It's a Long Way Down, Long Way Down
It ended up taking much longer than ten minutes for the Alpha and Omega pair to make it out of the tent. Although Lexa had been quick in getting ready to meet Clarke’s deadline, there had been a few lengthy kissing delays as they tried to eat a quick breakfast together in the main part of the tent before leaving and it ended up taking at least an hour to force themselves out of the bubble of happiness that they had created there over the last few days.
When they did finally manage to make the trek out of those tent flaps and back into the real world, Indra wasted no time before attaching herself to Lexa’s side and starting her report, completely ignoring Clarke as she explained to the Heda how her camp had been as well as how Lexa’s newest commands for the Sky People had been carried out and accepted. And, while she was happy to hear that her mother had been cooperative with Lexa’s demands, allowing over twenty Omegas to flee freely into the safety of Lexa’s lands and preventing any angry Alphas from revolting and/or fighting back, the way that the Beta was completely ignoring her, blocking her from walking at Lexa’s side, and not even bothering to pretend she was also addressing Clarke with the report concerning her people, as if she were less than a leader now that it was assumed she was Lexa’s mate, was slowly beginning to eat at Clarke as they made their way across camp. And Lexa wasn’t trying to correct the situation, either. She was focused intently on Indra’s report, seeming to be paying no attention to whether or not Clarke was even still following them.
And it hurt Clarke. She had thought they had agreed to command together as equals, but here they were, less than five minutes out of the tent, and Clarke was already starting to feel like she had back on the Ark – ignored and unimportant. The thought that maybe her mother had been right, that maybe Lexa wouldn’t see her as a co-leader once they were mated, that even while Lexa respected her, she would now expect Clarke to be the Commander’s submissive Omega mate with no real power, began to completely dominate Clarke’s mind. She stopped even trying to listen to what the Beta warrior was saying as she wondered what she’d gotten herself into, feeling positively heartbroken that the dreams she had for leading with Lexa might have been shattered.
Suddenly, she was pulled from her thoughts when the two warriors in front of her stopped abruptly. Clarke pulled her gaze from the muddy earth in front of her feet that she had been staring at pensively as she walked and was surprised to find Lexa facing her, standing only a few inches away, and looking at her with deep, penetrating eyes.
Lexa, now used to being so in tune with Clarke’s scent, had been having an increasingly difficult time listening to Indra as the Beta gave her report. While her training made it possible to hear and digest every word the warrior said to her, even while distracted, her inner Alpha was howling angrily about the separation from her Omega and demanding that she push Indra aside and pull Clarke into her rightful place next to her. She could smell her so close by. Practically taste the commanding, contented Omega pheromones floating off of the blonde, but she could do nothing demonstrative of her emotions in public, especially when they weren’t officially mated or married yet. She wanted to be next to Clarke, holding Clarke, leading with Clarke, but she knew she needed to pay attention to Indra and act official. She couldn’t be seen as weak, not after having disappeared from her people for days, not in front of Clarke, and most importantly not when still courting Clarke. She had already shown the Omega too much weakness and unitability over the last few days. She needed to remind her that she was strong and vital, too. An Alpha Commander worthy of mating.
So, as the Beta filled her in, she puffed out her chest more, put on an extra show of dominance and control, and strutted her way through her camp, while still paying careful attention to the Omega’s scent. Hoping to sense some sort of positive reaction. Maybe arousal, or need, or general attraction. But, as the Omega’s scent began to slowly shift to an overpowering aroma of weariness and resignation mixed with a hurt so intense it bordered on heartbreak, Lexa’s display snapped. She disregarded any concerns about displaying her care for Clarke in front of her people and whirled around in the mud to face her Omega, immediately invading her space, sensing that Indra had stopped as well but paying her no mind as she tried to discover what was hurting Clarke so that she could destroy it.
She watched, scanning the Omega’s face intently, as Clarke registered the stop and raised her head from the defeated, lowered position it had been in. When their eyes finally met and she looked into Clarke’s, her breath hitched to see the doubt and pain swirling in those blue pools. Frowning, she stepped even closer to her Omega, hoping to smother the girl in Alpha pheromones in order to comfort her, reassure her that she was there and would defend her against this new hurt, but was baffled to see Clarke’s features harden in response.
Clarke couldn’t believe it. She wasn’t sure what she had done, whether it was miss a command directed at her or if it was some other insult via cultural differences, but all of the sudden Lexa was in her space, surrounding her in dominant Alpha pheromones, challenging her, attempting to dominate her and make her submit in the middle of the grounder camp. Angry now, Clarke refused to let herself be treated this way in public, or at all, even if it was from Lexa. No matter how much she knew Lexa loved her, or how much she loved Lexa, she refused to let herself be continued to be put down because she was an Omega. She’d had enough of that on the Ark. Down here she wanted to be respected as a leader, an equal, she had proved herself worthy of that respect. So, when Lexa took another step into her space, accentuating their minor height difference in another attempt to establish her dominance, Clarke let her anger surface, hardened her face, and prepared herself for the fight she was sure they were about to have. If she didn’t establish herself now, she realized, then Lexa and her people would never respect her.
