The Really Weird Preggers Attempt
Pairing(s): [Harry]/Severus, Ron/[Hermione]/Draco, Justin/Colin, [Fred]/George, Blaise/[Seamus], Dean/[Ginny], Neville/[Hannah], Padma/Lavender, Parvati/Pansy
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As the meal ended Dumbledore stood, commanding the attention of everyone in the Hall. His eyes were twinkling as always, though there was a strange gleam in them this time. He smiled benignly at them all as the Hall was finally submersed in silence.
"I would like it," he began, "if all those students, present and past," his mirthful gaze swept over the teachers, "who had last night, shall I say, intimate encounters with their mates please stay behind." There was a burst of astonished whispers and more than a few blushes. "It is a matter of most importance. Please, do not be ashamed to stay behind, you are in no way in trouble." He smiled reassuringly at them. "Now, as for the rest of you, off to bed!"
A great number of the Hall left slowly, wanting to see who would stay behind and who wouldn't. They were ushered out of the room, however, by a flustered-looking McGonagall, who threatened a month of detention with Filch if they did not leave to their dorms strait away. That gave them reason to move and they were gone in a flash. But there was still a fair number who had stayed, all blushing brightly save for one or two, who were grinning most wickedly with great amusement.
Dumbledore asked those who stayed to stand and with a wave of his hand, the newly-emptied tables were gone, leaving only one.
"Now," Dumbledore said, eyes bright, "if you would all separate yourselves accordingly... Let's see… yes, how about this: those whom shared intimacies with a male last night on the right, females on the left."
There was hesitation from quite a few of the stay-behinders. A few of the boys immediately sat on the left and a few girls immediately on the right. The rest just shared glances with each other. Dumbledore smiled at them, a truly unsettling one.
"Come, now, don't be shy. You won't be judged." With a great unanimous sigh, a few girls sat on the left and a few boys sat on the right, nearly all of them blushing a deep cherry.
To their great astonishment, Severus Snape slid into an empty seat on the front end of the right wearing a truly feral grin. Harry Potter, whom he ended up sitting next to, tried his best at hiding a groan and failed miserably. His face could be said to resemble a tomato which was then buried in his hands. And then, to near heart attacks, Snape chuckled. Though, they had to admit it sounded more like cackling… Dumbledore merely looked amused and knowing. The rest of the professors, who remained standing, looked like they were about to faint. (Although, Xiamora Hooch was positively gleeful.)
"I'm guessing you're wondering why you are here," Dumbledore said once he was sure he had their attention. There were a few mumbled agreements. "First, you girls," he gestured to those who sat on the left, "you may go, if you wish. If not you may stay." The girls (equaling four) shared a glance and sat firmly where they were planted. "Very well then," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. He cleared his throat and finally began.
"Once every hundred years or so, the shields and protections placed around Hogwarts simultaneously drop for exactly twelve hours so that they may build back up to their proper strength. Every single shield, meaning the protection charms placed around the school: the ones that won't let you drown in the lake, the ones that will save you if you fall off or out of a tower or staircase, and the ones that protect the castle from attacks. That also means the spells that disallow the portraits to speak of things they are not allowed; the spells that monitor packages for things that will harm another's health; and, also, the contraceptive spells."
On the right side of the table, Hermione's eyes widened and she gasped, covering her mouth. Her cheeks were tinged a faint pink. Dumbledore nodded, looking sadistically cheerful.
"Exactly what you are thinking, Miss Granger." He grinned down at them. "You see," Dumbledore began to explain to the rest, "the contraceptive spells make it so that no one in the castle save those who drink a certain potion may get pregnant while doing certain… activities. Therefore, there is a very big possibility that those of you on the right may or may not be with child."
The reactions were mixed: astonishment, shock, disbelief, mortification, confusion, and glee. (This last one included Dumbledore, Severus, Xiamora, and a few others.)
"But, Professor!" Ron spoke up, sitting on the left, one of those who wore confusion. "How can a guy get preggers?" He gestured to the guys sitting on the opposite side from him. Severus scoffed.
"Come off it, Weasley. Surely you know that anything is possible in the Wizarding World?" He raised an eyebrow at Ron, who merely ground his teeth in an attempt not to snap a comment back that would put Gryffindor in the negatives. Now nearly all the guys on the right wore mortified looks.
"Aptly said, Severus," Dumbledore said. He was clearly enjoying this.
Harry, from his position on the right side of the table and next to Severus, surveyed the rest of the table. On the left, Padma, Lavender, Parvati, and Pansy looked like this was the gossip piece of the century and eyed the guys opposite them with gleeful faces. On the same side, Dean, Neville, Ron, another seventh year, and two sixth years he didn't know looked about ready to faint as they realized it was very possible they might become fathers. At the very end of the table, not sitting on either side, Draco Malfoy leaned against the table with a smirk on his face.
