Chapter 13
After I went back to Seattle, Kelley and I kept in constant contact. We’d facetime or skype at least once a day, even if only for a few minutes before she would go to sleep. I haven’t found myself feeling insecure or feeling skeptical of what Kelley was doing. She makes sure to let me know what she’s doing, even if I don’t ask. She’s trying.
It’s been just over a month since I’ve last seen her. Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple days and she invited me to come to New Jersey. She decided against going home to Georgia, choosing to stay home and make her own meal for her friends. My flight leaves in just over three hours. Currently, I’m packing my bags, throwing in some last minute items.
I sigh and text Kelley, letting her know that I’m packed and ready to go. We’ve gotten more comfortable talking to each other over the past month. Turns out the distance made us closer in a way. We still aren’t official, nor do I plan on being anytime soon. Being official means giving all of me to her and while she has gained some of my trust back, I’m not ready to be in a relationship with her again, just yet.
We’ve flirted via text, even going as far as Kelley sending me naked pictures, but that’s as far as it’s gotten. It feels weird to be ‘sexting’ when we haven’t even kissed since reuniting. I’m not necessarily against kissing her, but I’m not gonna force it. If the right moment comes, then it comes, but if not then I have no problem waiting until it does.
When my plane touches down in New Jersey, it’s 9 o’clock and I’m exhausted. Flying truly doesn’t get easier for me. My anxiety level sky rockets and I always feel mentally drained by the time I land. I text Kelley, letting her know I’m here.
By the time I get my luggage from the carousal and turn around towards the doors, Kelley is walking in, looking around. I smile upon seeing her. Hair thrown up in a bun, wearing light blue jeans and an old grey t-shirt. She looks adorable. We make eye contact and she gives me a huge smile, walking quickly towards me. I put down my bags and pick her up in a hug. I truly did miss her being by my side. “I missed you.” She whispers in my ear. “I missed you too.” I say, honestly.
We walk to her car and she helps me put my stuff in her trunk. We make small talk on the way to her house. She tells me which of her friends are coming over for Thanksgiving and which couldn’t make it. This will be my first time meeting her friends. Even when we were together, years ago, I never had the chance to meet them, or Kelley just kept them at a distance. The fact that she’s willing to invite me, include me, is a step forward.
Some of her friends are already there, staying with her for the next few nights. I’m nervous about meeting them. I’m unsure of what they know about me and our past, my past. I’m not one who makes good first impressions on people and I normally become quite shy and quiet around new people. “So who’s gonna be there?” I finally ask, nervously. She glances over at me. “Taylor, you know her from the league, my friend Emily and her girlfriend, Steph, and another one of my friends, Cori.” I nod, slowly.
I look out the window, preparing myself. I’m gonna be thrown to the wolves as soon as we get to her place. Kelley must be able to sense my nerves because she brings her hand to my thigh and gives it a small, reassuring squeeze. “They’re cool. They know that I hurt you. It just kind of slipped out one night. Taylor has seen you at games, but she doesn’t really know much else about you other than your soccer skills. So don’t worry. No one is gonna be judging you.” I sigh, but nod my head.
We arrive at her place and grab my stuff. When we walk in, we’re immediately greeted by the sound of laughter coming from her living room. We walk in the room to see them playing some sort of card game. “Kelley!” Taylor yells, excitedly. I stand, awkwardly, next to Kelley. “This is Hope.” Kelley yells over their laughter. They’re drunk already. I roll my eyes to myself.
“Hey Hope.” They all say or yell out at their own pace. “Hi” I say in return. Kelley looks up at me. “Come on.” She says, quietly, tugging on my hand. We go upstairs and she leads me to a guest bedroom. “Where’s everyone sleeping?” She laughs. “Well, considering they’re all already wasted, I wouldn’t be surprised if they fell asleep down there. But Emily and Steph are staying on the pull out couch and Taylor and Cori are staying in my other guest room.” I furrow my eye brows. “Are they together?” She shakes her head. “No, but I wanted you to have your own room and they’re good friends so they’ll be okay.”
I nod, getting my stuff organized. Once I finish, I look at Kelley, Who’s sitting on the bed. “You wanna go down there?” I sigh, but nod. I have to at some point, I guess. We go back downstairs and sit around the coffee table that they’re playing around. Kelley sits next to me and immediately grabs my hand. “We’re starting a new game, you’re playing, right?” Taylor slurs out, looking at both me and Kelley. I nod. “Okay.” I say.
Taylor laughs. “You need to loosen up.” She says, sliding a beer over to me. I roll my eyes, but crack it open. I look at the four girls and put names to faces. It was easy, considering Emily and Steph are all over each other, I’ve seen Taylor before, and that makes Cori the brunette who’s sitting on the other side of Kelley. Taylor explains the rules to me and we play a couple games of Kings, which turned out to be really fun.
