Maura Doyle

Jane sat in her usual booth at the bar, nursing a beer. The one she'd bought for Frankie was dripping condensation all over the table; she watched the droplets run down the edge of the bottle as she tapped her feet nervously, waiting. She checked her watch again, sighed in frustration. Where was he?

When Casey had asked her- sprung this on her- her first instinct had been to run to Maura, but she'd managed to stop herself, think it through, realize that Maura had bigger problems to deal with right now, and she couldn't just run to Doolin's again. Plus it was Sunday evening- only a day since she was last there, and hadn't Maura said it was dangerous for her to just show up? What if someone saw her?

So she had called Frankie. And he was late.

Just then he appeared at the door and hurried to the booth, apologies on his lips, already anticipating Jane's frustrated admonishments. And with Tommy straggling behind him.

"I know, I know I'm late! My bike wouldn't start- I think I spend more time fixing the damn thing than riding it. Tommy had to give me a ride over."

"It's alright, just sit down." She pushed the beer towards him and signaled for the server to com over as her brothers slid into the booth opposite her. She hadn't really planned on having a big family meeting to talk about this, and Frankie was generally the brother she'd go to for advice. But there was no harm in Tommy being here, so long as he kept his mouth shut around their mother.

Frankie took a swig of his beer as the server deposited a drink for Tommy, who was focused excitedly on Jane, ready to hear the news. He seemed so pleased to have been involved, Jane was suddenly glad he'd come along, even if she hadn't intended it. "So what's the big emergency?"

Faced with having to actually say the words, Jane suddenly became coy, embarrassed. Frankie noticed immediately. "C'mon Jane- spill already!"

She thrust her left hand towards them where the rock glimmered on her ring-finger.

"Holy shit!" Tommy exclaimed. "You're engaged?"

Jane snatched her hand back in alarm. "What? No!"

Her brothers' brows furrowed simultaneously in confusion. "No?" Frankie clarified. "Cos, that's what a ring like that usually means."

"Yes- I mean, that is what it means. Casey proposed last night, but I didn't say yes yet. I said I had to think about it. But I just wanted to see how it felt, you know, to wear it."

Casey had surprised her shortly after she had left Maura at Doolin's; called her cell, asked her to meet him in the park. She'd found him sitting on a blanket spread out under a tree, with champagne in a bucket and a basket full of food. The sun was setting and she felt light-headed, having not eaten all day, her mind still stuck on Maura and how much she wished she could see her, but aware that Casey was trying to be romantic and she should react appropriately. It was a sweet gesture. He was a good man. She was just too distracted to really appreciate it. But as she'd mustered up a warm smile and settled on the blanket with him, he'd pulled out the little box, and asked the question that set her reeling.

As she recounted the previous night's events, Frankie's face had lost none of its confusion. "Ok, so what is there to think about? Do you want to marry him or not?"

"It's not that simple," Jane let out a huge sigh of frustration. "He's been offered a promotion- to General. But it means moving away. He hasn't decided whether to re-enlist or not- to take the promotion. He says he will unless… I marry him."

"Wow." Frankie let out a slow breath as he took in her words, sat back, took a slow drink of his beer. His sister's face was hardly a picture of joy either. She seemed intensely conflicted. "That's… quite the ultimatum."

"I wish I could talk to Maura," Jane said distractedly, already thinking of excuses she could use to dodge her brothers and run over to Doolin's, despite her earlier resolve.

"Well you can't, and even if you could, I'd guess she's a bit preoccupied right now, being as she's running for her life."

Jane looked up in surprise at the bite in Frankie's tone. His expression was full of judgement.

"That's not what I meant," she growled at him.

"Of course it's not what you meant, but it's the reality. And I'm surprised you can even think about boyfriend-drama when your best friend's life hangs in the balance!"

Jane felt the heat rising in her cheeks and snapped back angrily. "I know what the stakes are, Frankie!"

"I know you do Jane. But I didn't think you'd rest until you'd found her- til you knew she was safe."

Jane felt some of the tension release from her shoulders as she processed the situation. Frankie didn't know what she knew- that Maura was safe, that she was alive and being taken care of. That Jane knew exactly where she was. Of course her reaction would seem strange to her brother. But at the same time, he was right. Maura was still in a terrible position and this was definitely not the time to run to her whining about her boy-problems.

"I know- I'm not. Resting, I mean. And I didn't mean it that way. I just- I miss her." Jane sighed deeply, her expression despondent. "She's not here, but life just keeps going. And I just want to talk to my best friend."