On the same side as himself, Hermione and Hannah Abbot looked ready to faint. Ginny looked calculating and three other girls looked fearful. As for the guys on his side…. Seamus, like Severus, looked ready to cackle, eyes filled with mischievous glee. Colin looked absolutely scared, Justin looked faint, Blaise Zabini wore a blank face, and the Weasley Twins looked torn between shock, fear, happiness, and, of course, mischievous glee.
Harry then took a moment to study the Potions Master next to him, who looked back at him with an emotion he couldn't name swirling in his onyx depths. Harry blinked, widened his eyes slightly, and then jumped up looking both outraged and disbelieving.
"You knew!" he accused the dark-haired professor, pointing a finger at him, glaring ever harder when Severus smirked at him, clearly trying not to dissolve in hysterical laughter. If glares could kill… "You-! See if I ever let you get near me again, you pompous, infuriating git!" Everyone stared at him. Ron choked.
"H-Harry?" Harry looked over at him, breaking off of a tirade he was about to start. He blushed and sat back down as Ron stared at him in shock. "You… you and Snape?" Harry turned his head downwards toward the table, face red and mumbled something that sounded like a "Yes". "How?" Ron asked, looking incredulous. "When?" Harry mumbled something again. Ron blinked. "What?" he said flatly. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Since last year!" Everyone at the table goggled him. "What?" he snapped at them defensively.
Dumbledore cleared his throat before things could get out of hand and took his wand out.
"Now, I'm going to cast a charm on those of you on the right to see if you are carrying. If you glow silver, then you are indeed pregnant. If you glow red you are not." He cast it on the three girls Harry didn't know first. They all glowed red and looked extremely relieved. Colin, Justin, George, and Blaise also glowed red, also looking relieved.
Hermione glowed silver. She buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. Harry didn't know if it was from happiness or something else. Ron paled and Draco's face softened, a hint of a true smile shining. Harry knew that the three had been going out for quite a while and that while Ron was unsure, Draco really wanted to be a father. Harry didn't know about Hermione, she always changed the subject when it was brought up.
Ginny and Hannah also glowed silver. Dean went slack-jawed and Neville fainted. Seamus glowed silver and crowed in glee, glomping Blaise beside him. Fred glowed silver as well and was smothered by George.
Then it was his turn. Severus was watching expectantly, having performed the charm on himself and glowed red. Harry gulped and closed his eyes as the charm hit him, making him tingle. He was immediately engulfed by strong arms and a searing kiss placed on his lips. Almost fearing the result, Harry opened his eyes and looked at his hand. It was glowing silver.
Harry fainted.
He woke up to chaos.
And in the Hospital Wing, damn his luck.
At the end of his bed, four people were arguing. It was Severus against Sirius, and Remus and Madam Pomphrey against both of them.
"You insane, careless, greasy, jerk!" Sirius raged, shaking a fist at the Potions Master, who stood quite calmly in the face of such anger. "You knew this would happen! Why didn't you give Harry something if you two had to insist on doing... that?!"
"Will you two quiet down?" Remus growled, hands on his hips.
"Please, I have patients who are trying to rest!" added the exasperated nurse.
Harry coughed, gaining their attention. He sat calmly against his headboard, glaring at Severus as well.
"I would also like to know the answer to Sirius' question," Harry said coldly, glaring at his fiancée. Severus ignored his look, and strode forward briskly, bending slightly to leave a kiss on Harry's forehead.
"Welcome to the land of the waking," Severus said, completely ignoring everything else. Sirius growled, frustrated; Remus send a look heavenward; and Pomphrey sighed.
It surprised Harry greatly to learn Sirius's reaction to his engagement to Severus. Sirius, sitting on the couch in their shared quarters, merely blinked (quite a few times) stared blankly (for about five minutes) and then stood calmly and tried to strangle Harry's lover.
...Okay, so maybe it didn't surprise him all that much.
But what did surprise him was how quickly Sirius got over it. He simply told Severus that if he hurt Harry, Sirius was going to have to do the worst possible thing his imagination could come up with - and his imagination could come up with a lot.
"I'm waiting for an answer… dear." Harry added the last part after a slight pause. Severus sighed.
"I did not tell you, love, because I knew you would have done something to stop me," he said.
"Damn right!" Harry seethed. Severus gave him a pointed look and he shut up.
"Harry…" Severus sat on the end of the bed and took his chin in his hand. "I love you. You know this. I want something that is ours, solely ours, in every single way. And if that means nine months of mood swings and torture, so be it." Harry's eyebrow ticked, though he was somewhat mollified by his reasoning.
"You do mean torture for me?" Severus looked aghast.
"Heavens, no! For me, of course!"
Tick, went the eyebrow.
Five minutes later, Severus walked out of the hospital wing sporting donkey ears, green hair, pink polka-dotted robes, and a resigned look. Well, Sirius was right about something at least: he started the trouble, so he'd have to live through it.