Chapter 10
“So what's up with…this?” Gerard asked, gesturing to the casserole dishes on his kitchen table.
Ray looked back at him with an exasperated expression. “Are you joking, Way?”
Gerard shook his head. Ray kept looking back and forth between him and Frank who was still sitting on the couch and pretending not to listen to them. Gerard’s house wasn't nearly large enough for him to be out of earshot.
“Do you know what day it is?” Ray asked, pushing his hair out of his face.
“Friday?”
“Thanksgiving was yesterday, asshole. I brought leftovers.”
“Oh.”
“You seriously forgot?”
Gerard’s eyes flicked over to Frank, and Ray grimaced.
“And what is up with him?” He spoke in a hushed voice.
Gerard always found an excuse to not spend the holiday with Ray's family. Being so estranged from his parents made Ray pity him—though he would never admit it—it had only gotten worse since Mikey moved to California. Gerard knew that Ray thought he was being a good friend, and Ray was a good friend. Gerard just preferred to spend holidays alone. Ray's family was nice but being around so many people was always overwhelming no matter how nice they were. He had told Ray that he would spend the entire day working, which wasn’t a lie, but it probably seemed that way considering how he was cuddling with Frank when he came in.
“I guess we haven't put a label on it yet,” Gerard said. Frank had been his for over a year now but he didn't become his until recently. “Boyfriend sounds kinda juvenile, y'know?” It was too shallow of a word to describe how much Gerard loved him. Frank wasn’t just his boyfriend, he belonged to Gerard. It was something closer to marriage.
“How long have you been seeing him?”
“He moved in a month ago. Fuck, it's only been a month, it feels so much longer. It always feels like I've known him forever.” Gerard found himself smiling. Even with how much Frank fought him in the beginning, he still came around. He was so proud of him.
“Stop making heart eyes at him while I'm in the room.” Ray rolled his eyes. “I guess I can't be mad at you, there was that time in college when you had a girlfriend that even Mikey didn't know about.”
Gerard’s eyes widened.
“Mikey doesn't know?”
“I wanna tell him, he just wouldn't understand.” Gerard shook his head.
“What wouldn't he understand?”
“There’s—our relationship is complicated, okay? I love Frank, but I don’t think Mikey would… I don’t know, approve of him? That's the wrong word, but…” he trailed off.
“And you're still dating him?”
Gerard scoffed, “Yeah?”
“I mean what could make Mikey not like him?”
Gerard’s face reddened. He always had a hard time lying to his brother. Avoiding any mention of Frank was easier than explaining what he did, even though he knew it was justified. He didn't expect anyone to understand his relationship with Frank, but he dreaded even the thought of Mikey confronting him about it. The disapproving glare he imagined Mikey giving him was enough to postpone his plans for so long. If he didn't care so much about what Mikey thought, he would've taken Frank the moment he saw him.
“Um,” Gerard thought for a moment. He didn't want to do this but it was easier than giving Ray the real answer. “Frankie, can you come here?”
His boy flinched a little at his name being mentioned, but he stood up anyway and came to Gerard. He looked nervously between him and Ray until Gerard tilted his chin up and brushed his hair out of the way so Ray could see the collar on his neck.
“That's what I meant when I said our relationship was complicated.”
Ray cringed. “It’s not a sex thing is it?”
“So what if it is?” Frank snapped.
Ray shrugged, his face red. “That's fine.”
“It isn't just a sex thing,” Gerard rolled his eyes, “it's all the time. And Frank's important to me, I wouldn't be able to deal with Mikey thinking it's weird or wrong or whatever.”
Ray's expression softened. “Okay, I guess I understand. Next year if you wanna hang out with your boyfriend all day, just tell me.”
Gerard rolled his eyes again, but this time he couldn't stop from smiling. “Yeah whatever, asshole. Now get out of my house.”
*****
After Ray left, Frank and Gerard returned to the couch.
“You did good, Frankie. ‘m really proud of you.”
