Wait For It
Water cascaded down Tyrell’s back, letting every droplet fall, while he stood underneath the shower head. Tension gradually released from his shoulders as he let the hot water mix with soap on his body. Though he wasn’t a nervous person, Tyrell had been anxiety ridden for the last couple of weeks. He was not a patient man so waiting around for a response was anything but soothing. He couldn’t speed up the decision process, all he could possibly do was wait; so that’s what did. He waited. And waited. And waited. It had been 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 24 minutes, and 30 seconds since he had last spoken to Elliot (more or less).
In an effort to make Elliot not seem pressured or rushed in his decision making, Tyrell told him that he would stop talking to him until he was ready to give him an answer. Of course, originally, he thought that this process would only take a couple of days before he received a ’yes’ or ‘no’ answer; he never considered the idea that Elliot would need more than a day or two to decide what he wanted to do and how he would approach this sudden change in their relationship. After the initial few days, he was stunned that his fate wasn’t decided. No one he was interested in pursuing had ever said no to him, because he was a desirable person, so he was more than surprised to learn that he needed more time. He had overestimated his own appeal which probably added to longevity of the situation. Despite this realization, Tyrell couldn’t fathom that Elliot wasn’t ready just yet. And not talking to him was killing him.
It wasn’t like Tyrell couldn’t talk to him, it was the whole principle of the situation. He’d already promised he wouldn’t interrupt him so he had to stand by his statement or else he seemed like a liar. Every time Elliot sat next to him in class or he saw a brief glimpse of his future lover, he felt his heart ache. There was something about not being able to talk to someone you long for that set him off. It didn’t feel like lust anymore, it felt like genuine endearment. He loved his face, he loved his voice, and he loved his clothes. He loved everything about him, and that made him sick. He wanted to be close to him in a way that wasn’t possible at the moment. No amount of sleeping in his hoodie or basking in his scent could match his strong urge to be physical with Elliot.
Kisses trailed down his back, followed by hands caressing his naked body. “I thought you left,” the boy said from behind him. “You usually never stay this long.”
“I needed to get cleaned up,” Tyrell said, not opening his eyes as he continued to let the water hit his face. Much to his dislike, his hookup sessions had become more frequent as his ‘break’ from Elliot expanded. As much as he didn’t want to come here, he couldn’t wait until he was ready to engage Elliot sexually to have sex; he liked it too much to stay abstinent, and he didn’t want to bother Joanna with his requests because he knew his heart wouldn’t be in it, nor would hers.
The boy smiled. “I can make us some lunch since you’re still here. You never stay long enough for me to cook for you.”
“Sounds great,” he said, forcing a smile. “I’ll be out in a couple of minutes.”
“Ok, I’ll go put some clothes on.” The boy said, exiting the shower and leaving the bathroom.
Tyrell sighed, opening his eyes to turn off the shower water. His current sexual partner was becoming increasingly clingy and dependent with every visit and orgasm. This was why he never became involved with one person for a period of time, they started to develop feelings. The boy—he had forgotten his name—was starting to think they would actually have a future together. He was blurring the lines between fucking and making love. Though he was a good sex partner, he didn’t think he was that good.
Tyrell grabbed a towel, walking out of the bathroom in search of his clothes. He’d brought his backpack to have a change of clothes instead of wearing the same semen stained ones from last night. The only clothes options he had left were sweatpants and regular t-shirts. He really needed to do laundry. He quickly changed into them, walking into the kitchen to see the boy preparing their lunch. From what he could tell, there was nothing special about the meal. "Here we go. I hope you like quesadillas." he said, moving the two paper plates to the small table in the corner.
"It looks great." It could be better, Tyrell thought. He didn't want to be here longer than he had to be, but he was starving from last night and earlier that morning. He sat down at the table, taking a bite out of the grilled tortilla. "It tastes amazing."
The boy smiled again. "Thank you."
Despite being in his fuck buddy's presence, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to Elliot. He would much rather be with him, than with this boy--Anwar!--right now. He wanted to be with Elliot in this type of way. Making love to him all night, waking up with him wrapped in his arms, making meals with him the morning after. He wanted to see his face everyday because he knew that he would never get tired of it. No matter what his brain said, he knew in his heart that he was heavily infatuated with Elliot. He wouldn't use the L word yet, but he knew his feelings were authentic.
