How could she have missed it all?
Cardan just wanted to see his wife.
He hated fighting with her. He hated being worried about her. But he couldn’t help but get mad at Jude for keeping a secret that big.
He understood the amount of trust it took for her to confess to him what happened that fateful night. He really did.
But how could he act as if nothing happened when Vivienne told him about the course?
Three times I curse you? May your hands always be stained with blood?! May death be your only companion??!!
The real question was how Jude could not have told him? He could not get those words out of his mind. He hadn’t let his wife explain herself earlier, and he definitely regretted it. He wanted so bad to see her, but it felt as if the universe was conspiring against him.
Besides, Cardan had not told anyone, especially the High Queen, but he had been feeling… off.
His entire body felt incredibly sore, a throbbing pain on his head had been annoying him for a few days and he was enormously exhausted, as if he had been carrying a huge rock on his back all day long. He just wanted to lay on his bed with his dear wife, hug her like there was no tomorrow and forget about everything else, was that really so hard to get?
He didn’t want to worry Jude, or anyone else really. But maybe tomorrow he would make a visit to the healer of the Palace, though he wasn’t the most competent person in Elfhame. Maybe he should just go directly with Liliver, he trusted her much more.
He thought of going to the dining room, perhaps there he could finally see his wife. Despite his undeniable desire to talk to her, his stomach was twisting and swirling making him horribly nauseous. So he skipped supper and just went straight to his bedroom.
He would wait for Jude, he was sure she would arrive at any moment. He decided that if he just sat in the bed he would inevitably fall asleep without even noticing. Instead, Cardan changed into his nightgown, grabbed an old book from his shelter and headed to the armchair.
He tried. He really did. But the words on the pages were just swirling, and his vision was getting incredibly blurry.
Still he refused to lay in bed until his wife arrived and solved their argument.
Cardan started to feel extremely cold, but of course it was due to the fact it was in the middle of winter, nothing else, though he realized he had a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. He just then noticed the open window on his bedroom and, as weak and fatigued as he felt, he got up to close it.
He could not have known how sickly pale he looked, with a tired look and dark circles under his eyes. He seemed to be trembling. He seemed like he would collapse at any minute.
He felt like he would collapse at any minute.
And that’s exactly how his wife found him. “Cardan?” Jude said, with an unusual insecure tone as she entered their room.
He almost sighed in relief to finally hear her voice. He turned from the window and approached her with a little smile appearing through his mouth, even though he was getting more drowsy with every passing second.
“Hi,” Cardan muttered with a slow voice. and took his wife’s hands on his. She was cold, compared to him, even so he was the one trembling, but it felt undoubtedly nice.
She sighed and said “Look, I know you weren’t exactly happy to know that I hid from you…” What was Jude saying? It sounded genuinely important, judging by her look and the cute frown on her face. She always did it when she was concerned, or when she was indeed focused. Yet he found himself unable to hear the rest of her words. His vision got blurry, he tried to blink a few times to get rid of that sensation, but to this point it was impossible.
His wife must’ve noticed that something changed because her mouth stopped moving and he could only see her frowned expression, clearly worried now, but why was she worried? Was she alright?
Apparently Jude had been too immersed in explaining herself as soon as possible to her husband that just then she was noticing how he looked. His pale and clammy skin and his vision clearly swimming, his barely open eyes with nothing more than tiredness on them and his breathing coming in shallow wheezes. How could she have missed it all?
Cardan had the sensation of growing even weaker, and a wave of dizziness hit him suddenly, he felt himself swing a little, or much, did he swing at all or did he just imagine it? One thing he was sure of was the cool hand of his wife reaching his face with affection. He gave into that feeling and maybe he heard something, but wasn’t sure.
“Love? Are you feeling alright?” She said as she caressed Cardan’s face. She was getting terribly worried about him.
The room wouldn’t stop spinning and the only thing he wanted at that moment was to lay down in bed with her, nothing else really mattered.
Then she felt his hand letting go of hers. Confused, she looked up only to see Cardan’s eyes fluttering dangerously. “Jude…” he mumbled incoherently. Jude’s eyes widened in surprise as she watched her husband’s eyelids close slowly and his body collapsed.
“No, no, shit. Cardan!” She quickly catched him, and kneeled down with his head on her lap. His breathing was heavy, and he was burning up. Her husband was clearly in a lot of pain and didn’t say a word. God why was he such an idiot?
He wanted to tell her that everything was fine, but he wasn’t able to open his eyes and he couldn’t make his lips move. He could only hear the voice of his wife laced with worry, nothing else, though he couldn’t quite understand what she was saying. “Car—? …ear me? please… love” Jude’s voice sounded very urgent but his body felt heavy, he felt impossible to do anything.
What had she been thinking? How could she have gone all day without checking on him to see if he was alright? What kind of wife was she?
But she didn’t have time for self loathing, she needed to make sure Cardan would be okay.
“Can you hear me? Cardan, please, open your pretty eyes for me” Jude tapped his husband’s cheek softly, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She started to grow even more desperate when she didn’t get an answer. His eyes were firmly shut and he was deathly pale, Jude’s hand reached for his neck to check his pulse and she sighed in relief when she felt a weak but steady pulse. She stroked his hair out of his face and caressed him with so much care. “Love, please say something, anything…” she sobbed but he remained completely limp on her lap.
“Fand! Call for a healer! Please!” she screamed, making her guard quickly open the door. Jude did not see how Fand’s eyes widened understanding the situation, nor how she promptly called for the healer. She could only focus on her husband as she pleaded him to open his eyes but deep down, she knew she would not see them for a long time. She continued to call his name, knowing that he would not answer.
No matter how destroyed she sounded.