Alternative Ending
I could walk away. I could walk away with the ring that is still in my hand and I could give her another chance. I could let her earn my trust back and let our relationship run its course. I could. But I can’t. I know my heart is losing the battle. My brain reigns victorious. I know that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I’m never going to be able to look Kelley in the eyes and trust what she’s saying to me.
She lied to me. She cheated on me. She completely broke me. I can’t allow it to happen again. I can’t just forgive her and pretend like everything is okay between us because it’s not. It’s not okay and it won’t ever be okay again.
I sigh and look at the ring one last time. This ring could have been put on Kelley’s finger. She and I could be married, could have children, by now. But she didn’t allow that to happen. She allowed someone else to come in between us.
I never thought I could be one to commit. I never thought I would trust anyone enough to be with them forever, to get on my knee and propose. I trusted Kelley with my life. I loved Kelley more than anyone else. She was my person. She was the love of my life. She was supposed to be my happy ending. But a happy ending isn’t in my future.
I’m not meant to have a happy ending. I’m not supposed to have a perfect family with a white picket fence. I know that now. But I’ll get through it, I’ll push myself through it. Maybe I’ll get a dog or something. A dog can’t leave me, a dog can’t cheat on me or lie to me or break my trust. Only a human can do that. Only a human can be so deceiving.
My eyes fill with tears at the thought of what I’m about to do. I bring my arm back, winding up, and I throw it. I throw it hard. I throw it as hard as I can and I let it go. I let everything that she did to me go, along with it. I watch it fly and just barely hear the sound of it hitting the water. I wipe my face of the lone tear that escaped my left eye.
I take a deep breath and slowly walk back to my car. I’ve finally freed myself completely from the pressure, from the obligation to make a choice. I’ve made my choice and everyone else is just gonna have to accept it.
I get in my car and immediately call Carli. I hear three rings before she picks up.
“Hope?” Tears immediately fill my eyes.
“Hey.” I say, softly.
“What’s wrong?” She knows me too well. I blink back the tears.
“I, um, you know the ring that I got her? That I got Kelley?” She hesitates.
“Uh, yea. What about it? Didn’t you get rid of that thing years ago?” I should have. I sigh.
“No. I put it in my basement. Um, I..It’s at the bottom of a lake.” I say, slowly. She tries and fails to stifle her gasp.
“What? Did you drop it? I’m sure we can find it.” I roll my eyes.
“Car, I threw it. I’m done. I can’t be with her.” I say, quickly, getting it over with.
“Oh.” She pauses. “Well, I’m glad you made a decision. As long as you’re happy, Hope, I’m here for you. You know that.” I nod to myself.
“I know.” I whisper. She sighs, loudly.
“You couldn’t have sold the ring or something? That was expensive. We could have gone on a vacation with the money.” I smile, holding back a laugh.
“I was going for the dramatics.” I laugh out. I wasn’t, really. Carli knows it too. I needed to let go of that ring if I’m ever going to be able to let go of Kelley.
“Always one for the dramatics.” She says, sarcastically. “You know you need to let Kelley know that you’re done though, right? She still thinks there’s a chance.” I sigh. I know she’s right. I just don’t want to deal with it yet.
“I know. I’ll call her eventually.” I say, honestly. I mean, what am I even gonna say to her?
“Just tell her the truth, Solo. You’ll be okay. Call me if you need anything, alright?” I swear she can read my mind.
“Thank you.” I whisper, before hanging up.
I lean forward and rest my head on the steering wheel. I made the decision that’s best for me. For once in my life I didn’t think of how anyone else felt, what anyone else thought, I’m doing what’s best for me. Sure, maybe Kelley and I could have worked out, but I’d be risking myself by allowing her back in. I can’t do that again. This time, I’m looking out for me.
The next day, I go to a local shelter. I looked online and saw a puppy, a Doberman. He looked so sad, so lonely in his cage. I wasn’t planning on leaving the shelter with him, but here I am, driving down the highway while trying to control the large puppy that thinks he’s a lap dog. “I can’t see when you do that!” I say to him. He tilts his head at me before jumping back onto my lap. I roll my eyes. Perfect.
I somehow make it home safely and bring him inside. I still need to go buy him bowls and toys. Maybe a crate? Should I crate train him? I really should have thought about this before taking him home. I look over at him from my place in the kitchen. He’s sniffing around the living room, scoping out this unfamiliar place.
I sigh and lean against the island. I pick up my phone and scroll to Kelley’s contact. I need to call her; I need to tell her. I know she’s going to be upset, but she shouldn’t have come here expecting me to take her back after what she did. Just as I’m about to hit call, my (still unnamed) puppy walks over to me with something in his mouth. I lean down to take it from him.
