It was a warm sunny day. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way was frolicking miserably down the path, (becawsz goths don’t frollick you twats!!!!!) Hand in hand with her loving boyfriend Naruto. They stopped on a path, and Naruto decided that It was the perfect moment to lean in for a kiss with his beautiful vampire goth girlfriend. He pushed her long black hair with red streaks in it, and lifted her pale chin up to his face. He tenderly kissed her, but was met with a slap in the face and a stomp on the foot with her huge Goth platform boots.
“Ebony, what the heck?” The spikey blonde cried
out. Ebony smacked him again, and began to sob, leaving streaks of mascara down her face.
“I can’t believe you fucking kissed me! On a fucking sunny day waht the hlel what are you a fucking prep? This is the worst thing EVER! I HATE YOUI’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU! I’ll see you around you prep asshole!” She turned away, but Naruto grabbed her shoulder.
“What about all the orange sweaters I gave you? Those goth upside-down cross earring you gave me? The eternal blood oath that we took in the name of Satan to remain together until the end of time?” Tears rolled down his shiny face, and the boy looked miserable.
“Satan can go fuck himself!” She roared timidly, before turning back and skulking away sexily. (if ypu don’t walk liek dis from ur ninja bf aftwer yuoe brak up wit him don’t talk too me!!!!!! Prep fuckerz!)
Naruto whipped out his ninja frog cellphone and hit his speed dial, deciding that revenge was needed on his shitty goth vampire ex-gf for being a mega bitch to him when he wanted to love her. He put on a giant group call and brought in the best warriors that he had met during his times. Sonic the hedgehog. Knuckles the echidna. Amethyst. Vriska. Old man McGucket. Bernie Sanders. And finally, Papyrus. Everyone picked up tha phone at the same time, and they all shouted at Nartuo gleefully.
“We thought you died!” Sonic cried out. Everyone chittered in agreement, and Naruto screamingly whispered his confusion.
“Why would I be dead?” He asked, unsure about why his friends were upset.
“We saw you walking with that dead looking chick and we allllllll though you were like, a Zombie or something! It’s cool if you are tho…” Amethyst gladly explained.
Naruto laughed loudly. “Oh, okay. Nah, that’s my girlfriend, Ebony D’arkness Dementia Raven Way! Well, shes my ex now, she broke up with me and called me a prep. I need you to beat her up for being so rude, she slapped me two times and broke my foot.” He stared sadly at his swollen and deformed foot from her giant goth boots.
“We’ll be there in a lickity split! Eyehehehehe! Old Man McGucket screeched into the phone and laughed loudly, then began to cough and hack. The sounds of an apocalypse could be heard behind him, and then there was a loud metal banging and he came back to the phone, panting. “I’ll be right back, dinner just walked in!”
Everyone sighed, but Papyrus jumped in. “Spaghetti can’t walk!” He cried.
“Shut the FUCK UP!!!!!!!! Vriska growled. She was tired of listening to Papyrus talk about spaghetti.”
“Spaghetti will change your life, m’am!” He was crying on the phone and Bernie tried desperately to comfort him, but the skeleton was too busy crying and worshipping spaghetti.
“I’m teleporting you here now.” Naruto readied his ninja sensei power and began to prepare the dope ass kame-hame-ha to get all of his friends with him to beat up Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and her stupid fishnet tights. Everyone appeared and McGucket squawked to scare people away from his meal of raccoon meat.
Knuckles the Echidna backed away slowly, for he was hungry too, but he knew that he would have no chance at taking some sweet sweet raccoon meat. He angrily watched McGucket gorge himself on his food, but was drawn away by a light tap on the arm from Sonic, who glared at him reprimandingly.
“Alright boss, what’s the plan?” Sonic squatted on the ground next to where naruto was drawing a map in the dirt.
“She may have not left the park yet, we can catch her and then beat her up, kick her to the ground. Afterwards we can go buy pizza or fried chicken to rest up.” The ninja explained. The others nodded in agreement.
