eight
Tyler had been anxious since he'd gotten home. He'd shaken all the way since his extended family ate dinner and complimented him and had nearly dropped a plate when he was clearing the table. When Jay and Madison had gone to bed and Zack was in the basement playing Halo, Tyler had shakily said, "mom, dad, I have to um, I have to talk to you."
The three of them sat down at the card table, and Tyler's mom asked, "are you okay? You're pale as a sheet honey."
"I'm fine," Tyler told her, his voice cracking. He was sweating profusely. The room was spinning. "It's just, I have to tell you something." He swallowed a few times, his mouth opening like he was going to say something, a slightly strangled noise escaping his throat. He finally managed to stutter it out.
"I'm gay."
Silence.
For a minute, he couldn't even look at his parents. And when he did, he wished he hadn't. His mom looked slightly confused. A little concerned. Most of all, she looked majorly sympathetic. And afraid to say something. His father looked disappointed, and Tyler felt tears start to well up behind his eyes. He stared straight ahead. He wasn't going to cry.
"What about the church?"
He swallowed at his father's question. "I still-"
"Get out."
Tyler looked over at him, startled. "What?"
"Get out of my house. Your mother can drive you somewhere. Anywhere but here. You have five minutes to pack." With that, his father got up and went to the liquor cabinet.
Tyler bolted up the stairs like a rabbit being chased. He didn't let himself start crying, not yet. Barely let himself breathe for fear of crying.
He grabbed his school backpack and shoved some clothes and his notebook into a duffel bag. His breathing was hitching. He raced back downstairs and straight into the garage. When he was in the car, he stared straight forward again. He wasn't going to cry. He gave his mom the address softly and didn't speak the rest of the car ride. He couldn't without breaking down.
His mom hesitated once they were in the driveway. Tyler felt her staring at him. Felt her wanting to say something. Felt the first tears slip from his eyes.
"I love you, Tyler. No matter what. I'll talk to him," she murmured.
"I love you too, mom," he choked out before leaving the car. The moment his feet his the pavement, he was sobbing. He tried to keep it together the best he could while stumbling up to the front door, but after knocking, he was an absolute wreck. He couldn't even look up when he heard the door open.
"Tyler? What- come in here."
He felt himself being pulled into the warmth of the house, the door closing behind him, and arms being wrapped around him.
"What happened, Joseph?" Gerard asked, sounding worried as all hell.
Tyler just buried his head into Gerard's shoulder and cried harder. They must have been standing in the entryway for fifteen minutes before Tyler calmed down enough to pull away from Gerard's grip and take a few deep, sharp breaths. "I'm sorry," Tyler whispered, his voice crackling an embarrassing amount.
"It's okay, come on," Gerard said softly, gently guiding Tyler up the stairs and into his room. "I'll be right back."
Gerard reappeared a minute later with a damp washcloth and a glass of ice water. The boy sat next to Tyler and handed him the glass, which Tyler gladly took and gulped down, shuddering from the chill. Gerard wiped the already drying tears from Tyler's pale face, intently watching the other teen in case he started crying again.
"What happened?"
Tyler paused, swallowed hard, and said, "he kicked me out."
"Yeah, I got that," Gerard said, then decided to rephrase, "I'm sorry, Tyler. Did he say anything else? What about your mom?"
"She just seemed scared of my dad," Tyler told him, holding back more tears. "I guess he thinks I don't believe in God now or something like that. He asked about the church."
Tyler took a deep breath to steady himself.
"I guess I probably shouldn't care if he doesn't accept me. It's my life. But- this is my dad. He's never been anything but incredible. He paid for my piano lessons. Taught me how to dribble. Let me lead prayer circles. He's honestly," he paused, sighing, "probably one of my best friends."
Gerard nodded, chewing on the nail of his thumb. "Acceptance," he started, "is a big theme in the Bible. I know it's awful right now. But either he'll get over it, or he won't. But I'm betting he will. He'll go read the Bible and pray for a few nights and realize his closeness with you is more important than who you like to make out with. And, in the mean time you can stay here as long as you need to."
"Thank you, Gerard," Tyler whispered, pulling his knees up to his chest. Gerard ruffled his hair, stood up, and said, "I'm gonna go shower. I'll be back."
