Chapter Six
10 May, 2020
Co. Wicklow, IE
Positive COVID-19 Cases: 22,996
Deaths: 1,458
The warm May sunshine tried to force its way past Cassie's dark sunglasses as she followed Andrew's SUV down a two lane road in county Wicklow. They'd left her house in the city an hour ago and made good time into the countryside after picking up Alex. Finn was sitting in his seat, staring out the window as they passed farms and open fields. Occasionally he'd point out cows or sheep that grazed in the pastures.
"Mama, how much longer?" he called from the back seat.
Cassie looked at him in the rearview mirror. "Not too much longer," she said, glancing back at the map on the console of her car. "Maybe five more minutes."
They passed into a village, driving by a high street filled with shops. A few people walked along the pavement, holding bags of shopping. Parking lots were mostly empty. A moment later, Andrew's car slowed at an intersection and turned onto a narrow single-lane street with a dense canopy of trees overhead. A driveway appeared to her right and she watched as a black metal gate slid open. He drove through it and she followed. She got a glimpse of it shutting behind her in the rearview mirror.
Andrew continued to drive around a slight curve and up an incline before stopping in front of a black two car garage . He got out and motioned for her to take the space next to him.
"We're here, Bug!" Cassie called to Finn as she put the SUV in park and turned it off.
Finn kicked his legs excitedly as Cassie got out and walked around the car. Andrew came over to her.
"Need any help?" he asked, watching her open Finn's door.
"Uh...we should be alright. Its just two bags," she replied, unbuckling Finn from his car seat and helping him down. She walked around to the back of the car and opened the hatch.
"I've got it," Andrew said quickly, jumping into action to pull the two hard sided suitcases from the car before she could say anything.
"Hey," Alex said, coming over. "Nice to meet you."
"Officially," Cassie chuckled, shaking his hand. "This is Finn. Finn, this is Andrew's friend Alex."
"Nice to meet you Finn," Alex said, giving him a smile.
"Are Andwew and Awex wike George's dads?" Finn asked, looking back at Cassie.
Her eyes widened slightly. "No, baby. They're not. They - they're just very good friends." She gave Alex an apologetic look.
Alex straightened and gave Finn a surprised look. "I've never been insulted by a toddler. I'm not sure how I feel."
Cassie moved to grab her purse from the floor of the back seat and saw Finn's wide-eyed expression as he took in the surroundings.
"Is all of this yours, Andrew?" she asked, shutting the car door and sliding her sunglasses up onto the top of her head.
The house sat on what looked like several acres of land, bordered by dense trees. A large, open field was fenced in at the back and she could just barely make out a few houses in the distance. Short trees had been planted at intervals across the grass, but it would be decades before they offered any type of shade.
"Ehm, yeah," he said, tucking some loose hair behind his head. "When I bought this place, the agent said that lot was also available if I wanted it." He gestured to the houses on the other side of the field. "The neighbors thought I was going to develop it or something."
"Well are you?" she asked, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up at him.
He shook his head and crossed his arms. "Nah. I bought it to plant trees and flowers on. Forest land around here keeps getting sold off and flattened. Figured I'd do my bit to keep it green."
"Noble," she smirked.
"It makes a great football field, though," Alex remarked.
"Well there's that," Cassie nodded.
She turned to look at the house behind them. It had an obvious addition on the first floor with modern floor-ceiling windows and black steel beams at the corners. The original house was white brick, freshly painted, with black shutters bordering each eight-over-eight sash window. Some vines crawled their way up the walls at the corners and their leaves fluttered softly in the breeze.
"Did you restore this?" she asked him as her gaze traveled to the second story.
"Yeah. It was a huge process," Andrew explained. "But I'm glad I kept it around. Its a historical home." He grabbed a suitcase and walked up the driveway. "C'mon. I'll get you guys settled."
An hour later, Andrew had given Cassie and Finn a basic house tour and gotten them settled into a room on the second floor of the house. It looked out on the field and, according to him, would provide phenomenal views of the sunrise each morning. The branches of a gnarled ash tree brushed the windows and dappled the sunlight as it filtered in.
