Finally
"Carm, I'm okay," You say, and she relaxes visibly. She's still laying across your body and you realize that you have one arm wrapped around her lower back. You wouldn't mind spending a considerable amount of time just like this. You're lost in the thought of Carmilla when you hear Kirsch calling, "Okay, okay bro! I'm on a team by myself because Little Hottie and Scary Sexy are having a moment!"
"You're just afraid to get hit by our snow-catapult, aren't you Kirsch?" Dany calls.
You turn your head slightly, because you don't want Carmilla to move when she is looking at you like you're the only human in the world, but you also want to see what's happening with your friends.
LaF is staring at Perry with distinct worry as Perry stands with a snowball-at-the-ready arm positioned over her head, prepared to let loose whenever someone signals the fight is back on. You can tell they are concerned at the way Perry shifted from her usual motherly demeanor to a war machine in the blink of an eye.
"Come on Per, let's go make some Christmas cookies," they say wearily as they slowly remove the snowball from Perry's hand and wrap an arm around her shoulders to lead her back into the dorm.
You look back at Carmilla who is absentmindedly playing with your hair and giggle, "Well, I guess the fight is over now!"
"Guess so," is all Carmilla says. You watch her for a second and begin to shift from underneath her. She accommodates your movements, and soon enough the two of you are walking back to your room.
//
The snowball fight has been over for a little while now but the chill still lingers in your fingertips and nose, so you're glad when you and Carmilla are joined by Perry and LaF, who bring cookies and hot chocolate. Carmilla seems slightly less annoyed than usual at the presence of your friends, and the thought makes you happy. She does, however, disappear after you all have finished your first cup of hot chocolate (or blood, depending on your preference).
It isn't until well after LaF and Perry leave and the sun has dipped beneath the horizon that you start to worry about where Carmilla could have gone. It has been several hours and she hasn't returned. You wonder if someone did something to upset her, but nothing comes to mind. Your laptop is open and a Harry Potter fic is up on your screen in an attempt to distract yourself from worry, when you hear the door creak behind you.
You turn around to see a calm Carmilla leaning her back into the door, arms crossed in front of her, watching you quietly. You open your mouth to ask where she's been, but she is already walking toward you before you can get the words out. She reaches out a hand and practically whispers, "Come with me."
It does not occur to you to ask where and why Carmilla wants you to go. You realize in that moment that you would follow her anywhere, so you take her hand without a word and follow her out into the cold night. When the first bite of cold air makes you shiver from the chill, you regret not asking where she was taking you. More than that, you regret neglecting to grab a jacket.
Carmilla leads you across the dark, snow blanketed grounds to the edge of campus, holding your hand the entire way. She rubs her thumb across the back of your knuckles absentmindedly and suddenly the cold doesn't seem quite so bad. The night is particularly quiet thanks to the snow blanket, but the sky is clear of clouds.
Carmilla tugs you behind an alcove of trees and turns to face you. She bites at her lower lip and your whole body tingles at the sight. She looks nervous, you realize, as she grabs your other hand and says, "Close your eyes."
You trust her so you oblige and she leads you on through the night, through the trees, and to a stop. She lets go of your hand but doesn't tell you to open your eyes so you let your arms fall to your side. After a few moments you call out a confused, "Carm??"
"I'm here, cupcake." Carmilla has moved so that she is standing behind you. She smooths her hands down your arms and her voice sends goosebumps down your spine because she's positioned her mouth right next to your ear.
"Open."
You open your eyes and allow them to adjust to the night light. Before you is a perfectly constructed igloo. An involuntary gasp escapes your lips as you realize that Carmilla just spent the better part of the evening constructing this snowmade masterpiece. You turn around to look at her, eyes wide and sparkling with excitement. She offers you a tiny, shy smile and gestures toward the opening.
You are torn between exploring the igloo and staring at Carmilla so you sort of stutter step toward the snow-home. She chuckles at you and grabs your hand again to lead you into the construction. The opening is tall enough that you can walk through the door without crouching too much, but Carmilla has to duck her head beneath the doorway.
Carmilla has put a tarp down to protect you both from the snow covered igloo floor. Blankets and pillows are spread all throughout the area to create a puddle of cozy warmth. You let out a laugh that comes from your stomach so it's loud and cheery and unabashed. "What?" Carmilla asks and you realize that she's feeling vulnerable, especially because the first thing you did was laugh when you walked into the igloo.
You're still giggling as you turn to look at her and you're trying to stifle it as you say, "Oh! Carm, nothing! This is wonderful, it's just that-" you're covering your mouth now to try to regain control because Carmilla is looking so confused.
"Just that what, cupcake?"
