I’ve always had terrible timing. I tumbled into this world during one of the worst storms my clan had ever experienced. They were on the move to escape the winds and harsh rains. My mother wailed in the back of an aravel as lightning struck the tree nearest the caravan. It was then that I chose to make my appearance, as flames swept across the plains and chased us onward to a new home.
My magic manifested when I was but six years old, again, at a most inconvenient time. My mother had taken me into town to trade, a rarity among most Dalish, but still essential at times. She held firm when a shem spat and cursed at her for not capitulating to his insulting offer. I was angry to see her treated in such a way, so much that the tips of my fingers tingled and sparks began to arc off of them. She turned to leave and the man grabbed her arm. Most would not be afraid of a six year old mage, but most would be stupid. The emotions of a child run deep and destructive and like a young wasp, still unable to control their poison, I lashed out with the lightning that heralded my birth and the shem who dared touch my mother crumpled to the ground. The clan moved on once again. I was inconsolable. Anger and fear consumed me, but my mother assured me that I was special, gifted even and soothed me once again with a soft touch to the tips of my ears.
******
All I had meant to do was help someone in need. I had heard shouting and could feel magic dancing across my skin even from behind the heavy double doors. I threw open the doors and surveyed the room. A clink of something heavy and solid on the ground alerted me to an object rolling towards me. Ever one with excellent timing, I lunged for it. It felt at once both cold and searing hot to the touch. Then the sky was torn and demons rained down upon us.
******
The world was in chaos. But here he was. Standing in front of me with with the kindest eyes, the softest lips, and his voice as sweet as honey and soft as velvet. Sometimes he seemed so beautiful that I could barely stand to look at him. It was as though I was staring into the sun itself. In the fade it was different. We were not ourselves. Free. I knew he couldn’t be real. But there in the rotunda, everything was different. I was the Herald of Andraste and he a simple advisor. He made sure of that. It was always the same.
“Good Morning, Solas.”
“Sleep well, Inquisitor?”
I’d blush. He’d smirk, and then it was back to business.
I knew how those inviting lips felt from night after night of pulling him to me in some remote corner of the fade, but in the daylight, reality was harsh. I wanted nothing more but to touch, to taste, to drink of him. But instead I sadly smiled and squeezed his hand as I headed toward the stairs. Upon reaching the second level, I would collapse into one of Dorian’s overstuffed chairs and bury my head in my hands as Dorian chastised me for my terrible tastes in and horrible way with men. It didn’t matter anyhow. Now was not the time to fall in love. Excellent timing as always.
********
I breathed him in. He smelled earthy like a field after storm. There was just the slightest hint of ozone. Electric. Just like me. The ribbing of his sweater brushed hesitantly across my bare arms as he enfolded me in his. He rested his forehead on mine and with every exhale I could feel the humidity of his breath ghost across my lips. He was warm and welcoming. The kind of warmth only felt from immersing yourself in hot water after coming in from the coldest of winter weather. All he had to do was lean forward. Kiss me, ma vhenan. Was there a way to convey this sentiment with only the intense gaze of my eyes? Judging from his reaction, probably not. He made no move forward and it seemed as though I were doomed to be stuck in this excruciating limbo for eternity until with one hand he gently wound his fingers into my hair and moved to pull me closer. Our lips almost met when there was a rattling and giggle above us. Solas abandoned his grasp on me. I was overcome by a shocking emptiness at the feeling and it took me a moment to realize that it was… raining? Indoors? Water poured down from above and bounced harmlessly off the barrier Solas had cast around us. Upstairs, Dorian and Sera fled when they met my glare. I slumped and let go of the breath I had been subconsciously holding in. I reached for him again, but the spell had been broken. I was greeted with a hand at my chest, holding me at bay.
“We can’t, vhenan. Perhaps, in another time, we could have…”
Of course, another time.