She found Andrew on the patio in the back garden watering several large planters filled with vibrant flowers. He paused when he saw her and Finn.
"Get settled in?" he asked.
Cassie nodded. "Yes, thank you."
He ducked his head and smiled. "If you change your mind, the room next to it is all yours," he said. "Even if you want to use it for an office to write or something."
She shook her head. "Its fine, really. I don't mind sharing with Finn." Finn had drifted away from her and was investigating the contents of a long rectangular flower bed. "Besides, I told my publisher that I'm taking the next week off."
Andrew raised his eyebrows. "Really? How'd they take it?"
She shrugged. "I don't really care. I need a break."
"Even so, you're welcome to the room if you need it," he smiled easily before resuming spraying the flower pots.
"We won't be here that long," she assured him. "A week. Maybe two."
"You know you're welcome to stay as long as you like," he reminded her. Cassie could feel the cool mist from the hose. "Alex has been here for months," he added with a chuckle.
"Christ, I couldn't impose like that," she replied with a scoff and a smile.
"What's dat?" Finn asked, pointing a tiny finger at a pot on a weathered wooden table at the center of the patio.
Andrew stopped watering and set the hose down. "Its basil," he said, walking over. "I use it to cook." Finn tilted his head and stood on his toes to try to get a better look. Andrew brought the pot down so he could see. "I use the leaves. You can eat them."
Andrew's visit had come at a time when she'd been past her breaking point, though she couldn't have told you that herself. He'd swept into her home and tamed the chaos, physically and metaphorically. What struck Cassie the most after being around him for a few days was the extreme sense of serenity that poured from him in waves.
When Andrew had initially arrived, Cassie was positive he'd have no clue what to do with Finn all day. To her surprise, he managed to entertain the toddler with relative ease. Part of it was Finn's natural desire to show off to anyone new, but the rest of it was definitely the start of a natural connection between the two of them. She spent her days writing and catching up on work and the two of them got along like gangbusters. It was funny; she never would have pegged him as the type of guy who enjoyed being around children, yet here he was engaging Finn like someone with decades of experience.
"Speaking of cooking," Cassie started. "I want you to let me handle food and everything. Its the least I can do since you're letting us stay here."
Andrew shook his head vehemently. "No, I can't let you do that."
"Look, either you let me pay rent or something or you let me cook," she insisted. "I hate the idea of you letting us stay here for free." She crossed her arms. "And anyway, I still owe you for coming to help last week."
He straightened and put the plant back on the table. "Cass, its fine. Really. I didn't mind helping you and I'm happy to have you here as my guests. You don't need to do anything extra."
"I know," she said simply, smiling. "Because I'll be cooking."
Andrew sighed playfully but nodded. "If you guys have any specific requests, just let me know. I'm going to do the shopping tomorrow."
"I'll send you a list," she replied. "But please let me pay for our stuff."
***
Four hours later, Cassie kissed Finn's forehead and turned out the light in their bedroom. "Goodnight, Buggy. I love you big as the sky," she said, closing the door behind herself.
She padded down the hallway and took her time going down the steps. The walls were lined with snapshots from Andrew's previous tours. She spotted Alex in a few of them. The joy and excitement leapt from each photo and she could imagine how close-knit the groups had been. Goofy faces, drinks clutched in hands, embraces, and mouths drawn open in silent, raucous laughter. It reminded her of the lack of those things in her own life.
Before Will's death, she'd had regular girls' nights with her friends. She would even go out with the wives and girlfriends of the other players occasionally. For all intents and purposes, she acted like a normal young woman in her early twenties. Parties and alcohol and late night doner kebabs. Then everything changed.
After Will was killed - even before she'd announced her pregnancy - it seemed like nobody really knew how to look at her or talk to her. Everyone walked on eggshells and treated her like something that needed to be 'handled'.
And then Finn came along and she shut the whole world out. People eventually stopped calling and dropping by. Soon enough she found herself totally isolated, as though she was in a deep hole and had no way of clawing her way back to the surface. Most of her socialization came in the form of phone calls and video meetings with her publisher, editor, or agent. If she wasn't related to the person, she was probably paying them to speak to her.