"It's just that I had no idea you owned so many blankets!" When you finally say it, you guess it doesn't sound as amusing as it was in your brain, but Carmilla just rolls her eyes at you and she looks so much like a cat that's sitting in a corner watching a dog chase its tail that you start giggling all over again.
You handn't noticed before, but there's a little table molded from compacted snow, and on top of it are flasks of hot chocolate, brownies, and cookies. They look absolutely delicious and you've already consumed two brownies before you realize that they're still warm. You've never seen Carmilla cook anything for herself (let alone bake) as she's always either sipping blood from a cup or stealing your take-out. So the presence of these freshly baked brownies are as much a mystery to you as the fact that they are somehow still warm despite resting on a snowy table.
Carmilla lights a few candles and you're impressed that she's managed to build the igloo large enough that the heat from the flame does not melt any of the icy walls. You've always wanted to build an igloo before, but every time you tried, the thing would just collapse down because you couldn't figure out how to make it stick together to make the roof. You glance up at the ceiling now, curious as to how she managed to make it work, and you're shocked to see that the ceiling is missing the center.Instead, there is an opening that allows you to look up and into the sky. Stars twinkle down at you from the clear winter canvas. They fill you with a sense of wonder and peace. It is truly a work of art that she managed to create this place without a center snow block in the ceiling, as you know that the center piece is the most important part of an igloo. It is the same as a keystone to an arch-- the stone that bears the most force and tension and keeps the arch from tumbling down.
You glance up at Carmilla and your whole body warms with fondness and admiration for this girl. You think that Carmilla is the key-stone of your life now, though the thought is terrifying. Whenever you get into trouble, Carmilla is there to save you. She cares for you when you don't take care of yourself, she endures your worst moods, takes on all ridicule others have offered her. The Dean has tried time and again to tame her, yet she still remains her own person. Ell ripped out Carmilla's foundations, broke the windows in her soul, and set a fire to her doorways. Despite all of the forces that have sought to wear her down and send her crashing, here Carmilla is, with you, allowing walls to fall, while still managing to hold your arches up around you.
You think of a place your father once took you in Whales. It was called Tintern Abbey and it was burned to the ground under the reign of King Henry the VIII. It is the most beautiful place you have ever been. The walls have crumbled to rubble on the ground, the windows had been smashed out, the ceiling was long forgotten, and the floors were covered with moss and dirt and water, but soaring archways still climbed into the bright sky despite any type of support. They have stood for years and years under the power of their own strength in a beauty unmatched by any sight you have ever seen. That is, until you met Carmilla. You think that if there were ever a place that could resemble a person, that Carmilla would be Tintern Abbey.
You're staring at Carmilla as she is staring at the stars. She is as much a mystery to you as the stars are. You think of all the lives she has lived, all the people she has known, all the pain she has endured and you feel like you won the lottery because this beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted girl has chosen to let you in despite it all, and you alone.
She's still staring up into the stars instead of looking at you, you think because she might be nervous and the stars bring her comfort, when she starts to say, "I just thought that it might be nice to watch the stars, but if you don't want to we can go back to the-"
"Carm," you interrupt and the emotion and affection in your voice when you said her name must have startled her because she immediately snaps her attention away from the night sky to your face. She locks eyes with you and you're lost in a tidal wave of Carmilla. You have spent all semester trying to convince yourself that every kind thing Carmilla has done, every courageous action, wasn't specifically meant for you, but now you're standing in a home she literally built you and you can't deny anymore that you want her.
Her eyes slide from yours to your lips and you're swept up in her current, unable to resist the tsunami that has been rising in your veins since the day she brought you that ridiculous bat wing bracelet. So naturally, you do exactly what all tidal waves do, and you crash into her.
Your lips collide with hers and everything else in the world falls away. She tastes like safety and strength and you're intoxicated by her, addicted to her. She slides her tongue across your bottom lip and you immediately respond by opening your mouth to deepen the kiss. You bring your hand to her jawline and marvel at the feel of her soft skin beneath your palm. She slides a hand behind your back and pulls your body impossibly closer to hers until you can no longer tell where you end and Carmilla begins.
You pull away just for a second to confirm that this is actually happening. That Carmilla is really here, in this snowy wonderland, kissing you. Her eyes stay closed for a second until she opens them to look at you. She's looking at you with such intensity that makes you forget your thought process so you just nervously open up your stupid mouth and ramble, "So... you're super good at baking, huh?!"
You're so embarrassed you start to open your mouth to talk again, but Carmilla just laughs and pulls you in for another kiss.
The stars are smiling down at you and the snow sparkles around you and Carmilla is there to catch you as you fall for her, once again proving that she is the key-stone to your life. Carmilla's lips catching yours, her hands holding you steady, her touch bringing you home.