Chapter 18
Once back in the dressing room, Louis angrily stripped out of his sticky, juice covered clothes before sitting back on the couch with his arms crossed, pouting angrily at the wall. He couldn’t believe that Liam would make fun of him like that; he thought they were friends! Louis never wanted to see Liam again, if he was being honest. He didn’t look up as the door opened, not wanting to talk to anyone about anything.
Nick and Harry had to hold their laughter back at the sight of Louis sitting in only his diaper, hair matted down by juice. They knew that this wasn’t a time for laughter, that would only enforce the idea that the boy’s actions were okay.
“Louis, please get up and get in the shower, we only have thirty minutes before we leave,” Nick said calmly. The little didn’t move from the couch, only shaking his head in response.
“Louis, you have one minute to get into the shower or you’re going to be in more trouble than you already are,” Nick warned.
Louis couldn’t believe that he was getting in trouble in the first place; he didn’t even do anything besides show Liam he hurts his feelings! How was that fair? He stood up with a huff, walking into the adjoining bathroom. Nick and Harry shared a look before following the boy in, knowing that a huge tantrum was surely on the way. They could only hope that they’d be in Toronto before it happened.
“All right, love, let’s get in the shower with daddy,” Harry said gently. He wanted to get the boy showered before they talked, so he’d wait to mention punishment until the boy was all clean. When he saw that Louis was just standing there with his arms crossed unmoving, Harry bent down to untape his diaper, putting a large hand on his back to push him into the shower. Louis was largely immobile when he was in the shower, standing there pouting and letting his daddy do everything. Harry moved as quickly as possible, washing both Louis and himself in record time before shutting the shower off.
Once they were dressed, Louis in a night diaper and sleeper, adamantly refusing to wear sweats and a sweater, they were sat back on the couch.
“Do you want to explain what happened tonight?” Harry asked, looking at the still angry little boy who had pushed himself to the opposite end of the couch, far away from his daddies.
Louis shook his head before saying, “Liam is stupid and mean, I didn’t do anything!”
“Louis, you know it’s not nice to call people mean names,” Nick admonishes. He doesn’t have time to say anything more as Alberto knocks on the door, calling out that it’s time to go.
“Once we get on the plane you’re going to have some quiet time by yourself to think about what you did wrong. As soon as we land we’ll have a talk together and see what you came up with,” Harry says. Nick gives him a proud smile that makes his heart sing. Harry couldn’t help but feel a bit out of his depth being stern with their little boy; it wasn’t something he ever wanted to have to do.
Louis was sat in his own row on the plane, given a pacifier, blanket, Lacy, and Dusty. Nick and Harry instructed no one to sit by him, hoping that the hour plane ride would allow for the boy to understand what he did wrong. Keyword: hoping.
The little pointedly does not think about what he did on the plane ride, only getting more upset at being alone. It wasn’t fair for him to get punished while Liam was able to hangout with everyone else; all of this was his fault, not Louis’! Maybe it wasn’t very nice of him to throw a brightly colored drink at Liam, but… he deserved it. If he wasn’t laughing at Louis, then none of this would’ve happened. He didn’t understand why his daddies didn’t get that.
Once they landed, his daddy walked over to him with a small smile.
“Hi love, are you ready to go to the hotel?” Harry asked, bending down to unbuckled Louis.
Louis just looked at him, pout still present on his face even with his pacifier in. Harry didn’t let his annoyance show on his face; he knew the little boy was grumpy and tired, but him being rude was something that irked Harry. Quite honestly, it made him want to cry. He didn't want his little boy to be upset with him, and all signs were pointing to that right now. After standing up, Louis walked over to where Alberto was standing, getting the man to pick him up and place him on his hip. Nick and Harry were more amused than anything, wondering how long the boy thought he could continue the silent treatment.
Everyone praised the gods above that there were no fans at the airport or the hotel, making it easy for them to check in and go up to their rooms. Once the door was shut, Louis felt his stomach sink a bit. He couldn’t help but be scared, he didn’t know what his daddies were going to do. No matter how much he loved them, he was still worried that they would hurt him. It was impossible not to be, not when he spent most of his life being hurt by the person who was supposed to love him more than anyone else. He sat on the couch where his papa told him to, and looked down, waiting for them to speak.
“Can you tell daddy and I what you thought about during your quiet time?”
Louis answered, “That Liam is a meanie and I never want to talk to him again.”
Nick took the answer in stride, expecting something like that from his sweet little boy. He wasn’t sure that Louis really understood that what he did was wrong, but his stubbornness was not appreciated.
“Do you think that throwing juice at him was nice? Or telling him that you hated him? That really hurt his feelings,” Harry questioned.
Louis finally looked up, indignant. “Why are you being nice to Liam and not me? You’re both meanies too!”
“Louis, it isn’t nice to talk to your daddy and I like that. Now, you can apologize to Liam right now and you can go to bed, or you can go to the naughty corner and have some more time to think.”
“Take a minute to think before answering, love.” Harry suggested, not wanting the boy to make a rash decision, because he knew what the answer would be. Nick gave him an exasperated look, Harry answering with a sheepish smile and shrug. He couldn’t help but want the best for his baby, and in this case that was no punishment.
Louis, in all of his anger, did not take a minute to think about it, surprising absolutely no one. Their little boy was usually shy and bashful, but this clearly wasn’t the case when he was upset and irritated. The daddies just wished for tour to end quickly, it was bringing out the worst in their sweet little boy.
“No! I’m never talked to Liam again, he’s a meanie.” Louis said resolutely, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m sad that that was your answer, Louis, because now you’re going to sit in the naughty corner for a bit and do some thinking. You will apologize to Liam, until you do there are no Guppies toys or TV time.” Nick said before moving over to Louis, picking him up off the couch. Louis let out a noise at being picked up suddenly, stiffening in his papa’s arms. He wanted nothing more than to melt into the man’s touch, but he couldn’t. He was mad at his papa. He couldn’t forget that as soon as he was touched by him.
Nick put Louis down in the corner of the room, allowing Harry the liberty of placing a pillow on the floor for the boy to sit on.
“All right, you’re going to sit with your nose to the corner until you’re ready to apologize to papa, Liam, and I. It’s not nice to hurt our friends feelings, and it hurts papa’s feelings as well as mine when you call us mean. Papa and I will be here when you’re ready,” Harry explained, making sure the boy was facing the corner before walking away. He hoped that Louis’ resolve would break quickly, as it was almost midnight now and Harry just wanted to put him to bed so they wouldn’t have another day full of grumpiness.
Louis didn’t give in, though. He only got madder as he stared into the corner, bored out of his mind. His anger morphed into sadness, the boy unable to help the tears that rolled down his face, soft whimpers coming out of his mouth. He couldn’t help but be devastated by the thought of his daddies not wanting him anymore, it was something he’d never be able to bounce back from. Reasonably, he knew that no one had ever stayed in his life, so why would they be any different? But he wanted them to be different, he never wanted anything more than to wake up to his daddies pressing kisses on his face, giving him baths, making him cookies… loving him like no one else had before.
In the bathroom, Harry and Nick were getting ready for bed when the sound of Louis crying echoed through the tiled room. Harry looked at Nick with pleading eyes, wanting to go cuddle up his little boy and kiss it all better. In the best of times, Harry praised Nick for bringing self-control to the relationship, but now? Harry wanted him to be just as willing to go grab Louis as he was. But he wasn’t. Nick leveled Harry with a stern look, shaking his head.
“He’s got to learn, babe. No one’s ever taught him what’s wrong and right before; as his daddies that’s our job, we can’t mess it up,” Nick said. When he put it like that Harry understood, but it didn’t make it any less hard to do. Louis’ cries stopped a short while later, much to Harry’s relief. An hour and a half later, when it was nearing two, Nick went to check on Louis and see where his head was at. When he knelt down beside him, he saw the little asleep sitting up, head bobbing up and down with his breaths. Nick carefully picked him up, bringing him over to the bed to lie him down. He took his time unzipping the little boy’s sleeper, not wanting him to wake up, but needing to check if he needed a diaper change. A rash was the last thing that any of them needed at this stressful point in the tour. After dressing the boy in a clean diaper, he tucked Louis into the middle of the bed next to where Harry was laying. Nick couldn’t help but smile as Louis curled into Harry’s chest, the daddy pressing gentle kisses onto his forehead.
Nick woke up early the next morning, taking the quiet time to shower and just breathe before having to confront the ridiculously huge elephant in the room. He hoped that the morning would bring a change in Louis’ attitude, but if last night was anything to go by, he knew that wouldn’t happen. The boy just needed to get his emotions out, and unlike a rational adult who would talk their problems out, he reacted in the only way he knew how. By screaming, crying, and being grumpy. Nick and Harry could handle a little bit of grumpiness; they could handle anything that would make their little boy feel better. He just hoped that they could resolve everything by that night. Nick had planned a romantic dinner out with Harry, and Sophia had already volunteered (read: begged) to be able to watch Louis, and he did not want to cancel it under any circumstances.
Nick heard Harry enter the bathroom to brush Louis’ teeth, speaking softly to a non-responsive Louis. He came out of the bathroom after they left, dressed for the day.
“How is my little cub doing today?” Nick asked quietly. Harry was on the phone rattling off a room service order, leaving Louis bundled up on the couch.
The little looked up at Nick with squinted blue eyes, “Not good. Papa and daddy are meanies.”
Nick suppressed the sigh he wanted to let out. “Louis, that’s not very nice. Please apologize to papa or you’re going to get your toys taken away.”
Louis felt the rage he tried to push down build up inside of him. How dare his papa try and take his toys away! They’re his! He didn’t even warrant the man with a reply, simply narrowing his gaze at him even more.
“Looks like we’re taking away some toys. Let’s start with our guppy figurines, hm?” Nick said, heading over to the bag designated to carry Louis’ toys. He leaned down, grabbing them from the bag and placing them on top of the tall set of drawers, knowing Louis wouldn’t be able to reach them.
Louis’ eyes filled with tears, he didn’t understand why his daddies were just punishing him instead of just leaving. Why prolong the inevitable? It didn’t make much sense to him.
Harry put down the phone, raising his eyebrows at Nick.
“We are going to get our toys taken away one by one until we learn how to be nice to our daddies and friends,” Nick said. “Daddy and I are going out to dinner tonight, so you need to apologize to Liam before we leave. Sophia really wants to play with you while we’re gone.”
What Louis made of his papa’s words was that they were leaving him. They finally had enough of him; they no longer wanted a bad boy. It’s okay. He was fine with it. Really, he understood. His mum told him over and over while he was growing up, he’d heard it enough to know that it was true. No one would ever want Louis, he was a no good little boy.
Louis was silent, not replying to Nick’s words. He continued in the same fashion all day, not saying a single word through breakfast, but allowing his daddy to feed him. He was quiet during his bath, sitting unmoving, ignoring the toys his papa tried to entice him with. The afternoon continued in the same way, Louis lying in bed watching his favorite Disney movies, not speaking. Louis had nothing to say; he was resigned to his fate, he understood that they were leaving. He didn’t know why his daddies needed to pretend, why they would say they were only going out to dinner instead of just telling him they were figuring out how to leave him. He may be a little, but he understood what it was like when someone wanted to leave him.
He napped for the better part of the afternoon, waking up feeling quite little. His emotions took precedence over rational thought, clouding his mind with the feelings of being upset and lonely. He couldn’t help the fact that his papa and daddy wanted to leave him, nor could he help the way he felt about them leaving… completely and utterly devastated.