But if she was honest, she enjoyed not having to make small talk with them. None of them had kids. None of them had held their husband's limp body in their arms as his blood covered their shirt. None of them knew what it felt like to have so much blood on their hands that it took days to fully wash away the stains, the warm stickiness of it slick on their skin. She hadn't exactly reached out to people, either.
That made the isolation of COVID that much harder. She didn't have many people to chat with besides Finn, and his conversation skills left much to be desired. So when Andrew showed up, it felt like coming up for air after nearly drowning. They'd spent each evening chatting over drinks and for the first time in a long time, she felt human again.
Cassie rounded the corner of the staircase and walked through the formal dining room. The large oak table sat under a crystal light fixture at the center of the room, surrounded by wingback dining chairs upholstered in a deep navy blue. She was surprised to see a china set displayed inside a cupboard.
I never figured Andrew to be a china set type of guy, she thought as she walked through the room and into the kitchen.
Alex was at the sink doing the washing up and Andrew was nowhere to be found.
"Cassie, dinner was fantastic," Alex said, catching her eye as she passed by him. "Where did you learn to cook like that?"
She'd scrounged up enough ingredients to make a simple curry with white rice and chicken and the smell of cumin and ginger still hung in the air.
"It was one of Will's, actually," she explained. "I started making it for Finn as soon as he could eat solids. Sort of as a way to connect them."
Alex nodded and squirted more Fairy onto a sponge. "You'll have to share it with me. My mum loves Indian."
"Definitely," she nodded. "I'm glad you liked it. Where's Andrew?" she asked.
Alex nodded to the patio. "Outside. I think he's chatting with his mum."
"Does he normally chat with his parents a lot?"
He shrugged. "Yes and no." He shut the water off and wiped his hands on a tea towel. "Normally on tour he just phones them once a week or something to check in. Lately though, its been nearly daily." He hung the towel on a hook over the sink. "For obvious reasons," he added.
"How's your family doing?" she asked. "Are they alright?"
"Yeah, they're doing fine, I suppose. I'm going down to see them in a few days," he replied. "I haven't really been to see them since this whole thing kicked off."
"How long are you staying with them?"
"Probably two weeks unless the government changes things," he answered. His phone began to ring. "Huh, speak of the Devil," he remarked as he answered it. "Hey Mum," he said, giving her a wave and walking out of the kitchen.
Cassie walked around the island, running her palm over the smooth granite. Nighttime had swallowed the sunset, plunging the house into darkness. The overhead lights cast golden light through the room, warming up the dark green cabinets and bouncing off the stainless steel appliances. Light spilled from the kitchen windows and she could see Andrew sitting at the table in the garden. She paused at the threshold, waiting to see if he was finished with his phone call or not.
"Hey," he said, his voice startling her slightly.
"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt," she said, folding her arms over her t-shirt.
"Ah, you're grand," he answered, gesturing to the chair opposite him. "You're welcome to join me if you like. Unless you've got better things to do," he smiled at her.
She pushed off the door frame and crossed the courtyard to sit opposite him. A half-drunk mug of tea was in front of him next to his cell phone. Half of his face was in shadow as he turned away to look out across the horizon.
"How are your parents?" she asked, trying to fill the silence.
Andrew inhaled slowly and nodded. "They're, ehm, they're good I guess." He reached for his mug and frowned when he realized it had gone cold. "Dinner was fantastic, by the way. Thank you for cooking."
Cassie shrugged. "It was my pleasure. Its funny, Will used to do all the cooking and I would handle the washing up. I hated cooking." Crickets were chirping softly in the distance.
"It must have rubbed off, then," he chuckled. "Alex told me he wanted the recipe, so you did something right."
"I think it did, to be honest," she admitted. "It makes me feel closer to Will. Sort of like this is a way for Finn to connect with him." Andrew leaned forward and rested his chin on his knuckles, listening. "After the trial, I started cooking - baking, actually. I liked it because it was exact. If you followed the directions, you always got the same thing every single time. I liked the control it gave me after months of not having any."
"What's your favorite thing to bake?" he asked.
She thought for a second. "I got really good at apple pie."
