There is a girl
In the front of my class
Who I swear I've never seen
Do anything but laugh
Krista sighed lightly as she sat down on her place, which was in the far back of the classroom. Every day was the same, nothing ever changed, nothing ever got easier. Nothing made it worth coming to this place - this place or any other place for that part. Nothing except one thing. One thing that was 172cm tall, had tanned skin and went by the name Ymir.
The girl always sat in the front of the class, together with her friends that Krista knew by the name's Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt. Ymir really seemed like a really happy girl. Laughing with her friends, having fun. Loving life. Being everything that Krista attempted to be.
She's tall and she's smart
Beautiful and strong
And when someone's down
She tries to fix what is wrong
The teacher, Levi, entered the classroom which made all the students immediately go quiet. Sasha, the girl that was sitting next to Krista in the back, hid the bag of potato chips she had been munching on, smiling sheepishly at Krista.
"You don't think he saw me, do you?" Sasha whispered.
Krista shook her head.
"I think you're fine," she said, giving her friend a sweet smile before turning her gaze forward. But not to the teacher, no, to Ymir. Sitting there all tall, radiating an air of strength.
Levi started the lesson and just as always Ymir answered all the questions she got with ease, as if she had never done anything else her whole life. Ymir really was perfect in Krista's eyes, no one could ever be more wonderful.
How does someone so perfect,
Feel so insecure?
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns
And still want to hurt more...
But Ymir wasn't all flowers and happiness, Krista knew that, and it was something she couldn't help but think about.
The bell rang, signaling that the lesson was over and people started to get out of the classroom as quick as they could.
Krista stood up, a small smile on her lips, doing the best she could to hide the pain she felt inside. Because how could she ever tell her friend about that? There really was no way she could do that.
Sasha pulled lightly on Krista's arm, turning the blonde's attention to her.
"Come on now and let's go eat, I'm starving!" said Sasha, clutching her now empty potato bag. Krista nodded which made Sasha grin. There really was no way she could let her friend know just how she felt.
Seemingly as any other girl Krista started to walk with her friend towards the exist of the classroom; but to get there she needed to pass by Ymir, which really wasn't a problem. The problem was just the things she always saw as she walked by the taller girl.
Krista pulled her shirt sleeves down a bit further over her hands as she walked past the tables, doing her best not to stare at Ymir. But as always she failed, and her blue eyes met Ymir's brown one's. And in that instant she saw Ymir making the exact same movement as Krista herself had done only moments before. Pulling her shirtsleeves down. But that didn't mean Krista hadn't spotted the familiar marks on Ymir's arms. More familiar than Krista wanted to admit.
How does someone so loving,
Learn to hate her own guts?
Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough
Krista could see Ymir look away, and so did she. The blonde swallowed hard.
Why Ymir had the marks on her arms Krista didn't know. She knew the reason even less. Because why, just why would Ymir do something like that to herself? She was perfect. More so than anyone would ever be.
But there was nothing she could do about it. Krista followed after Sasha out of the classroom and towards the cafeteria as always. Nothing new.
There is a girl
In the front of my class
Who's eyes are glazed over
Like newly cut glass
Days later everything was still the same. Krista sat in the back of the class, Sasha by her side, and as always she couldn't help but glance over at the brunette sitting in the front of the class. Who really was the only thing that seemed to have changed.
What had changed with Ymir Krista wasn't entirely sure about, but something definitely had. The times Krista and Ymir's eyes met Krista could see something in her eyes that she usually only saw when she looked at herself in the mirror. A look she didn't want to belong on Ymir's face.
The ghost of a smile
Hints at her face
And she laughs as they tell her
"Who's on First Base"
The class went on as usual and almost as quickly as it began it was over. A small sigh escaped Krista's lips before she smiled - as always.
She could hear the laughter she recognized so well come from the front of the class. Maybe she had been wrong before. Maybe she had seen wrong. Maybe, maybe Ymir didn't feel just as down as she had thought she did.
Krista could feel someone pull on her arm, and just as her arm got pulled she got pulled out of her thoughts only to look into Sasha's big brown eyes.
"Come on Krista, I want to eat!" Sasha said and Krista couldn't help but giggle at her friend. Sasha knew none of the sorrows Krista had gone through in life.
As they passed by the table where Ymir and her friend's sat at she could hear Annie crack a joke, making Ymir laugh once more. The smile grew a little wider on Krista's lips and she could feel her cheeks heat up a bit. She really loved Ymir's laugh.
How does someone so perfect,
Feel so insecure?
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns
And still want to hurt more...
How does someone so loving,
Learn to hate her own guts?
Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough
But as Krista kept on looking at Ymir their eyes met, and once again Krista saw that expression. She hadn't been mistaken. Not when she had now seen it a second time. She couldn't have been mistaken. No matter how much she had wanted to be.