********************************************************************************************************
My mansion in Hightown was cold and empty. I’d only been living in it for a few weeks and most of my time had been spent clearing it of its previous inhabitants. Spiders (normal sized, thankfully) and rodents had been much easier to clear than the piles of skeletons and other bodies in various stages of decomposition. Disgusted, I had inquired of Varric about the previous owner. He laughed and replied that it must not have been an elf thing afterall. Bewildered, I set about the daunting task of making it habitable. This grew tedious rather quickly, and so it should have been no surprise to me that I found myself knocking at the door of the woman, whom by all accounts, actually had worse timing than me. When I had moved into the estate Varric had secured for me, he had mentioned that Marian Hawke only lived one street over. Even more interesting to me, he had mused, was that she occasionally shared her home with her Dalish lover, Merrill. Perhaps, I would like to meet her and reminisce over the days we spent frolicking in the woods, or whatever it was that the Dalish got up to away from the prying eyes of the rest of society. I had brushed him off, but after a few weeks, I had grown unusually lonely and homesick. More importantly, she was currently my most accessible source of knowledge regarding eluvians.
My knocking set off a cacophony of barking from inside the house, cut off by a sharp command from a woman’s voice. Footsteps approached, and the door swung open to reveal none other than the Champion of Kirkwall herself.
“May I help you?” Hawke asked politely. She was distracted by holding back a slobbering mabari by its thick leather collar. “Down, boy. Back!” Hawke gently shoved the dog back into the house with her leg and blocked the doorway with her body. “Apologies,” she began. “He gets so excited when anyone comes to the door. So, can I help you?”
I pushed the hood of my cloak back from my face and a shadow darkened hers. Before I could speak she interrupted, “Inquisitor, my apologies. Please come in.” It seemed she remembered our last encounter all too well. Brilliant.
She lead me in past the foyer which opened to a vast but comfortable looking great room. She motioned to a reading chair with a cursory, “Sit if you like.”
“Thank you,” My voice cracked. It had been a few days since I had spoken to anyone. I cleared my throat as she held out a cup of tea. I was caught off guard by her preparedness. I would not have been nearly ready to welcome unexpected guests. Perhaps Varric had told her I was coming. Odd, seeing as how I had not told Varric.
“So what can I do for you, Inquisitor?” She sat across from me, near the fire, stirring her own cup.
“Well, um, I’m not Inquisitor anymore.” I took a sip. The warm liquid radiated through me and I involuntarily relaxed into the chair with a sigh. Memories of my mother flooded my mind. I hadn’t heard from her since before dispatching Corypheus. As quickly as they came upon me, I pushed my worries back into the dark corners of my mind. Now was not the time to concern myself with such things.
Hawke smiled softly. “Merrill’s favorite.” Her eyes lit with joy at the mention of her lover’s name.
“I thought you might appreciate it.”
I thanked her for her kindness once again. “I am very sorry to intrude, Champion.”
“I’m not Champion anymore, either, Inquisitor.” She winked.
“We’re both terrible at this, then.”
“So it seems.”
An awkward silence stretched between us. I drained my cup and set it on the low table between us. Leaning, back into the chair, I folded my hands in my lap and glanced about the room. The house seemed meticulously clean in light of the reputation that Varric had painted. Perhaps she really had retired from the life of adventuring.
Hawke leaned forward, brushing her hair out of her eyes.
“Lavellan? What’s wrong? I know we didn’t part on the best of terms the last time I saw you, but there’s really no need to worry. I don’t bite. Hard, at least.” Her laughter was strained, but I appreciated the effort.
“Well, actually, I was hoping to speak with Merrill. I’m feeling rather homesick,” it wasn’t a complete lie, “and Varric mentioned that she is Dalish.” I concentrated hard on covering any obvious signs of insincerity. That probably made it worse.
“Oh!” Hawke actually seemed relieved. She wouldn’t have been had she known what I wanted to speak to Merrill about. “Merrill isn’t home right now. She’s doing work with the Dalish clans nearby. To be honest she hasn’t been spending much time here lately. Her work takes her away more frequently than we would like.” A knot built in my stomach. I tried to cover my suspicion but if Hawke had half of the intuition that Varric had written about in the Tale of the Champion, she surely saw me fidget and wipe my palms on my trousers.