"You should bake that tomorrow," he said. "If you're up for it. I'm sure you've got work to catch up on."
"Actually, no," Cassie answered. "I've still got my newspaper columns to submit, but that's not nearly as bad. I can manage those easily."
"That's good," Andrew said. "I was kind of worried about you last week."
She sighed and took her glasses off before running her hands over her face. "I know. Honestly, if I hadn't already signed a deal for another book, I'd probably take a year off at this point."
"You're starting a new book?" he asked, his interest piqued.
"Uh, yeah. I guess so," she smiled, putting her glasses back on. "Its still sort of in the primordial ooze phase, though. So God knows if it'll ever materialize into anything."
They were interrupted by Alex's voice. He appeared carrying a bottle of wine and three glasses.
"Anyone care for a drink?" he asked, closing the distance in a few strides.
"You know, the amount of alcohol I've consumed since this whole thing started almost makes me wonder if I've got a problem," Cassie remarked as she reached for a glass from him after he filled it.
Andrew shrugged. "I can guarantee you, there are people in this country who drink that amount on a daily basis and do just fine." He raised his glass. "Slainte," he said automatically.
She tilted her head. "I'm not sure if that's alarming or reassuring."
Alex smiled. "Take it as reassurance that you can't be that bad off." He poured a glass of ruby liquid for himself. "I knew a lad in university who would down seven pints in one night and follow it up with three tequila shots. I've no idea how he was able to function the next morning in lectures."
Cassie felt her stomach roll at the thought of so much alcohol. "Jesus Christ."
"Can I ask you something, Cassie?" Alex started, swirling his glass around. She nodded. "Where does all your material come from?"
She inhaled slowly. "I mean, where does any creative's material come from? Inspiration from all over."
"Right, but how did you come up with it? I mean, Christ, the plot for Mind Palace. Its insane," he pressed.
She felt a slight blush rise on her cheeks and shrugged. "I guess...I guess it just comes to me like Andrew's music - or yours."
"Was it inspired by something?" he asked, leaning forward slightly.
"Fuck, Alex. Its not an interview," Andrew chuckled. "You planning on writing a book?"
Alex rolled his eyes. "What, you can hound her with questions for weeks about her methods, but I'm not allowed to ask a few things?"
"Its fine, Andrew," she assured him. "I don't mind." She turned back to Alex. "But seriously, are you writing something?" she joked.
He rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair, waving a dismissive hand at her question.
"Did Finn go down alright?" Andrew asked, changing the subject.
Cassie nodded. "He was exhausted. I expect he'll sleep straight through the night."
"Running around a field for an hour will do that to you," Alex remarked, referencing the hour or so that Finn spent running around the back field whilst Cassie made dinner. "I know loads of people raise kids in the cities, but I could never do it. Give me space to run."
She shrugged. "We manage. If he was still able to go to school it wouldn't be as bad. He's not exactly a child who sits still for long."
"He's a good kid," Andrew said, sipping his wine. "Most toddlers make me want to chuck them into the sea, but he's surprisingly entertaining."
"Why thanks," Cassie chuckled, raising her glass in appreciation. "Its nice to know he's got something going for him and I haven't totally fucked him up with my ineptitude."
Alex laughed. "Every parent fucks their kids up. Its like...its just part of the job, I hear."
"I know. Its just...when you do it alone, everything feels a lot more impactful. There's nobody else to balance things out," she explained. "Or to blame if shit goes wrong," she added with a laugh.
"That's fair," he allowed. "My mum constantly blames every bad thing on my dad."
"See?" she smiled. "There's a convenience to having someone else, if only for that purpose."
"Did you hear Michael and Sarah had their baby?" Andrew asked Alex. The other man shook his head in surprise. "Yeah, I think it was like, two months ago or something. He told me a few days ago."
"Why'd they wait so long to tell you?" Cassie asked.
Andrew shrugged. "Dunno. He didn't mention why. He's probably been busy, like." He glanced at her. "You know how it is."
She shook her head and looked into the darkness over his shoulder. "N-not really," she chuckled nervously. "I kinda blacked out the first six months of Finn's life to be honest."
"What do you mean?" Alex asked with a laugh. "Did you lose that much sleep?"