“What is that? I leave you alone for 2 minutes and you-“ I stop. It’s hers. It’s one of her old Stanford shirts. She wore it all the time. My eyes fill up against my will. My mind immediately flashes with memories.
“I love you” She says to me, leaning against the doorframe. She’s in nothing but her Stanford shirt. I smile at her from my place laying on the bed. “I love you too.” She walks over to me, swinging her hips back and forth with purpose. “Show me.” She whispers in my ear, sending chills down my spine.
I allow tears to fall, unable to stop them from escaping. I sit on the floor with my new friend, who’s looking at me.
We’re both laying on the couch. It’s raining outside so we’ve spent the day watching movies. I’m on my back and she’s laying on her stomach on top of me. “This movie sucks.” I finally say after suffering through the first half of it. She scoffs and looks at me. “You suck.” She counters. I raise my eye brows. “What was that?” She smirks. “You. Suck.” She says with conviction. I immediately move my hands to her sides, tickling her. She shrieks, jumping off of me. I just barely catch a glimpse of the red and white of her shirt as she falls off the couch and onto the floor. “Ow.”
I sit with my knees pulled up to my chest, wiping my falling tears. I shouldn’t be crying. These memories are something that I’ll carry with me forever, something that, one day, I hope I can smile about. Smile at the fact that I did have a love that lasted, a love that mattered. The puppy comes over and sits next to me. I pull him into my arms, crying into his neck. He lets me.
I open the bedroom door, slowly. What I see makes bile rise in my throat. The first thing I notice are their clothes, thrown carelessly on the floor. The red and white of that t-shirt that is attached to so many of my memories, our memories.
I let myself cry for as long as I need to, looking down at the shirt that’s still in my hands. I sniffle. “Where did you even find this?” I whisper, looking at the Doberman who still hasn’t left my side. I roll my eyes at myself for talking to the dog like he’s a person. I kiss his head and stand up, wipe my face of the tears and throw the shirt in the trash without a second thought.
After my break down earlier, I gave myself some time to relax before calling Kelley. I showered, went to the store to get puppy supplies, and ate lunch. Now though, I’m sitting on the couch, prepared to hit the call button.
I take a deep breath and press it. My heart is racing as I listen, waiting for her to answer. I almost think she isn’t going to pick up when I hear it. “Hope?” She sounds excited, almost relieved, to hear from me. “Hey, Kelley” I respond.
“What..How are you?” I sigh.
“I’ve been better. You?”
“I..I’m okay. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.” I know. I’m sorry.
“I know. I got your voicemail. I just..I needed some time.” I say, honestly. She doesn’t respond. I take in a deep breath. “I can’t do this.” I whisper.
She hesitates. “Wh..What do you mean?” I close my eyes.
“You and me. I can’t do it. I thought about it for a long time, but I just can’t do it. I can’t trust you.” I get to the point.
“Oh. Okay, it’s okay. I understand.” She’s holding back tears. I can hear the strain in her voice. My own eyes fill up with the sound.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper, chocking back a sob. I miss Kelley. I miss how we were before everything happened, before the downfall of our relationship. I wish, I wish so much that we could go back to that time where nothing mattered to us but each other.
I hear her sniffle and let out a shaky breath. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Hope. I’m the one who did this to us, not you.”
“I just..I miss you, Kell, I do. I just, I can’t look at you without picturing you with her. I can’t think about you without feeling pain. I just can’t do it. I wish I could. I wish I were strong enough.” I’m trying and failing to hold back sobs. I bring my hand to my head.
“I’m so sorry, Hope. I am. I know that doesn’t change anything, but you need to know that if I could go back in time and change what I did, I would do it in a second.” I nod, slowly.
“I know you would.” I whisper. We both fall silent, sounds of sniffles and chocked sobs coming from both of us.
“So this is it, huh?” She says, softly.
“I guess it is.” I respond. A part of me doesn’t want this phone call to end. Once this call is over, I may never speak to her again. Is that what I really want?
“I’ll always love you, Hope.” Her voice is shaky. I shake my head. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I sigh. “Me too. I love you. I just can’t be with you.”
“I know.” The line falls silent, once again. Neither of us knows what to say. We’ve dragged it out for as long as we could.
“Goodbye, Kell.” I finally say. I hear her let out a sob. I close my eyes, tightly, at the sound.
“I’m not saying that to you. I’m not saying goodbye to you.” She says, frantically.
“Okay, then don’t. Don’t say goodbye.” I manage to get out through my tears.
“Good luck, Hope.” She says instead. I take a deep breath and hesitate before ending the call.
This is it. This is the end to the tale of Kelley and Hope. It’s the start to the rest of my life. Will a happy ending be in my future? Probably not. But for now, I have Carli, Ali, and the rest of my friends to lean on. Along with my new family member, who’s currently chewing one of my couch cushions. It isn’t gonna be easy, but I’ll make it work. Just like I always do.