waking world because of this dream.
You just want to be happy with whoever is in that dream.
Aradia.
No idiot, she's dead.
Don’t forget what you did, ever. Remind yourself everyday.
Remember that you killed Aradia.
You are responsible for everyone’s death that you love.
She died and you were nowhere near her, but it was your fault.
It was your fault because you told her:
be safe
If you had kept your stupid mouth shut she would be alive right now
i will 0u0
Your so horrible because you never went to her funeral.
You didn’t even love her, more like you depended on her?
Is that what love is?
When you ACHE because she’s gone?
You don’t know what love is, you never felt like touching her.
It always happened in those movies. The dude seduces the woman and they do something freaky.
You hate those movies because they're gross.
Not only gross, but scary.
No matter how old you got.
It was still very gross and very scary.
‘Still a virgin’, is an insult.
Yeah, you’re still a virgin because you’re scared and it’s gross.
You got off track.
You never touched Aradia because you never wanted to.
Does that mean you don’t love her?
You did love her, she was the only thing keeping you going.
The only thing that made your life worth living.
She’s gone now.
What are you going to do about it?
Aradia was going to accomplish her dream.
Take a plane ride so that she could look at fossils in the dirt.
Sweat bullets and smell gross.
SHE NEVER MADE IT, WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL?
This is all your fault.
You’re going to lose your apartment if you don’t leave and make money.
Why should you?
Because she would want you to show her that you can live without her, right?That you can survive?No, that you can accomplish something without her.
No, so you could let go and not let her death hold you back.
You get up from your bed, finally. It’s been three days since the last time you got up.
Your starving.
You need to pee.
You need to take a goddamn shower.
You do that in this order just in case anyone was curious: pee, shower, and eat.
You’re ready to leave now.
You hesitated to open the door.
You think your having second thoughts.
You have to go to work, Sollux.
Aradia would not want you to be living like this because she died.
Your using logic for the first time in life, you open the door.
It’s brighter outside than you remember.
You text your boss saying that you’re coming in today.
His messages were dripping with concern.
He knows what your going through.
You are not the only one experiencing this, Sollux.
But you are responsible for it.
You work at a small bookstore.
You work there because it’s small and quiet.
It’s like a library.
You like to read, you like to manipulate things as well.
Not just people, technology too.
You have a cousin you are learning from.
He knows a lot more things that you crave to know.
You remember that you need to clean your glasses.
That was the one thing that you always forgot to do.
You’re at work now, you check in with your boss and your shelving books now.
Your back hurts a lot, Aradia said that you needed a new mattress.
You see why now.
You remember something of the past.
come to the window 0u0
why
because im outside
bs
take a look
She was outside.
It was snowing.
This was her way of saying merry christmas.
She made that holiday worth celebrating.
Your suddenly feel very sad, what are you going to do for christmas?
You have to get back to work.
Your at the counter now, you are the cashier for the moment because the other dude was on break.
You forgot his name, or was it a girl?
It was a girl, her name had something to do with a catnip?
You faintly remember that her name was Nepeta.
This sweaty guy picks her up during her breaks. It might be her boyfriend.
Sweaty, muscle guys must be her type.
She reminds you of a kid sometimes.
A girl comes in, she’s kind of chubby and she’s very tan.
The manager told you that she had been coming here everyday for the past week.
She buys one book every day, he said, you have no clue if she reads that fast or if she just likes spending money.
She comes up to purchase a book, it has a mermaid on it.
That’s nice, you think.
“Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”
Small talk, you can do this.
“No, I just took a big break. Lost someone important to me.”
You like making people sad for you, you hate that you enjoy it. Her expression changes from a smile to a frown.
“Oh, that must be very hard. I’m sorry.”
She purchases it, you expect her to leave as soon as you hand her the receipt.
“May I borrow a pen right quick?”
Yeah, okay. You don’t know why though.
You hand her a pen, she writes on the receipt that you had handed her.
She knows that she doesn’t have to sign it, right?
She paid in cash.
She handed you the receipt and the pen together.
You’re really confused.
She hurried out before you could question it.
The receipt has her number on it, underneath it says:
if you need to talk about it, then feel free to message/call me.
You want to throw it away, but it’s one of the nicest things someone has ever done for you.
You keep it.
Your manager jokes about how you are really good with the ladies, no, you really aren’t.
You go home late, when you get home, you take out her number and enter it into your phone.
You enter her phone number but you never press the call button. Never sent a message.
Maybe you should, though.
Maybe you need to talk to someone about it, instead of bottling it all up.
Your gonna do it.
hello stranger
you gave me your number
im here and ready to mingle
oh, hello!!
my name is feferi!
i dont know
how to talk
to people
oh, it’s alright
im supposed to talk about my feelings right?
i lost a girl named aa
wait her real name was aradia
that was her nickname
im sorry for you lose
did you go to her funeral or was there not one to go to?
there was but i couldnt bring myself to go
that’s alright
others do that too
some people see it as a sign of disrespect
i see it as a sign as not wanting to accept it
but people got to accept someones one's death at some point
i felt horrible for not going
its good to be reassured thoughbut her death was
my fault
how was it your fault?
i told her
to be safe
she ends up dying
i jinxed it and she died
its my fault
im a bad luck charm for anyone who shows kindess towards me
so i think we should stop talking before something bad happens to you
no! please don’t go!
i feel like i killed my mom
did you really
in all honesty, no
you argue with someone and they end up dying and never coming back home
so your father and older sister is all you got now
oh
i told myself this morning
that im not the only one that experience’s this
its a fact now
how is your family
too busy to spend time with me
how about yours
older brother is married
parents divorced
cousin is alright sometimes
that’s good
i spend time with a boy who has a crush on me
i dont like him back
i never said yes
i never said no
he might have thought that it meant yes
i dont want him to kiss me in public
then tell him that it makes your uncomfortable
tell him that you dont like him that way
you only wish to be friends
maybe hell understand
if he doesnt then he wasnt a good friend to begin with
hes a good guy, honestly!!!!
he has had his share of problems too
though none of them have to do with death
i dont want to hurt him
you should not have endure that though
if you do not feel like being touched that way by him
then you should tell him
say
hey
i don't like you the way you like me
nothing more
i can’t do that alone
he’s kind of unpredictable
i don’t know what he might do if i said that to him
then ill go with you
What are you doing, Sollux?
will you?
i mean its just a stupid problem
if he is crossing your boundries
and you are very uncomfortable with that
then it is a big problem
Let me rephrase it for you again, Sollux. What the HELL are you doing?
we just met and you are being so kind
ok
umm crap
i never asked your name
its sollux
ok, sollux
i’ll stay at the bookstore till you get a break or when you get off your shift.
i get off at five in the afternoon
ill tell eridan to meet us at the park nearby
you know where that is
right?
yeah
ill support you if anything goes wrong
thank you so much.
i don’t think i could ever do this without you
no one should have to go through something like that
kissing is gross
its funny that you say that
i agree
You found someone who agrees with you.
i will see you tomorrow feferi
goodnight, sollux!
goodnight
Your name is Sollux Captor and for once, you're can't wait to go to work for once.