Cassie took a sip from her glass and set it down again before responding. "Kind of. Its weird." They were relaxed and happy. She didn't want to bring the mood down. "Its probably a lot like when you're on tour, right?" she asked, changing the focus slightly.
"Yes and no," Andrew answered. "Yes because we're running on adrenaline ninety percent of the time. No because we actually remember it."
"Well, most of it," Alex offered with a smirk.
Cassie raised an eyebrow, her interest piqued. "Oh?" she asked. "What do you mean?"
Alex smiled behind his glass. "Let's just say that there were a few instances during the first tour that are sort of...foggy for both of us."
"Do they involve fans?" she asked, swirling her wine. The light from the house made it shine like a polished gemstone.
"Only one," Alex replied, pointing at Andrew with a loud guffaw.
Andrew glared at him indignantly from across the table, a blush rising under his beard. "That's not - we're not - I'm not talking about that," he grumbled.
"Oh come on! You have to tell me!" she needled. "I lost my early twenties to a child and a husband. Let me live vicariously through you."
"Andrew, it was like, six years ago," Alex pressed. "Its nothing to be ashamed about. Its probably happened to loads of musicians."
Finally, he relented. "Alright, Jesus," he sighed. He put his glass down and folded his hands in front of him, resting his elbows on the table. "During the early days of the first tour, back when Church had just gone massive in America, we were doing a few dates in New York. After a show, Alex, Rory - my drummer - and a few guys from the crew were at a pub in Midtown." He paused, as though he was reconsidering his decision with each word that came out of his mouth. "I went home with a girl from the pub. We...had fun and then she went on her way in the morning."
"So you hooked up with a fan," Cassie shrugged. "You were young, why wouldn't you have done it?"
"Oh, it gets better," Alex said gleefully, obviously enjoying his friend's embarrassment.
"The girl was at a meet and greet we did two days later," Andrew groaned, burying his face into his hands. "She tried to talk to me about that night at the pub and I couldn't even remember her name."
Cassie bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Wait, so you meet her while drunk, take her back to your hotel room, have sex with her, then see her two days later and completely forget her name?"
"In my defense, she had a really common name, too," Andrew said.
"If it was so common, why'd you forget it?" she asked, her eyes watering as she laughed harder.
"Because I'd had like, five beers and I was exhausted, alright?" he replied, covering his eyes with his fingers. The tips were white as he pressed them against his skin. "I was young and stupid!"
"So what, she showed up and tried to ask you about that night and you were just..."
"Deer in the fecking headlights," Alex said, miming a stunned look before cackling. "I have never seen a man experience so much regret in real time. It was fucking brilliant."
"Jesus Christ," she exclaimed, practically falling off her chair as she laughed.
"To be fair, like," Alex sniffled, wiping his eyes. "He's not hooked up with any other fans after drinking since. So that's lesson learned, I suppose."
"Oh fuck off," Andrew sneered.
This only served to send both Alex and Cassie further into laughter. He rolled his eyes with a sigh and waited until their laughter died down a moment later.
"By the way," Cassie started after she caught her breath. "Finn said he wanted to swim tomorrow. I told him he'd have to ask you in the morning."
Andrew nodded. "Yeah, that'll be fine." He poured a bit more into his glass, nearly emptying the bottle.
"I can't believe you have a pool inside," she said, shaking her head. "I never thought you had an ounce of rock star blood in you. Guess I was wrong."
"It was my one indulgence when I bought this place," he replied. "I use it a lot when friends come over, but its nice to have in the winter when the water is too cold in the sea."
"Wasn't the plan to originally have a retractable roof?" Alex asked. He leaned back in his chair, folding his hands over his chest, a smirk on his face.
Cassie burst into laughter. "No," she gasped in disbelief. "Andrew, the Rock Star."
"Those plans were refused by the counsel," Andrew said quickly, holding up his hand. "And I'm glad they were now. It was really extravagant and absurd. I prefer the patio up there instead."
"So its not drugs or alcohol or other expensive things you wanted to spend your money on," she mused. "It was high end home renovations. Sexy."