“I don’t like Pizza.” Vriska mumbled. She whipped out her huge spider vagina, snickerieng with glee. “I only like stone cold hos.”
“I don’t like you for saying that! Shut up you freaky grey bitch!” Amethyst grumbled.
“What did you call me, you purple piece of shit????????” The two stared each other down until it seemed that lasers would pop out of one or the other’s eyes at any moment.
“You can figure out your problems later, you two, but we have a goth to catch, and a ninja to help.” Bernie Sanders put his hands on their shoulders, looking them both in the eyes, and they nodded solemnly in understanding.
“SCATTER!” Sonic yelled, and everyone took off around the park, sneaking through the grounds in order to find, surprise, and catch Ebony.
Knuckles could be heard rustling through the trees, swinging from branch to branch with his big giant echidna hands to keep a grip. Everyone was on alert for the signal from Fiddleford, and they all raced to the spot when they heard him hamboning on a metal platform.
Crouched behind a grove of bushes, they watched Naruto approach his problematic vampire ex-girlfriend. She whipped around to him with a miserable smile.
“Back for more, you goddamn prep? I told yuo to lave me alone!!!!” She stomped her foot on the ground for good measure.
“Are you ready for more, you goddamn goth?” He whistled and the army of his friends spilled out from behind the bushes, and Ebony wailed in anger as they all began to scoop hungrily at Ebony’s pale foundation covered flesh.
“Get awf of me youre all fucking preps!! I hope yuo die!!” She flailed around as Amethyst and Vriska began to kick at her, while Knuckles threw eggs intoat her red streaked hair. Old Man McGucket was hamboning furiously now, raising a storm. Bernie Sanders watched to make sure things didn’t get too out of hand, adding a kick every now and then while chanting words in latin over and over again, his eyes glowing bright red and a strange mist forming around him
“Shut up all of you STOP IT!!!!” She roared, and did a perfect backflip back to standing, taking a moment to lick the blood spilling out of her wounds. (Dont forget shes a VAMPIRE SHE cnaT DIE!!!!!)
Naruto stared her down, Sonic tugging at his arms with restraint. “She’s not even worth it. Lets go get some food, you’ll feel better then.
Just then, A glowing portal appeared in the exact place where Knuckles stood, and He went shrieking into the void, Sonic desperately clawing at his friend, but only coming away with a singular white glove.
“KNUCKLES NOOOOOOO!” He wailed sobbingly, As Rick Sanchez and Morty Smith stepped out of the green blob that had just consumed the echidna. Rick vomited all over Sonic’s body which was racked with sobs, and Sonic began screaming intensely.
“What the FUCK IS UP! I HEARD SOME LITTLE BITCH WAS GETTING BEAT UP, HELLLLLL YEAH!” He burped, and Morty looked like he would faint. Pearl stepped out from the portal right as it was about to close, and fainted on the ground.
“Pearl??????????” Amethyst yelled in confusion, while Papyrus nudged her body. Suddenly, Sans crawled out from underneath her, and snapped his fingers with a wink.
“Sans? Why are you here? Did you bring me my spaghetti lunch that I forgot?” The taller skeleton seemed befuddled.
“I would have eaten it but I was too tired, also I smothered it in ketchup.” He pulled out a bottle of Heinz light and took a swig. Rick tapped him and Sans swapped bottles with him. They both drank deeply.
“Boy Rick! Can I try some?” Morty cried.
“ITS JUST KETCHUP MORTY GOD MORTY DON’T BE AN IDIOT!” The yelling woke up Pearl, who flailed away from everyone and kicked McGucket in the head. She slipped right into Rick’s puke and began to cry with Sonic.
“Sweet sally that hurt something awful!” McGucket grinned, but tears were rolling down his face, and his white hair was beginning to tint red with blood.
Naruto picked up everyone with his bara ninja arms and carried them to the nearest pizza hut, Pearl and Vriska yelling about how they hated pizza.
“How does anyone eat the stuff? It’s so vile and greasy!” Pearl moaned.
