Chapter 5
What is this feeling? This unsettling feeling… I don't like it. I don't even know, why it's there.
Lost in thoughts, Korra walked through the park and kicked some stones in front of her down the road. Since she wasn't able to stay at home simply doing nothing anymore she decided to go for a walk with Naga. That had always calmed her down, refreshed her mind and body, but that weird sensation she had for a while now won't go away. She felt like missing something, missing someone. But what could it be?
I already have everything I need. All my beloved are here with me. My family, my friends, Asami. So why do I feel like this?
It bothered her for weeks now, always leaving that strange feeling, messing up her mind. Just one question needed to be answered: Why? But that was easier said than done, finding an answer to that. How should she go on? What should she do next? Where should she even begin? Behind that one simple question were hidden a bunch of other questions she couldn't answer as well.
Oh man, what is wrong with me?
Out of frustration she kicked the stone a little bit too hard away, causing it to fly high up and almost hitting a person with it. Fortunately, the guy didn't notice. Still Korra hurried to get away from him
Maybe it's because of Mako? We still haven't talked about his problem.
“Naga, what do you think should I do?” She looked down at her dog. Hoping for an actual answer of an animal unable to speak was kinda dumb, but Korra couldn't care less, that's how hopeless she felt.
The white dog barked two times and shook its fur, then continued walking.
“Guess you don't know what to answer as well...” She mumbled the words under a heavy sigh.
Okay, so in order to get rid of this awful feeling I probably have to clear up the conflict between Mako and me. I can't put this off for as long as possible, I have to face it. No other way around.
She internally cheered herself on, trying to strengthen her mind for the upcoming storm that was about to hit her.
Come on, Korra. You can do it. Mako's your boyfriend, no need to be afraid of confronting him. Just talk it out. It's as easy as walking. Take the next best opportunity to talk to him. And don't freak out like the other times, stay calm.
The rest of the walk she spent her time cheering herself up.
Later that day Mako wrote Korra a message. He asked her if she wanted to hang out, just "Netflix and chill". After short hesitation she replied with a plain 'yeah, sure' and texted him back that she would be over at once. Considering her situation Korra thought of this as a good opportunity to talk to Mako about their current status as a couple. She couldn't just leave it like that, ignoring his weird behavior and acting like there had never been a problem. They had to go through this together, sort things out between them – as a couple or not.
There she was now, lying on the sofa in Mako's apartment cuddled up in blankets beside him and watching season one of Heroes on Netflix. Bolin, his little and only brother and one of Korra's closest friends, was out with some folks of him, probably drinking in some club, so there were just the two of them, Mako and Korra. She still hadn't found the right moment to address the elephant sitting in the room named Mako's secret, but she had told herself that she would do it today
Come on, Korra, it's not that hard.
It really wasn't, but somehow this time was way harder than the other times she had confronted him. She had a bad feeling about this, like something might go horribly wrong and the problem will just worsen in a matter of time. Nevertheless, she wouldn't even think of letting it slip, letting him off the hook.
You have to do this today. You have to do this now.
She looked up at her boyfriend, let her gaze linger on his face for a little while and studied the contours of his face before returning it to the TV again. There was a scene in which Hiro tries to save the love of his life from being murdered by Saylor, traveling through time and space to protect her from any harm.
Great, thanks Netflix for creating the perfect atmosphere to mention our problem. Well then…
She breathed in heavily, closed her eyes and exhaled loudly, causing Mako to look down at her.
“Everything alright, babe?”
“I, um, yeah, I'm okay, I-” Korra, no, don't you dare push this aside again, just tell him. Do it! “Okay, no, you know what? I'm not okay, I just don't under-”
She was cut off by the bell ringing one time, two times, three times. She groaned and pushed herself up from the sofa, complaining about who the heck would ring at this time and in such a bad moment.
“Wait here, be right back.” She looked over her shoulder at Mako and pointed at the couch, then made her way to the apartment's door.
I swear if this is one of those little children doing some prank buzzing on people, I will-
But as she opened the door it wasn't a bunch of some cheesy little kids running for their life she was greeted with but a somewhat chubby girl of her age, clutching to a little piece of paper and staring at Korra nervously.
Oh, must be my face why she's so intimidated.
She relaxed and eyed the girl standing before her curiously.
“Hello,” She began to talk, playing with the piece of paper between her fingers and not daring to look up at Korra. “Am I at the right address here?”
She opened the folded paper and gave it to Korra. It showed Mako's address.
“Yes… Do you have business with someone?” Korra asked hesitantly, not sure about what answer she was expecting.
Who the hell is this girl? What does she want here?
“Ah, yes, actually. I'm searching for Mako, doesn't he live here anymore?” The girl asked and peered around Korra, scanning the apartment for the tall boy.
Slightly annoyed with the stranger Korra blocked her sight and leaned against the door frame, looking down at the slightly shorter girl and taking a dominant posture.
“He does. Who are you and what do you want from him?”
“I have to say this to him personally, could you please tell me where he is? It's really important.” She seemed desperate, but Korra didn't care.
What did she want from her boyfriend? Why would she come here to his place?
“No, tell me first, I'm gonna tell him. I'm his girlfriend.”
The other girl's eyes widen at her words and her expression hardened. “I'm so sorry, but I have to tell him alone, I can't risk to destroy your relationship. You cannot hear it. Please, just get Mako for me. It's something between him and me...”
Korra became impatient, crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning down, and looked at her with narrow eyes.