He rolled his eyes and picked up his drink. "Okay, can we just -"
He was cut off by a loud scream, like a child crying. High-pitched and sharp. Cassie stiffened and turned toward the house.
"What the fuck was that?" she asked, her heart quickening. It sounded like Finn was crying.
Andrew reached over and put a hand on her forearm, stilling her. "Its a fox. There's loads of them out here. They scream like that."
Cassie's heart slowed and she relaxed into her chair slightly as another scream came, further away this time. "That is terrifying."
Alex chuckled. "What, you never heard foxes in Manchester or London?"
She looked at him like he was stupid. "No."
He smiled. "You get used to it. Its really common out here in the countryside. I'm actually surprised you don't hear them in the city. There's one old fucker who lives in an alley near my gaff. He's a complete nuisance, carrying on all fucking night half the time."
She emptied her glass in an attempt to steel her nerves a bit more. "Right, that's me off to bed." She stood and stretched her arms over her head, feeling her spine crack slightly. "Goodnight, lads."
They both murmured their goodnights and she took her glass into the kitchen, leaving it next to the sink. The house was silent as she made her way carefully through the dim light. Her bare feet sank into the lush hall runner that covered the creaking hardwood floor. When she reached the room she and Finn shared, she paused in the doorway, watching him sleep.
One arm was thrown over his head and the other rested on the bed next to him, buried in the thick duvet. She could just make out his frog pajamas in the light from the hallway. That brief moment of terror when she heard the fox cry still hung in the air. She closed the door behind her and crossed the room to climb into the bed next to him, pulling him closer to her.
The first week he was home from the hospital, she left him in the crib for hours, only picking him up to feed him and change his diaper. She felt so disconnected from him, so deep in the depths of her depression, that she didn't know what to do with him. The numbness won over. She'd spent hours just staring at the ceiling in bed. It was a far cry from where things were now. But that change had been hard won and left a trail of guilt in its wake. The one small mercy of it all was that he only seemed to cry for her when he was truly in need of something.
She felt her eyes growing heavy with the gentle sounds of crickets chirping outside and the rise and fall of Finn's chest next to hers.
***
"Mama, wook! It has a smile!" Finn exclaimed from his place at the island. He was sat on his knees in a barstool, leaning forward on his elbows to watch her.
Cassie yawned and turned, spatula in hand. "Yeah, Bug. It does. Just for you," she said, trying to force enthusiasm into her voice. The pancakes on the plate in front of the toddler had broad chocolate chip grins. Finn had already eaten a full one and had chocolate smeared over his mouth. "Bug, wipe your face, please," she reminded him as she turned back to the stove to flip another pancake.
"Andwew!" Finn shouted excitedly.
His voice echoed off the high ceilings and Cassie's eyes actually watered at the sudden noise. Andrew paused in the doorway, blinking rapidly at Finn's loud greeting. She watched him make a beeline for the coffee maker.
"Andwew, can we go swimming today?" Finn asked.
"Finney, inside voice, please," Cassie said gently, sliding the finished pancake onto a plate. "Andrew just woke up. Give him a minute."
After fixing a cup of coffee and taking several sips, Andrew leaned back against the counter. "Yeah, but maybe this afternoon. Its still a little early." He rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses and sniffed.
She slid a plate of pancakes in front of him. "Breakfast?"
He glanced at her and then nodded. "You made pancakes?" he asked.
"Finn asked. I acquiesced," she replied, turning to pour batter into the skillet. "Not to blow my own horn, but they're pretty damn good."
Andrew slid around the corner of the island and took a seat next to Finn. "I need a fork," he observed, bleary-eyed.
"You - you can u-use mi-!" Finn started, leaning precariously out of his bar stool, holding a slimy fork for Andrew to see.
A moment later he disappeared with a yelp and Cassie cursed loudly. Andrew's hand darted out and snagged the back of Finn's pajama shirt before he hit the tile. The toddler was laughing hysterically as he was hauled back up and deposited back on his stool.
"Finn, you need to sit on your bottom or we aren't going to eat at the island anymore," Cassie reprimanded him, hand over her racing heart. She slid a fork over to Andrew and turned back to Finn. "I think we're done here, Bug. