Chapter 11
Ashlyn was stressed out to say the least. As the World Cup proceeded and games went by, the team was now awaiting their game against Colombia. Ashlyn knew she should feel happy for how her team does, and she truly is happy, but at the same time there is a part of her that is pissed. She was frustrated with the lack of caps she was getting and she felt so out of character. Ashlyn Harris was never one to care about how many caps she got, she cared more about respect, but with the lack of caps she was receiving she would be lying if she said she didn’t feel discouraged.
A part of her felt like she was left out of the celebration of the team and she hated the feeling. Ashlyn knows there are other players not receiving playing time and she knows she should be grateful for even being present for this tournament, but a part of her wanted to remain selfish. It was hard to watch her friends, your girlfriend, out on the field kicking ass while she has to remain on the bench. She wanted to confide in Ali over the way she has been feeling but she is afraid the other girl will just say to stay patient and in all honesty, that wasn’t what Ashlyn wanted to hear.
She found herself walking down to the hotel lobby and out to the back of the establishment. It was a quiet day, not too hot but just nice enough. Ashlyn always felt most relaxed whilst being outside and when nature was present around her. She took a seat on a nearby bench and leaned her head back, taking a deep breath. She knew she wasn’t going to find the answer to any of her problems out here but honestly, she wouldn’t find those answers anywhere.
What Ashlyn wanted to hear was that she was going to start a game. She wanted to know for sure that she had a permanent starting position and she knew that wouldn’t happen. She wanted to feel like she was a part of this team and deep down she did feel that way, but more importantly she wanted to be able to prove herself. She wanted to prove herself to Ali, to herself, to Abby, to Christie, to Hope, to the other players, to Jill, and to her family. It’s not easy having to sit in the shadows and just pretend to be happy sitting court side.
Someone sat down next to her and she turned to see Whit. A smile formed on Ashlyn’s lips and she couldn’t help but feel happy at the sudden appearance of her best friend. It always seemed like whenever she was having a rough time, Whit would always be there. That was how their relationship had always been. Whitney had Ashlyn’s back no matter what and Ashlyn had Whitney’s back no matter what.
“My Ashlyn senses were tingling.” Whitney said with a smile, earning a smile from Ashlyn.
Ashlyn shrugged halfheartedly. “I’m just bummed.”
“About caps, right?” Whit asked but she already knew the answer.
“Yeah,” Ashlyn said letting out a breath she didn’t even realize she had been holding in, “I just feel like I haven’t had the chance to prove myself.”
“You’re not the only one, Ash. My parents call me every day questioning if I’ll be starting the next game or not.”
“Do…do you think Jill doesn’t believe in us?” Ashlyn asked, her insecurities finally being voiced.
“I think,” Whit started, “that Jill has a plan. She sees that the team she is playing with now is winning and that if they continue to, why change it? If it isn’t broken, why fix it? We’ll get our chance but I think she wants to see if the team she has now can last throughout all the games.”
“I guess but why not just give us a chance instead of waiting for things to fall apart?”
“That’s the thing, things won’t fall apart. That team out there is fool proof but if, God forbid, something went wrong or if someone got hurt, we are Jill’s back up plan. I have heard her talk about you Ashlyn, she thinks you kick ass. But maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t think now is the time to play you, you know what I mean?”
“How come you always know what to say?” Ashlyn asked giving Whit a playful shove.
“Because for some reason we are usually in the same boat and if you have problems, I usually have answers because I had the same problems.” Whit replied with a crooked grin.
The pair sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. Ashlyn took what Whit said to heart. The longer she thought about the conversation that just happened, the more she realized her friend was right. Jill is a smart woman and a very smart coach, she doesn’t always make the best calls when it comes to substitutes all the time but maybe her gut is telling her it isn’t Ashlyn’s time to shine. One day it will be Ashlyn’s chance, whether it is sometime during the World Cup or during other games. All she knows is that she is going to continue working her ass off so she can prove to Jill that she deserves to play just as much as hope.
A wave of guilt flushed over the blonde girl. She began to feel selfish over her earlier thoughts and she felt terrible. After taking time to realize others weren’t playing either, she realized that maybe all the girls were dealing with this feeling. Maybe Alyssa had the same thoughts about not being able to start games because Hope held the position over her.
“How are you and Ali?” Whit finally asked knocking Ashlyn out of her previous thoughts.
“We are pretty great.” Ashlyn said with a grin. She and Whit hadn’t discussed the budding relationship since the blow up at dinner the other night and both girls figured now was better than ever.
“How did it all begin?”
“Honestly, it just kind of happened.” Ashlyn said with a shrug. “One minute we were just best friends and the next we were kissing. I think we realized that we clicked and that we were each other’s missing puzzle pieces.”
“You guys seem really happy together.” Whit said with a grin present on her face.
“We are.” Ashlyn replied with a bright smile on her face.
“Well how about instead of spending time with your bestie, you go spend some time with your girl. She just came outside, I heard her talking to Pinoe earlier about how she was worried you were sad or something.” Whit said nodding over to Ali who had just spotted the two girls and sent a friendly wave their way.
“Thank you, Whit, for everything.” Ashlyn said giving her friend a quick side hug before standing up and heading over to her girlfriend.
They both shared a small hello before Ashlyn took Ali’s hand and lead her back into the hotel. The pair remained silent as they walked up a few flight of stairs before they reached Ashlyn’s hotel room. Ashlyn opened the door, holding it open for Ali to walk in and then she followed. She grabbed the brunette’s waist and brought their lips together in a quick kiss before going over to her bed and sitting down. Ali smiled, walking over to Ashlyn and sitting down next to her, taking the blonde girl’s hand in hers.
“You seem to be in a more chipper mood than you were in this morning during training.” Ali stated hesitantly.
“I definitely am,” Ashlyn said squeezing Ali’s hand, “Whit helped me calm my crazy mind.”
Ali didn’t even question what was going on in Ashlyn’s head; instead she figured she’d wait for the other girl to come to her about it. Instead she said “good” and began kissing her neck. Ashlyn’s leaned her head back, giving Ali more access. Ali moved from her spot to straddle her girlfriend, biting and nipping at her neck. Ashlyn suddenly got an idea and she leaned back slightly, making Ali look at her.
“I have a proposition.” Ashlyn said with a twinkle in her eye.
“And that proposition is?” Ali asked with raised eyebrows.
“If we win the next game,” Ashlyn started figuring if she couldn’t play in games she could have her own fun with making deals about them, “You get to do whatever you want to me for however long you want to. ONLY if you play your hardest though.”
Ali’s eye’s darkened and her pupils grew in size, “Oh you’re on Harris.”
And for once, all of Ashlyn’s worries went away because even if she didn’t get to start games or even play sometimes, she would always have this beautiful girl in her arms once the game ended.