Harry heard the boy’s whimpering from where he was getting ready for dinner in the bathroom, quickly heading out. He felt guilty as he prayed that the boy wasn’t going to cause a scene; he really just needed a night alone with Nick. They would’ve brought Louis if they knew he’d enjoy it, but… he was never one who much enjoyed sitting still.
“Hi angel, are you feeling better?” Harry cooed, sitting down on the bed. He was a bit taken back by the way that Louis crawled onto his lap, clinging to him. Taking it in stride, Harry rubbed the little boy’s back, humming to him softly.
Louis wanted to scream, let his daddy, and the whole world quite frankly, know how he was feeling. But he didn’t. He simply stayed in the man’s lap, unmoving. Knowing that his daddy and papa were “going out to dinner” (read: leaving), he would get all the love he could while he had time to.
Harry held Louis in his arms until Nick was exiting the bathroom. “Pumpkin, let’s go cuddle with papa while daddy finishes getting ready,” Harry suggests, standing up and transferring the little boy to the taller man’s arms.
Nick moves into the other room to sit on the couch, situating Louis in his lap so that the boy’s head is resting comfortably on his neck.
“Louis, I need you to be a good listener for me. Can you do that?” Nick asks.
The little nods minutely, stomach feeling queasy in anticipation of what the older man was going to say.
“Papa and daddy are going out for a little bit, and you’re going to have some time to play with Sophia. Won’t that be fun?” Nick asked, making sure to sound enthusiastic. He knew how well Louis responded when he and Harry used babyish tones, so he put on his best smile and spoke to the boy.
Louis looked up with tear filled eyes, nodding his head. He was going to miss his daddies.
Nick pressed kisses to Louis’ forehead, whispering to him soothingly. Harry rushed out of the bathroom, looking at Nick with panicked eyes.
“I missed three calls from the driver, the traffic is awful and only going to get worse. We have to go right now, babe,” Harry said, looking down and trying to put on his left shoe without crashing into the dresser.
Nick stood Louis up, quickly walking over to grab his wallet. “All right, babe, let’s head out. Dale should be ready, let me go let him know we’re going and get Sophia to come in here.”
Louis was a bit shaken up by the men’s franticness, wondering what the rush was. Time was never a huge concern to him, nor would it be to any other little boy. But to Nick and Harry who had booked the chef’s table at Alinea, time was everything. They had one night out, and they didn’t want to ruin it or piss off the chef. They definitely did not want to piss off the chef.
Shifting from side to side, Louis wanted to mention that his diaper was wet, but didn’t. He didn’t even get one last diaper change, he thought sadly. It was okay. He would learn how to change his own diaper; he’s done it before, he could do it again.
Sophia came into the room behind a flustered Nick who was speaking rapidly. “Yeah, Harry just changed him,” He didn’t, Louis thought. “just call down to room service for a warm bottle of milk before bedtime which is around 8 or 8:30. He’ll be tired I’m sure, what else… he loves belly rubs, he can only watch Netflix ages 0 to 2 or 2 to 4, but you can pick anything off of there. He l-“
“Nick, I’ve got it! Don’t worry, you’re late, I promise we’ll be fine,” Sophia said, placing a delicate hand on the man’s arm.
“Let’s go, let’s go!” Dale yelled from the hallway.
Harry groaned, rushing over to press a quick peck on Louis’ lips. The men tried not to make a big deal out of leaving, knowing that Louis would get worked up if they spent time doting on him. It was best to make it as little of an affair as possible; Sophia’d quickly distract him.
Their thinking was completely lost on Louis, though. He couldn’t help but be appalled at his own actions as he watched his daddies rush out with barely a kiss and a hug for him. Nothing could fix what he did, but if he could take it back, he would in a second.
As soon as the door shut, Sophia took a look at Louis’ trembling lower lip and knew she needed to distract him.
“Lou, I bought you a gift, do you want to open it?” She asked, grabbing a gift bag she’d placed near the door when she walked in.
Giving her a questioning look, Louis nodded slowly. He couldn’t help but be curious over what she would’ve gotten him; even in his sad state he loved presents. Who could blame him?