“You want to see her eluvian don’t you?” Oh, no. She had read Varric’s book.
“Eluvian? What’s an eluvian?” I’ve always been terrible at subterfuge.
Hawke laughed. “You should really stick to diplomacy and leave the spying to the professionals.”
I buried my head in my hands. This was not going well. If I was going to have any hope of obtaining the information I needed, I needed to pull myself together. After a few moments, I felt Hawke’s hand on my shoulder. I looked into her eyes. They were kind but tinged with sadness.
“It’s okay, Lavellan. I know what you’re trying to do. And believe me, I understand. I would raze Kirkwall to the ground to protect Merrill and my friends.” She chuckled to herself, “In fact, I have.” She shrugged and continued, “But I do not want Merrill involved in this. I would have preferred that she didn’t even know about it, but Varric can’t resist a good story.” I nodded. Fair enough. I sat back in my chair and plotted my next move. I must have looked truly pained, because seemingly out of nowhere she took pity on me.
“Listen, I’ll show you the eluvian on one condition.”
What would she ask of me? At this point I would do almost anything. I tried not to sound too desperate at the sound of her offer.
“Name it.”
“You do not help Merrill fix it and you do not seek out her company until this whole,” she waved vaguely, “situation, I guess, is resolved.”
I could do that. I would rather not involve more innocents than necessary anyways. I held out my hand
"You have my word.”
I followed Hawke up the stairs and into her bedroom.
“You keep it here?” I blurted.
She shrugged.
“No demons have currently taken up residence, so what do I care?”
Perhaps it was my own baggage I brought to the situation, but when I looked at it, I was overcome by the weight of sorrow and regret. I flexed the fingers of my left hand. Or rather, didn’t, as it were. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep with that thing standing there beside me at night.
I stepped forward. Pieces of it lay on the table next to tools and spellbooks. It seemed that Merrill had not stopped in her quest to see it restored. I picked up a shard of glass and traced the edge with my finger. It was sharp and whispered with old magic. It certainly was compelling. I turned to Hawke, but she had become distracted leafing through one of the spellbooks. Strange. What would she want with old spellbooks? She looked wistful as she leafed through the dog eared pages. With a sigh she turned back to another. Without thinking, I slipped the shard into my pocket before she could see. Perhaps, I could study it later and discreetly return it on another visit. When Hawke looked up she founding me gazing into the darkness of the mirror. After about 10 minutes I had my fill of the soul crushing sorrow it induced.
“I think I’ve seen what I need to.” Hawke nodded and led me back downstairs.
“Can I offer you anything else?” I could tell she wanted to ask more, but she resisted.
“No, thank you. I need to be going.” She led me back to the door and bid me goodbye. Given our previous experiences together, Hawke would certainly be an asset to me. I held my hand in the way of the door before she could close it on me. She wouldn’t be able to resist a call for help from those in need.
“When the time comes, Champion, may I ask for your aid? As long as Merrill isn’t involved, of course.”
Hawke was taken aback.
“You’re asking me to help you save the world? With my track record?”
I nodded. Hawke sighed and slumped against the door.
“I’m your girl, Inquisitor.”
I clapped my hand on her shoulder in thanks and stepped out into the cold.
“Wait! Before you go, Merrill would want me to ask,” I turned. There was a glint in Hawke’s eyes. “Did you really kiss the Dread Wolf?”
I sighed and shook my head almost imperceptibly, “You know Varric exaggerates.”
A sly smile curled on her lips. She nodded knowingly.
“May the Dread Wolf take you, indeed.” Laughing she shut the door and I was left outside with my head in my hands and an eluvian shard in my pocket.
****
I arrived back in the bedroom of my estate to a crystal on my desk slowly pulsating a vibrant red. I hung the chain around my neck then flopped onto the plush bed I’d dragged from Skyhold.
“Dorian?” I held the crystal to my lips and spoke into it.
“Lavellan! Wonderful! You are home afterall!”
“I was visiting… a contact. Have you been waiting long?”
“Only 40 minutes. You do know how lonely I get with out my dear leader around to cheer me.”
