but i am the chosen one

Alexander didn't know what to do. He just made one of the stupidest mistakes in his life, and that was saying a lot. 

He sat down against the wall, outside in the corridor of the hospital, and just thought about stuff. 

I just kissed John fucking Laurens. Alex pressed his forehead to his knees. Awesome. Wow. And I just ruined our friendship. Alexander had a bit of a habit of screwing everything up. 

Alex just sat there, for a long time, crying a little bit, replaying that kiss scene in his head, because goddammit that was one of the best moments of his life. The aftermath, not so much. 

Some time later, he heard footsteps. It was Peggy and Hercules. 

"Well maybe," Peggy was saying. "You can take the polyjuice and oh my god Alex!"

Alex looked up at him. He probably looked horrible, his eyes red, his hair a mess, extreme dark circles. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," Alexander said. Peggy crouched down next to him. 

"You are not fine, man," Hercules said. "What the fuck happened?"

"John-" Alex said, and then promptly burst into tears. Peggy grabbed him. She shooed at Hercules, mouthing at him to go and visit John. Alex clung to Peggy's clothes.

"Shhhh, hey," Peggy said comfortingly. She planted a chaste kiss on the top of his head. "Hey. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about-"

"Alexander Hamilton. I am not going to let you bottle up your emotions like you did when you figured out that you liked John."

"How do you know-"

"Me and Herc? We're like spies. We know everything." They both laughed. "Now come on, you can tell your lil' sis Peggy anything."

"I kissed John," he whispered. 

"Why?"

"I don't know," Alex said. "I was just in the heat of the moment, you know?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, you forget yourself."

"It just happened, it was like my instinct to kiss him."

Peggy looked at him sadly. "Do you know who his father is?" 

"No?"

"Alex, that's not a question-"

"I know, but like we would never talk about our past with each other. It was like an mutual agreement that was never spoken, I don't talk about my childhood and he wouldn't talk about his."

"Oh, Alex." 

"He kept saying it too, he was all like, my father will hear about this, after I kissed him, Peggy, I don't know what to do."

"I'm not going to tell you about his father, that's not my story to tell. I don't know, Alex. Just hang in there. You're going to be ok." 

"Peggs, you're like the best."

"I know. And if you call me Peggs one more time I will kill you. Don't act like I don't know how." They laughed. "No, but seriously Alex. You guys are going to be ok." She petted his hair. "Listen, I gotta go to class. Don't be too hard on yourself. And eat something. And sleep. And go to your fucking classes."

Hercules was exiting the medical room. They waved goodbye, and Alexander was once again alone with his thoughts.

 "Hey."

Hercules walked into the hospital wing. He was holding something, chocolate frogs maybe?

"Hi," said John from his bed. Hercules walked over.

"Wow, this place is a mess." He was looking at the area around the bed.

"What? Oh-" It was a mess. There were papers everywhere, some written on, and some completely bank. "I didn't notice."

"What do you mean, you didn't notice? How did these even get here?"

"I'm used to it, you know?" John shrugged. "This is what me and Alex's dorm looks like. These are probably all Alex's."

Hercules nodded in understanding. "That's explains a lot." He sighed. "Welp. How are you?" He placed chocolate frogs on the stand, and sat down on the stool that Alex used.

"I'm fine, but I'm stuck here for another few days." John rolled his eyes. "I'm so fucking bored help me."

"Excuse me, you have it easy with not having to deal with Seabury and that shit."

"I thought Seabury was the head of your house."

"Doesn't mean that I have to fucking like him."

John cracked a smile. "So, uh, how's it going between you and Peggy, hmmmm?"

Hercules rolled his eyes. "You know what fuck you." John laughed. "But Peggy's amazing. I want to grow up and start a prank shop with her or something. Fucking fabulous. And how's," Hercules continued, poking John in the chest. "Is it going between you and Martha?"

"Oh, um," John stammered. "Great, you know? I mean, I totally, um, like her, and stuff."

