Chapter 15
Throughout Harry’s short run as a father thus far, he realized that routine was the most important part of having a baby. Wake up. Breakfast. Playtime. Nap. Lunch. Playtime. Another nap. TV. Dinner. Playtime. Bottle. Bed. Repeat. Babies needed a schedule; their bodies craved it. Yet here they were, three days into tour in their second city, and Louis’ schedule had gone to shit. And Harry could tell that it was impacting his boy, the way that they landed in Melbourne and he had a full blown meltdown on the plane when Harry tried to wake him up. The poor boy just wanted to sleep, but every time he went to bed he was being woken up. It was absolutely not going well. Harry wasn’t sure what he expected, he knew that tour was grueling for him, a 20 year old, but for Louis? He couldn’t even imagine.
“Baby, we’ve got to get off the plane. I know you’re tired, I know. You can go back to bed in just a few minutes. We just have to take a few pictures with fans, then we’re done.”
“I don’t want to,” Louis cried, pounding his fists into the plastic airplane tray. “I want to sleep, I’m so tired, daddy.”
Harry sighed, “I know, angel, the faster we get off the plane the faster you’ll be in bed.”
The other boys and security were sitting there awkwardly, wondering whether or not they should interject.
“I’m so tired, daddy,” Louis repeated for what had to be the millionth time.
Annoyed with how long it was taking, Zayn interjected. “We’re all tired too, Lou. The quicker we go the quicker we’ll be at the hotel.”
“Okay,” Louis said, sniffling. He didn’t want to make Zayn upset, and he knew if he got off the plane the dom wouldn’t be mad at him.
“This’ll be really quick, promise. Jackie just wants you guys to stop for a few photos, that’s it.” Phil said, standing up. It didn't matter what country they were in, how long they were there, or how crazy the fans were; they'd always bitch. They bitched that the boys didn't host a meet and greet, that they didn't come out and explore their country, that they didn't take pictures with fans, that they only took pictures with a certain number of fans. They'd never be happy, but Jackie figured this was a way to make them at least a little happy.
Louis glued himself to Alberto’s side, the man grabbing his diaper bag and Lacy and handing them to Leo.
Once off the plane, Louis’ head pounded with the screams of fans. Alberto and Leo quickly guided him over to the end of the gate that was holding them back, knowing that there would be less people pushing over there.
They were all screaming his name, and Louis put on his best smile. He walked up to a girl who looked to be about 15 with a smile.
“Hi there,” Louis said, leaning in for a picture. His eyes burned as the flash went off close to his face, the girl taking a selfie.
“Thanks so much, Louis!” She gushed, Louis giving her a wave. He took a picture with a few more fans before deciding the next would be his last.
He moved to a very tall girl, one who looked to have a good half foot, or more, on him.
“How are you?” Louis asked, leaning against the gate thinking she’d want a picture.
“I’m Josephine, your future mommy,” The girl said, holding her hand out. Louis was a bit confused, not really sure how to react. He was feeling a bit scared and unsure of himself.
“Um-hi,” Louis said a second later, holding his hand out only to be pulled into a tight hug, stomach digging into the harsh metal barrier. His hands were hanging by his side, unsure of what he was supposed to do with them. He tried to look for Harry, but couldn't see the boy down the row of fans. He tried his best not to panic, but where was his daddy when he needed him?
“That’s no way to talk to me, Louis. If you were mine I’d spank you silly for that disrespect,” Josephine said, voice stern.
Louis was finding it hard to breathe, scared of how the girl was speaking to him and reminded of his own mum. Alberto watched on, not thinking anything of the hug. He knew that fans loved hugging the boys, and it was normal. As much as he knew Louis didn’t want to hug the fans, he knew there was nothing he could do about it.
“Pl-please let me go, please,” Louis stuttered, feeling his eyes burn with tears. He struggled to turn around to signal Alberto to come help him, arms trapped in the girl's strong embrace.
“Don’t be rude to me, little boy. Looks like I have a lot to teach you.”
A fan next to the tall girl signaled to Alberto, the man quickly coming over, hearing Louis pleading for the girl to let him go.
“Get off of him, please,” Alberto said in a low tone.
“That’s no way to speak to his dom, I don’t care if you’re his security. He’s mine,” The girl said, a crazed look in her eyes. Sensing tension, Leo and Phil quickly walked over.
“Let him go, right now,” Alberto growled, eyes trained on the way the girl had locked a death grip on the little’s back, pushing him roughly into the metal gate. They were trained not to touch fans unless it was necessary, as lawsuits could pop up, but… this was his boy.
“He’s not yours, he’s- hey! Get off of him,” The girl shouted as Alberto peeled her hands off of Louis, picking the boy who was now noticeably crying and shaking.
“It’s okay, buddy, I’ve got you.” Alberto soothed, quickly walking the boy to the car. Louis was sobbing heavily, breathing wet tears onto Alberto’s neck. The man tried to strap Louis in once they had gotten to the car, but he wouldn’t let go of his grip on Alberto. Sighing, the guard walked around the car and slid into the backseat, arranging Louis on his lap.
After Alberto carried Louis off, Leo quickly walked over to Dale and let him know what had occurred, Harry’s guard quickly grabbing him and telling him it was time to go. Harry felt his heart sink when he got into the car and saw Louis bawling on Alberto’s lap. With a grace he didn’t know he possessed, Alberto slide out of the car with Louis on his lap, Harry quickly grabbing him.
“Dada, my dada,” Louis garbled, pressing wet kisses onto his daddy’s cheek.
“That’s right, angel, I’m right here,” Harry cooed, shifting Louis so he was cuddled up on his lap. The boy was hyperventilating and shaking even though it was almost 80 degrees, Harry asking for Alberto’s jacket from where he was sitting in the front seat. The man tossed it over the seat quickly, nodding to Dale so that the man would begin to drive. Harry fixed the large jacket around Louis like a blanket, making sure the boy was warm. He whispered to him, telling him that everything would be okay. The daddy felt like he was going to throw up seeing Louis in such turmoil, and he didn’t even know what had happened yet.
Harry couldn’t even feel a bit grossed out when he saw that Louis was sucking on his shirt, knowing that sucking soothed the boy. He could buy another 1,000 pound shirt, but he couldn’t jeopardize his boy’s state of mind. Once they arrived in the hotel parking garage, Dale opened his door.
“The elevators are right there, Allen is waiting outside of them with our keys.” Harry nodded, silently thanking Alberto as the man grabbed Louis’ diaper bag and Lacy.
Everyone made sure to remain silent in the elevator, Louis half asleep, snuggling into Alberto’s big jacket in Harry’s arm.
“Here we are, baby. Let’s get you ready for bed,” Harry said softly, placing the little down onto the big bed.
“Baba,” Louis said, yawning.
“Of course,” Harry said. He called down to room service, letting them know he needed warm milk immediately. Realizing who was calling, the woman said it’d be up in less than five minutes. Harry worked to change Louis out of his clothes into an overnight diaper and onesie, getting the boy placed on the bed just as the there was a knock on the door. He slipped the man money, thanking him before grabbing the milk and shutting the door.
“Dada,” Louis whimpered, wondering why the man was no longer in bed with him. He just wanted his daddy to hold him close after what had happened outside. He didn’t understand why the girl was treating him like that; she wasn’t his mommy, so why was she acting like it? It made no sense. When he first joined the band he thought that it would be great having fans, that the word fan meant that people would support them and cherish them, but he was wrong, in a way. Fans felt that they had stock in the boys, that they owed the people who paid for their tickets and merchandise something. A small number of them were always vicious, demanding the boys' attention as if it was a right. That kind of domineering behavior always scared Louis, and this was without a doubt the worst interaction he'd ever had. He never wanted to go through it again.
“Right here, pumpkin,” Harry said, sitting on the bed. Louis immediately curled up on his lap, positioning himself in his arms so that his daddy would place the bottle in his mouth. The little let out a pleased hum at the taste of warm milk and the way that his daddy was rubbing his tummy. It didn’t feel as good as when papa did it, but it’d have to do. Harry quietly hummed a tune, taking the bottle out of Louis’ mouth as his eyes started blinking slower and slower. He gently lifted the boy and put him under the covers, placing Lacy under his arm.