I snorted. In the entire time I had known Dorian, I couldn’t think of a single instance where I was anything near cheerful. Usually I spent my afternoons with Dorian complaining about my duties and being called the Herald of Andraste. I also complained about Sera, Vivienne, Cullen, Leliana, Blackwall, and... well, others. I complained about my hand and the shems. I complained about Corypheus and the Venatori and I complained about mages and templars. When I ran out of things to complain about, I simply invented more and Dorian always listened, a glass of wine at the ready and a witty comeback at his lips. Thinking back on it, I must have been terrible to be around most of the time.
Now more than ever, I was grateful for his friendship, but I never seemed to do a good job of showing it. I wished I could make my voice convey how happy I was to hear from him, but instead my words came out stilted as always.
“What can I do for you, my friend?”
“Straight to business, I see? No, how are you doing or inquiries into the gossip of the magisterium? Is this just your way of telling me that you can’t live another day without me by your side?” I could almost see his smirk through the mirth in his voice.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired,” I feigned a jovial disposition. “What is the latest gossip from the magisterium?”
“Too late, that ship has sailed. The conversation has already devolved into the serious business of running Thedas into the ground.”
After the morning I’d had at Hawke’s estate, my patience was growing thin. There was only so much dancing around a topic that I could handle for one day.
“What do you need, Dorian?” I was perhaps a bit more abrupt than was strictly necessary. He sighed and pitched his voice lower.
“The plan is in place. The magisterium is ready to move when we demand it. It wasn’t easy, but if it turns out the way you planned… Well, let’s just say that I look forward to seeing the Tevinter old guard march as lambs to the slaughter. When my rivals are dealt with and all this is over you will still make good on your promise to help me rebuild, yes?”
I nodded before realizing that he couldn’t see me.
“Of course.” I amended.
“Hmm.” he replied. The conversation lulled into silence and I stared at the ceiling.
After a few minutes Dorian asked, “Is everything alright, Lavellan?”
“I will find him, Dorian. I will find him and save him.”
“I don’t doubt that you will.” I could hear the frown in his inflection.
***
The plan was to use the mage army as a diversion while a small team and I infiltrated Solas’ hideaway. They help me fight, I talk sense into him using my research from the past few years and then bring him home. The people of Thedas live to see another day. Dorian’s rivals die in battle or at least lose most of their physical support and he and his allies in the magisterium take power in order to form a better Tevinter. It all hinged on the fact that the Solas that I loved had compassion and wouldn’t want to see his people die at the hands of slavers.
I underestimated him.
It all went to the void rather quickly. Tevinter marched with us, just as Dorian promised. Hawke fought at my side, just as she had promised. The problems arose from the fact that the Tevinter mages fought primarily with blood magic, known for weakening the veil, and Hawke was distraught from a letter she had received from Merrill earlier in the week.
Merrill had to follow her own path and under no circumstances was Hawke to follow her. I had made the mistake of telling her my suspicions regarding the agents of Fen’Harel. At this point Hawke had nothing to lose and her fighting suffered for it. Normally cool and calculated, she was now a mess of flying daggers and poisons that did more damage to our friends than enemies. Any attempt at stealth was ruined by her impassioned screams. Her cries tore at my heart. She put voice to my feelings and it was breaking my concentration as well.
Watching her, the obvious fire burning inside of her, the pain and the frustration that grew in her voice with every figure that came out of the mist that wasn’t Merrill was excruciating. I too had been searching, calling, screaming for the figure who haunted my dreams. Except they were only dreams. Hawke had had what I had merely hoped - wished - prayed for. To think of losing something like that… it was too much to bear.
Hawke searched for Merrill amongst the thousands of elves who had taken up Solas’ banner, but to no avail. Each one died at our feet and the ground was soaked with their blood. The Tevinter mages used this to their advantage and thousands for died in agony as they boiled from the inside out or turned on their comrades. The rifts started in pinpoints. An almost imperceptible popping sound and a slight flash of green. We were fine as long as they didn’t spread.