As the anger came though on Clarke’s face and in her scent, Lexa panicked. She wasn’t sure what was going on. All she knew was that something had hurt, and now angered, her Omega and she wanted to fix it. She scanned Clarke frantically as the girl seemed to tense and draw herself up, as if responding to a challenge, as if preparing herself from a fight, as if- oh, Lexa realized as she quickly reviewed the last few minutes in her head. Clarke was responding to her. Clarke thought Lexa was challenging her in the middle of the camp, in front of all of her people. Lexa was sure that was why Clarke was angry, and she would be right in her anger if that had been Lexa’s intention, but she still wasn’t sure why her Omega had been so hurt before. So, in an attempt to at least calm Clarke’s anger enough for them to talk, Lexa dropped her shoulders so that she would appear shorter and less threatening, softened her eyes, and tried to pump out the most soothing pheromones she felt she could get away with in public without opening herself up for another Alpha’s challenge.
Clarke froze in confusion as she watched Lexa’s expression shift from the penetrating glare she had originally been met with, to one that looked almost desperate and confused, to the relaxed, soothing one that now covered the commander’s face. For a moment, when Lexa had seemed confused and desperate, she was proud because she believed it was because Lexa hadn’t expected Clarke to resist her dominance and wasn’t sure what she could do to get Clarke to submit. But, when her expression then shifted again to that relaxed, soothing expression, accompanied by a compete shift in body language and pheromone output, as if she were trying to placate Clarke, not challenge her, Clarke lost all track of what was going on between them. It was as if Lexa had just recognized Clarke as an equal and Clarke didn’t know what to think. She certainly hadn’t been treating Clarke like an equal a few moments ago.
Maybe Lexa was messing with her? Playing with her head? She had been so sure of what was going on a moment ago and now she was just as lost and heartbroken as she had been while following the commander and Indra through the camp because Lexa seemed to be playing with her, manipulating her emotions, and she had thought she was away from stupid Alpha mind games like those. She thought she had left them behind along with the Ark and her mother. She had hoped Lexa was above that. But now it was seeming as if her mother had been right about all Alpha’s being the same and it felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. Because she loved Lexa, above anything else she loved Lexa with all of her heart, and if the Alpha continued to mess with her head she wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She already considered herself Lexa’s and wasn’t sure if she’d survive leaving her… or staying if this is what it would be like. But, as she got lost in her thoughts, her feelings of confusion and heartbreak began to intensify again and she dropped a good amount of the angry, challenging body language and pheromones without really realizing it. Suddenly, she unconsciously presented as much less threatening.
Lexa, on the other hand, noticed the lessening of Clarke’s anger immediately and took it as her chance to try and talk it out with Clarke without ruining her chances with the Omega. Slowly, while doing her absolute best to remain as nonthreatening as possible, she reached forward to pull Clarke into a warm, gentle hug while whispering to her, “I’m not trying to challenge you, Clarke, or dominate you. Not here in public. Not ever. I would never do that. I just want to know what is wrong. Why you are sad. Please, Clarke. I only wish to help you.” At first, she felt the Omega tense in her arms for a few seconds before, luckily, seeming to melt in her arms and listen to her words.
After a second of debating whether or not she should accept the hug, worried it was yet another mind game, Clarke gave into her instincts and relaxed into it. No matter what, she loved and trusted the Alpha and with her reassuring words being whispered directly into her ear, along with the soothing, warm brush of breath each word carried with it, Clarke couldn’t help but believe in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, she had been wrong about the situation. After a little while, she not only melted into the hug, but returned it as well by dropping her head pushing her face into the soft skin and cover of cloth over Lexa’s sternum.
Lexa had stopped talking a while ago, but once she felt Clarke press into her, seeking out comfort from her once again, she felt that she might have gained back enough trust to ask Clarke, “Please, hodnes. Tell me what upset you so.”
Clarke took several deep breaths, savoring the feel of her skin against Lexa’s and the warm, comforting musk that Lexa emits when she’s concerned, confused, a little distraught, and desiring to comfort. She felt Lexa shiver as she breathed hot, moist air onto Lexa’s flesh and the clear reaction of desire and restraint gave Clarke the courage to ask Lexa directly what was going on. So, she picked up her head, looked Lexa directly in her slightly scared, but determined green eyes, and said, “Are you screwing with my head to make me submit to you and give up complete leadership to you?”
