Chapter 15
Thank you to everyone for taking this trip with me. I've appreciated all the comments and encouraging messages. Sorry this story has to come to an end. It's been one of my more enjoyable pieces to write.
The sound of Moby washed over them and Delphine shifted a little closer. Her nose brushing along the length of Cosima's, she enjoyed her seat on crossed legs, tapping a still-chilled jaw. She was rewarded with a brief smile before Cosima exhaled a cloud of smoke slowly. Breathing in the warm hit, Delphine held the smoke in before she met soft lips in a kiss. It wasn't until her lungs began to scream for oxygen that she pulled away, tilting her head up to exhale quickly, but not without a cough.
She knew there were things they needed to talk about, things Cosima would probably want to talk about, but fighting over some dream she had a few nights ago was the last thing on her mind. Instead, she focused on the warm hand that slid up the outside of her thigh, fingertips tracing the seam of her jeans that were still damp from the rain.
Cosima smiled, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth. "Tell me again."
Delphine traced Cosima's collar with a fingertip. "I love you, Cosima." The words slipped easily from her lips, each time getting easier than the previous. Cosima had yet to reply in kind, but she was okay with that… for now. Instead, she just focused on the slight disconnect in her mind and the feel of Cosima's heartbeat beneath her fingertips.
"That's so insane." Even as she said it, Cosima pressed her lips to Delphine's again, tangling her fingers in damp curls.
Delphine felt a chill run through her, bringing with it a shiver that Cosima must have noticed.
"We should get you out of these wet clothes."
"I always seem to be wet when I'm in your bedroom." Delphine joked as she leaned away from Cosima. There was a mischievous look that came over her face as she reached down with practiced ease and pulled her shirt off in one swift move, easing the material over her cast.
To Cosima's defense, the look of confused hesitance was nowhere to be seen, instead taken up by a hazy confidence as she sat up a little straighter, pulling her own damp shirt up and off.
A smile spread across Delphine's face as she captured Cosima's cheek in her hand. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes." There was no hesitance, just a small smirk.
Delphine pulled her forward for a deep kiss. As hands pressed against her bare sides, she lost all care. It didn't matter about the fight they'd had or how they'd only first kissed days ago. It didn't even matter that a majority of the students at school now hated her. All that mattered was that Cosima was her's, and she was Cosima's.
As they rose and stumbled together to Cosima's low bed, Delphine felt nothing but a strange comfort washing over her, as if this had been the path she was meant to take all along. She'd spent so long thinking she and Paul were the perfect couple, but she had been blinded by his popularity. She'd been driven by the need for normalcy, to fit in and be the prom queen and king, but she felt more from a simple kiss from Cosima than she had in all the times she'd felt Paul's touch.
Delphine felt her own hand trembling as it slipped over bare skin, clothes stripped away as their defensive walls crumbled. They were both full of clumsiness and uncertainty, each on their own path of discovery, but neither allowed hesitance to come between them. She had no idea what to do with her casted arm and she couldn't help laughing as Cosima's glasses clattered on the folding chair she was using as a nightstand.
"Stupid… foggy…" Cosima shook her head, finding Delphine's lips once more.
"Are you sure you can see…" Delphine's words trailed off as Cosima proved just how little she needed perfect eyesight. Yes, she was nothing like Paul who was rough and demanding, claiming her as his own every chance he could find. Cosima was careful and gentle, flourishing kisses along her throat and chest in reverence instead of dominance.
She could feel each stroke of fingertips, each brush of lips as though they were the tick of a clock, like the beat of her heart, their bodies keeping rhythm together despite the stumbles of their first time together. It was an eternity of exchanging kisses, of pressing into heated depths and nails raking soft skin, yet still Delphine was surprised at how quickly she found her entire body trembling, but even more surprised at Cosima's trembling lips that pressed against her own. She wasn't ready for it to be over, but still she wasn't sure she could take any more.
As she was pushed over the edge, she swore she was taken to another time, a hallucination of an older Cosima pressing her against a shower wall, lips coursing down the throat. The vision melted away as her mind cleared and she was gasping for air, Cosima's own gasps coming from beside her on the bed. She wanted to laugh, to scream, and to cry in relief, but instead she rolled onto her stomach, resting her arm around Cosima's waist, enjoying their shared warmth.
"Cosima…" Delphine whispered, brushing the tip of her nose along the length of Cosima's, a smile playing at her lips. The room was dark, Delphine having already asked her parents if she could stay over a while ago. They'd smoked a little more, had pizza and donned sleeping shirts before tangling together in bed. She was having an impossible time sleeping while Cosima seemed to have no trouble at all.
Cosima hummed softly, snuggling a little closer. One hand fisted around the front of Delphine's shirt as the other was pressed against the bare skin of her hip.
"Cosima…"
"Go to sleep." Cosima responded.
"No." Delphine smiled, brushing her lips along the brunette's jaw. "You should wake up."
Cosima chuckled, her eyes blinking open. A smile spread across her lips as she ran a hand through blonde locks. "Mmm. Why am I waking up?"
"Because I'm awake… and I'm bored and I think I smoked too much." She was feeling like the world was spinning just slightly, so she concentrated on Cosima. She brushed her lips against Cosima's, feeling the lazy reciprocation. "Are you still high?"
"Noooooo."
Delphine rose an eyebrow. "No?" She grinned. "I think maybe just a little." She didn't want to say that she was afraid to go to sleep. She was afraid of waking up to nothing being real. As the brunette's eyes began to droop closed again, Delphine chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Cosima?"
"Hmmm?" Cosima blinked open her eyes again.
"Je t'aime."
Cosima's brows furrowed in confusion.
Delphine rolled her eyes. "I love you."
A smile spread across Cosima's face as she tightened her hold on the blonde, pulling her closer. "I love you too… Captain."
There was a flutter in Delphine's chest at the words, as if a veil of contentment had washed over her. "You know I'm not the captain anymore, right?" She gave her a wry grin.
"Yes." Cosima brushed her lips against Delphine's once more. "Go to sleep."
Delphine nodded. She was suddenly exhausted, and maybe just a bit too high, she decided as it felt like her world was spinning. But something was wrong. She could feel everything spinning faster, making her sick to her stomach. Pinching her eyes tighter, she felt like she was going to vomit everywhere when suddenly the world stopped spinning.
Delphine blinked her eyes open, the harsh light shining in her eyes for the briefest of moments. Her body ached as she moved slightly, feeling nauseous and a pulling in her arm.
"Hey… you're awake." Paul sat up from where he'd been slouched in the chair typing into his phone. He had a slightly disheveled look, his jacket draped over the seat he was sitting in.
Delphine felt her heart drop. Her mind was filled with visions of two lives, two sets of years lived, or what she'd hoped had been lived. Of course it had all been a dream, but the memory of Cosima did not fade away as a dream normally did. It clung to her like an experience. Even as Paul stood, straightening his button down shirt, she recalled the feeling of soft hands on her body and smooth skin pressing against her own. I love you too, Captain, whisped past her ear, a memory of a dream.
"You're not gonna pass out again are you?" Paul joked. "You've been out for hours."
Hours… Delphine felt her brows furrow as she looked down at her body, covered in a hospital gown and a thin blanket. She wasn't 17. She'd been so sure that she was. She shivered. Suddenly everything felt so cold. How could she have believed anything would change? She'd wanted so badly for her dream to be real. For Cosima to be alive.
As her foggy mind sorted through fragments of memories, that hurt more than any physical pain. Cosima was dead. There would never be a chance to explore any possibility even if it came 20 years too late, and Delphine felt her body begin to shiver.