Face after face passed in front of me. Blue eyes here, a dark braid there. Some I could see clearly, but others I could only recognize by a flash of a pointed ear or familiar pattern of chainmail.
Solas’ forces were formidable. As soon as one fell two more replaced them. More and more pressed upon me, faster than I could count. They began to blur together into one amorphous mass of limbs and weaponry. Friend or Foe? Friend or Foe? I pushed the voice in my head screaming about killing my kin out of the way and tried to focus on the task at hand. End this. Save him from himself.
We were overwhelmed and the Tevinters grew more desperate. With each drop of blood spilled they grew more powerful and more corrupted. The sickly mixture of smoke and blood magic permeated my nostrils. The sounds of swords slicing through flesh and banging on armor mingled with concussions of explosive magic. It pierced my ears, like nothing I had ever heard before. The battle at Haven, the battle in the Arbor Wilds, even Adamant. None of them compared to the din that pulsed down on me like a primal, inhuman scream.
My spectral swung from a hand that didn’t exist, spirit blade carving through metal, flesh, and bone. Where was I even headed. I surely couldn’t tell you. None of these lives would matter if I didn’t find him in time.
I felt the shift even before I heard the tear. The familiar tingling and searing pain raced from my fingertips up my arm. I cast it towards the sky, ready to seal the opening in the veil. The feeling had been so real, but no hand remained. He had taken that too. The sky rained down upon us and the earth shook. I was completely powerless against the new breach. Time slowed and true panic set in. My people died all around me for him. My friends bled, gasped for breath, cried out in agony because of him. Hawke strained to locate that one familiar face as she cast down elf after elf. She glanced at me in horror just long enough for me to recognise her meaning. Is she here? Is she among them? All this because of him. Because I loved him. Because I couldn’t end it when I should. Because I couldn’t end him. The rhythm that I had lived by for the past two years shifted with the tear in the veil. My heart had beat out the tune: Find him. Save him. Now its pounding staccato became: Find him. Stop him.
The sun glinted off the smallest bit of silver in the distance through the smoke and chaos. An Eluvian. This was our only chance, a slim hope like a piece of flotsam tossed adrift in a storm. Another piece of the veil tore and I breathed in the magic effortlessly.
I ran toward the mirror while yelling into my crystal for Dorian. His answer was labored, his words punctuated by desperate gasps for air.
“Dorian, continue the assault! I’m going after him!”
“Lavellan, we can’t.” His voice was raspy. “The veil is too fragile.” His point was accentuated by yet another piece of the sky crashing down around me. I dodged the onslaught of demons and pressed forward, my bare feet slipping in the river of elven blood that traversed the battlefield. It squelched between my toes and its warmth caressed the sides of my feet.
As I hopped back onto slightly drier ground, I tried to ignore the blood of my kin drying to a crust on my feet like a ring around a bathtub.
I am only a little ashamed to admit that the smell of iron and death was intoxicating and it spurred me ever forward. I could almost feel the throbbing heartbeat of a thousand souls whose lifeblood had formed this terrible torrent.
Through my twisted reverie, I heard Dorian calling for me unintelligibly.
“I have to stop him, Dorian! Don’t let up! We must maintain pressure!” There was only way to end to this and I stay focused on that task.
“Don’t you see? We’re part of his…” I threw the crystal to the ground and kept running, the last of Dorian’s words, disappearing into the haze behind me. He was dying. He was dying because of what I had allowed to happen. I had to stop it.
A hand came down heavy on my back and I whirled to strike at my attacker. Hawke dodged my spell, but just barely. She was breathing hard and seemed to weaken before my eyes. She sagged against a boulder.
“Just a moment, Inquisitor. I’m coming with you.”
This was my responsibility. She couldn’t help me.
“You stay and look for Merrill, this can’t wait, Marian.” She stood straighter so that she towered over me once again. Her eyes burned with fury.
“I know where she is and I’m coming with you.” Hawke staggered past me, never taking her eyes off of the eluvian ahead of us.
