Lauren stared at the plain white wall in front of her. She had been sitting on the bench outside the hospital room for over an hour now. She sniffled, took her discarded blazer from the spot next to her and dug through its pockets for tissues or a handkerchief. She found none, so she resorted to using its sleeve to wipe her watery eyes.
She was at work when it happened.
Stacks of documents, her computer, several framed photographs of her wife and friends and three empty cups of Starbucks coffee hemmed her in. She was mindlessly scrolling through her emails, making herself look busy just in case her boss Ally pokes her head in her cubicle. She was just about to click the Spam folder when her phone buzzed. Her wife’s dorky face flashed on the screen. Her face broke into a grin before pressing ‘accept’.
“Hey baby.” She greeted.
“Uhm, Lauren, this is Dinah.”
The panic in their friend’s voice was palpable. However, Lauren chose to stay calm, not wanting to jump to conclusions.
“Oi, Dinah. What’s up? Where’s Camila?” She asked. There was a 10-second silence before Dinah spoke.
“We’re at the hospital, Lauren.”
She abruptly stood up, feeling dizzy from the action. She closed her eyes and let out a breath, steadying herself before answering the girl on the other line.
“What hospital?”
“Northwest.”
***
It was supposed to be a 15-minute drive from her office to the hospital, according to the GPS in her car, but Lauren turned it off and made it a 10-minute drive instead. Dinah was pacing back and forth in front of the Emergency room when she arrived.
...
It was a miscarriage.
Dinah and Camila were at the mall, looking at rows and rows of cribs when the latter felt a sudden indescribable pain and just mere seconds later, Camila felt something thick and sticky running down her thighs.
It was too late to save the baby, according to the doctor. Their baby girl was gone.
Lauren was pretty sure she had never cried this much before. There was just too much pain and sadness.
They have both already decided on a name. Laura Adelise Cabello-Jauregui.
She would have looked exactly like Camila. Dark hair, brown eyes.
She would have had Camila’s smile and maybe the mole on her forehead too.
Lauren would have been ‘Mom’ and Camila ‘Mama’.
Four more months and she would have been in Lauren’s arms, her small, delicate fingers wrap around Lauren’s thumb.
She immediately wiped her tears away when she heard the door swung open.
“Mrs. Cabello-Jauregui?”
Lauren looked up at the nurse. She stood up and offered a small smile.
“Yes?”
“She’s awake.”
She nodded, then straightened her crumpled Oxford shirt and fixed her ponytail, before entering the room where her wife was. She couldn’t bear to stay inside the lackluster room and wait for Camila to regain consciousness, so she resorted to sit on the uncomfortable bench in the hallway. Camila was staring at the scenery outside through the windows to her left when Lauren stepped inside.
“Hey.” Lauren said, upon arriving to her wife’s bed. She brushed the stray hair away from Camila’s head before leaning down to kiss her forehead.
“I’m sorry Lauren. I’m sorry.”
Camila buried her face against Lauren’s chest as her body shook with long, racking sobs. It took everything inside Lauren to keep it together; she was Camila’s anchor and she needed to be strong.
“Shh. Shh. It’s not your fault Camz... it’s not your fault.” Lauren whispered as she deluged her wife’s head with kisses.