Scared
Chapter 20: Scared
Merlin wasn't generally a man for gossip, but he found it hard to resist the urge in telling Gwenivere about the brief interaction between Lianora and Percival. It had lasted all of 5 seconds, and yet the bear of a man looked like he'd been bowled over, mouth hanging open with his cheeks tinged pink. He'd snapped it shut of course, when Merlin had blithely pointed out that his mouth was open wide enough to double as a fly catcher.
He'd continued on his cleaning journey around the tavern, only looking up briefly as Godric came in. He would have started on the mopping were it not for the fact that Godric had sat himself down at a table in front of Merlin, staring at the books he'd brought with him, with a look that Merlin might have said was trepidation if he didn't know Godric as well as he did. No, the look that he wore currently was more of a nervous one. One he usually had when he'd done something that he knew Merlin would chew him out for.
Merlin leaned on the back of the chair next to Godric, at the rectangular table, elbows braced at the top.
"So, how was your trip to the Castle library? Find what you were looking for?" Godric shifted, not quite meeting his eyes, casually flipping a book open, and flicking through.
"Yes." Merlin stayed silent, eyebrow raised, knowing more was coming. "King Arthur was there too."
"Hm."
"I might have maybe sort of called him a murderer. Indirectly." Godric said all this in a rush and flinched as Merlin's face blanched, elbows slipping off the back of the chair to gape at the boy in front of him.
"You did what?!" He yelped, sitting himself down next to the boy. He wasn't very well going to start yelling, that never solved the problem.
"I didn't say anything to him directly!" Godric said defensively, under the weight of Merlin's incredulous gaze.
"Godric! He's the King of Camelot! You can't just go mouthing off at him!" Merlin was vaguely aware that Percival, who, at Lianora's request had taken to bringing in the firewood for the large cooking pots in the back. Though now, he'd paused in the middle of putting a particular pile to listen to Godric's confession to Merlin.
"You do it all the time!" Godric protested, his expression turning mutinous. Merlin was suddenly seeing the wisdom of Gwenivere's words yesterday. His actions, in front of his children, towards Arthur and his authority as King were undermining their opinion of him. In their eyes, because he didn't show Arthur the proper deference, they found it easy to react to him the same way.
"Okay," He rubbed a hand over his face, as he contemplated how to go about this. He remembered his own life at 14, when the other older men in Ealdor, like the village elder, kept trying to tell him what to do about his life and with his mother. He hadn't taken it well, and it looked like Godric was experiencing the same phenomenon. Merlin pushed his curled bushy hair away from his face and looked Godric in the eyes.
"Look, I know Arthur and our people don't exactly see eye to eye, but you can't go pinning Uther's crimes on him." Godric looked at him indignantly.
"I didn't! I just, I just asked him why he was so sure King Uther did the right thing. Why Nimueh's stupid spell has to be the reason that all of us have to die?" Merlin stared at the brunette boy, stumped. That was a topic even he'd hesitated bringing up in front of Arthur, lest he remember the accusations Ygraine's ghost had leveled at her husband, that he'd known the spell would take her life, and that he chosen to go ahead with it regardless. Children were most definitely braver than adults. Still, he would have to impress on Godric the idea of authority, Arthur's in particular.
"Godric, The King isn't someone to be trifled with. We stay in the palace, we stay alive right now, because he allows it. Just because he's overlooking our... peculiarities, doesn't mean he's impervious to our behavior. We're already on thin ice because of the stunt you four pulled last night with the washtub." Godric had the grace to wince at the reminder of last night's fiasco.
"Why are you so sure he's going to help us? That he's going to bring magic back?" Merlin thought about it, odd as it was, to do so in the middle of a tavern at midday. Was it because of the prophecy? That Arthur was supposed to do it? Even as he considered them, he dismissed the thought almost simultaneously as the reason for his faith in the man. The simple fact was that Merlin trusted the man that Arthur was. Even if he was bigoted towards the concept of magic and was generally hostile towards it, Merlin knew it was nothing more than the product of his father's teachings. A boy who grew up in an environment that told him one thing could not easily abandon it as an adult simply because someone asked it of him. No, Arthur would have to consciously see that magic meant him no harm, unlike Uther's paranoid convictions.