To say Lexa was shocked by the accusation would have been the biggest understatement since the technician who’d said, “That might be bad,” when they launched the first bomb during the end of the world. To say that she was hurt by the accusation wouldn’t have done justice to the sheer amount of emotion that poured through her at the mere thought of someone tearing Clarke down in such a way. And to say that the latest realization about just how awful the conditions of Clarke’s childhood on the Ark had been, to the point where Clarke might expect THIS after the hours and hours of love and devotion they had spent together, made Lexa physically weak and sick, wouldn’t have captured the feeling she was experiencing of everything in the world falling apart around her as she watched Clarke await her answer. And try to answer she did. She wanted so badly to answer and finally help Clarke to understand that she doesn’t need to ever suspect Lexa of betraying her in that way, or in any way, ever again. But as she opened and closed her mouth over and over again, she realized she had no idea how to articulate to Clarke that she was not messing with her head, in a way that wouldn’t seem like she was messing with her head.
Luckily for Lexa, Clarke had been watching Lexa’s face extremely closely, so she noticed the absolutely crushed look that crossed the Alpha’s face in response to her question. Not that it was really that difficult to notice seeing as how the entire group of grounders that had been watching the strange interaction between leaders from a distance, also noticed Lexa’s reaction and quickly turned away to give the two some privacy, but neither girl noticed or cared. All Clarke cared about at the moment was that Lexa was clearly heartbroken to the point of speechlessness at the thought of doing something like that to Clarke, which immediately soothed every doubt and worry Clarke had, no explanation necessary. It clearly hadn’t been Lexa’s intention and that was all Clarke needed to know.
All Lexa cared about was the fact that Clarke was suddenly smiling at her slightly and leaning in to press her face back into Lexa’s chest, kissing it gently every now and then. Lexa was helplessly confused. She was in no way complaining about Clarke’s sudden shift in demeanor, but she really wished she knew what she had done to deserve it.
Gently, because she was still so, so confused, Lexa began to purr in response to Clarke’s ministrations and Clarke chuckled softly in response before whispering into her Alpha’s skin, “I’m sorry. The way you were acting, I thought you’d turned on me. I should have known better.”
Lexa shook her head softly, “I would never. I was-“ she hesitated and then lowered her voice, “I was just trying to show off to you. Prove my worth.”
Clarke laughed even louder, but refused to move out of Lexa’s hold. “You don’t need to do that, my love, I already know you are the best Alpha.”
Lexa growled quietly, her mood suddenly turning slightly dark and sullen, “Clearly that is not the case. I still have a lot to prove to you that I am not like the Alphas you are used to.”
Clarke’s breath caught in her throat and her body tensed. Lexa’s response hurt Clarke slightly again. It made her feel as if Lexa was blaming her for the associations she had with Alphas, for the hurt she’d been though. She began to wonder if this latest overreaction, now without heat as an excuse, was finally too much for the commander. She began to worry if she’d lost Lexa to this. She began to try and pull away, but Lexa’s grip only tightened.
Lexa had felt the reaction and once again reviewed what she had said, cursing herself once more when she realized how bad it sounded. And, when Clarke tried to pull away, probably expecting the Alpha to be angry with her, Lexa could only think to hold on tighter and whisper once more into her ear, “That is not your fault, Clarke. You have had terrible things done to you. You have been conditioned to be suspicious of Alphas always and I have already proven myself capable of betrayal once. I do not blame you. And you can’t be rid of me that easy. This just means that I will need to do everything in my power to make you, and the other Omegas from your camp, understand that you are safe and loved and wanted and deserving of respect. And I plan to, oh do I plan to. So, I swear I will do everything in my power to be deserving of the love and trust you have gifted me with. Is that okay?”
Clarke was crying now, but only slightly. A few slow, warm tears streamed down her face and burned into Lexa’s skin as she mumbled a shaky, emotional, “Yes.”
Lexa smiled and began to rock Clarke back and forth as she resumed her purring. “Good, then, hodnes. In that case, when you are ready, and only when you are ready for there is no rush, let us head to your camp with a party from mine and start the declaration ritual, alright?”
Lexa assumed that the small jerk of Clarke’s head into her chest and tightening of the Omega’s holds on Lexa were agreement, so she held on more firmly herself, strengthened her purr, and raised her head to make sure that there were no threats around them, suddenly remembering that they were in public. But, even though Lexa was ready to defend Clarke in this state by any means necessary, no one was even looking at them. The small crowd that had surrounded them earlier had long since scattered and the few people passing by made an effort to keep their eyes respectfully averted from the situation as they hurried on their way. Even Indra had distanced herself from the pair and was now standing behind a tent nearby and attempting to appear casual. So, content in their safety and relative privacy, Lexa focused back on the Omega in her arms, and thanked the spirits for bringing her Clarke while asking them for the strength to prove herself deserving of the girl who had fallen from the sky.