“Okay, I’m calling it a night.” Kelley says, standing. She looks down at me and extends her hand out. I look at her, skeptically, but take it and allow her to help me to my feet. I only had two beers, so I’m nowhere near drunk. Kelley on the other hand, had three beers and 4 shots of straight vodka. I follow her upstairs, ignoring the whistles we get from the other girls, who are starting another game. I walk her to her room, making sure she gets changed and into bed safely.
When I was about to walk away from Kelley, who was lying in bed, she grabs my wrist. I turn around and look at her, expectantly. “Kiss me.” She whispers. I roll my eyes. She’s so drunk. I shake my head. “Not gonna happen tonight, Kell. You’re gonna be sick tomorrow. Make sure you drink that water, okay?” I say, motioning to the bottled water I brought her. She pouts at me. I ignore it and walk back to my own room.
I wake up at around 9:30, later than I usually sleep in. I quickly get ready for the day, straightening my hair and putting on a little bit of makeup. I can smell breakfast being made and the voices coming from downstairs. How are they all still alive, let alone awake before me? I walk downstairs and peek into the kitchen. They’re all sitting around the table, drinking coffee, while Kelley cooks what I can only assume to be eggs and bacon.
“Good morning.” I announce as I walk in. I hear grumbled ‘mornings.’ I smirk to myself. That’s what they get for having so much to drink. Kelley, on the other hand, was prancing around the kitchen, humming a tune to herself. “How are you so awake?” I ask, looking over her shoulder at what she’s making. Omelets. “I don’t get hungover.” She states, confidently. I roll my eyes and grab some coffee before sitting down at the table next to Taylor.
“We’re going to the club later.” Kelley says. The other four girls nod in agreement. I look at Kelley with furrowed eye brows. The club? I’m 37 years old. I’m not going to a fucking club.
I’m going through my stuff, looking for something to wear when Kelley walks in. “Why aren’t you dressed?” She asks. I glance up at her and my eyes widen. She’s in a tight black dress that fits her like a glove, along with black and red heels. I must be staring for too long because she clears her throat. I shake myself out of it. “I have nothing to wear. Why don’t you all go and I’ll stay here?” I say, hopefully.
Kelley immediately shuts me down. “I need you there with me. I can’t dance by myself.” I roll my eyes. “Then dance with someone else. It’s not like we’re together.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. I look at the angry expression covering Kelley’s face. “Sure. We aren’t together, but you’d sure as hell be pissed off if you found out I was dancing with someone else.” It’s true. I nod my head.
“I know. I’m sorry. Will you just come help me find something to wear?” I ask, pleadingly. She nods and makes her way over to me. She picks out my tightest fitting dark blue skinny jeans and a tight black top, along with black high heels. “I can barely walk in these.” I say, walking unsteadily towards her. She looks me up and down, appreciatively. “You look hot.” She says, confidently. I roll my eyes.
We arrive at the club about an hour later. It seems that Cori needed to try on 10 different outfits before she finally selected one, which made us late. Kelley immediately goes to the bar and gets us drinks before pulling me to the dance floor. “Kell. I can’t dance. You know that.” Why did I agree to come here? She rolls her eyes. “Just move your hips.” I do as she tells me and attempt to stay on the beat. The other four girls are dancing around us. Emily is grinding into Steph, while Cori and Taylor are trying to bring moves like the ‘sprinkler’ and the ‘running man’ back. They look like idiots.
We put our drinks down after a while and Kelley begins to dance closer to me, the alcohol in her system making her more confident. She leans up to my ear. “You’re really cute when you try to dance in those heels.” I roll my eyes. I probably look like a baby deer learning how to walk. I smile down at her and glance around the club when I see her. Ann. Leaning against the bar, talking to a girl she’s standing with. I freeze.
“Kell.” I motion towards the bar. Kelley looks over then snaps her head back to me, eyes wide. “I..I don’t know why she’s here. I swear, I had no idea she even comes here. I haven’t seen her in years.” She speaks quickly and looks right at me. I nod, slowly. “Okay. Let’s just ignore her. Hopefully she’ll keep her distance.” Kelley nods, relief covering her face.
Kelley lets everyone know to keep a look out on Ann, in case she tries anything. They nod in response, immediately on guard. It’s nice to see that Kelley has a good group of friends that have her back. I’m surprisingly calm, seeing Ann for the first time since..well, since the last time I saw her. I just don’t want tonight to end badly.
I had just gone to the bathroom and walk back to the dance floor, searching the room for Kelley. Her friends are all at the pool table, playing a game. I finally see her, at the bar, speaking to Ann. She’s whispering something in her ear and my defenses immediately come up. My stomach churns with the sight, but my feet refuse to move. I watch as Ann nods at whatever Kelley is saying. She’s looking at her like she’s a piece of meat. I clench my jaw and my hands ball into fists.