Frank shifted next to him. Ray had made him nervous, but that wasn't because of anything he did. Frank just wasn't used to being around anyone who wasn't Gerard. Even though he had only been with Gerard for a little over a month. That made Frank's head spin. He was really weak, wasn't he? To give into Gerard in such a short amount of time. But it felt good. Even when Gerard tilted his head back, presenting him in front of his friend, Frank felt his cock twitch in his pants. The only downside was that the horrible itchy feeling beneath his skin was still there.
“I was bad. I was kinda mean.”
Gerard giggled. “He deserved it. Don't worry. I like when you're mean.”
Frank rolled his eyes. “You like me all the time.” He tried to focus on the movie they were watching, but he gave up after a few minutes. “Why does he have a key anyway?”
“He's my best friend.” Gerard shrugged.
Frank did not have the keys to his friends’ homes, so that didn't seem like an adequate answer to him. But, Frank also wasn't sure if his friends could even be called that. Ray didn't seem shocked or surprised the same way Frank would expect someone to look upon seeing a missing person in his best friend's home. He already knew that no one cared enough to notice that he was gone, but every reminder felt like a punch in the gut. Frank would've died for any of those guys, but they won't even call him. And Gerard, Gerard who kidnapped him and kept him shackled to a bed in his basement, has a friend who loves him enough to check up on him around the holidays. Frank wanted to rip his hair out. He was already biting his lip until he broke skin when he felt Gerard’s cool fingers pressing his hair out of his face.
“Maybe Ray and I are closer than most people. And you know how I am, I don’t leave the house nearly enough. I gave Ray a key because I have a habit of locking myself inside and working too much. One time, I was so focused on working that I wouldn’t have eaten anything for a week if Ray didn't come and force me to.”
Frank nodded. He wanted Gerard’s words to make him feel better. Gerard wasn't exactly normal so of course he and Ray wouldn't have a normal friendship. But it didn't stop him from feeling like shit. Gerard had a friend who noticed when he disappeared. Even then, how long had it been since Ray last came over? What would happen if something happened to Gerard while he was away from home? What would happen to Frank? Gerard was the only person who cared about him. Why did no one care if he lived or died except Gerard?
*****
Frank was restless the next day. Gerard had kissed his head apologetically before leaving for an informal meeting with the artist working on his comic. He mentioned that he had a few details that needed to be worked on and Frank couldn’t help but think about how that was just another consequence of his irrationality and stupidity. His outburst was the reason why Gerard had to leave him. It made the itchy, buzzing feeling under his skin worsen. He couldn’t stop himself from pacing around the bedroom, unable to sit down long enough to read a book or watch TV. Each of his steps was announced by the jingling of the tag on his collar, and that gave him an idea.
Frank opened the bedroom door and padded down the short hallway to the stairs.
Every creak of the stairs felt incriminating. Frank knew Gerard was gone. He heard the car leave the driveway. Reaching the bottom of the steps, Frank felt both immense relief and strangely disappointed that Gerard hadn't been watching him.
Frank headed towards the door. Gerard’s house wasn't huge, but it felt like the door was inching away from Frank with every step he took forward. When he finally reached it, he was struggling to catch his breath. Sweat was soaking his shirt, but he felt strangely cold.
Frank turned the doorknob, but it didn't move. He fumbled with the lock until the door cracked open. Frank was waiting for an alarm to go off, for Gerard to be standing right outside and waiting for him, but there was nothing. Pushing the door open further, Frank looked outside. His surroundings weren’t surprising. He had looked out the window in Gerard’s bedroom a few times out of boredom, but now it felt more real.
The house was secluded. Woods framed the other side of the road and the sides of the house. Everything was eerily silent. Frank strained his ears to hear anything, children playing outside, ambulance sirens, traffic from a nearby highway. All he could hear was crows flying overhead and distant rustling in the forest.
He fully stepped outside and the late November wind cut through him. Frank’s clothes were usually enough to keep him warm inside the house, but now his t-shirt and sweats were woefully inadequate.
He could still be in Jersey, Frank thought. The woods across the street from him looked just like ones he had played in as a kid. But he could be anywhere. He looked down at the worn welcome mat underneath his feet.
And then Frank went back inside. And locked the door.