“I love you, angel,” Harry said, stroking Louis’ hair. He stayed with the boy for a while, until he was sure he was fast asleep before heading out to the room next to theirs that he knew was Alberto’s. The man’s door was already open, Dale and Phil sitting on the bed with solemn looks on their face. Alberto was pacing, fists clenched.
“What the hell happened?” Harry asked, taking a seat on the bed.
“Everything was going fine, fans were being nice, Louis was taking selfies. A girl hugged him, held onto him for a good minute. He turned his head, but I thought he was talkin’ to the girl next to him. Then the girl beside him started waving me over, pointing to Louis. The girl was sayin’ that she’s his dom, and she wasn’t gonna let go. We pulled her off of him, and she was still shouting, being crazy. I picked him up and took him to the car, he was crying pretty hard. Poor kid.”
Harry breathed deeply, willing himself not to freak out. “What kind of parents raise a child to think that they can just lay claim to subs? Is this the 11th century?”
“I know, man. I know,” Alberto said. They sat in silence for a second before they heard a stomping down the hall. Niall, Liam, and Zayn burst into the room, concerned expressions on their faces.
“What the fuck happened?” Niall asked, fuming.
“Crazy dom fan got a bit out of control,” Harry said, lips pulled into a thin line.
“Did you see the video? I would’ve throttled the girl,” Liam said.
Harry shook his phone, taking the proffered phone from Zayn’s hand hesitantly. His outrage grew as he watched the video, the guards behind him making affronted noises. The girl filming was right next to Louis, getting his scared expression and soft pleas on camera.
“How does anyone think that’s okay?” Harry asked softly, not understanding what would make a human treat someone else like that.
“I don’t know, mate, but I’m sure as hell sending out a tweet,” Niall said, already typing. That drew a chuckle out of everyone, knowing that Niall loved standing up for Louis, even if it was against their fans.
@NiallOfficial: If anyone ever touches our little Lou like that again then that’s our last time comin’ out. Show some respect !
@NiallOfficial: To all of ya who are respectful, thank you ! we love you.
“There we go. Fans are already trending #WeRespectLouis. Seems they found that girl’s twitter and are ripping her to shreds. I’m usually against cyber bullying and all that, but…” Niall said, shrugging.
“Girl had what’s coming to her,” Zayn said. A situation was serious when Zayn wished ill will on another, the boy being the pacifist of the group.
Harry’s phone started vibrating in his pocket, the boy knowing it was Nick before he even looked at the caller ID. “I’m guessing that’s Nick, I’m gonna go let him know what happened. Goodnight guys.”
Harry answered the phone as he received a chorus of goodbyes from the men, quietly entering his room and heading out to the balcony. Louis was sleeping peacefully, Lacy squeezed tightly to his body.
“Hey babe,” Harry said, taking a seat in a lounge chair. The view from the Langham Hotel was beautiful, looking over the buildings that comprised the city of Melbourne.
“Is he okay? What the hell happened?” Nick asked, voice shaking.
“He’s really upset and scared, but he’s sleeping. Some fan was yelling at him saying she’s his dom and wouldn’t let go, I’m sure you saw the video,” Harry said, sighing.
“God, my poor baby. I can’t even imagine how scared he was. I miss you both so much,” Nick admitted, sniffling a bit. The man couldn’t help the tears that were falling. He felt like he was failing his boyfriend and his baby by not being there with him. Every fiber of his being just wanted to quit his job and go out to see them, but he knew that wasn’t a smart idea. He’d see them soon.
“We miss you too, love. We’ll see you in just over two weeks,” Harry consoled. He knew how much Nick missed them. It was hard being apart from him normally, and now that they had Louis it seemed to be even more difficult. They would make it through.
The Melbourne show went off without a hitch, the fans who were meeting them being watched intensely. Louis couldn’t stop thinking about how he wanted to tell the world who his daddies were, every second that he couldn’t stand next to Harry or press kisses on his face made his stomach hurt. But on the other hand, he was scared. Scared that people would think papa and daddy deserved better than him, that another little was better suited for them. Scared that maybe papa and daddy would look at a tweet and believe what someone said, that they could do better than him and leave him. He couldn’t live through that.
