Fangirl Meltdown™
“Wakey-wakey, eggs and homophobia,” Wu said merrily.
He sat down at the table, where everyone was groggily slumped over their breakfast. Unfortunately for the masses, Wu was a morning person.
Last night, Asami had come clean. Something was up with Badgermole, and something even worse was up with this camp. Wu and Korra had voted to ditch camp and run to Republic City. But Asami and Mako had thought it would be a better gambit to stay here and find out what was up.
Don’t say I didn’t warn your gay asses…
Kuvira sat down at the table and they all straightened up, as though she was about to reveal the plans to blow up the Death Star.
“My, my, you’re a jumpy bunch today,” she said to the group, a hint of a smile forming.
“We saw the poster,” Mako muttered, careful to make sure none of the other tables could hear in on them.
Kuvira smirked and then nodded, “We have a lot of work to do if we want to find out what’s really going on around here. But I need you all to keep your cool and pretend we’re all still trying to be straight.”
“We?!”
Kuvira gave them a wink, and lifted the hem of her shirt. The name Shao was tattooed on her waist. Wu grinned— Shao was a traditional Fire Nation girl’s name.
“Okay, you just jumped like three levels of awesome,” Korra whispered.
“From Counselor Badgermole to Counselor Badass,” Wu said, nodding in agreement.
“If you guys are in on this, meet me at The Spirit World at 11:00 tonight.”
Mako smirked and took a bite of his toast, “Anyone else have an urge to take these guys down?”
“Yeah,” Korra said with a laugh, “We’re in.”
. . .
Wu followed Mako to the kitchen, where everyone was prepping for lunch.
“Hey, Bolin, our counselor sent us to talk to you.”
“What about?” the cook asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Dietary restrictions,” Wu feigned casually.
Bolin shrugged and led them to the fridge, which was essentially the coldest room Wu had ever been in. Cause, you know, palaces had fucking heating for a reason.
“What’s up?”
“There’s a lot of shit about to go down at the camp.”
“I know.”
“And we wanted to warn yo— wait, WHAT?!”
“Mako, Kuvira is Opal’s sister. When she recognized that I was applying here, she recruited me to help her.”
“Help her do what?” Wu asked, his eyes narrowing.
Bolin hesitated, “Look… you know what? Fuck it.
“I’m RCPD, and Mako knows that much. Kuvira was technically Zaofu PD, but got sent here to help out— she knows the layout of the Camp really well. All we know is that there’s something illegal going on here, and it involves a lot of outside factions— Hiroshi Sato and Chief Unalaq.”
Wu turned to Mako, “You KNEW he was a cop, and you didn’t tell us!?”
Mako took a sudden interest in the frozen foods, “I-I thought you were here… you know… to look after me. I didn’t think… I mean I thought you just had an office job at the PD.”
Bolin leapt forwards and squeezed his brother’s shoulders, “I AM here to keep you safe— that was my original intention. But after I read Kuvira’s case file, I knew that there was more than meets the eye to this place. We didn’t know what we were dealing with— but now that you’re in on Police Business… I promise I won’t hide anything from you.”
“Who else is in on this?”
“Varrick and Zhu Li.”
“No way! That dude is a cop!? He couldn’t punch a pillow if he had to!”
“Weapon’s specialist. And Zhu Li is a chemist. Weird couple if you ask me, but if there’s some sort of contraband— we were hoping they could get in on the action and identify what we’re working with. Unfortunately, so far we’ve come up empty handed.”
“What’s the case?” Wu asked.
“There’s a lot of money going to and from this place. Not your usual summer camp profits. We suspected money laundering— so they sent a bunch of us undercover. But none of it is actually ending up in the camp ledgers— which we had to bust into Tarrlok’s office for…”
Wu’s mind instantly took a convenient trip down memory lane— to the time they had stolen alcohol from Tarrlok.
“So, how about you and I go out on a date sometime, Zhu Li?”
“Quiet, Varrick, you might wake someone up!”