"You're so fucking blind sometimes. Hey, I gotta go to class. See ya." Hercules stood up, and walked towards the exit. And tripped on a piece of paper. "And fucking clean that up!"

"Bye," John said, rolling his eyes. Maybe he should clean it up. He stood up, walking around, grabbing papers from the floor. He stacked them up and was about to place them on the nightstand next to his bed, when he saw a paper with his name on it. 

"What the fuck?" John muttered, grabbing the letter. He placed the stack on his nightstand, climbed into the bed, and read the letter. 

To my dearest, John,

Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by actions rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that 'till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me. Don't forget, that I [- - - - - -]

Yours forever, 

A. Ham

 Wow. On and on it went, being so very explicit. There were five words crossed off at the end. Actually it didn't look crossed off. More like censored. And it was from Alex. 

"Wow." John needed to think this through.

It was the middle of the night. John couldn't sleep. He was plagued by thoughts of Alexander. 

So he decided to wander around Hogwarts. 

Smart move, he thought to himself sarcastically. Oh my god I'm talking to myself what's wrong with me. So many things... 

To be honest, John just didn't care anymore. He knew that his father had connections, so he wouldn't get into too much trouble anyways. 

So he decides to walk around Hogwarts. Carefully, of course, but he just needed to get out of the hospital room. 

It was difficult. He did suffer a serious injury. But he endured it, just like he endured everything else. 

He finally found a nice, quiet room to sit in. It was large, with an old, mystic feel like most of the places in Hogwarts. And, in the center, was a mirror.

John walked towards it, and sat down in front of it. He looked at the reflection. And promptly jumped out of surprise. 

The reflection wasn't just him. It was him, with Alex. They were very close, no, hugging, no, Alex was basically sitting in John's lap. 

Wow, PDA much? John thought. 

And then reflection Alexander began making out with reflection John and real John almost fell over. While he was sitting down.

Oh my god, he thought. He heard a creak of a door. He looked over. Nothing. Wow we're cute together. I would ship it. Of course you fucking would you're in love with him. 

And so John just sat there, watching the reflections.

It was not until he was leaving that he realized that the mirror showed their greatest desire.

And his greatest desire was Alexander fucking Hamilton. 

Alex couldn't focus. Usually, instead of sleeping, he would stay up reading or studying. The only time he would sleep was when Lafayette would drag him to bed.  They soon realized it was a lost cause when John wasn't around. But he couldn't focus on his (text)book. So he donned his invisibility cloak, and decided to wander around. 

Walking around with no purpose was great and all until he saw Filch's cat. The fucking devil cat. Alex then ran and went into the closest classroom he could find. 

The classroom was pretty old and abandoned. It was completely empty, except for a large mirror and-oh- John. John was sitting in front of the mirror, staring at the reflection. What the fuck? Alex thought. Is he just staring at himself in the mirror?

Alex was confused. But he shrugged it off, and he sat near John, and watched him. John would smile from time to time while watching the mirror. It took him a while, but Alex finally realized what the mirror was. 

It was the Mirror of Erised. He read about it in one of his books, during that time when he was avoiding John and researching Nicholas Flamel.

The mirror would show someone their greatest desire. What is his greatest desire? Alex thought. What is my greatest desire. 

Alex thought that his greatest desire would be him, in the future, high in the social class, with his legacy secure, and dependent on no one for his happiness. 

He had no idea what John's greatest desire would be. He just didn't know anymore. Maybe a few weeks ago, he would have known, but the relationship between him and John changed, for better or for worse.

Some time later John left, and Alex was able to look into the mirror himself. He took off his cloak and stood in front of it. He saw himself, hand in hand with John. He was in front of the white house, and doing other stuff that Alex didn't care about. Alex was only watching him and John. 

John was bored. He was stuck in the hospital for what seemed like forever. He did read the letter again. He read it over lots of times. But he needed adventure, so he decided to visit the mirror again.

He got there and just watched the reflection of him and Alex. And then he heard a voice.

"Holy shit," it said. It sounded like Alex's voice. John leapt up to his feet, and pulled his wand out.

"Alex?" John said hesitantly. The air around the door wavered, and then a head popped out. And then a body, and Alex was there, holding an invisibility cloak. He grinned sheepishly.

"Hi." he said eloquently, shuffling his feet. 

John was bewildered. He exasperatedly put a hand to his forehead. "Hi?" 

"Hey." Alex shifted his wait around. Wow, John thought. For once in his life he's not talking.

There was a bit of awkward silence, and strong tension. Neither of them were really talking. It was so fucking quiet. 

So John decided to break the silence. In the worst possible way.

"I read that letter," John blurted out. 

"I'm sorry I kissed you," Alex said at the same time.

Immediately, Alex looked horrified. He turned pale, a surprising feat for someone who was born in the Caribbean. 

"I have to go immediately," he said, putting on his invisibility cloak. "Sorry, but I have to go home-"

"Alex!" John said, walking over to Alex and grabbing his arms. "Fucking listen. I'm not mad at you because you kissed me."

Alex fidgeted. "Look, are you sure, cause I can just move to Canada or something-"

"Can we talk?"

Alex bit his lip. Goddammit that was cute, John thought. 

"Please?" he continued. 

Alex nodded his head hesitantly. 

"Hey," John said soothingly. Alex looked so shaken. "It's ok. Um, let's sit down."

John led Alex to sit in front of the mirror, facing each other.

"I'm sorry-" Alex began.

"Hey," John said. "I'm not mad at you because you kissed me."

"You're not?" Alex looked confused. "But you- I thought that- you rejected me?!" Alex exclaimed. 

"I didn't reject you because I didn't like you," John said, leaning back on his hand. "Actually, I like you a lot." He sighed. "It's complicated."

"Ok, first of all, don't you get fucking started on the 'it's complicated' bull shit I can fucking take it," Alex said. He's returning to his normal self, John thought affectionately. "And I thought you were fucking straight."

John laughed hysterically. "Me? Straight?" he said, pointing to himself. He laughed some more. "Alex, you have to be fucking kidding me-"

Alex threw his hands up defensively. "I'm sorry?!"

"And I thought you were straight," John told Alex. 

Alex laughed. "Oh wow. No, I'm bi. What made you fucking think that I was straight?"

"The fact that you flirted with every female we've met," John said. Alex rolled his eyes. "And what made you think that I was straight?"

"Well, I, er-" Alex stammered. "I don't know, just that you being gay seemed to good to be true."

"Yeah? Well I'm really fucking gay, so ya."

"Wait!" Alex said, pointing at John. "Martha!"

John sighed. "Martha, a pain in the ass, that's what she is."

"What do you mean?" Alex looked confused.

"I just asked her out, cause, you know, you're supposed to get a date and stuff."

"That doesn't mean you have to make out with her in a secluded corner."

"Yea, but you know what?" John said. He was getting kind of annoyed now. "I only let her make out with me when I saw you," John said, pointing Alex in the chest. "Go to the ball with Eliza."

"Oh," Alex said. He looked sad. "Sorry to mislead you. We just kind of did that to piss off all of yall, and we both didn't have dates so..."

"Eliza didn't have a date?" John exclaimed. "I mean, you, I can understand-" Alex punched him playfully in the shoulder. "But Eliza, she's like the best!"

"I know right!" They both lapsed into a comfortable silence.  

"Hey," Alex asked hesitantly. "If you like me and all, why did you push me off when I tried to kiss you?"

"Oh. That," John said. He sighed. "I really don't want to talk about it-"

"Please?" Alex said, looking up at John with puppy eyes. "I wan't to fix it, so that we can be together."

"Alex you don't even know what the problem is-"

"Well if you would just tell me I bet we could find a way around it-"

"Alright!" John yelled. Alex shrunk back. "Oh my god, I didn't mean to yell at you-"

"It's ok, just tell me about the problem."

"Ok," John said, pushing his hair out of his face. "It's my dad."

"Your dad?"

"You wouldn't understand-"

"John, I'm really fucking smart. Test me."

John smiled. "My dad is an asshole."

"Like Jefferson level assholery, or-"

"Worse. Like a billion times worse."

"Oh my god, I hate him already."

"Yea. So he's some big hot shot politician now. And he's super rich-we're super rich- because he runs a fucking house elf trade thing."

"Oh my god."

"Yea. He wants me to become a lawyer-"

"I might want to be a lawyer-"

"Yea, well that's your life, Alex." John said. "But he's like going to make me take a bunch of lawyer-y classes and I want to become someone who works with animals or a doctor or something-"

"You? A doctor? With your fucking recklessness?"

"Strange, huh. Ya but I don't know. I should probably please him. Oh, and he's also super fucking homophobic."

"Oh," Alex said, nodding his head sympathetically. 

"Yea, he always threatens me and tells me to get a girlfriend or something, and I'm just so fucking sick of it. And then, there were those nights where he drank-"

At that, John started crying. Alex leaned forward and wrapped his arms around John.

"Hey," he said soothingly. "He can't hurt you now, I mean, he's far away and stuff-"

"Yes he can," John retorted viciously. "He has so many connections, if I mess up at all, he'll be able to ruin my life forever...."

John pressed his face into Alex's robes. 

"I'm sorry I pressured you into talking about it," Alex told him. John shook his head.

"No, you needed to know."

"So, uh, um," Alex stammered. It was getting very awkward, with John pressed to his chest, the sexual tension thick. "Should I-"

"Can you just talk?" 

"What?" 

"Just talk," John repeated. "I want to hear your voice."

"Um, sure? I mean, considering how much I talk, I'm not sure why you would want to hear more of my voice, but ok then." John laughed. Alex smiled, happy that he was able to cheer him up a little bit. He looked around, his eyes landing on the mirror. "Hey, you know that mirror? That's the Mirror of Erised. I know about it, I read it somewhere. It shows your greatest desire. You know, I thought that my greatest desire would be me being successful after I built something that's gonna outlive me or some shit. And then I looked in the mirror and I saw me hand in hand with you.

Do you realize that? You changed my fucking life, John Laurens. I had this whole plan, where I was going to write my way out, graduate in two or something. And then I met you, and I was like, huh, maybe it could wait. You changed my fucking life."

John looked up at him hesitantly. "Can you tell me about that letter?" he asked. 

Alex laughed nervously. "Oh, so, um, yeah, about that. So you were, um, like in a coma. And I was fucking panicking and overwhelmed with the feels, you know? It was like a frantic feverish letter cause I really really like you and I was super worried that you wouldn't get up and oh my god I'm dying of embarrassment."

They were quiet again, the sexual tension even thicker since they were basically pressed against each other. After a while, John said, "I saw us in the mirror."

"Huh?"

"Me and you. We were like together."

"Oh."

"You know, you changed my life too Alex."

"Hmmm?" Alex was stroking John's hair now.

"Yea. You gave me a fucking purpose. Back then, my plan was just to ride it out, die in glory or some shit. Didn't really have anything to live for. Then you came around, and like, wow..."

"John," Alex said, grabbing him. "Promise me you will never harm yourself."

John bit his lip, looking up at Alex. "Can I kiss you?"

"But your father-"

"Listen, I really really want to be with you and my lack of common sense is really prevailing today and if you would just let me be reckless-"

"But-"

"Alex. Listen. Sometimes the reward is greater than the risk.

And besides, we can keep it a secret."

"It's not like us to keep things a secret," Alex murmured, looking at John. 

"We can try."

At that, Alex leaned into John. They pressed their lips together, noses bumping a little bit. The kiss was nothing like the previous one. The last one Alex kissed John like he was running out of time. This one felt like they were trying to tell each other that it would last and it would fucking work out. It was like Alex was saying, I'll stand down for you, I'll do fucking anything for you John, if you would only let me. There was a lot of shit going on in John's life, shit like his fucking father, but the kiss awakened something in John. It gave him hope.