Louis was exhausted by the time they had gotten to Perth, it was almost two in the morning there, a three hour time change from what it’d been in Melbourne. The only way into the hotel was through the front, so his daddy couldn’t even carry him inside. He didn’t want to wake up, he wanted to just be able to sleep in peace. But that couldn’t happen, of course. Screaming fans woke him up as Alberto was unbuckling his car seat, Louis letting out an unhappy noise.
“It’s okay, buddy. We’re almost there,” Alberto said, grabbing Lacy and handing her to Louis. He picked the boy up, placing him on his hip before heading through the screaming crowd of gated fans. The guard didn’t understand why people felt the need to wait in the middle of the night when there was absolutely no chance of the boys stopping. The fans didn’t get a glance from Louis, the boy shoving his head into Alberto’s neck.
Alberto waited in Harry and Louis’ room for the dom to come in. Harry had stopped at the airport for fans, wanting to take the fact that he couldn’t arrive in the same car with Louis off of his mind. It seemed pretty pointless at this point, the fact that he couldn’t even ride with his little boy. But he’d respect Louis’ wishes, he would. He just hoped the boy would soon have a change of heart.
Harry walked in to a sleeping Louis, pacifier in his mouth and Lacy tucked under his shoulder.
“Thanks man,” Harry whispered gratefully. Alberto gave him a salute before walking out of the room. Harry quickly changed and brushed his teeth at lightning speed, hopping into bed with his boy, cuddling up close behind him. He didn’t allow himself to think about Nick in his exhausted state, knowing that he would become emotional. Just a few more weeks to go. He could do it.
Louis knew that he should’ve just told people about his daddies after the incident at the airport. But he was too scared, so he didn’t. So now he was here, having a panic attack in a back dressing room of a stadium in Perth, Australia.
The two hour nap that Louis had the time to have that afternoon made him feel better than ever. He was feeling good, well rested and ready to meet fans. They stood in the same way that they did at the previous two meet and greets, Louis on the end standing next to Niall. There were only 14 fans there that night, thankfully, meaning that the meet and greet would only take around half the time it had the previous two nights.
Everything was going well until one of the last fans walked up. She looked to be in her late teens, a cute face and a nervous demeanor. It was clear that she was a little, a man with the stance of a dom waiting for her directly next to where she’d head when they finished taking the picture. She walked straight up to Louis, hugging him tightly. Louis hugged her back, giving her a pat on the back.
“I just wanted to say thank you and I know how you feel. My parents didn’t want me either when they found out I was a little,” She started, looking into Louis’ eyes. Louis was looking down, biting his lip tightly, and trying to steady his breathing. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with anyone besides his daddies, and definitely not a fan. He nodded, unsure of how he could speak without crying. The other boys were caught up in conversation with one another, not listening to what the girl was quietly saying to him.
“My mum used to hit me, she never showed me love. I felt so alone. I would go to school black and blue and no one would even do anything, it was awful. I just wanted someone to know,” She continued, voice shaking. Louis’ mind was racing with images from his childhood, cheeks burning with the slaps that rained across them when his mother was particularly frustrated with him, stomach aching as he remembered the days he’d go without food. He could barely breathe thinking about how awful his life was up until less than three months ago.
“Then I went on the Quench thinking it’d help. I-I met a guy on there and he did things to me that I didn’t understand, but I let him. I was so scared, I thought that’s what having a dom was,” The girl said, eyes full of tears.
Louis couldn’t take it anymore; he couldn’t listen to a story that was so similar to his, one that brought up such horrific and painful memories. So he ran. He ran sobbing out of the room, back to the dressing room that he and Harry had been using. Curling himself into the corner of the room, he sobbed. He couldn’t breathe as he remembered the daily torture that his mum would put him through, both emotionally and physically. His vision was whiting out, he felt numb. Life no longer involved feeling hopeless and unloved, but he remembered how that felt all too well. And he didn’t want to; it hurt him.
Once Louis ran out of the room crying, everything stilled for a moment before bursting into a flurry of motion. Harry ran out of the room at the speed of the light, running back to the dressing room that he and Louis were sharing, thinking that’s the first place the boy would run. And he was right. Louis was curled against the wall in the corner of the room bawling, clearly struggling to get air into his lungs.
Harry let out a strangled breath, moving over to Louis and sitting next to him, but not touching him.
“Angel, daddy’s right here,” Harry said in the special voice that he reserves for Louis.
“No no no, I want to stay,” Louis choked out, body violently shaking.
Louis couldn’t stop picturing his mum and the venom that she spewed. He remembered when he first got put into One Direction and his mum would call him and tell him he needed to come home.
“Well I don’t want you at home either, but you’ll just disappoint your bandmates. I can’t have that kind of humiliation fall on me, Louis. They’ll find out what you are and drop you. Just quit now, it’s for your own good,” She’d say over the phone, disgust evident in her voice.
“But I want to stay, we’re really good mum,” Louis said, trying to help her understand.
“I don’t doubt that they’re good, but you’re just deadweight. The longer you go on with this façade, the worst it’ll be for them, trust me. I’ve been dealing with you for the past 16 years.”
The image of Carter filled his mind, the way that he would’ve turned out like the other little if he were to stay with him for the night made him sick. Hearing her talk about how the man she was with didn’t do nice things to her made him feel like he was going to throw up. That could have been him.
“No big boy playtime, no, please,” Louis cried, curling in on himself.
Harry couldn’t restrain himself any longer, softly placing a hand on Louis’ arm.
“Louis, baby, it’s daddy. I’m right here, baby, I’m right here,” Harry said.
Louis’ mind was a fog of dark thoughts, and the sound of his daddy’s voice poked a small hole into the cloud. The little clutched onto the hand that was on his arm, squeezing with all of this strength.
“That’s right, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Harry cooed, grabbing his phone with his free hand. He knew it was only the early afternoon in London and that Nick would pick up. The man picked up on the first ring, Harry putting him onto speakerphone.
“Papa’s here too, angel. We’re both here,” Harry said.
Nick’s stomach dropped at the sound of Louis’ choked breathing and cries. “Hi love, papa’s right here, I love you so much.”
Louis opened his eyes at the man’s voice, the bright light hurting them for a moment. He knew his papa would protect him, that’s what papas do. No one would ever hurt him again if his papa had anything to do about it.
“Papa, it hurts. Please don’t let them hurt me again, papa,” Louis cried, leaning to lay his head on his daddy’s lap.
“No one will ever hurt you, my little cub. Papa is always going to protect you, I promise,” Nick said, blinking back tears at the pain he heard in his boy’s voice. He didn’t know what happened, but he knew that Louis needed him to be strong for him, and that’s what he’d do, because Louis needed his papa.
“I don’t want big boy playtime or hits, I don’t want them,” Louis tried to calm his breathing, resulting in his speech being stuttered.
“We’re never going to hit you angel, never ever. Papa and I would never hurt our precious little boy,” Harry promised, pushing Louis’ hair off of his forehead.
“And big boy playtime is never going to happen. You’re our little boy, now and forever, we won't ever do anything you don't want us to do.” Nick chimed in, wanting to quell all of Louis’ fears. They’d had this exact conversation many times, but Louis had never been as distressed as he was right now.
“It hurts,” Louis repeated, “The things that are in my head. I don’t want them there.”
“We know it hurts, but that’s what daddies are for. Daddy and papa are here to help our little boy stop thinking scary thoughts, you just need to tell us when you’re feeling bad so that we can help,” Harry explained.
“Don’t want to annoy you, I don’t want you to leave me,” Louis said, voice barely loud enough for Nick to hear him.
“Oh, love. We’ll tell you over and over and over again, as many times as you need. We’re never going to leave you. We love you so much; you’re our baby boy. You make us complete,” Nick said fiercely.
“Miss you papa,” Louis said, starting to cry in earnest once again. It hurt his heart to hear the man’s voice over the phone, he wanted his papa to be there holding him and rubbing his tummy.