"Yea well, we all miss her. But that's not gonna get her back. We've gotta stay focused," he replied sullenly, sliding back out of the booth. "And I gotta take a wiz."

She watched him stalk away, her mouth hanging open. What had just happened? Tommy coughed awkwardly, bringing her attention back to the table.

"Don't worry about him- he doesn't mean anything by it. He's just worried about Maura."

"And I'm not?" Jane snapped, and was immediately sorry at the tone she'd used. This wasn't Tommy's fault.

"Of course you are. We all are. It's just... you know Frankie's always had a bit of a crush on Maura. Don't let it bother you, it's not serious."

"I know that," she responded defensively, wondering why Tommy would think Frankie's crush would bother her. And then wondering why it did bother her. She pushed the thought away.

"We'll find her, Jane," Tommy continued, reassuringly. "We'll get her home. And in the meantime, I know I'm not exactly famous for making good decisions in the relationship department-" He ignored her raised eyebrow "What I'm saying is, I may not be good at this stuff, but I know you, and I'm a pretty good listener, so if you need to talk this though, maybe I can help."

Jane smiled gratefully. She really did need to talk it out, and while the idea of talking about her love life with her brother was a little… icky, he was family, so he knew her better than most, with the obvious exception of Maura. And she needed to figure out why her relationship with Casey had suddenly got so complicated. It had been so easy before- she had been happy. But now, everything felt so off-kilter.

"I just don't know if this is all moving too fast, or if it's just me. I know I can be a little… stubborn." Now it was her turn to ignore her brother's raised eyebrow. "I like my own space, ok? I need my independence. It takes time to adjust and to fit into a relationship with someone, and I just feel like we haven't had time. We've known each other since we were kids, but not like this. We haven't had the chance to really get to know each others' ticks and preferences. Like where we keep the breakfast cereal, or how we like our coffee, or when it's appropriate to start doing each others laundry…"

"Wait-" Tommy interrupted. "You're really going to complain about him cleaning your apartment? You should send him over to my place."

"He washed my underwear, Tommy. My thongs."

"Ew- Jane! I do not need to hear about your underwear."

"Well just imagine how I feel!"

"Listen, Janie, and I don't want to get into details here because- well, you're my sister and it's gross. But I'm guessing he's… handled your thongs before? What difference does is make if they're in a pile of laundry or- you know- on you?"

"It just is different! And it's not even about the fact that he washed them, it's that it didn't even occur to him that it would bother me. He should know that about me by now, shouldn't he?"

Tommy shrugged. "You don't have to know everything about a person all at once, Jane. You just have to know enough to decide that you wanna spend the rest of your life learning all that stuff."

"But I think that's different. There's knowing everything there is to know, which, sure life would be boring if you knew all that at once. But people that you know really well can still surprise you. Like with Maura- I think I know her pretty damn well at this point. But that doesn't mean she doesn't still surprise me; look at where she is now. I would never have seen any of this coming. But I still know her. I know what she's likely to do and why. With Casey- I don't even know when he's gonna show up next. I don't know when or if he'll re-enlist, or be shipped out to Afghanistan, or even propose! It's not exciting, it's… unsettling."

Tommy suppressed a smile. This wasn't the first time Jane had compared her relationship with a guy to her relationship with Maura. He always wondered if there was something to it- whether her horror at his old crush on Maura, or at Frankie's current inclinations, might not be explained by Jane's own feelings. But if there was a deeper reason, Jane never acknowledged it. Then after a while he started to wonder if Jane even acknowledged the implications to herself.

"It sounds like you've already made your decision," he told her.

"What?" Jane looked alarmed. "No! I mean, I told him I needed to think about it. And I am- I mean I will. It's just not a good time. I have to focus on Maura right now."

"Then focus on Maura. She's your priority and Casey'll have to understand that. I'm surprised he thought this was a good time for a proposal- I mean, he seems like a pretty good guy, but his timing sucks."

"Well," Jane started defensively, "I'm sure it's not the time he would have chosen. He just has to make a decision about his career, and if our relationship is going to be a major factor in that, he wants to make sure we're serious."

"And what about your career? Are you gonna give up everything you worked for to be with Casey? That just doesn't sound like you, Jane. You love your job."

Jane's conflict was written all over her face. "I do love my job."

"And you're great at it."

She smiled. "I am aren't I."

Tommy nodded. "I never thought I'd see you give it all up for a guy."

Jane was momentarily stunned. Is that what Tommy thought she was doing? Was that what she was doing?

Tommy caught her surprise and guessed its origin; this was a perspective Jane clearly hadn't fully considered. He decided he had to keep going. "You really wanna hear what I think?"