“Let’s go sit on the couch, love,” Sophia said, guiding him into the other room. The sub handed Louis the gift bag, and he carefully pulled the light blue tissue paper out.
Louis let out a pleased gasp at the sight of a huge coloring book that was decorated with all of his favorite Disney characters.
“What’s it say?” He asked curiously, excitement growing as he flipped through the pages.
“It says Disney coloring mega book! I even got you a big pack of crayons,” Sophia said, grabbing the 500 pack of Crayola crayons from the bottom of the bag.
“Thank you, thank you!” Louis said, shyly giving a smiling Sophia a hug. “Can I color now, please?”
“Of course you can, love,” The woman said.
Louis settled onto the ground, placing his coloring book and crayons onto the table. He opened the book up to an outline of Merlin and Nemo and decided to draw it. His heart ached as he saw the happy daddy and little fish together; he’d never have that again. Sophia sat on the couch, concentrating on her phone. She had always been very nice to Louis, even when she thought he was a gad. Maybe she’d let him stay with her and Liam once he apologized to Liam. But… he’d have to be able to do that first. He wondered where Liam was; he was ready to say sorry, maybe it’d make his daddies happy enough to come home.
“Where’s Liam?” Louis asked softly, not looking up from where he was coloring.
“Him and Niall went out to eat, they should be home soon! I know he really wants to be your friend again,” Sophia said gently.
“I’ll be his friend again, he was a meanie to me, but I wasn’t very nice to him either,” Louis admitted.
“You’re a very good boy to admit that, Louis. I know it’ll make Liam very happy,” Sophia praised. Liam was ridiculously upset all night, only soothed by his sub promising him she’d talk to Louis the next day. He had absolutely no idea how to deal with his friend as a little; it was never something he’d dealt with, and he felt as though he was failing Louis miserably.
Quiet permeated the room after that, Louis content to focus on his coloring. His thoughts were getting more and more frantic, the little people in his brain that usually told him to remain calm were running around, heads on fire, panicking. The situation he was in was not a good one; his daddies were gone, he had a full tour left with his daddy. How was he supposed to act? The best part of having daddies was not having to answer hard questions for himself. His daddies knew what was best for him; they were there to help him with his scary thoughts and the difficult things he was unsure about. His daddy was there to give him a kiss and tell him how good he was before he went on stage; his papa giving him tummy rubs after a scary dream.
By the time he heard Liam and Niall’s voices, he was wound up tighter than a string. He couldn’t even think about how he was going to say sorry to Liam, he didn’t have a time.
“Hey Soph, hey Lou. Where are Nick and Harry?” Niall asked.
“They went out,” Liam said, sitting on the couch and giving Sophia a sweet kiss.
“What?” Niall said, sounding shocked. “They actually left?”
“They did, surprising, I know,” Sophia said with a small laugh. They were all shocked by the fact that Nick and Harry would trust anyone with Louis with how protective they were over him.
All it took was for Louis to hear Sophia confirm that they left him before he burst into loud, body-wrenching sobs. The three were momentarily stunned, compelled into action by the way that Louis was banging his head on the wooden table he was just coloring on.
“No no no, Lou, don’t hurt yourself babe. It’s okay,” Sophia soothed, getting down on the floor next to him and placing her forearms in front of his head so he couldn’t hurt himself again.
Louis didn’t answer her, only sobbing harder at someone who wasn’t his daddy or his papa trying to make him feel better.
Sophia rubbed his back, whispering to him that it was going to be okay. Her words were fruitless, his sobbing too loud to his own ears for him to even hear.
“Don’t call them, I’ve got it under control,” Sophia said quietly, turning around and looking at the useless men behind her. Niall and Liam were simply standing there, mouths open wide enough to catch flies. Sophia hoped Liam would get it together before they had kids of their own.
Having it under control was definitely an overstatement; Louis continued to cry, curling in on himself.
“What’s going on? What’d you do to him?” Alberto asked, storming into the room, eyes frantic.