The world was cold without Cosima. "What are you doing here, Paul?" Cosima may have been a dream, but that meant her history with her husband wasn't. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she wasn't going to be putting up with his bullshit anymore. They were done. Over.
"Hey… I know we have a… less than ideal past but… I thought we got past that. Give a guy a break. I still care about you."
The nonchalance of his attitude sent a wave of anger through her and she was about to respond when she was cut off.
"You're awake!"
The voice came from the door to the hospital room, just an octave deeper and slightly scratchier than she remembered and flooded with relief. The moment her eyes fell on brunette dreads and dark glasses, Delphine felt the tears welling in her eyes. "Cosima." It took less than a second for the woman to be at her side, tender hands caressing the pale skin of her cheeks.
"Don't you ever do that again." Cosima complained before pressing her lips to Delphine's.
Confusion evaporated, replaced by pure relief. Delphine couldn't believe it. The once-teen was now in her arms, the same age as she was. In that moment, with the softest of lips pressed against her own, a wave of memories washed over her, settling in place where foggy fragments had once existed.
She was 20 and when her old memories told her she was supposed to be at a party for the opening of some movie Paul had been in, watching as he flirted with a co-star, she was flooded with the new memories of being worried and pacing in a hospital room as Cosima went through tests.
"It a good thing you got her in here. This kind of illness, the earlier we can catch it, the better." The doctor explained, films on a wall backed by light revealing a clouded lung.
29 and she was wrapped around Cosima in bed, the day they had both received their doctorates, yet not as important as the moment she was holding the ring in front of the woman's sleepy eyes.
"Make me yours forever, mon amour." She whispered, gently nipping the woman's ear. "I know it's not legal, but that doesn't make it any less real for me."
As lips pulled away from her own, she knew she was crying. There was no way she could avoid it. Already her old life was fading away, what clouded memories she had of a life that could have been, replaced moment by moment by the life she was meant to live.
Looking into worried hazel eyes, she was 33 and a vague memory of Paul rippled out of existence, replaced with the picture of she and Cosima standing at the top of the Eiffel tower together, a second honeymoon once marriage had been legalized. Cosima had been glowing all night and she had attributed it to their recent nuptials until...
"So… I got you something." Cosima had grinned ear to ear as Delphine unwrapped the white box, basically bouncing in place as her wife lifted the top to reveal a white stick, a pink plus sign blaringly obvious. "I guess it finally took…" She didn't get the rest out before lips were crushed against her own, arms wrapping around her waist. It felt like they'd been trying for so long, so many shots, so much money poured into the hopes that one day it would take and finally...
Delphine buried her face in the crook of Cosima's neck, her breath shuddering as it felt like she was living a lifetime worth of memories at once. At the age of 36, instead of walking in on Paul and his make-up artist, she was bouncing a toddler on her hip as she watched Cosima and Scott being photographed for the cover of Time magazine.
She'd been so mad at Cosima that morning, a small fight that wasn't even worth mentioning, but it didn't stop the pride she felt or the way her anger seemed to dissipate when hazel eyes turned almost gold in the studio lights turned her way, offering her a playful wink.
"Are you as proud as I am, Zoie? Your mommy is famous. She and your godfather are going to save the world." She mumbled, pressing her lips against the girl's temple.
And finally she was 38 and instead of dreading getting ready for the reunion, they were slipping out of athletic wear, the cool water of the shower running over their overheated bodies.
"Are you sure you're feeling alright, Captain? You were looking a little pale in that last stretch. Maybe we should stay home if you..."
"Non… I'm fine… I want everyone to see how happy you've made me." She mumbled against soft lips, soapy hands sliding around her waist.
"Oh you want them to see, huh?" Devious eyes blinked up through long lashes.
Delphine chuckled as she allowed the brunette to press her back against the cold tiles of the shower. "Well… they don't need to know exactly how you made me happy…" She released a shuddering breath as she tipped her head back, lips traveling down her throat.
