good enough | darcy/steve, insecurity (christmas fic)
1. Natasha
When Natasha first brought it up, Darcy laughed to hide the stab of insecurity that ran through her gut.
“I barely know the guy, Nat,” she said, ducking her head to hide her blush – there was no doubt the assassin knew about her not-so-secret crush on Steve Rogers. “He’s nice, from what I know, but I don’t think we really mesh.”
She thought back to how he’d never meet her eyes, how he made a point to leave a room if she entered it, how he stood as far away from her as he could. She ignored how much it hurt to remember those things.
“Oh?” Natasha fixed her with a blank stare and a single, arched eyebrow. “You’re going to be the only ones here for Christmas. You never know.”
“I’m serious.” Darcy smiled, but it felt like Natasha could see right though her. “Happy single lady, right here.”
Natasha hummed, dropping the subject, but Darcy had the sinking feeling that this was going to become a regular occurrence.
2. Clint
“So, you and Cap?” Clint smirked, sliding into the seat beside her, and Darcy near choked on her coffee.
“Ugh, what?” She wiped at her mouth with a paper towel, glaring at the archer as she then started to dab at her stained sweater. “Did Nat put you up to this?”
“Put me up to what?” Clint’s expression was all innocence, but the mischievous glint in his eye betrayed him.
“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Darcy scowled. “I told her, I’ve said all of maybe ten words to him; we don’t even talk to each other, for God’s sake.”
“Dunno, kid,” Clint said, ad he gave her a knowing smirk that sent a warning tingle down her spine. “Cap likes ‘em brunette and mouthy.”
“Isn’t that what Barnes is for?” Darcy shot back, and Clint laughed.
“He’s kinda lacking the appropriate hardware,” Cline said, leering a little at her breasts. “If you catch my drift.”
She threw the paper towel at him, scowling when it fell short. “Go annoy someone else, Clint.”
“Just think about it,” he winked. “When’s the last time you had sex?”
Darcy screeched and reached for her taser, but he had already disappeared into the vents by the time she turned around, his laughter echoing above her.
3. Maria
She was having lunch with Maria when it happened again. “I hear there’s something going on between you and Steve,” she said casually, and Darcy froze with her spoonful of soup halfway to her mouth.
“Tower gossip mill,” she said quickly, then sticking the spoon in her mouth in what felt like an admirable recovery. “Clint and Tasha are going around with some crazy idea that we should date or something.”
Darcy waited with baited breath as Maria considered this. “Well, there are worse things.”
“Oh c’mon, Maria,” Darcy rolled her eyes. “I’m not exactly girlfriend material, let alone for a man who’s the paragon of American patriotism and justice.”
“Give yourself a little more credit, Darcy.” Something in Maria’s face said she didn’t exactly say that as jokingly as she might’ve intended. “And besides, Rogers isn’t exactly the good little angel everyone thinks he is.”
“Seems pretty damn angelic to me,” Darcy muttered, thinking not so much of all the charity work Steve did and more about tight t-shirts and fitted spandex uniforms. Maria’s smirk said that the other woman was thinking of the same things.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’d be good together,” she said lightly, delicately cutting into her roast chicken with a slim throwing knife – the wooden decomposable ones from the cafeteria couldn’t cut through paper, let alone meat. “Now, tell me about this Dr. Jordan in R&D – you said he’s been acting suspicious?”
4. Bruce
“Raspberry chocolate fudge, just for you, Doc,” Darcy sang as she placed the plate of sweets next to Bruce.
“Thanks, Darcy,” he said, looking so happy and sincere as he bit into a piece, smiling blissfully. “Any plans for Christmas this year?”
“Just staying here this year.” Darcy shrugged. “I’ve got a Star Wars marathon calling my name. You?”
“Going to see Betty,” he admitted, and Darcy grinned when his smile turned a little goofy. “Although… Steve’s going to be around too; maybe you guys could watch Star Wars together. It’s on his list.”
Even though she knew the mention of Steve wasn’t intentional, Darcy grimaced. She didn’t want to say that he’d probably avoid her completely, and so she said, “I’m sure he has better things to do.” Her stomach twisted when Bruce looked curious, and she said hurriedly, “I gotta get going, but enjoy the fudge!”