“I miss you so much, Lou. I’ll see you and daddy very soon.” Nick scrunched his eyes shut, gripping the counter tightly so he didn’t cry.
“I wanna tell people that you’re my daddies. I have the best daddies in the world. I want people to know,” Louis said, pausing as he tried to word what he wanted to say. “I’m happy to have you as my daddy and papa. Are you… are you happy to have me as your little boy?”
Nick and Harry both started speaking at the same time, wanting to assure the boy. They laughed, Nick telling Harry he could speak first.
“I couldn’t be more proud to have you as my little boy, and I know papa feels the same way. You’re the sweetest, most wonderful person in the world, I feel like the luckiest person alive to have you,” Harry said honestly. Louis sat up, pressing a kiss to the man’s cheek.
“Everything that daddy said. You complete us; you are the most loving, silliest, and best little boy, darling. We would be so proud to tell the world that you’re ours.”
“Miss you papa,” Louis repeated again. The boy was breaking Nick’s resolve down, he needed to see the little boy and Harry soon or he’d lose his mind.
“I miss you too, love. Why don’t you go call some people and we can see what can be done?”
They hung up the phone shortly after, a knock sounding on the door. Alberto walked in, quickly shutting the door behind him. He saw a red cheeked Louis whose face was clearly tearstained cuddling up on Harry’s lap in the corner of the room. He moved over to where they were sat, bending down to sit himself on the carpet.
“How are you, bud?” The man asked.
“‘M okay now, that girl was just saying a lot of stuff I didn’t want to hear.”
“If it means anything, she felt awful. I don’t really know what happened, but she told me to tell you she just wanted to help.”
“That’s very nice of her. I think I’d like to meet the rest of the fans after the show, if that’s okay.”
Alberto tried to hide his sigh of relief. There were some very angry people back in the room when Louis and Harry left, caring more about whether or not they’d meet them than Louis’ mental health.
“That’d be great, bud. I’ll go let them know that and get everything arranged.”
Once Harry and Louis were alone, the little urged his daddy to call Jackie. The woman picked up on the first ring, voice concerned.
“Harry? What happened? Hannah texted me, but it didn’t make much sense.”
“Hi, just a bit of a snafu, a fan said something that upset Louis. He’s okay, though. But, um, we’re ready to tell the world about us? All three of us are,” Harry said, smiling down at the boy in his arms.
“I’m glad he’s okay, she had me worried for a minute there. But okay, great. Do you have any specific way that you’d like to do it? Interview? Tweet?” The woman asked, thinking about the best way that it could happen. If it were 40 years earlier things would be a lot different; people weren’t as open as they were now. It made her job pretty easy, admittedly.
“I kind of have one? Do you trust me?” Harry asked. He’d been thinking about this for a while, knowing that this way was perfect for them to showcase their family to the world
Jackie sighed, “I trust you. I’ll call you tomorrow in a bit with logistical info, interviews, magazines, all that jazz.”
“Thanks!” Harry said. He called Nick back, telling him that they were going to do it. He explained what he wanted to do, and as he does with everything Harry related, Nick absolutely loved it. And so did Louis, and that was the most important part of this, having their little’s consent.
“Post it in five minutes on the dot, okay?” Harry said.
“Of course, baby. I love you both. I’m so proud of you, my brave boy.”
“Love you, papa, love you love you love you,” Louis said, stomach full of happy butterflies.
Louis picked out the captions for the photos, wanting to add a bit of his personal touch into their announcement. They were, of course, from his two favorite songs from Bubble Guppies, but they worked perfectly.
Exactly five minutes later, two photos were posted to Instagram. Nick posted the photo that Harry had taken on the day that Louis’ mum had gone to the press, Louis sleeping on his chest in a onesie, diaper peeking out. He captioned the photo: wake up the sun, it’s a brand new day.
Harry posted the photo of their three wrists with the bracelets Louis made, “papa”, “Louis”, and “dady” as clear as day. He captioned the photo: because tonight is a holiday.
Simply put, the world went absolutely wild. That was it; every part of Louis that he’d hidden for so long had now come to light. Was he nervous? Of course! But he knew with his daddies by his side, everything would be just fine.