"Next time I say we should stay home, we should stay home." Cosima laughed, leaning back and wiping away the blonde's tears. Another quick kiss and she was looking over at the man standing there, trying not to watch. "Thanks for your help, Paul. Of course Miss Defiance here decides to wake up the 5 minutes I step away… I'm glad she didn't have to wake up alone."
His hands in his pockets, Paul gave them a small smile. "All in a day's work… though I think she was pissed it was me here." He laughed. "I've got an early start on set tomorrow so… it was good seeing you two again." Grabbing his coat and slipping it on, he paused on his way out the door, looking back at the blonde. "Delphine… family life looks good on you. I'm glad you're happy."
Looking down as fingers intertwined with her own, light catching off the rings on her finger, she couldn't help smiling. "Thank you, Paul."
When they were finally alone, Cosima wasted no time slipping into the bed beside her. "I talked to the nanny and she said don't worry. She's got tonight handled." Reaching up, she ran her fingers through disordered blonde curls, smiling weakly. "You scared me tonight, Captain."
Absorbing the warmth, Delphine reached up to caress the brunette's cheek, her thumb grazing over the wrinkles around the corner of the woman's mouth. She didn't need to look in the mirror to know her own were there as well, the wrinkles in her brow traded for those around her mouth… frown lines traded for laugh lines… a trade she accepted happily. "I'm sorry. You were right."
Cosima laughed at that. "Oooo. The great Dr. Cormier telling me I'm right…" She leaned forward to nuzzle the blonde's nose. "You should remember this moment."
Delphine chuckled, pressing her forehead against Cosima's. "I'll never forget. You're the one constant perfection of my life"
Her eyes lighting up, Cosima kissed the tip of Delphine's nose. "Ditto… obvs."
Delphine looked down as fingers intertwined with her own. It felt so strange. She hadn't had a cast in 20 years but still she could feel the weight of it. "So… I'm not dying right?"
Cosima chuckled, pulling the thin blanket over their bodies. "Not anytime soon, but maybe next marathon, more electrolytes and probably a nap instead of shower sex."
Delphine smiled, feeling the weight of the arm that settled over her stomach. "A fainting spell in exchange for the touch of a beautiful woman? I'll make that deal any day." Already, she feel her memories of a previous life fade away. Nature had a way of seeing fit that she didn't remember a thing. There was only room for one timeline, one past and one present. Soft lips pressed against her jaw and she couldn't help laughing. "You only want me because I'm naked under this."
"Who do you think helped get you that way?" Cosima smirked.
Delphine could remember being on the dance floor with the brunette's arms around her, the feel of the world spinning out of control and the sound of Cosima's voice calling her name. "Thank you, Cosima."
Hazel eyes blinked at her in confusion. "For what?"
Reaching up, Delphine cupped a soft cheek, her thumb tracing the woman's cheek. "For saving my life."
"It was just dehydration." Cosima gave her a wry smile.
"Not today." Delphine shook her head. "On that day, under the bleachers. 20 years ago."
"Oh honey." Cosima smiled, pressing her forehead to the blonde's. "You were just a poor straight… genie in a bottle, Baby…"
"Cosima…"
Cosima laughed, wiggling against the tall frame.
6 months later
"Are you sure she's ok?"
Delphine laughed as she pushed aside another box. "Scott… calm down. All newborns do are sleep, eat, and crap. She's safer downstairs with Cosima and Zoie." The air of the attic was full of old dust and cobwebs, roused mostly by their actions. Delphine sighed as she marked one more box before pushing it closer to the stairs.
"I can't believe Cosima's parents are selling this house." He paused. "I can't believe Cosima didn't convince you to buy this house." He added with a chuckle, opening up another box full of books. "Man, Cosima is such a hoarder. These science books aren't even relevant anymore." He pulled out a hardcover National Geographic book with a monkey on the cover labeled Evolution.
"But she is such an adorable hoarder." Delphine commented, taping another box. "And Cosima loves living in the city way too much to move back to the suburbs."