What the hell? Why would she care about my relationship with Mako? I don't even know her.
“Whatever you have to tell him, you will tell me as well.” Her voice was intimidating though the words she said weren't even all that harsh.
“Korra, what is going on?” Mako shouted from the living room and steps could be heard as he made his way to the door, but stopped abruptly when his eyes caught the girl's face.
“Mako!” The words were full of relieve and she almost sprinted to the boy if it weren't for Korra's scary aura that held her back.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Mako stepped beside his girlfriend, his face unreadable.
“Aren't you happy to see me?” The irony present in those words was unmistakable.
“I'm not. I told you, I don't want anything from you. Now go home.”
“No, no, no. Wait. First of all, who the fuck is this person? Second, she told me she had something important to tell you. She's not going until I know what that is.” Korra frowned at Mako, he wouldn't get away with this. Not this time.
“No, Korra, it's none of your business, she's just some ex girlfriend from the past. She's crazy, always following me arou-”
“No, stop that at once. I am not some crazy ex girlfriend! You won't get through this with that lame excuse.” The girl screamed in between Mako's words, drawing the eyes of both Korra and Mako to her. “And I think you're girlfriend here,” she pointed at Korra “deserves to know the truth.”
“Wait, what truth? Mako, what is going on?” Korra dropped her arms to her sides and looked at her boyfriend.
This is it, this had to be Mako's secret. But he wouldn't… he wouldn't do this, would he?
Korra's heart sank at the thought that maybe, just maybe Mako had been cheating on her the whole time. But when? And why?
“Korra, I- I don't know what she's talking about.” His face changed from mad to nervous to guilty within seconds.
He didn't look at Korra directly, he avoided her eyes, his gaze was shifting constantly.
“You know really well what I'm talking about, Mako. Remember five months ago?” The girl crossed her arms and eyed the taller boy, then gave Korra an apologetic look. “I'm really sorry to tell you this, but-"
“No.” He interrupted her harshly. “I'm going to tell her.”
Both girls were looking at him expectantly. “Oh? Go ahead.” The girl made a swift movement with her hand motioning that the stage was free for him.
He inhaled sharply then turned to Korra and – this time – looked her directly in the eye, though she could recognize a hint of fear in them. “Korra, I owe you a lot of answers. I know, things weren't going well between us lately, so before you're going to yell at me for what I did, I want you to know that I still care a lot about you. I want you to be happy, I've never intended to hurt you in any way. And I know I can't run away from mistakes I made, I have to face them sooner or later. You deserve all the answers on your questions. Ask them, I will answer all of them.”
It was silent for a moment with Korra and Mako staring at each other and light tapping of a foot from the girl still standing outside.
“Okay.” She closed her eyes, tried to search for the right words and the right questions, then asked: “First of all, who the fuck is this girl? Second, what is she doing here? Third, why does she want to talk to you? Fourth, what are you hiding from me, Mako?” The last words were barely over a whisper as they left her mouth, there was so much distrust put into them.
“This,” He pointed at the girl with his thumb “is Ama. We met each other at the xx bar while you were gone to France.”
The xx bar… But he told me that he didn't want to go there anymore, why did he do it anyways? What the hell is going on?
He breathed out heavily, trying to form proper sentences. “I-I was drunk. And she was drunk.”
“We were both drunk, she gets it.” The girl, now known as Ama, interposed, earning an annoyed glare from Mako.
“Could you please not interrupt me? I'm trying to explain all this mess to my girlfriend. So if you would just shut your mouth for only five minutes. Is that to much to ask for?”
Ama raised her hands in front of her chest in defense and rolled her eyes at the boy.
“So, we were both drunk.” He continued. No, no, he didn't… “And with you gone I kind of felt lonely. I know it's not an excuse, but I don't even know myself why I did it… We… slept with each other. But it was just one time! I told her that I made a mistake and I was terribly sorry for pulling her into all this and I asked her to forget about that night. To never call me or get into contact with me. So why the hell are you here? I thought I had made myself clear that I didn't want to see you anymore.” The last part was addressed to Ama.
“You want to know why? I didn't even want to go to you in the first place, but you were my last option. I don't have anyone beside of you. My family abandoned me, my friends wrote me off as some slut. You're the only one that's left. Guess what? That night you didn't use protection. And now comes the surprise: I'm pregnant. From you.” She barked out the words, trying to hold in her sobs.
Korra didn't know how to feel anymore. Her mind went blank as the words hit her but at the same time she was overwhelmed with thoughts, questions, images. Yet she didn't feel any anger nor sadness or disappointment. Deep inside of her there was this suspicion, but she didn't believe for even one second that Mako would be that type of guy, that Mako would be able to do that, to cheat on her. Where was this genuine guy she fell in love with so long ago? No, she wasn't in love with him anymore. She realized for a while now, but had never worked up the courage to accept it, to say it out aloud. She knew if she accepted her feelings, she would have to break up with him. That meant hurting a person who was important to her. That meant messing things up between them. That meant distance herself from him. She didn't want any of that, but at this exact moment as Ama told them that she was pregnant from Mako, all she felt was nothing. Emptiness.
And here I thought that she was just fat.
“Wait, what?! How can you be pregnant from me? What are you-”
Slap!
Korra had slapped him. Korra had slapped her boyfriend. Hard. He was shocked for a short moment, holding one hand to his left cheek, but recovered quickly from his trance and looked at Korra, trying to find her eyes, his own full of panic and disbelieve, but he never found them.
“Korra, what was-”
“Mako, we're done.”