“Nothing, dude, he just started crying,” Niall said, putting his arms up.
Alberto sighed. Harry and Nick insisted he take the night off instead of watching Louis; this was why he didn’t leave, though, the off chance that his boy might need him.
“All right, get out, the lot of you. Get some warm milk in a bottle from room service, first. I’ll take care of him.”
Sophia rolled her eyes as Niall and Liam quickly scrambled out of the room, taking it upon herself to call for some milk.
“Here we go, bud, I’ve got you,” Alberto said, gently scooping a still crying Louis up off of the floor.
The boy’s cries picked up once he was in the man’s arm. Louis craved to be held and comforted, but not by the man that was holding him. He wanted his daddies more than anything.
Louis didn’t know how much time had passed, all he could think of being his daddies. He was immersed in his own anguish until he felt a bottle being pressed to his lips. He immediately started sucking, closing his eyes at the taste of the warm milk.
“That’s it, there you go, bud,” Alberto said in his gruff voice, watching as Louis drank the milk. Louis wasn’t even coherent enough to have heard his quiet conversation with Sophia, the sub pouring some baby safe sleep medicine into the bottle that they’d found in Harry’s toiletry case.
Tears were still silently falling down Louis’ face as he drank, the boy unable to not feel a bit better as he sucked on the warm bottle. He was half asleep by the time he finished the bottle, a few minutes of Alberto walking around and rocking in his arms enough to put him completely to sleep.
He was a father by no means, but he knew enough about how to take care of an infant to check Louis’ diaper. Alberto let out a gasp as he looked at Louis’ diaper that had soaked into the fabric of his dark sleeper. He headed over to where Louis’ suitcase was so he could grab a diaper and new sleeper for the boy. Neglected was a word that no one would use to describe Louis, but the fact that his diaper was left unchecked to the point where it would leak was worrisome. He wondered what the hell had happened from the time they arrived at the hotel late last night until now. Once Louis was changed and tucked into bed, Alberto went to watch TV on the couch, waiting for Nick and Harry to come back.
He didn’t have to wait long for Nick and Harry to come back, the clock having barely struck 10pm by the time they walked through the door. Alberto got up from where he was seated, walking to the door to shush them in case they would make noise. An emotional, cranky, tired Louis was the last thing anyone on earth needed.
Once in the living room, Nick asked, “Where is Sophia?”
“Louis had quite the freak out, I sent them away. She put some of the sleeping medicine you had in your bag for Louis into a bottle for him. I didn’t want to ruin your night by calling and asking if it was okay, so I apologize for doing that without your consent.”
Harry let out a long sigh, “It’s okay, I wish you would’ve called us, though. Thanks for watching him, we really appreciate it.”
"Of course, that's what I'm here for. I'm not sure what happened, but his diaper leaked onto his pajamas. I just changed him, but his skin was looking a little red, so just watch out for that."
"Thanks, we definitely will," Nick said. He felt like a shit father, someone else having to tell him that his helpless baby's diaper changes were being neglected.
Alberto gave them both a salute before heading out.
“Should we wake him up?” Harry asked, eyes wide. His stomach was crawling with nervousness; he felt completely out of his depth with this.
“Not directly, but maybe if we make a little noise while we’re getting ready for bed he’ll wake up? If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t. It can wait until morning,” Nick suggested. Harry nodded, feeling a bit better at the older man taking the lead. For the millionth time, he thought about how lost he would be without Nick.
Louis did in fact wake up to the sound of a bottle of face wash falling on the floor, letting out a whimper at the unidentified noise. His head felt fuzzy, it was dark, and he didn’t remember falling asleep. He was terrified at the noises he heard, not knowing who was in his room. In the bathroom, another clattering noise was made, this time Nick slamming the toilet seat down a little harder than necessary. Louis started crying in earnest, absolutely frightened by the prospect that a stranger was in the room. Rational, adult thought would’ve reminded him that they have guards that he trusts with his entire life stationed in the hallway that would never let someone on their floor.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Harry asked, rushing out of the bathroom the second he heard Louis crying. He flicked on the lights, plucking the room from the dark state it was just in. Louis cried harder at the sight of his daddy; he knew he had to be dreaming.
“It’s okay, little cub, daddy and I are here,” Nick soothed from where he was walking into the room. The men climbed onto the bed, sandwiching a hysterically crying and sleepy Louis in between them.
“You left Louis,” The little choked out, voice high and young sounding.
“Daddy and I were gone for just a little bit, angel, now we’re back with you,” Nick crooned, petting down Louis’ messy hair.
“No, you leave forever,” Louis cried. He was confused, why were they still here? They left, Niall said it himself!
“Baby, we’re right here. Papa and I just went out for dinner, but we’re back,” Harry explained patiently. It was clear their baby was panicked, disoriented, and feeling little, and that added up to a hysterical Louis.
“M-mumma said everyone leaves. I was a bad boy, so you leave,” Louis attempted to explain. Nothing was harder to do than explain anything when he was feeling little; his mind was so cloudy, all he wanted to do was cuddle and sleep. He knew he couldn’t, though, or he would be a complete wreck. The thought of his daddy and papa leaving was eating him up inside, and if they were here now, maybe he could convince them to stay.
“Darling, you’re never a bad boy, you’re our best boy, the best little boy in the entire world. You weren’t very nice to Liam, but you’re going to say sorry and then everything will be okay. Daddy and papa aren’t going to leave because of one naughty little thing, we’re going to stay with you forever. Because we love you,” Nick said carefully, holding Louis’ chin up so they were making eye contact.
“Ev-everyone wants to leave,” Louis said indignantly, wondering why they didn’t understand.
“We are never going away, love. A daddy’s love is forever and ever and ever. Papa and I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens,” Harry said, unable to stop himself from choking up. It was hard for him to hear the type of rhetoric that Louis had grown up hearing and believing. The hatred he had towards himself and unwavering belief that everyone who came into his life would leave was so deeply ingrained in his mind that Harry didn’t know if he and Nick would ever be able to fix it. But they could try.
Louis’ tears came to a halt when he heard his daddy’s voice shaking. He looked up to the man and saw tears on his face and an immediate sense of concern washed over him.
“Why are you crying, daddy?” Louis asked innocently, mind already taken off of the heavy subject at hand at the sight of the man’s tears.
“Because I love you very much, pumpkin, I love you more than all of the grains of sand in the world, I love you more than you love Mcdonald’s French fries, Harry said, unable to stop crying.
“I love Mcdonald’s a lot! Are you sure you love me more than that, daddy?” Louis asked, eyes full of wonder at the prospect.
“I pinky promise that I do, baby,” Harry said, the “I wish you realized that” left off, but Nick heard it loud and clear. The dom wished he could stop crying, but it was like the dam that had been built higher and higher every time Louis made a self-deprecating comment or allusion to his past had crumbled down.
“I love you more, daddy, don’t cry,” Louis said, climbing into the man’s lap and pressing a snot and tear-filled kiss to his lips. Harry picked him up, placing the boy on his hip and holding him close. Louis rested his head on the bigger man’s shoulder, letting out a pleased sigh at the comfortable and familiar position. The daddy began to sing a quiet song, bouncing Louis as he walked around the room. He needed this; he needed to have his little boy close in his arms, he needed the chance to give him the comfort and love he deserved.
Nick sat back and let Harry have a little time with Louis, after their conversation at dinner he knew how much the boy’s insecurities were breaking his heart. Harry brought a sleeping Louis who had a pacifier bobbing between his lips back into the room a little while later, no evidence of Harry’s crying apparent on his face. Louis was tucked in between the men, both of them sleeping a bit closer to the boy than usual.
They knew that they couldn’t snap their fingers and fix Louis’ insecurities and quell his fears, but God, they’d love if they could. All they could do was continue to love him and show him they’d never leave, and hopefully one day he’d believe it was true.