Ann leans in, cupping Kelley’s face. I walk backwards, stumbling with how quickly my feet are trying to move. Just when I’m about to turn around to storm out, Kelley pushes her away. I stop, continuing to watch the interaction. Kelley has an angered look on her face and she’s yelling at Ann, gesturing wildly with her hands. Ann laughs at her, grabbing her wrists too roughly for my liking. I quickly find myself walking towards them. Ann pushes her against the bar as Kelley struggles to get out of her grip. Just as she was about to lean in again, I grab her shoulder, spinning her around.
The look on Ann’s face is priceless. I look down at her. “I suggest very strongly that you leave. Now.” I say, with conviction. Ann smirks at me. “Your girlfriend was just telling me how much she misses my fingers.” I feel nauseous. “Hope, I didn’t-“ I ignore Kelley, who was immediately denying it. I saw what happened. “I’m not gonna be baited, you bitch. You aren’t worth the jail time. Kelley, I think we should leave.” I walk away without waiting. Kelley nods, quickly, and follows after me.
She has to jog to catch up. I go to the other girls and let them know that we’ll meet them at the house. They look skeptical, but agree. We walk outside and I call a taxi to bring us home. I’m fine to drive, but I don’t want to risk it. Kelley looks up at me. “You have to believe me. I didn’t say that to her. I was trying to get her to leave. That’s all, Hope. She tried to force herself on me. I pushed her away, I promise you.” I shake my head. “Why did you even approach her, Kelley? Why did you put yourself in that situation?” I say, trying to keep my cool. “I..I just wanted to avoid any conflict.” I roll my eyes. “That worked out well, didn’t it?” She sighs. “I’m sorry.”
The taxi finally arrives and we both sit in the backseat. I sigh. “Are you okay?” I ask her, grabbing her left wrist, gently, and inspecting it for injury. She looks at me, small smile on her face. “Yea. I’m okay. Are you?” I bite my lips and nod. “Yea. I mean, I wish you didn’t even engage with her, but I saw what happened. I know you didn’t initiate anything.” She nods, looking at me appreciatively. We sit silently for the rest of the ride.
We arrive back at Kelley’s just after midnight. We go to out separate rooms and I jump in the shower, cleaning the grimy feeling of the club off of my body. I step out and put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I hear voices coming from downstairs. The other girls must have left not long after we did. I slowly walk downstairs, trying to hear what they’re saying. I’m not eavesdropping, per say, just listening to the conversation that I’m about to be a part of.
“Wait so she tried to kiss you?” Taylor asked. “Yes. And Hope saw. Luckily she also saw me push her away.” Kelley responds. “Did you want her to kiss you?” I think that was Emily’s voice who asked. “Not at all. I literally was just trying to get her to stay away from us and she was all over me. If Hope hadn’t come to stop her, she probably would have kissed me.” Kelley pauses before continuing. “I was proud of her, too. She didn’t let her anger get the best of her. Even when Ann tried to get her angry she didn’t give her the time of day.”
I take that opportunity to walk in, pretending like I didn’t hear anything they were saying. They all look at me. “Hey. I’m surprised you’re all back so early.” Taylor nods. “We kind of sensed that something was wrong and wanted to make sure you guys were okay.” I nod at her. “Oh. Well thanks.”
“Are you okay?” She pushes. “I’m fine. I mean she pissed me off, but I’m better now.” Kelley walks over to me, looking up at me. “Can we talk for a minute?” I furrow my eyes brows, but nod at her. She leads me upstairs and into her room, closing the door behind her. We both sit on her bed, facing each other. I fold my legs underneath me, while she dangles hers off the edge of the bed.
“Seriously, though. Are you okay?” I nod. “Like I said, I was mad, but I’m fine now.” I look at my fingers, picking at my nails. “Hope.” I sigh. Why does she always make me talk about stuff I want to ignore? “Kell, I’m fine. I mean, what she said kind of hurt, kind of brought me back to that night a little bit, but I’m fine.” She looks at me. “What she said isn’t true.” She says, simply.
I keep my eyes down and shrug. “Hope, let me tell you something. You are so much better than she is. Your fingers make me feel things that no one else has ever made me feel. You are the only one who’s ever made me..you know.” I feel my face flush as I recall the memory. It was the first and only time I had made a woman squirt and the sounds that Kelley made that night were engrained in my brain for days after.
I feel a familiar sensation go directly to my core. I don’t respond to her. I continue to look down at my fingers. I feel her move closer to me on the bed. She lifts my chin, forcing me to look at her. I look at her hazel eyes and glance at her lips. I could kiss her. I could, but this definitely is not the right time. Not after the night we’ve had. I lean into her for a hug instead. “I’m sorry about tonight. I shouldn’t have even approached her. Just know that nothing she said was true and you’re the only one I want, Hope.” I nod against her shoulder, holding her close.
I pull away and look at her. “We should probably go downstairs before your friends get drunk without us again.” She smiles and nods, following me out of the room. This is gonna be an interesting next few days.