Echos
The pain in my heart was almost to much to bear. It stung like a bullet just shot through it or someone was just stabbing it over and over.... it hurt so much.
I miss him. I miss the times when me and him would just hang out, or lay on the couch with me snuggled close to his chest and him burying his nose into my nest like hair. I miss the times he would come out of nowhere and kiss me and tell me he loved me. Tell me that I changed him in all the best ways, that I was his everything. I was vulnerable because I never had someone like him to accept me and appreciate me like he did. I never had someone show me love like he did, never had someone tell me that I meant the world to them so as sweet and oblivious as I am, I believed Every. Single. Word that man said. I thought that he would be different, that he wouldn't mirror all the things everyone else did to me... I couldn't have been more stupid and wrong.
We started out fine, Perfect actually. We moved in together after 3 months of dating. Then after moving in together, he got more and more affectionate towards me. he would buy me flowers for no reason, claiming that he needed to show that he "loved me." he would come home from work in a happy mood and suddenly say for me to get dressed because he was taking me out. In the mornings I would awake to him showering me with kisses everywhere his lips could reach. every time he made love to me, he never made me go on all fours, saying he wanted to see my face. He would always say he loved me right after he came or told me that I felt so good around him.
These things had downfalls as well. The reason I say this is because with him doing all these things for me, I always felt as if I wasn't doing enough for him and it bothered me... a lot. I always told him that I wasn't worth all his money and affection but he always got mad at me and said that I was worth everything in the world and more. He always got upset when I said bad things about myself, he always went and took a walk. Only to come back and make love to me at night. He never wanted me to talk bad about myself because those things weren't true. so like with everything else he said I believed him.
after a few months of living together, things started to get... fishy. He became very distant with me. At first I thought it was because he was stressed with his job, maybe one of the cases he was working on is giving him problems. But after him snapping at me and almost hitting me, I knew it was something more. The more times i've tried to help him, the moe snappy and grumpy he got. soon all the sudden presents and dates stopped appearing. The affection he once showed me wasn't in his eyes anymore either. I tried to stay out his way more often, I cooked and cleaned to his likings and before he got home I was already in bed sleeping... Pretending to sleep. I did this because one time, when he came home he was so violent and angry. Glaring at me like I did something wrong so to avoid getting him more angry, I made it my goal to be in bed before he got home.
I tried to help him, I really did but every time I tried he would snap at me and yelled at me to get out his office. So to make him more happy I would do my chores and be in bed by the time he was home. I would text him to let him know that I was going out with my friends if they invited me out. He would always text back saying to do my chores perfectly and be in bed by the time he got home... like usual.
Life went on like that for a few months. Soon after January, he barely came home. Barely texted me to let me know that he was alright. I knew better than to pry into his business.
After 2 months of him barely talking or seeing me, I woke up to a voicemail from him.
Eren... you shouldn't wait for me to come home because... i'm not coming back. It's just not working for me anymore... your not working for me anymore... your not enough. I'm not coming back so... this is goodbye Eren.
I cried so hard that morning.