Well, perhaps not so paranoid. After all, his ban on sorcery had been the direct cause of most if not all the assassination attempts and coups that they had gone through during Merlin's time serving at the castle.
"I'm sure, Godric," Merlin said, putting a hand on the boy's arm, the one that clutched his book now, unknowingly tight. "I'm sure because I know the man he is, the man he can be. He will come to see reason. He just needs to see magic as it is, and not as he was taught to see it. You must think, that just as you have grown, thinking of King Arthur to be a certain type of man, prone to certain behavior, so too, does he have a notion of the behaviors of our people. He has seen nothing aside from violence. Every warlock, sorcerer and sorceress that he's ever crossed paths with, have tried to kill him. You cannot fault a man for becoming wary of the animal that has bit him more than once. His own half-sister to his knowledge, has turned against him simply because of magic."
Merlin sat back , noting that Percival had yet to move from his spot by the firewood. He rolled his eyes, clearly he'd been sent more as a keeper than an escort.
"Sir Percival, I believe we're going to need more than four logs to light the fire, if you'd be so kind as to get them." Percival started, stubbing his toe on the log at his feet, Merlin saw him resist the urge to yell in pain and instead nod curtly and limp out the back to gather more wood. Merlin got up and patted Godric lightly on the back.
"Well, no harm done I suppose. If he'd truly been angry, he'd either have thrown you in the stocks, or sent for me. Seeing as he's done niether, you'd better thank your lucky stars and treat him with more respect the next time you see him." Seeing Godric about to complain, Merlin gave him a disapproving look.
"Godric, I'm not asking. If anything, pure etiquette requires us to award him respect. You can mouth off once we're not staying in the castle. I don't want to have to sleep with one eye open at night because of you thank you very much. Now go find Rowley and Salazar. That poor boy will have his hands full with him." Merlin winced as a bout of squawks emitted from the back ale room, followed by a series of doves coming out the room in droves.
"See?" Merlin jerked a head in the direction of the mess, the squawks now accompanied by the yelps of the two boys as they attempted to reign them in. Godric rolled his eyes and got up, handing the books to Merlin and bounding into the room.
Merlin watched him run in, then grabbed his bag off the table, opening it to slide the books in, only to see the four wands that Kilgrrah had given him the previous night. He'd almost forgotten. Merlin resolved to give them the wands at their next opportunity to learn a new skill. Maybe this time he'd teach them deflection spells.
"Mistress!" Merlin looked up to see Rowena, Earna and Helga behind the tavern counter, they'd created some kind of tower with the dishes in an effort to magically wash them. Now, however, they towered over them and listed from side to side, threatening to fall over. As the girls ran around trying to find out a way to stabilize it, Della was staring in horror, glancing back every so often, worried that Lianora would come out of the back to investigate the commotion, going slack jawed at the sight.
Merlin threw the books in the bag and then raced over to help Rowena and the other girls, catching the dishes just before they fell to the floor. With a swish of his hand, the plates, bowls and mugs flew to their respective cabinets on the wall, stacking themselves neatly together. Merlin turned to look at the girls, eyebrow raised, they squeaked slightly in fear before running off in opposite directions, busying themselves in other endeavors.
Merlin shook his head as they scattered, Lianora sauntered over to nudge him with her shoulder.
"Hey."
"Hm?"
"Are they always like this?"
"Like what?"
"A foursome of uncontrolled terror."
Merlin sighed, hand to his cheek, watching Godric and Rowley roll an ale barrel to add to the pile with the help of magic, even though he'd just told them not to.
"All the time, Lianora, all the time. If I could grow old, I would have by this point."
. . . . . . . . .
It was well past sundown when Merlin and the children went back to the castle. The tavern was in full swing, with many customers pouring in, all of the regulars offering Lianora their heartfelt condolences in Madalen's passing. It had seriously hurt Merlin's heart to see the smile on Lianora's face, pained as it was. But it was also what he admired about her. She wasn't ashamed to be seen in her grief, she wasn't ashamed of her emotions. She wore them proudly on her sleeve and was unapologetic. It made Merlin all the more self conscious that he couldn't do the same.
They entered the castle, with Merlin leading the way to their chambers, nodding in greeting to each of the guards as they passed. Merlin saw the cheeks of the man who guarded his door go pink and he internally rolled his eyes.