She near-ran out of the lab, and Bruce scratched his head a little as he stared after her. “Was it something I said?”
5. Vision
She was in the common rooms fixing a snack when Vision floated into the kitchen, phasing through the full range stove and nearly giving her a heart attack.
“Miss Lewis,” he nodded regally. “How are you today?”
“Oh, you know, feeding and watering the scientists, that’s all,” she said, smiling back at him hesitantly. After the whole Ultron fiasco, she wasn’t quite sure how to address Vision, especially given her previous closeness with JARVIS. “Nothing new.”
Vision cocked his head to one side, studying her. Darcy fidgeted under his assessing gaze, but froze when he said calmly, “Speaking with the Captain would mitigate many of your incorrect assumptions, Miss Lewis – and I think the Captain would suit you quite well. I do hope you’ll reconsider.”
And cool as a cucumber, he floated across the room before phasing through the opposite wall, leaving Darcy staring after him, gaping silently.
6. Pietro
Pietro slumped onto the couch next to her, and Darcy glanced over from her knitting to see him rumpled and sweaty, looking more than a little worse for wear.
“Clint?” she prodded, knowing that as much as Clint liked the Maximoff twins, he liked to give Pietro a hard time for being so mouthy.
“Not this time,” Pietro winced. “The illustrious Captain today – your peţitor hits hard.”
“My petty-what?” Darcy raised her eyebrows.
“Peţitor,” Pietro repeated, frowning as he tried to find the right words. “It is like… a suitor? A lover?”
“A lover?!” Darcy stared. “What in Thor’s name gave you that idea?”
“You are not?” Pietro looked puzzled. “The old man said – ”
“Clint is a fucking troll,” Darcy interrupted, rolling her eyes. “Don’t listen to what he says.”
“… I see.” Pietro blinked, his brows furrowed still. “I suppose… well, he looks like – ”
“Seriously, dude,” Darcy held up a hand. “Just let it go, okay?”
And maybe it was because she sounded less than chipper, but he just nodded as he looked at her. “Alright. It is none of my business, I think.”
“Damn right, it’s not,” Darcy replied, and before he could say anything more, she handed him the TV remote. “So your choice tonight, Speedy: America’s Got Talent rerun, or Dog Cops?”
7. Tony
“Do me a favor and wait until New Year’s if you make a move,” Tony threw out as he guzzled his cup of morning coffee, and it took Darcy a second to realize what he was talking about.
“Seriously?” Darcy asked, and Tony snorted when she said, “It’s not going to happen, you know.”
“It’s not a question of if it will happen, but when,” Tony drawled. “Don’t pretend like you don’t want to climb that man like a tree.”
“Just because I want to, doesn’t mean I should.” She blushed furiously, but she was surprised Tony didn’t poke fun at her reaction. “Seriously, you think Captain America would ever go for a girl like me?”
Tony stopped to look at her, frowning. “Can I just say something, Lewis?” He put down his cup, looking entirely too serious for a man who was about to go on vacation in Tahiti wearing an Iron Man onesie. “If anything, you’re the one who could do better than Grandpa Rogers – but regardless of my own problems with Capsicle, he could do a pretty good job of taking care of you.”
Darcy blinked as Tony emptied his cup, placing it in the sink and heading to the elevators.
“And when I say ‘take care of you,’ what I really mean is fucking you,” Tony added baldly, ignoring Darcy’s startled squawk. “Both of you need to get laid before my Tower spontaneously combusts from all that sexual tension floating around.”
“I hope you choke on caviar!” Darcy sputtered back at him, and Tony rolled his eyes.
“You know I’m right!” he shot back, stepping into the elevator car. “Merry Christmas and all that good stuff, kid. Don’t let the Tower burn down while I’m gone.”
“I’m Jewish!” she called after him, and he just gave her a two-fingered salute as the doors closed on him
8. Sam
“When are you heading out?”