“I just like to eat spiders and the flesh of my enemies.” Vriska huffed
Naruto sat everyone down at a booth, and Bernie Sanders began taking everyone’s orders, insisting he treat everyone. He came back with three large cheeses, Amethyst shoved all of them into her mouth at once.
Old Man McGucket was still hungry and was contemplating prying the purple space rock’s mouth open and diving inside to get some pizza, but that was vore and he wasn’t into that. He chewed on his beard quietyly. Papyrus took a nibble.
Rick stood up and gestured to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way who was sitting on the floor under the table, pouting while Naruto fed her bits of his own pizza that he had ordered, becuase all ninjas are smart and know that some greedy rock lady will eat the other ones.
“Why did you invite her for pizza after beating her up, I totally get wanting to make peace and that shit, blah blah, but seriously? You’re keeping her under the table like a dog! May as well put her outside.” He turned to Sans. “Thank you for sharing your ketchup with me. I want to make out with you somewhere.” He grabbed Pearl’s arm. “Let me ram your space rock ass from behind with my huge donger while I kiss the skeleton.”
Pearl said nothing, but she jumped into his arms. Sans crawled on top of her, and they all went out. Curious, everyone followed behind them to see where they would go.
Rick opened a portal leading to Naruto’s ninja lair (or wherever the fuck he lives I don’t know I’ve never watched naruto I’m not a weeb!!!!!) And he ushered everyone inside, before stepping through and dumping Sans and Pearl on the ground.
Bernie Sanders and Sonic looked on eagerly, and set up camp on a bench, ready to watch what would happen next.
Rick and Sans began to grab at each other, and it was so incredibly hot as the skeleton began to rub his lipless mouth all over Rick, while Rick gave him bone hickies. I don’t even know how it worked but they had really hot passionate makeouts. Pearl removed her pants and sat on Rick’s lap, and he rammed his huge dick into her ass, making her cry out in a mix of disgust and pleasure. This went on for a while, Bernie and Sonic making bets about who would last the longest. Eventually Sans took Pearl in her rock pussy with his fucking skeleton dick and they just kind of sandwiched around, in hot sex. Pearl couldn’t take how hard they were thrusting at her, and just as they cummed in her ass and vagina, she retreated into her gem. Sonic yelled angrily and slapped a 10 dollar bill into Bernie’s waiting hand.
Sans and Rick continued to cum and fuck the pearl lying on the ground, not really noticing something had happened to her.
Morty had been shielding Papyrus eyes as the whole thing went down, and they moved on into a different section of Naruto’s ninja house, where they say Amethyst lying sensually on top of Vriska.
“Quick, the closet!” Morty pulled the trembling skeleton towards it.
“No, Morty I’m scared! Why did my brother shoot white liquid all over that rock lady?” The bone man’s face warped into one of distress and confusion. “Was it ketchup? He likes ketchup a lot… White ketchup…”
Morty shushed him, and rummaged around, surprised to find a superman costume in his size. There was one for Papyrus. Morty helped him dress into the costume, and Papyrus shrieked in joy.
“Yes! This is the coolest look around! The only thing to make it better is…. A hat made from a plate of spaghetti!” He pulled out the lunch sack of spaghetti that Sans had brought with him. He dumped it on his head, and continued to eat it out of the bag too.
“G-gosh, Papyrus, that smells nasty as shit! I’m gonna throw up.” Morty turned green and continued to put on the costume.
“You, you don’t mean it, do you?” Papyrus looked offended. “My brother loves my spaghetti, and so does everyone at home! You don’t understand me.” Papyrus skulked in the corner, and pulled out his black eyeliner that he had never used before. It was time to become an edgy™ skeleton.
Morty peeked through the slots in the closet. “Woah! A real life vagina!”
Amethyst had her legs spread wide open, and Vriska was violently licking her pussy, scraping her fangs against the skin, in which Amethyst screamed: “COWABUNGA!” Vriska looked up smugly, caught Morty’s eyes, and winked, before burying her head in the purple girl’s nether regions.