Not again. He made a mental note to cast a muffling spell and a concealment spell on the panels in the door, lest he have a peeping problem , again . It certainly wasn't a new issue he'd had. He remembered briefly a group of entertainers that had passed through Carhaix during his third year of living in border village.
The group had seemed harmless enough at first, meeting him in the village and exchanging pleasantries with him whilst he'd gone around making his rounds, delivering his concoctions to the people who had ordered them and taking new requests. Merlin had thought them unusually forward but shrugged it off as being a trait of a young man with a rather active libido. He'd hadn’t thought about them again until later that night when he had put the younger of the children to bed and Godric and Rowena were staying up to help in the reorganizing of the herbs they'd collected and bought that day.Merlin had just glanced up as he got up from the floor to put some sage in a box on the wall, out the window and seen the entire band of them just camped outside his home, peering inside with a glorified slab of glass.
Merlin had done the only thing he could think of. He marched to his door, wrenched it open, picked up the nearest hefty stone he could see, and used his magic to lob it at the boy, making sure it would strike with accuracy. He'd bowled right over and Merlin had yelled in his most threatening voice.
"You'd better be gone by the time I close this door, or I'll turn the lot of you into toads!"
Merlin had never seen a group of people disperse so fast. He helped Rowena and Helga gather their skirts, seeing them have a difficult time get up the steps with all that fabric constantly underfoot. He resolved to design a dress that wouldn't be such a hassle to wear. He'd certainly had enough of them, that was for sure. 7 years of wearing them had given him a new appreciation in the difficulties of living life as a woman.
Just as he was opening the door, Elyan appeared from the hallway adjacent to the one they were Iin.
"Ah, Mistress. I've been looking for you."
"Me? Why?" Merlin paused in the middle of ushering the last of them in, Godric stubbornly sticking his head out of the door to see what Elyan wanted.
"Gaius and Arthur needed to speak about the woman from this morning." Merlin frowned, he'd been planning on going to check on the wards. The fact that something was in the castle meant that someone had tampered with the newest one. The older ones couldn't be broken, which meant someone must have been watching him while he'd reinforced it, and then sabotaged it. But then he also needed to speak with Gaius about his discovery of the nature of the beast. He turned to Godric, knowing he was going to face resistence from him too. He wouldn't want to be kept from what was really happening either. His only option was to give them a lesson to practice.
"Godric."
"Yes, Mistress?" Godric was rolling his eyes when he thought Merlin couldn't see him.
"Oh quit rolling your eyes, and listen." The boy flushed involuntarily. " I want you to practice levitation spells okay? Their in the second book that Gaius gave me, the one with the Gryffin illustration on the cover."
That instruction significantly brightened Godric's expression and he all but slammed the door in a bid to get to the books. Merlin poked his head in after him.
"Make sure you teach the others as well, Godric!"
"Yes Mistress!"
Merlin shook his head, just knowing that something was bound to go wrong. But until it did, he couldn't exactly do anything about it. He turned and motioned for Elyan to lead the way to Gaius's chambers, nevermind that he knew exactly where to go, but it would be a little difficult to explain why he knew his way around the castle so well despite only being here for two days.
"So," Elyan hedged, after two minutes of silent walking. Merlin had his hands clasped behind his back, looking around him, observing how everything appeared the same and yet was entirely different.
"So?"
"My father was executed for colluding with a sorcerer." The statement, said blandly on purpose Merlin suspected, startled him. He hadn't thought of Tom in a long time. This had been back before Morgana had turned her back on them and he still remembered the horrified fury on her face as her lady-in-waiting sobbed while his body was carried off by guards in front of them. Up until this point, Morgana hadn't actually believe Uther of being capable of executing someone just for being implicated in a sorcerer's plot, especially when he hadn't been aware of it. But he had done it, and in hindsight, maybe that had cemented Morgana's opinion of her birth father, as cold-blooded and cruel and given her the fuel she needed to turn to the dark ways that now defined her.
Sometimes, Merlin wondered what would have become of Morgana had he simply tried to help her. To tell her that they were both cut from the same cloth.
"I see. I'm sorry for you loss." Elyan shook his head.
"It's not something anyone aside from Uther can be sorry for." Merlin couldn't have agreed more. While he could argue in Arthur's defense for having not abolishing the laws on sorcery yet he couldn't defend the previous King with his laws that had killed countless people, regardless of their ability in magic.
"I just wonder, what about magic makes you determined to practice it? All its ever done is kill people."
"That's not true. Magic isn't something that harms." At Elyan's raised eyebrow, Merlin amended his statement.
"Listen, like I've said before. Magic, sorcery, it's just a tool. The ability is a reflection of the one who uses it. A person like Morgana, who's only interested in revenge and violence, her magic will seek only to harm. But someone like Gaius, who you as you know can practice sorcery but swore not to under Uther's reign, his magic has only ever healed those he's used it on." Merlin shrugged, "It's honestly just matter of perception. If you choose to, you can villify anything. I can call all of you nothing better than a band of murderers, though it would be the farthest thing from the truth. I could even say, that being a black smith, a maker of weapons, is a crime, simply because they supply mercenaries with a means to kill people. But we both know that would be wrong."
By now, they were descending the stair to enter the long hallway at the end of which lay Gaius's chambers.
"And you feel, because of your beliefs that magic isn't harmful?" Merlin stopped momentarily to slip his shoes off, shaking a stone out of it while bracing his other hand on the stone wall.
"Well, ask yourself, did Merlin ever harm anyone? What was his role here? What did he spend his days doing? Before Arthur was his friend, he was fondest of Gwenivere. In fact, I believe that still maybe the case." Merlin opened the door to Gaius's chambers to find Arthur and the physician waiting for him. He glanced back at Elyan who inclined his head in farewell and started back down the hallway, a contemplative look on his face.
"Evening Elladora, how is the taverness doing?" Arthur asked, from his position, pacing at the fireplace. Merlin set his bag down on the work table, and stretched his fingers.
"Fine enough, I should think. It's only been two days since Madalen died, and considering we haven't given her her sister's body back yet, she's coping rather well." Arthur sighed, steepling his fingers against his mouth, pressing the tip under his nose. He looked tired, the bags under his eyes were darkening and the whites of his eyes were beginning to look bloodshot. Clearly the events of the last two days had taken their toll. Merlin supposed the same look was probably on his face as well, run haggard by worries of entirely different natures yet concerned about the same thing.
"I wish I could finish this sooner, but I need to be sure of what's happening. Gaius has been researching all day, after I told him your description of the beast, and he thinks he's found something." The King gestured to Gaius who cleared his throat and pushed a leather bound book towards Merlin. He picked it up to find an illustration of a colossal serpent, it was done in ink, but whoever had drawn it was masterful, in their depiction of the creature.
"You said it was a basilisk, am I correct?" Merlin nodded without taking his eyes off the image.
"I did. I found this in Bertram's room." He fished the scale out of his bag on the table, and handed it to Gaius who examined with a practiced physician's eye.
"Hmm, yes. I believe your identification was correct. I didn't have anything on it in our vaults, so I went out, to ask if anyone knew anything."
Arthur sat up a little straighter, as if the idea of Gaius venturing out to acquire information was unfathomable. Gaius didn't miss the look and said matter – of- factly;
"I wasn't always an old man, Sire, I had my ways of getting information, and in my old ways, I have even better ones." He shot Merlin a smile, and continued.
"As far as I can tell, from the book that I got from another man in the town, this thing is the creation of a mad man by the name of Herpo the Foul. He's of Greek origin, and they say he is allied with the darkest of wizards. This is a man that is capable of many things, Arthur and the breeding of the basilisk is only the beginning."
"So, he created them?" Gaius nodded. "How?" Merlin asked, perplexed. He'd had a hard enough time just making a dog out of an illustration and other warlocks were out creating entirely new beings.
"That particular part of his experiments with dark magic is still unclear, but he is not to be trifled with and niether are his creations. This is a man who has mastered the ability to tear his soul into different pieces." When Arthur and Merlin gave him similar, uncomprehending stares, Gaius clarified to drive the point home.
"That would mean that even if you killed his body, you couldn't kill him , simply because part of his soul was elsewhere. He would be immortal until someone could kill all remnants of his soul."
The silence that followed this realization was thick with meaning for all of them.
"Do you have any evidence that this Herpo fellow, is involved with Morgana?" Gauis shook his head in the negative.
"Not as far as I can tell. I do not believe she is aware that he has this ability, I do not think it would be something that he would advertise. Instead, I believe their relationship was strictly in the realm of procuring the beast. Beyond that, there seems to be no association."
Whatever they would have said next was interrupted at the sound of knocking on Gaius's door. Merlin got up off the corner of the table where he leaning and opened the door to see Lancelot, supporting the limp figure of Gwaine.
"What happened?" The King started forward at the sight of his Knight. Before Lancelot could explain, Gwaine looked up briefly and let out a reverberating belch in Merlin's face. The stench nearly knocked Merlin over.
"Whew," He waved a hand in front of his face to disperse the foul air. "How long has he been drinking to get breath that putrid!" He went to Gwaine's other side, supporting his weight and removing some of the burden from the mild mannered Knight.
"I'm not sure to be honest. I was on my way back from patrol, and Lianora flagged me down, told me that Gwaine was blacked out on the table and she wanted to close for the night. I had no choice to drag his drunk arse down here. Also," Lancelot pushed the hair on Gwaine's forehead back to reveal a gash on it.
"I think he hit his head when he passed out. I brought him here in case it turned out to be more serious than it looks."
Arthur looked exasperated as Merlin and Lancelot moved to the back room in Gaius's quarters. Merlin almost dropped the Knight as he realized they were moving to put him in his old room. If Lancelot noticed the slight tremor in the hand of the Lady that was helping him, he chose not to comment, instead grunting in effort as they dumped the long haired man on the bed in a heap.
Gaius bustled in after them, door swinging shut behind him and the King. He had brought in a vial with him which he poured into the sleeping man's mouth.
"A draught to cure the headache he will most definitely experience in the morning. The cut isn't very large, and certainly there will be problems with it as far as I can tell."
" Merlin. " The slurred name had them all looking down at Gwaine's prone form on the small bed. " Merlin ... don't ...don't go. I need to tell ... you. I need to say...I need.. . "
Merlin swallowed thickly. Being in his room, seeing Gwaine, reminiscent of the first time he'd run into to wickedly impish man made his cheeks flush, knowing what it was that Gwaine was trying to tell him. He didn't know for sure if Gwaine still loved him, but the idea of it made something happen to his stomach, made it feel like it was fluttering uncontrollably, almost painfully .
He happened to catch a quick glimpse of Arthur's face as he turned away from Gwaine's words. Arthur looked almost... guilty , as he regarded Gwaine. Gaius hmp'd at Gwaine's drunk behavior and ushered the three of them towards the door.
Lancelot tried to open the door and found it stuck, despite the door only jostling stubbornly in place. Merlin nudged Lancelot's hand aside and grabbed the handle, wrenching it up slightly before pulling the door handle out somewhat towards him.
"You have to pull it up before you pull it out. This thing always sticks." There was a flash of confusion in Lancelot's eyes, though Merlin didn’t notice the slip until Gaius deliberately stepped on his toes.
"OUCH!" He hopped around, glaring at the physician, before seeing his expression.
"I mean, it's a fairly common trick. Especially with doors like that." He offered as an explanation. Lancelot eyed him briefly before murmuring something quietly to the King and then bidding them all goodnight, his gaze lingering on Merlin even as he closed the door.
"Well. We know that Morgana is behind this now. The next thing to do is to find out how she got that thing inside and who's helping it? Because someone is helping it, no beast could have tacked that dagger through Bertram like that."
Merlin rolled his shoulders, feeling the tightness in them from how tense the day had been.
"No, you're right. It has to have someone in the city, probably someone in the Castle, helping it. If we find that person, we'll find out how Morgana got it in."
Gaius sat down heavily at his workbench, running a hand over his face.
"This beast is not to be trivialized, Sire. It may be of new origin, but its instincts are as ancient as the ways of mankind. It thirsts for blood and is at the command of one who does not hesitate to kill. Whatever method you choose to flush it out, just remember that it will not do so quietly."
Arthur offered Gaius a mirthless look as he walked towards the door and held it open.
"I've seen my share of beasts that want to kill me, Gaius, it won't be the first or the last. I'm sure we'll figure something out. In the meantime, why don't you get some rest, when that buffoon wakes up, please tell him that he's to report to me at the training yard at noon." The elderly physician laughed, knowing that the potential headache he would have tomorrow would be the least of his worries.
"Gaius, try to get some rest. If the most knowledgeable of us is practically comatose with sleep deprivation then where would that leave us?"
The healer gave them a half hearted wave in response as they closed the door and walked back out the room and down the hallway to the west wing of the castle. By now, the moon was high in the sky, Merlin saw as they passed a narrow window in the staircase leading up to the castle.
"You told me, once back then, that you knew of Merlin." Arthur said conversationally, the forced calm in his voice very telling of how much tension he was holding back.
"I did." Merlin replied evenly, wondering what more was left to say of the topic.
"Have you.." Arthur hesitated, as if wondering whether to ask him anything at all. Fortunately for Merlin's curiosity, Arthur decided to continue. "Have you..heard from him? Seen him at all?"
Merlin was momentarily stumped, unsure if he wanted to say yes or no. After wrestling with the concept, he decided to give him as much of the truth as he could. He wouldn't lie to Arthur, not anymore.
"I have."
"You've seen him?" The King prompted. "Is he.. " Well, that sounds odd. To ask if he's well. " How is he?"
"He's-"Merlin rounded the corner in the last turn of the stairs, his skirts trailing behind him. "He's fine. As he can be, being exiled and all." The sentence was worth the flinch it caused Arthur.
"He, he holds a grudge does he then?" As Arthur came up the stairs landing Merlin turned to face him.
"Well, wouldn’t you, being turned out of your home for something you couldn’t help?" Arthur held his gaze uncomfortably.
"He was a practitioner of sorcery, and he knew how I felt about it. Yet he still continued, right under my nose. " Merlin turned away, breaking eye contact and walked down the corridor again, crossing from the east side of the castle to the west.
"I didn't learn magic you know."
"Excuse me?"
"I didn’t 'learn' sorcery, neither did Merlin, as you seem to think."
"Well, I would think he would have to. These things don't exactly come naturally. That's what makes it an abomination."
"Except that Merlin and I both had our abilities from birth."
Arthur paused in walking, stopping in the torch lit corridor, Elladora's form walking in front and then stopping as she realized the King wasn't following. Her dress, a flighty thing make of pale pink cotton, swirled around her as she regarded him curiously.
"You truly believe he betrayed you then? That he chose that path freely? Haven't you thought that maybe he had no choice, since he was born with it? That maybe, since he was always so loyal to you, maybe the magic might not be a bad thing." Arthur made an imperceptible movement of his head, indicating that he'd never thought about the possibility.
"I don't know what to think. One minute he was Merlin, the ignorant buffoon that was my manservant and," The King said softly. " my friend." Then he quickly removed the vulnerability in his voice and continued. "Then he became a sorcerer and I don't know who he is anymore."
"Merlin would die for you, Arthur. A thousand times over and over again, before he would willingly hurt you. You know that as well as I do!" Merlin said it fiercely, somewhat startling Arthur with his vehemence.
"How can you know?" Arthur suddenly returned, equally vehement. "Why does he hold me in such high regard? Why me?"
Merlin drew himself up to his full height, returning everything that Arthur gave him twofold. Eyes sparking he was determined not to have his own deeds drowned out by the irrational paranoia that magic seemed to bring out in people.
"Because you are Merlin's friend, Merlin's King and the Once and Future King of Albion. He knew that one day you would accept Magic and he understands even now, that you do not understand magic so he waits. Waits for the day that you will." Arthur was silent, breathing quickly and labored. He leaned against the wall.
"I wish -" Arthur swallowed, as if the words were hard to say. Like he couldn't say them. "I wish I could talk to him. Just once. If he would see me."
Merlin pretended not to see the moisture swimming in the King's eyes.
. . . . . .
When Merlin returned to his room, plagued by thoughts of Arthur's face as he'd ashamedly wished for a second chance.
" Salazar, put me down!" He quickly opened the door and stepped inside to see Rowena flattened against the ceiling of their chamber practically beside herself in anger. Helga was tugging on Salazar's wrist, begging him to take her down, while Godric had his own hand aimed at Rowena, chanting a levitation spell in case his brother's spell weakened.
" Ooooh Salazar, I'll get you, you horrid, rotten, vile boy ! Just you wait! "
The blonde haired boy did a cheeky dance below her, singsonging his reply.
" Rowena is a stinky ol'bat. A big ol' meanie brat."
"A brat, huh?"
Salazar jumped and dropped his hand guiltily to his side, whirling around. Rowena shrieked as she plummeted to the ground, Merlin didn't have to do anything to save her, though he was prepared to since Godric still had his spell on her. He caught her in mid fall, and lowered her gently to the floor. As soon as she touched down however, she descended on Salazar in a fury, kicking and hitting.
It took all of them to pull the two apart.
"That is enough !" Merlin's voice, loud and thunderous stopped both in their tracks. They looked very contritely at her. "What has gotten into you two? Why on earth did you have Rowena pinned to the ceiling, and Rowena, is that how I've taught you? To respond to conflict with violence?" Rowena and Salazar scuffed their feet on the floor, not meeting his eyes. Merlin put a hand to his hip, the other on his face, closing his eyes.
Clearly, he wasn't going to be sleeping any time soon.
. . . . . . . .
When all was said and done, it was well past midnight. Merlin sat exhausted at the edge of his bed. He kept thinking back to Arthur and his desire to speak to him. Then he thought of Gwaine, and the words he wanted to say.
There was precious little they could say, especially when Merlin stood before them as a woman. Merlin got up and walked to the mirror that hung on the wall nearest to the door. He saw in it, the face of a woman. A woman he had come to accept as himself.
His reflection stared back at him, eyes blue with porcelain skin. His cheeks angular and a long neck, white and smooth. His face was ensconced by the thick mane of hair that surrounded it, rich and black. There was just the one splash of color to accentuate his pale face and that was in the plush peach of his lips.
The more Merlin looked, the more he realized that this wasn't him. No matter how much he wanted to be, he couldn't be Elladora forever. He closed his eyes, and thought of himself. Before being exiled, of his loyalty to Arthur, of his place with Gaius, of his friendship with Gwenievere.
Merlin felt hot, the sweat pooling at his armpits and beading on his brow. He cracked an eye open, seeing with shock, his own face for the first time in 7 years. His cheeks looked flushed red with the effort to lift the enchantment he'd placed on himself, his hair, unruly before, was now longer and even unrulier. His eyes blinked disbelievingly at himself, and Merlin allowed the ghost of a smile to stretch across his lips. He raised his hands and was almost confused to not see the feminine, thin and slender hands that had been his for so long. It was disconcerting to see the image of his face and realize how alien it had become to him.
"Elladora? Are you awake? There's something you need to see." Arthur's voice sounded at the door, whispered in an attempt not to wake the children. Merlin gasped as he slammed the enchantment back down, squeezing his eyes shut and collapsing in front of the mirror, rattling the vanity as he went down.
"Elladora? Are you alright?" Arthur's voice sounded more concerned now. Merlin turned so that his back was against the vanity, he raised his shaking hand to his face, seeing it was now again the thin hand of a woman and clenched it into a fist, lightly hitting his forehead.
I'm scared. I'm too scared to go back. I can't. I can't
"Elladora!" His voice was louder now, and Merlin could hear him telling the guards to force the door open. Merlin quickly forced himself to speak, through the sweat chilled tremors that wracked his body.
"It's-" He swallowed, wetting his throat and tried it again. "It's alright Arthur. I just fell down. I'll be right out."
He stumbled to his feet and used his hands to comb through his hair, padding over to the door and drawing the latch back to unlock it.
"What is it?" Arthur eyed her suspiciously for a moment, all traces of his previous helplessness gone. Right now, he was King Arthur, not the man who'd just wanted to talk to his friend.
"We found another body."
"Another one?"
"Yes. Except this one was definitely killed by a person. This wasn't the doing of a basilisk." Merlin watched him expectantly for more information, but found him oddly tight lipped. He sighed and stepped out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.
"Well, lead the way then."
And if Arthur saw the redness of his eyes, the tear streaks on his cheek, or the way Merlin clutched and unclutched the fabric of his dress, he wisely chose not to comment.