She squared her shoulders and took a swig from her bottle. "Yes."

"You won't hit me?"

"Tommy, just tell me!"

"Promise you won't get violent!"

"Oh for God's sake! I promise I won't hit you. Now come on- fix my life for me. Tell me what you think I should do."

He chose his words carefully.

"I think… that a proposal should never be an ultimatum. Marriage is something two people should only do when they're really sure about each other. And I think that whenever you talk about Casey, you seem… frustrated. You don't know how you fit with each other- you don't know how he fits into your life. And maybe you could work that out eventually, but you haven't had time. You've seen him for- what? A few weeks out of the entire year? When you're trying to decide if you're gonna commit the rest of your life to someone, you want to have those sorts of things ironed out. And if he just ignores that and tries to rush you into a decision, he's not thinking very clearly about your relationship, or your feelings."

Jane listened quietly, and remained quiet after Tommy was done. Her brother cringed a little, waiting for her to get mad, steeling himself to defend his words. If he was honest, he had never been a big fan of Casey; he didn't like the way he treated Jane, or how Jane became when he was around. But it was difficult to be brutally honest with Jane about her relationships.

"You're right," Jane said finally. "When did you get so smart?"

He grinned in relief, letting out the breath he'd been holding. "Well when you screw up relationships as much as I have, you sorta figure out what not to do."

"You are not a screwup," Jane admonished. "Maybe you didn't take the easiest or the smartest way, but you're happy with Lydia now, right? And you have TJ? You're doing good." She sighed. "I never really thought much about getting married. I didn't have wedding fantasies or anything. But I did think… I assumed that if I ever did get married I would be totally sure. There wouldn't be a doubt in my mind. And I never imagined a proposal like… this. I mean, it was sweet- we had a picnic and champagne and he got a ring. But the way he said it… It was an ultimatum. It was. And it made me feel so…" she struggled to find the right words. "Trapped."

He nodded. "I don't think a marriage is supposed to feel like a cage."

Jane groaned. "What's wrong with me, Tommy? Why can't I just be happy? I mean, Casey's a great guy and he loves me and he wants me to marry him. Why am I freaking out?"

"Casey wants a wife to keep his house on an army base and bring his officers mint juleps and homemade pie." Frankie had appeared at the booth again, and his unexpectedly harsh tone caught Jane and Tommy by surprise.

Frankie took a breath before trying again, rejoining them in the booth. "That's not you, Janie. Sure, you've got some pretty traditional ideas when it comes to family, but you're no housewife. We grew up in a pretty traditional home, with a pretty traditional family. But look how things turned out- mom and dad split up and dad tried to annul their marriage so he could get together with a woman half his age. That woman also slept with our brother and she's now the mother of his child."

"Hey!" Tommy objected loudly. "Don't talk about Lydia that way!"

"Yeah what's your point?" Jane frowned at him, still irritated from his earlier outburst over Maura. "That our family is completely screwed up?"

"No," Frankie held up his hands defensively. "Just that, sometimes doing what you feel like you're supposed to do, doesn't really get you anywhere. Look at mom now- she has her own business and she's with Cavanaugh and they're happy. And Tommy's making a fresh start with Lydia, and TJ is an amazing little kid. Sometimes life is messy, and sometimes you have to break with tradition. You just have to do what you feel is right. So it doesn't matter how good this thing with Casey looks on paper- if it doesn't feel right, don't do it."

"And what if it never feels right?" she asked in a small voice.

"Then you'll die an old woman with a hundred cats," he joked, then howled as she lunged across the table and punched him in the arm. "Ow! Alright! I was kidding! But seriously, Jane, if you never got married would you see your life as a failure?"

"No," she settled back into her seat, sulkily. "But I don't wanna be alone."

"You're not alone, Janie," Tommy spoke up. "You never have been."

She smiled at them, stretching across the table to take both their hands. "What did I do to deserve you?"

Tommy sighed. He hadn't meant them, although it was true that she'd never be alone because she'd always have family. But he had meant to imply that maybe Jane had already found the soulmate she was looking for a long time ago, she just hadn't figured it out yet. But as she grinned at her brothers, he knew his meaning had been lost on her. And it had likely been lost on Frankie too, if he was really still harboring feelings for Maura. Nothing like imminent danger to make you realize how you feel about someone, even if you're not ready to acknowledge it yet. Though it did seem to at least be prompting Jane to reprioritize with Casey.

What a mess, Tommy thought. When she finally figures it out, this shit is definitely going to hit the fan.