Amethyst sat up, and began clawing at Vriska’s clothes, eventually getting them off of her, and tossing the scraps to the floor. She pulled out her whip, and tied Vriska up with it, before fiddling with her alien genitals. (Shit i don’t know what the fuck trolls have it’s been forever since I read that sinful comic just deal with alien genitals. Nasty fucks.)
“Oh Amethyst, claw at my skin and forcefully feed me pizza!” Vriska moaned, and Amethyst stood up.
“I thought you hated pizza?” She questioned cautiously.
“I’ll eat it for you, and then we can fuck!” Vriska screeched, signing in pleasure as Amethyst grasped her diddly doo.
“Oh Vriska!” Amethyst climbed up and began making out with Vriska, grabbing her titty and squeezing it, while Vriska pumped her body underneath. The whip snapped, and Amethyst fell on top of Vriska, and this time they started to scissor and claw at each other.
Morty watched with glee. He never thought that it would come full circle to the point where he watched two people fuck while dressed as superman in a closet, but here he was. Papyrus was crying and rubbing black eyeliner all over him, listening to goth music. He stood up, and slammed the door open.
“Timid skeleton baby, where the hell are you going?” Morty cried out, not even caring that Vriska and Amethyst had stopped fucking to watch the exchange.
“I’m going to find Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way! She’s the only one who will understand me now!” He slam dunked his spaghetti on the ground.
“Geeeeeeeet dunked on.” Sans whispered from a corner.
“EBONY! I’M COMING TO FREE YOU, MY LOVE!” He raced to the main room of the ninja’s home, superman cape flapping in the wind being him. He didn’t see anyone except Rick continuing to fuck Pearl really hard in the butt after she had reformed, and so he moved on to the next room.
Naruto and Sonic were making out passionately while Ebony watched in the corner, all tied up and masturbating furiously. Papyrus ran to her and threw his bones on top of her, and she screeched in disgust. She decided to grab one using the little ability she had to move her arms and inserted one up her ass. She continued to rub her clit while the bone was lodged in her rectum, and Papyrus looked on in a mixture of shame and horror.
“Gawd you’re dressed like a fuckong prep get tha hell off of me!” She then noticed the black eyeliner smudged all around his eye sockets and gasped tenderly.
“A fellow goth! Its tha vempire gawth code to help all goths in need, do you need any cross tights or a leather jaket?” She wiped some white makeup on his face, nodding in approval. (Goths help eachother they arent liek preps they are a good solid community!!!!!!)
Naruto and Sonic looked up just in time to see Papyrus freeing her bonds, and Sonic turned into a spinny wheel of death and destruction, while Naruto used his nine tails to raise up the sands of death.
“Stop those two goths!” Sonic bellowed from the top of his lungs after Papyrus and Ebony set off for the door. Bernie Sanders idled in front of the door, his arms waiting, and lunged at Ebony, tackling her to the ground and pinning her arms down with his strong socialist ones.
“No free college for you.” He whispere, and Ebony spit in his face.
“I go to hogwarts yuo dumb fuck prep polititcian! Did you all forget taht I am a wizard vampire too??” She yelled. “Wingardium Leviosa!”
Bernie Sanders rose into the air, and he was flailing about.
“Help, Help! Who will save America now if I’m gone?” His tears plopped to the floor, and his old man body was starting to shake. Sonic grabbed at him, determined not to lose another friend.
“I’ll save you, Bernie! I’ll sacrifice everything! I won’t let you end up like Knuckles!” Sonic jumped up and down, and Naruto assisted him, seeing the pain in the blue hedgehog’s eyes.
Suddenly, a flash of blue light happened, and there was Knuckles, dressed in future clothes armed with guns. An army of regular tiny echidnas was behind him. He shot Ebony in the lung and caught Bernie in his arms. After a quick smooch on the forehead, he set Bernie down, and watched as the man’s skin glowed with newfound vitality and youth, and muscles sprouted and ripped his shirt sleeves. Bernie flexed in wonder.
Naruto gasped.
“He’s so beautiful! What did you do?”