"I don't know if this is weird or not," Anwar said, interrupting Tyrell's train of thought, "but do you have a boyfriend or anything? I mean, I don't see why you wouldn't have one because you're so gorgeous or why you would come to me if you had one but I just wanted to know. See now I'm rambling and that's not what I wanted to do..."
Tyrell frowned. Now he knew for certain that Anwar was becoming a little too comfortable with their arrangement. He was inquiring about his relationship status and making him food like they were domesticated. He looked down at the quesadilla in his hands, trying to figure out what he should do. There was no way he could possibly answer this complicated question with a simple answer. It wasn't like he asked if he was in a relationship, so all he had to do was withhold the truth, it wasn't lying. "No. I don't have a boyfriend." Now that he thought about it, he had only ever truly been with Joanna and no one else.
He sighed in relief with a small smile, though Tyrell didn't understand why. "Good."
They sat there for a minute in silence before Anwar started to speak again. "So why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"I don't know." He knew. "I just haven't found the right person yet, I guess." He had found someone, he just wasn't being responsive to his attempts of seduction and wooing.
"Mmm." he nodded in acknowledgement, biting further into his quesadilla.
Tyrell hurriedly finished his food, getting up from his awkward position in the kitchen. "I think I'm going to go." He didn't understand why Anwar was suddenly questioning him after weeks of them hooking up, but he didn't like it. He had to get out of there and get out of there quickly. He didn't want to sully or terminate their professional relationship because of pure curiosity, but at the same time he did not want to stay there for it to become continually uncomfortable for the both of them.
"Come on, you always leave so quickly," he held Tyrell's hand to keep him grounded. He was getting closer, trying to persuade him to stay. "You never leave enough time so we can thoroughly enjoy each other's company."
Tyrell stared at Anwar, waiting for him to continue. It wasn't like he had anything better to do; it was a Saturday afternoon and he had no plans with anyone per usual. A nice substitute for his lack of a social life would be sex but it honestly didn't seem all that compelling right now. He would much rather be with Elliot sitting in their awkward silence more than anything, however, he didn't stop Anwar from kissing the tender spots on his neck. "You can stay a little longer, can't you?" he said in-between light kisses, letting his hand snake down into Tyrell's loose sweatpants.
"I..." Before he could respond, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket vigorously, adding to the light friction that Anwar was already applying on his crotch. He reached into his pocket, trying to figure out who could possibly be interrupting his intimate session. When he saw the caller ID, he immediately excused himself from the room to answer the phone, nearly knocking Anwar on the floor. He cleared his throat, trying to rid the sexual lust from his voice before speaking. "Hello?"
"I'm ready to give you an answer, Wellick." Elliot said, attempting to steady his rigid breath.
Hearing Elliot's voice again made his heart flutter. Despite constantly ignoring his "true" feelings for him, he couldn't help but notice how he felt whenever Elliot was in the areaor when he thought about the boy. The subtle light that always seemed to shine above his head like he was an angel sent from the heavens above to make Tyrell believe in something again. His godlike features chiseled in God's perfect image made Tyrell want to be in his presence for the rest of his mortal life. He wanted to live and breathe Elliot's everything; he longed for it more than anything. And now, finally, he would figure out if he was one step closer to achieving his goal. The easy way at least. "Really?" he asked, trying to maintain his already fading composure.
"Yeah," Elliot sighed, exhaling smoke from his full lung. "Meet me at the laundromat in an hour and you'll get your answer. I don't want to do it over the phone."
"Ok. I'll see you then." Tyrell barely said before Elliot ended the call. He momentarily stared at the blank phone screen with a slight smile. Putting on Elliot's hoodie, he hurriedly grabbed his backpack in order to reach his destination in a timely fashion. He couldn't wait to see his future lover again; it felt like an eternity since he'd heard and seen him talk or could catch the quick glances of his magnificent face in those rare moments he made an expression that wasn't full of disappointment. Anwar walked into the room with a face full of confusion.
"You're leaving?" Anwar asked, his aim was to not sound too clingy or desperate but he failed miserably. Tyrell nodded, deciding not to use real words so he could get himself ready faster and leave with great haste. "When can I expect you again?"
He finished lacing up his shoes, making his way for the door. "I'll text you."
Anwar sighed. "Ok. Get home safe."
Tyrell closed the door behind himself, not giving a single thought about his current sexual partner. His mind was elsewhere. It was on Elliot. Never once deviating from the complex feelings and emotions that always seemed to involve him. Fuck, he thought, I'm in love.