Tyler finally checked his phone after that. He had a few messages.
Spooky Jim: Tyler?
Spooky Jim: Tyyyyy
Spooky Jim: TyJo :(
Tyler took another deep breath and finally replied.
TyJo: hi
Spooky Jim: Tyler!!
Spooky Jim: How did it go?
TyJo: bad
Spooky Jim: Oh god, I'm sorry
TyJo: he kicked me out
Spooky Jim: Holy shit
Spooky Jim: Where are you?
Spooky Jim: I can come pick you up
TyJo: i'm at gerard's
Spooky Jim: I'm gonna come over
TyJo: no
TyJo: i mean
TyJo: i don't know if i can handle it right now
Spooky Jim: I understand. We can talk tomorrow. Goodnight love.
TyJo: i love you josh
Spooky Jim: I love you more, Tyler
When Gerard came back into his room thirty minutes later, he found Tyler praying at the foot of his bed. Gerard thought better of bothering him, and just lied on his bed until Tyler looked up twenty minutes later and went to lie next to him.
"Why don't you believe in God?" Tyler asked quietly, and Gerard just sighed.
"I never really did. God was kind of like Santa or the Easter Bunny or something. A fairy tale, just for adults."
Gerard didn't miss Tyler's wince. He pressed on.
"I used to go church with my mom. I thought maybe if I did I'd get good person points and my dad would stop being mean or I'd stop wanting to die or something. Both of those problems got worse. I just thought religion was bullshit. I always wanted to believe, I guess," he explained, his voice getting softer the more he spoke. Tyler felt him tense up.
"I- three years ago I tried to kill myself. I wasn't in the hospital for more than a day, but they transferred me to a psych ward for two weeks. And Joseph, if I ever had any belief in a God, it was gone after everything I saw in that place. It was fucking miserable. My roommate was a seven year old. His dad fucking raped him. Tried to cut his fucking eyes out so he wouldn't have to see it anymore." Gerard's voice was shaking. Tyler was pretty sure he was crying. "I just can't justify a God that lets that kind of shit happen."
Tyler let that sink in for about five minutes before he said, "I guess I never really thought about it like that. My faith has just always been really important to me. It's helped me through a lot of rough spots."
"What about when you found out you were gay?"
Tyler sighed, thinking about the question for a few moments. "I guess- I always sort of knew, at the back of my mind that I didn't like girls. I just never let myself think about liking boys, either. When I realized it was pretty bad. When I even started considering it. I prayed for four hours straight the night after Josh came to my house for the first time. I just wanted an answer. But Josh makes me happy. And I still believe and I still pray and I still go to church and I still am a good person, I think. I don't think that any true God would condemn me for it."
Gerard nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. "You're good for Dun, you know."
Tyler glanced over at him with a questioning look.
"He's lonely a lot," Gerard explained. "His siblings live with his grandparents because their parents are rarely ever home. His dad is always on business trips and his mom works every day. He's usually alone in that house. I try to help, but I know he needed someone more than just me. And he's less reckless now. Plus, he likes you a lot. A whole lot."
Tyler heard the door open.
"Get the fuck out of my room Mikey!"
Tyler could almost hear the eye roll in Mikey's response. "You have a phone call."
"From who?"
"Your shrink."
Gerard scowled. "Tell him to fuck off."
Mikey sighed and closed the door.
"My psych is a fucking idiot. He told me I'd be happy if I had a girlfriend. Who the fuck says that? Like my fucking depression is because of my lack of sex or something?"
Tyler listened to Gerard rant for a bit. "Are you gay?"
Tyler had been wondering this for a while.
Gerard shrugged and said, "no. I'm not straight, either. Or any of the in betweens. I'm really just not a fan of relationships."
This answer fit Gerard perfectly.
"I hate half of these posters," Gerard murmured absentmindedly, some time later.
"Why keep them up?"
Gerard grinned and hopped up, the bed bouncing under his feet. He ripped down a Superman poster and Tyler could see several suspiciously fist sized holes in the wall.
Tyler arched an eyebrow at him.
"I guess Dun meant it when he said I needed to work on anger management," Gerard told him sheepishly.
Tyler laughed softly.
He already felt a little better. He let himself believe Gerard in saying that his dad would come around.
At least, Tyler hoped he would.