Knuckles didn’t have to speak, his words rang out clear through the minds of those he wished to hear him, Sonic, Naruto, Bernie, Ebony, and Papyrus.
“He has been gifted with a new life. He is stronger, smarter, a better leader. He showed promise, passion, the ability to change. These are the reasons why I have gifted him as I did. Many gifts are yet to come, young children. One day, you will be chosen too, bestowed with a gift, perhaps become a host to an omnipotent entity with ability to know all.”
The voice washed out of their heads, and Ebony started to scream and clapped her hands over her ears.
“THTS TOO PURE AND GOOD! IM NOT ABOUT BENING HAPPY, I LUV THA DARK!!!!!” She wailed, and Papyrus stood up, his superman cape flapping. He was ready to accept his place in this new world that the overlord Knuckles the Echidna was bringing from a higher plane.
The ethereal being graced his bony head with a tender kiss, and Papyrus began to glow and shake, his bones rattling around until he transformed into a giant plate of spaghetti. Everyone grew quiet.
“Thank you Knuckles, oh, Thank you! I’ve become what I was always meant to be.” Papyrusketti began to make weird noodle sounds. He was picked up by the red creature, and placed in the air, where he floated and zoomed around, a flying plate of skeleton spaghetti.
Morty jumped out, holding McGucket under his arm. He aimed Rick’s portal gun at Knuckles.
“H-Hasta la vista, you overgrown rodent!” He shot a portal at the creature’s body, and the being accepted it. His voice rang clear through their minds.
“It is time for me to return home now.” He tapped Papyrus, and the skeleton clattered to the floor, once more a pile of bones. He began to sob. Knuckles was fading into the green vortex, and lifted his finger, shooting Ebony again, where she began to keel over. He vanished once more, Sonic staring in awe at the spot where his old friend once stood.
“How am I dieing I’m a vampire we cnat die!!!!” Ebony snapped as she bled out of the wounds on her body.
“Justice has been served. I’m all about giving the real justice to the public!” Sonic pumped his fist in the air, and Vriska high fived him.
“Sonic for real justice!” Everyone cried, and they all did a high school musical jump as Ebony died on the floor, in a pool of her own blood.
“My clothes look awesome now.” She whispered as she took her last breath, content that she had finally gotten her clothes to be dyed red with blood.
Vriska yanked off Ebony’s clothes and put them on herself, since she was still naked. She admired how cool the freshly red shirt looked on her.
Naruto and Sonic looked at Ebony, and then began to make out again.
“I’ll never leave you again I swear.” Sonic cried. He called Amy on speed dial to tell that bitch that they were through because he was with Naruto now, unless she wanted to be his side ho.
“Oh, Sonic!” Naruto yelped as the hedgehog slipped his hands into his baggy ninja track pants, and gave his balls a good fondle. Sonic winked at him.
Morty went back to find Rick, and discovered him still going at Pearl, who was reading a book about organic chemistry while still getting her ass rammed.
“Rick, you just missed Knuckles, he came back as an omnipotent god! He made Bernie Sanders ripped!”
“Shut up Morty, we’re going home!” Rick burped really loudly, and Pearl looked around unamused.
“We’ll be leaving now.” She huffed. “Amethyst, come on, let’s go!”
“Aw, come on P! I was just about to have hardcore BDSM with Vriska!” Amethyst complained.
“That can wait another day, We are LEAVING!” She glared at Rick while putting her pants back on. “It’s rude to burp in people’s faces, I was trying to read.” They teleported out because Naruto’s house had a warp pad because he had allied with gems a long time ago so they had access to his ninja stuff.
Everyone eventually filed out, except Naruto, and Sonic, who continued to make out. Bernie was disposing of Ebony’s corpse, when her vampire eyes flicked open, and she backflipped onto Naruto.
“I hope you enjoy that blood oath to satan, goddamn prep twat!” She screamed, and they both disappeared into hell from an opening below.
Bernie and Sonic stared at the spot.
“Yikes.” Bernie said, and adjusted his glasses.
THE END