"Holy shit."
Delphine rose an eyebrow, looking over.
Scott sat back as he flipped through a book in his hands, pages warped and barely legible. "I remember this book." He thought back on that week in high school when Delphine had started talking to him for the first time.
"What book?" Delphine leaned over towards him.
"You don't remember? Dude you went on and on about how you were from the future and you had to…" He let his words trail off, his brow furrowed. "Save Cosima…You were totally convinced she was going to get sick and die… which is really weird cause she actually did get sick."
"Don't remind me." Delphine scrunched her nose as she grabbed the book from him. "I remember her being sick a little too well considering I pretty much had to drag her to the doctor," she commented as she flipped through the pages. "Mildew books that are a breeding ground for mold? Not so much." She tossed the book in the nearby trash bag without a second thought.
"Hey guys!" Cosima called as she came up the steps wearing a pair of overalls that were dusty from packing. "I'm completely starving and I feel like it's been hours since we started all this manual labor."
Delphine chuckled as she pushed herself up, dusting off her jeans. "We've only been here for 45 minutes."
"Yeah well, we didn't eat anything before getting here." Cosima countered. "Hey Scott, what do you say? You like Thai?"
Scott eyed the book once more before shaking his head to clear it. "Yeah. Definitely. Sarah hates it so it will be nice to get it with someone who actually enjoys it." Standing up, he dusted his own jeans off. "Let me go wash my hands."
Watching him go down the stairs, Cosima smiled. "So… you guys having fun going through my old junk?"
"Scott thinks you are a hoarder." Delphine chuckled, wrapping an arm around Cosima's waist, pulling her closer.
"Not a hoarder. I just…" Cosima looked over at the boxes, having agreed to stay out of the way while Delphine went through what could be donated and what could be thrown away. After all, she didn't even remember what was in the boxes so obviously it wasn't anything too important. "I guess I wanted to keep every memory of high school I could find." She grinned, wrapping her arm around Delphine's neck, pulling her down for a kiss. "After all, senior year was one of the best years of my life."
"Yeah?" Delphine responded with another quick kiss, rubbing her tip of her nose against Cosima's. "What was different about senior year?"
Cosima rolled her eyes. "Gee, I don't know. I mean… Scott and I did win that science fair…"
"Yeah?" Delphine laughed. "Anything else?"
"Well, I did rescue you from the mundane future of straightness…" Cosima chuckled.
"Oh is that what you call it?"
Cosima nodded. "Damsel in distress type shit, Captain." She grinned pulling Delphine down for another kiss, this time pressing closer.
Delphine groaned. "You are such a brat."
"You wouldn't want me any other way."
Cupping her wife's cheeks in her hands, Delphin smiled, tracing soft lips with her thumb. "You're right. I wouldn't." Another soft kiss and she pressed her forehead to Cosima's in quiet contentment.
"Momma!"
Both women jumped slightly, looking at the bottom of the stairs. Their daughter stood at the bottom of the stairs with a grin on her face, or what they guessed was her face considering she was covered from head to toe in a white powder. A tiny fist was also covered and being shoved into her tiny mouth. "Mmmm. Good!"
"Oh Honey..." Cosima quickly moved down the stairs. "You are supposed to be watching your cartoon." Lifting the toddler up, she breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was just powdered sugar.
Delphine chuckled softly, watching her drag their offspring towards the bathroom. Standing in the attic, she had a few memories in the space, where she and Cosima would sneak off to, knowing no one would look for them there. Moing back to the trash, she picked up the warped note book, flipping through the pages. There was something familiar, something lingering in the back of her mind, but she couldn't pin down what it was.
"Babe!"
Delphine looked over her shoulder towards the stairs.
"Delphine, can you help me please?"
Dropping the book without a thought, she straightened her back with a soft curse before jogging down the stairs, not bothering to give one more look back at what could have been.