Every step forward brought her more pain. Every step forward brought me more energy. The magic around me sustained me and with every breath I felt more alive. The blood at my feet ebbed and surged across my path. If not for my unsteady steps against it’s rush, Hawke never would have kept up with me. With every additional tear, she faltered. As it was, we steadied each other until we reached the mirror. I pushed her through first. Taking one look behind me at the chaos that rained down on Thedas, I inhaled deeply and pushed forward as well.
The other side of the eluvian was shockingly different than where we had just come from. My ears rang with the change in volume from the battlefield to this tranquil little grove. Lush trees reached out to the sky and a placid creek flowed by, but my eyes lit on the rows of statues. Towering wolves.
We’d found him.
“Hawke!” I looked about frantically. We had to continue. He had to be stopped.
I found Hawke a few paces ahead, collapsed in a heap.
I scooped her up and draped her arm over my shoulder. Everything seemed so much easier for me here.
Hawke coughed and sputtered. Blood ran down her face from a nasty cut on her forehead.
I made to move her to a safe alcove, when she dragged her feet to impede my progress.
“I said,” she coughed again, “I’m coming with you. Do not just leave me here. I need to find Merrill.” I shook my head. There was no way she could continue much farther. I was about to say so when I heard a shriek. All I could make out from the wild blur that rushed us was a glint of chainmail and dark braids. Hawke was lifted from my hold and laid down on the ground.
“Vhenan, no! How did... why did you do this?” The intruder peeled back layers of armor searching for injuries. Hawke reached for her hands but couldn’t keep up with their frantic pace.
“Merrill, please.” Hawke exhaled hard. “I’m alright. Just stop.” Hawke looked yellow with jaundice and her breath rattled terribly. She was nowhere near ‘all right’. Merrill ignored her and kept searching for a gash, a broken bone, anything that could account for the state she was in. I knew she wouldn’t find anything.
“You there!” Merrill pleaded, “Do you knowing any healing spells?” Her voice wavered and she swallowed hard to keep back tears.
I could only shake my head.
“It’s okay, vhenan.” The word sounded rough and strange coming out of the mouth of a human, but Merrill took comfort in it. She finally paused to look into Hawke’s eyes. Hawke brushed her fingertips across Merrill’s face.
“What happened to your vallaslin?”
Merrill froze and then looked at me. I answered for her.
“He took them. She’s one of his now.”
Hawke coughed and nodded.
“Beautiful as always.” Merrill gripped Hawke’s hand at her cheek.
“Ma vhenan, hold on!”
A thunderous roar shook our docile little corner of Thedas and the sky crackled and split. Merrill shielded Hawke as best she could from physical peril, but she could do nothing to protect her from the effects of the spirit world mingling with our own.
When Merrill looked back at Hawke, she was gasping in ragged breaths, flecks of blood appearing on her lips as she coughed weakly. Tears filled Merrill’s eyes as she held Hawke close to her. She summoned the weakest of creation magic at her finger tips, and even that seemed a burden.
“Conserve your strength my loyal friend. It is too late to help her now. Alas, the path we take she cannot follow.”
My breath caught in my throat. I was paralyzed at the sound of Solas’ voice. My heart ached at the words. I tried to remember why I has angry, all of the death and destruction, but the response was involuntary. He spoke and it took everything I had not to run to his side, melt into his embrace, face this new reality together.
Solas walked down the stairs to her, feet tracking, just the way I remembered.
I dared not move.
Merrill flung curses at him but he held his hands out to her. His soft smile held the deepest sorrow.
“Ir Abelas, Merrill.”
Hawke was racked with tremors and her mouth moved as if she were trying to say something, All that came out was a terrible, rattling gasp. Merrill snapped back to her and gathered her close. Then Hawke was still.
Merrill held her body, her shoulders shuddering silently. Finally, she laid Hawke down on the ground, gentle as if holding a newborn child.
“Why didn’t she trust me? I told her not to follow. She could have been safe if she hadn’t followed!” Tears poured down her face but when she turned to me her features hardened in anger. “Why does no one ever trust me?” She screamed and let out a powerful burst of magic deep into the ground and to far flung reaches of the heavens.