“Stupid Noatak. He never bothers to lock up his shit.”
The counselors hadn’t been patrolling the main building! They’d been breaking in!
“…Kuvira managed to find a ledger that showed the missing money’s inflow and outflow… but not what they’re purchasing or selling.”
“So are all the other counselors… you know… evil villains?”
“That depends on your point-of-view, M,” Wu said. “I think they all suck ass.”
Bolin looked a little hurt.
“I mean, you know, the ones who want to de-gay us.”
The officer shrugged his shoulders. “I have no reason to trust them for personal reasons,” he said, nodding towards Mako, “and no reason to trust them for investigation reasons. Innocent until proven guilty, though.”
“You know the good cop, bad cop cliché?” Wu said with a friendly punch to Mako’s shoulder, “He’s, like, teddy bear cop.”
Mako rolled his eyes, gave his brother a hug, and then walked out of the freezer.
“Hey, uh… Wu, is it?” Bolin asked, scratching his head.
The Prince-to-Be stopped and turned to face the detective.
“The way you look at each other… he really is worth it…”
“What do you mean?” Wu asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I mean I hope that you treat him better than the last guy. You seem okay.”
“I-I-I need to go.”
Bolin nodded and waved him off, “Yeah. See you around.”
. . .
The officer’s comment sticks around in the back of Wu’s mind like a lollipop to a sweater in the middle of August.
. . .
They were sitting on the dock, lounging around in the sun. Unlike before, nobody minded that Kuvira had joined them— sitting and laughing while they swapped stories.
It felt weird to have her be… not an antagonist? Friend. Yeah, friend… that’s the word Wu was looking for.
They were far away from any other campers or counselors, and who knows where Noatak and Tarrlok were sulking, so Wu was having a Fangirl Meltdown™ because Korra and Asami were happily holding hands in the sunlight. And Kuvira didn’t seem to care.
“So… you’re not a homophobe?” Wu asked.
Kuvira rolled her eyes, “Kid, I couldn’t give a shit about Vaatu and those guys… believe me when I say that I’m sorry that I had to do all this.”
The kids nodded and Wu let out a breath it had felt he’d been holding in all summer long. They were going to get out of this— just as fabulous as always.
“You went here as a camper, then?”
Kuvira’s eyes brightened up, “Yeah, sure did. It’s where I met my wife.”
Boom. Irony at its fucking best. Korra and Asami could suck it— all of the boy’s Fangirl Energy™ was stolen by Counselor Badgermole.
“Do you miss her?” Korra asked, admiration in her eyes.
“You have no idea. When I get out, I’m taking a two-week vacation with her.”
“But if you went here as a kid, how did the brothers not recognize you?”
“Completely different staff back then. Some guy named Yakone ruled the turf, and actually wanted to ‘cure’ kids of their homosexuality. I guess the brother’s inherited it and began doing Raava-knows-what with the money.”
“They seem so sincere though.”
“It’s this thing, Asami, you see… it’s called acting.”
Wu leaned back on Mako’s legs (trying to desperately flirt with him was getting old. He was just going to go for it and hope for the damn best). The older boy tensed up slightly, but then relaxed into the position. Huh.
. . .
“Okay, José, what’s the plan?” Wu said, plopping himself into one of the folding chairs.
They were all in the Spirit World. It was really, really fucking weird to have the four kids AND Bolin, Kuvira, Varrick, and Zhu Li all together— in what was essentially the only safe-haven the kids could have to themselves. But if it meant taking those assholes down a notch, Wu would live with it.
“First off, you’re all underage and technically not allowed to help us,” Kuvira began.
“Cool. So what’s the plan?” Asami asked.
“Woah, woah, woah,” Korra butt in. “We’re all like undercover now, right? So we totally need a secret name!”
“Kor—“
“Sgt. Ellen’s Lesbian Hearts Club Badgermoles?” Wu said, casually looking at his nails and frowning. He missed his nail polish.
Kuvira closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I hate each and every one of you.”