“Tomorrow morning.” Sam grinned around the rim of his coffee cup. “There’s still time, you know; Ma would love if you came.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “Christmas is family time, and besides – I’m Jewish.”
“That’s weak, Lewis,” Sam protested. “You eat bacon every morning!”
“Still.” She shrugged. “I have FRIDAY to keep me company, so it won’t be all bad.”
“Doesn’t count,” Sam grumbled, before brightening. “Hey, I hear Steve might swing by? I told him about the Star Wars marathon you’re doing.”
“Don’t think so.” Darcy shook her head. “Bucky said something about how Steve might go with him to his niece’s place or something.”
“Damn it,” Sam muttered a little too disappointed to be casual, and she narrowed her eyes.
“What was that, flyboy?”
Sam scratched his head a little sheepishly. “Erm… well, since we’re bros and all, I guess I should say something,” he said slowly, and Darcy frowned at the apologetic look on his face. “There’s a betting pool. About you and Steve.”
“What?” She felt the color drain out of her face. “Who – don’t tell me you’re in on it?” At his wince, she cried, “Sam!”
“He was supposed to be in the Tower on Christmas!” Sam said defensively, dodging the piece of toast thrown in his direction as she out a scream of frustration. “I figured it was a done deal!”
Darcy froze with a second piece of toast in hand, looking at him incredulously. “What do you mean, done deal?!”
He raised his eyebrows. “You stare at him every time he’s in the room,” Sam said bemusedly, and Darcy wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Did everyone know about her crush? “I mean, don’t get me wrong – he’s definitely – ”
“Sam,” Darcy said tiredly, and Sam looked at her in confusion. “Don’t, please.”
“He is a nice guy, Darce – ”
“Sam!” He stopped, blinking. “Stop trying to make it happen,” Darcy said firmly, her lips drawn into a line. “It’s not going to happen.”
“… Darce, I’m just messing with you.” Sam looked surprised at her vehemence, and she flushed a little in embarrassment. “… You’re really not interested?”
“It’s not that,” she muttered. “I just… I’m sure he’s not comfortable with being lumped together with someone like me.”
Sam stared at her with what Darcy called his ‘therapy eyes,’ but to her relief, he only said, “Noted.”
And then: “… Did you just quote Mean Girls to me?”
Darcy couldn’t help but smile. “My inner Regina George emerges once in a blue moon,” she said, and when Sam laughed she felt like she had just dodged a bullet. “You’re lucky to be around to see it.”
9. Thor
“The Lady Natasha has share some joyful news with me, dear sister,” Thor boomed, and Darcy looked up from her computer. “I have heard that you are being courted by the Captain.”
Darcy pursed her lips. “I’m going to kill her.”
Thor looked troubled by this. “I merely inquired due to the rumors I have heard,” he said quickly. “It is by no fault of Lady Natasha.”
“It’s an expression, big guy,” Darcy sighed, and rubbed at her eyes. “Don’t listen to her; we’re not courting. He barely knows I exist.”
“I assure you, he knows,” Thor said earnestly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “And I have spoken of you favorably to him, in hopes that he would consider you. He would make a fine suitor.”
“Probably,” she said, swallowing. “But he’s not courting me, and probably never will – so end of story.”
“Never?” Thor stared down at her, and then asked, “Do you think yourself unworthy of his affections, Lady Darcy?”
“I mean, duh.” She smiled a little shakily. “I know I’m pretty awesome, but he’s kinda out of my league.”
He shook his head. “Any man would be honored if you so chose them,” Thor said softly, firmly. “The Captain would be no different.”
“Tell that to all my exes,” Darcy muttered, but Thor looked un-amused.
“You are worth more than you believe, Lady Darcy.” He leant down, grasping her chin with his hand and tilting her face up to look him in the eye. “One day, I hope there will be a man who can prove this to you.”
10. Wanda
“He’s not so bad, you know,” Wanda said quietly. “He’s a wonderful man.”
“Not you too,” Darcy groaned. “If he’s so wonderful, why don’t you go for him, then?”
She bit back the rolling ache in her heart at the idea of it, and scolded herself for letting things get so far. For all that she argued against the idea, she secretly wondered what it’d be like, to be with Steve Rogers. She’d thought about it enough to carve a space into her heart for the fantasy, a dream that was close enough to reality to hurt but far enough that she knew it’d never happen.
“I would.” Wanda tilted her head to the side, watching. “But he does not have feelings for me.”
“That implies that he likes someone,” Darcy muttered, a pulse of hurt thrumming through her chest at Wanda’s answering nod. “… who?”
But Wanda shook her head. “It is not my place to say,” she murmured. “But may I give you some advice?”
Darcy shrugged. “Sure.”
“You are too hard on yourself.” She paused, studying Darcy’s stricken expression, and her eyes softened. “You deserve to be happy too.”
11. Jane
“You don’t see the way he looks at you.” Jane shook her head. “You don’t notice, but it’s there.”
“What’s there?” Darcy asked, frustrated.
“Like he’s scared that you’re going to disappear on him or something.” Jane stopped, then frowned, shaking her head. “No, that’s not right. It’s like… it’s like he’s trying to muster up the courage to talk to you but he’s chickening out every time.”
Darcy snorted. “That’s ridiculous.”
“You might say that,” Jane shrugged. “His actions say otherwise.”
“I assure you, Jane,” Darcy said exasperatedly. “Steve Rogers avoids me like I’m the transmitter of some kind of airborne virus.”
“Steve Rogers stares at you like a starving man,” Jane replied bluntly. “And I’m ninety-nine percent positive he avoids you because you make a point to avoid him too.”
“I do not!” Darcy protested. “And how would you know?”
Jane looked entirely unrepentant as she said, “I’m a genius.”
Darcy only gave her a flat look in return, one that Jane ignored admirably.
“Your immediate reaction to liking someone is to avoid them.” Jane pinned her with a level look. “He probably thinks you hate him.”
“I don’t hate him,” Darcy sputtered. “I just… it’s weird, okay?”
Jane raised a single, slim brow. “Uh huh.”
“Look, I know that it’s never going to happen,” Darcy said, shooting the other woman a glare. “I just need the space to get over him.”
Jane just hummed. “And how’s that working out for you?”
Darcy grumbled. “Perfectly,” she said, lying through her teeth. “Now stop worrying about me and go get ready for your trip to Asgard.”
“Yes, mother,” Jane grumbled. She let it go and didn’t say anything more after that, but her look said that she didn’t believe it.
Darcy tried to convince herself that she did.
12. Bucky
Darcy jumped when a voice murmured into her ear, “Now, what is this nonsense Natalia is saying? You think Steve’s too good for you?”
“Jesus, Bucky, warn a girl!” Bucky just chuckled a little, settling next to her at the dining table where she was working on distributing cookies into separate tins. “Wear a fucking bell, or something, please!”
“Give me one and I will,” Bucky said cheekily, and Darcy rolled her eyes, knowing that even a bell wouldn’t help – Tony had tried that when Bucky first moved into the Tower, but the bell just never rang. “Now, stop avoiding the question.”
“I didn’t hear a question,” Darcy deflected, looking down.
“Uh huh.” Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Let’s try again: You think Steve’s too good for you?”
“We don’t mesh, Bucky, simple as that.” Darcy busied herself with carefully packing the box of cookies in front of her. “Nat’s just trying to play matchmaker again.”
“While I’d normally be sympathetic, I actually agree with her on this one,” Bucky said lightly. “You know, he’s gonna be around tomorrow; you should talk to him instead of running away all the time.”
“I do not run away,” Darcy protested. “And I thought he was going with you to your niece’s place?”
“Nah, he wanted something quiet this year,” Bucky said. “Becca’s girl has five little sprogs runnin’ around the house – not exactly all peace and quiet.
Darcy shrugged. “We’ll see, I guess.”
“C’mon, Darce,” Bucky nudge at her arm, smirking. “Admit it – you and Stevie would be pretty good for each other.”
“I’m surprised you think that.” Darcy couldn’t hold back the snort. “You know what he’s like.”
“ ‘What he’s like?’ ” Bucky stopped, drawing back and bristling a little at that. “What exactly are you gettin’ at, Lewis?”
Darcy swallowed at the foreboding use of her last name. “That’s not what I… that isn’t what I mean, Bucky.”
“Then what do you mean?” he challenged, a spark of anger in his eyes. She looked into his face, jaw set into a defensive jut and mouth a tight line, and saw all the protectiveness and admiration for the man he called best friend. In that moment, she felt her doubts just swallow her up again.
“… I’m just not good enough for him,” Darcy said honestly, and Bucky stared at her as his expression melted into one of confusion. “I’m not the kind of girl who gets the guy, Bucky. I never was.”
Bucky said nothing as he sat there, watching her pack up the rest of the baked treats, and then said, “Bullshit.”
Darcy’s head snapped up to look at him.
“I dunno who put that idea in your head, Darce, but screw ‘em,” Barnes said, fierce enough that she didn’t know what to say. “You deserve someone to make you happy, and you’re plenty good enough – for Stevie and anyone else.”
“I could say the same to you,” Darcy murmured, and to his credit Barnes didn’t flinch when she said, “You think you don’t deserve to be happy because of what you’ve done – so how can you sit here and lecture me on self-worth?”
“It’s different with me,” he said, shaking his head. “And you know that.” The slight scolding tone made her duck her head in shame, but when he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear, she looked up in surprise.
“Just… trust me on this, Darcy – any guy who turns you down is a clueless schmuck.” Bucky looked at her, entirely serious, and gave her an odd little smile that was half wistful, half tender. “And if the punk doesn’t take his chance… well, don’t worry. Someone else will.”
+1. Steve
When she opened the door to her quarters, he could see the surprise splashed across her face at the sight of him standing at her front door with Thai food and beers. “Ca – Steve?”
“Someone told me you were going to be alone for Christmas.” He held up his offerings. “So I thought I’d come keep you company.”
He willed himself not to blush as she looked at him, and internally, he sighed in relief when she let him inside. She was in stockings and an oversized sweater, hair loose around her face, and he swallowed when he saw the seams crawling up the backs of her legs and disappearing under the hem of her top.
“How serendipitous, I was just getting hungry,” she teased, smiling as he placed the paper takeout bag on the table. “What’ve you got, Cap?”
“Pad Thai and Tom Yum Soup for the lady?” He pulled two containers out of the bag, smiling a little when her mouth dropped open in surprise. “I asked FRIDAY what your favorites were,” he confessed.
He was happy to see her face flush red as she ducked her head. Bucky had cornered him the day before, warning him not to fuck up – Steve had his doubts when Bucky mentioned how Darcy felt the same, thinking it was too good to be true. Seeing her now, where neither of them could hide behind other people… it gave him hope.
“You didn’t have to,” she said, but he could tell she was pleased by the slight smile on her lips. “Thanks, Steve. How much – ?”
“My treat,” he said firmly, shaking his head when she protested. “It’s the least I could do – you made Christmas cookies and I basically ate them all.”
“I’m actually Jewish,” she admitted, looking down at the food in her hands. “And they were meant to be eaten.”
Steve shook his head again. “Let me watch Star Wars with you and we’ll call it even,” he said, and he smiled. “Gotta see if it measures up to Star Trek.”
He laughed when she gasped dramatically, grabbing his arm and hauling him to the couch as she chattered on about the love epic of Han Solo and Leia Organa. And as she did, a plan started to form in his head.
She woke up to an arm banded tight across her waist, her face pressed into a warm chest as even breathing made the stray hairs on her head flutter softly in a soothing rhythm.
“You’re awake.” She tensed when Steve spoke, his voice thick and low, and she quickly pulled back, berating herself for mourning the loss when his arm slipped from her waist.
“Sorry,” she apologized quickly, averting her eyes when she saw that Steve was watching her, his hands nearly touching her thighs. To her mortification, she realized that he had been spooning her, and her face turned bright red.
She made to scramble off the couch, but a gentle touch on her elbow stopped her. “You always run away from me,” he said, quiet and patient and entirely un-expectant. “Why?”
“I could ask the same of you,” she shot back, struggling to regain control of her body and the situation, but not managing to do either as her legs just refused to move.
When she said nothing more, he took it upon himself to fill the silence. “I figured you didn’t like me much,” he said ruefully. “You were always making excuses to leave the room when I was around… I was trying to give you space.”
“I don’t, though,” she blurted out, something in her heart falling at his words. “Dislike you, that is.”
She bit her lip, trying to think of what to say next, and the little voice in her head that said ‘I told you so,’ sounded a whole lot like Jane. She didn’t get a chance to speak as he slowly sat up so he could look into her face. It took a lot to force herself to look into his eyes, but when she did he smiled at her, sending a jolt of self-consciousness running down her spine.
“What?” She touched her cheek self-consciously. “Do I have something on my face?”
“No.” Steve watched her, and said, “I’m just trying to think of the right thing to say.”
Something twisted in her gut, her mind going to the worst-case scenario – rejection, regret, disgust, pity – and all her self-doubt must’ve shown on her face because he cupped her chin with his hand in such an intimate gesture that it made her breath stop.
“Don’t do that,” he said firmly, his gaze intent. “Don’t put yourself down like that.”
She pulled back, twisting so his hand fell away, and something burned in her stomach as she tried to hold onto anger that felt empty and unfounded. “You don’t know – ”
“I have an idea,” he said simply, and her breath caught when he said, “You think you’re not good enough for me. Why?”
She tried to avoid the question, and asked, “Bucky told you, didn’t he?”
“Thor, actually,” Steve corrected, and Darcy cursed. “But Buck and Tasha mentioned a few things.”
“They don’t know what they’re talking about,” she said, getting to her feet and trying to put as much distance as she could between him and herself. It didn’t work though – he just got up and followed after her, catching her wrist and stepping in front of her. Before she could turn away, he caught her face in his hands, bent down, and kissed her.
She tried to pull back at first – she tried to ignore the way he cupped her cheeks and stroked her skin with his thumbs; the way he stepped closer even as she tried to step back, gently seeking permission with his tongue. Her hands came up to his wrists, intent on pulling his hands away, but he pressed closer, crowding her up against the wall and sighing into her mouth once before drawing back.
“Stop thinking,” he murmured, and leant his forehead against hers as she caught her breath. When he bent down again, though, she shook her head.
“I’m not good enough for you,” she said, and he stopped. He pulled back, staring into her eyes, and her heart hurt as she mumbled, “You could have anyone you want – ”
“And if I said I wanted you?”
“Then you’re lying.” She shrugged, and said softly, “Girls like me don’t get the guy and the happily ever after. It doesn’t really happen.”
She chanced a look at his face, surprised when he looked furious and sad in the same breath. “Whoever told you that is wrong,” he said, and let one hand fall to rest on her hip. He laughed a little, self-deprecating and wry, and said, “If anything, I thought I was the one who wasn’t good enough for you.”
At that, she stopped, and Darcy looked up at him, wide-eyed in surprise.
“The first time we met I thought you were a dream,” he confessed, smiling a little at how Darcy turned red at the comment. “Every fantasy I’ve ever had as a kid, but better – you looked so beautiful when you smiled, and when you laughed, you just never did those things around me. And in the beginning, I tried to get your attention, but you never looked at me twice.”
“I couldn’t look at you without staring,” Darcy murmured. “I didn’t want you to think I was some creepy stalker.”
“Would’ve been flattering, coming from you,” Steve said, smiling slightly. “Figured I didn’t have much of a chance, after that. I told myself that a girl like you deserved more than an old-fashioned guy who wasn’t around for a lot of the time… It hurt a little too much, I guess – my pride got knocked down a bit – so I put some space between us. Just wish I would’ve known earlier.“
She couldn’t resist. “Known what?”
“That you liked me too.” He leaned down, pressing his forehead back against hers, and Darcy inhaled sharply. “So, let’s try this again – I’m Steve, and I’d really like to kiss you. Properly, this time.”
“I’m Darcy,” she murmured. “And I’d really like that too.”
Needless to say, Natasha won the pot. Tony was not happy.