She sat back on her knees and wiped the tears from her eyes. It did nothing to staunch their flow.
“Ma vhenan, na melana sahlin. Emma ir abelas. Souver'inan isala hamin. Vhenan him dor'felas” Merrill brushed a stray strand of hair behind Hawke’s ear. “In uthenera na revas” she whispered. Her prayer was followed by the softest of kisses to her lips.
“Vir sulahn'nehn, Vir dirthera.” Solas interrupted. Merrill cast him a withering glare. “Vir samahl la numin,” He finally turned his gaze to me. “Vir lath sa'vunin.”
Merrill swung her staff at him with a scream of rage, a great burst of magical energy. I shielded my eyes from it’s burning bright arc. Solas cut it with a brief wave of his hand. Undaunted, Merrill flung herself at him, letting her staff fly off to the side as he deflected it and flailing her fists at him.
None of her blows landed, each deflected without so much as the slightest hint of exertion.
“Lethallan, you can hate me if you need, but you must fulfill your oath.” Sadness hung heavy in his voice.
Merrill fell to her knees, her face in her hands as she wept freely. Solas stretched out his hand and her staff came to him. Planting it in the ground next to her, he turned his attention back to me.
“And what of me, vhenan?” The clear ring of my voice startled me.
Solas smiled, his eyes kind just as I remembered.
I knew that most of my friends were probably already lost, but some poor souls may still have lived. An emptiness so great it took my breath away lingered in my chest. Creators have mercy, how I loved him, but I could not allow him to continue this destruction.
I had not the strength to fight him. He had fended off Merrill’s attacks with little effort. When we last met, he had turned a Qunari to stone with just a thought. I had but one weapon in my arsenal.
Our love.
My hand brushed my pocket, confirming it’s contents as I walked towards him. Deftly, I maneuvered it to up my sleeve. Accessible but hidden from view.
I reached for him.
The metal of his gauntlets pressed hesitantly across my one full arm as he enfolded me in his. He rested his forehead on mine and with every exhale I could feel the humidity of his breath ghost across my lips. He was still warm and welcoming. Still the kind of warmth only felt from immersing yourself in hot water after coming in from the coldest of winter weather. All I had to do was lean forward. I can’t let you do this.
“You already did, vhenan. You have my thanks.” I made no move forward and it seemed as though I were doomed to be stuck in this excruciating limbo for eternity until with one hand he gently wound his fingers into my hair and moved to pull me closer. As our lips finally met, the shard of Merrill’s eluvian slipped effortlessly from my coat. I drove it into his heart, searing pain cutting through my hand as it ripped my flesh as well. With a sharp intake of breath, Solas abandoned his grasp on me. I clung to him as best I could grasping his lower lip with my teeth. I still wasn’t ready to let this go. He slipped further backwards and our lips parted. Our blood mingled together and flowed freely between my fingers. When I finally withdrew and gazed up at him, he was smiling. I had never seen him look so content. So fulfilled. Crimson flooded my vision as our blood was pulled towards the sky and swirled around us. Merrill’s whispers filtered through to me as she worked her spell under her breath. The sky crackled again, this time with enough force to make me stumble. Horrified, I stared at the sky as the veil tore further and further. One final blast obliterated it completely and I breathed in the breath of my new life. I was only brought back to myself by the cold of metal against my cheek. Solas looked at me as if he was only truly seeing me for the first time.
“You are so beautiful, vhenan.” He closed his eyes. “This world is of your making. I could never make it as I wished it, but you shall have more success than I.”
It felt as though I had been slapped. I had been the last piece of his puzzle. Excellent timing as always.
Tears burned trails through blood and dirt and I buried my face into his chest. Clutching at the broken shard, I sobbed.
“Ar lath, ma vhenan.” His voice broke and Solas breathed his last breath.
And so I began my life in immortality. I have not yet discovered what Solas’ plan for the Evanuris was, but they stand no chance against the rage and sorrow that burns in my veins. Hurtled into the chaos I fight, and the world will shake before me.