"Krista hurry!"
Krista broke their eye contact as Sasha called out after her. Krista moved her eyes back to Ymir, this time glancing over her wrist, before she hurried after Sasha. But it wasn't as if anything she could do would make what she had seen unseen. Ymir still had the marks on her wrist, and not only the old ones. There were new ones too. And Krista knew well enough that they were fresh.
There is a girl
In the front of my class
Who's sad that you find it rare
To see her smile or laugh
As the days became weeks Krista couldn't help but notice Ymir changing. The laughing and smiling girl was gone; now Ymir almost never smiled. At very rare times the ghost of a smile appeared on her lips and Krista had noticed that this was usually when the brunette looked towards the back of the class. But why that made Ymir smile Krista didn't know.
What she knew, though, was that she still couldn't stop thinking fondly of Ymir. Because why would she stop? It didn't matter what Ymir thought about herself. In Krista's eyes, she would always be perfect.
Her frends tells her jokes
Like that one with the guy
But all she does is close her eyes
And enter her mind
Later that day as Krista sat beside Sasha at the lunch table, poking in her food having a hard time to eat, she glanced over at the table Ymir and her friends where sitting by.
She could see how Annie elbowed Ymir lightly in the side, saying something. If this was like any other day Ymir would probably have laughed, but she didn't. Instead she only closed her eyes. Annie exchanged glances with Reiner and Bertholdt, apparently trying to make their friends find a way to cheer Ymir up. But Krista had a feeling that wasn't possible. She wanted it to be possible, she really did, but the look in Ymir's eyes told her different.
How does someone so perfect,
Feel so insecure?
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns
And still want to hurt more...
Nothing changed. Not a single thing. Ymir still didn't smile even once during the rest of the school day. She didn't crack the slightest joke. She didn't laugh at any of the other's jokes. All she did was block the world out, and it broke Krista's heart.
She hardly knew Ymir, but that didn't matter. Ymir was perfect and Krista didn't want her to hurt. Ymir deserved something better than that.
How does someone so loving,
Learn to hate her own guts?
Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade
As if her mind isn't dark enough
When the school day was over Krista went home as usual. Since Krista and Sasha lived fairly close, it wasn't too far Krista had to walk by herself. But it was far enough to give her time to think. Think about things she shouldn't be having on her mind.
She didn't want to see Ymir hurt the way she did, but there was nothing she could do to change anything. Yet she couldn't let it go. Krista and Ymir were practically strangers, not having talked a single time, only exchanging glances as they passed each other. Though maybe that wasn't so little.
The two girls didn't know each other. Krista didn't know anything about Ymir's daily life. What her favourite colour was. What animals she liked. What kind of music she listened too. Her birthday. What made her hurt the way she did.. But one thing Krista knew; one thing she was sure of.
For her imperfections...
Ymir was perfect.
There is a girl
In the front of my class
Who yesterday took
The breath that was her last...
She wrote a few notes:
The next school day was the most unusal that far. Ymir was nowhere to be seen, which almost never happened.
Krista twirled a strand of her blonde hair between her fingers. Surely nothing had happned, right? Things had always been the same, take and give a few changes here and there. But nothing major had ever happened. And it probably never would.
The teacher, Levi, entered the classroom and as Always everyone fell silent. Nothing unusual, nothing new.
Levi cleared his throath, looking out into the class.
"There's some things I have to inform you about. The night leading from yesterday til today, something happened," said Levi.
Krista could feel herself tense up as she listened. This was something that had never happened before. Not even when their principal had left their teacher an important message had he said it like the way he currently were talking.
"One of our students, Ymir, passed away tonight. I'm currently holding her suicide letter, and it was clearly written on it that she wanted it to be read for you."
Krista's eyes widened. He couldn't be telling the truth. Ymir couldn't be dead.. There was no way.. Especially not her having taken suicide.. Ymir was perfect. Something like that wasn't supposed to happen. Not to her.
Krista could see Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt sitting tightly together, mourning over the loss of their friend. But Krista herself had no way of comforting herself the least as she felt her eyes start to fill with tears. But how could she even have it in the first place? She didn't know Ymir, so how would anyone ever understand why Ymir's death affected her that badly? There was no way anyone would ever understand. No one could ever understand what she was feeling.. No one.
Their teacher took a deep breath before he started to read the words written on the letter out loud.
I'm sorry I didn't say,
But my mind was messed up,
You couldn't save me anyway...
And to the girl in the back of the class,
Who feels the way I did...
How does someone so perfect,
Feel so insecure?
As to scar her skin with cuts and burns
And still want to hurt more
No one could ever understand what she was feeling. No one. No one except Ymir.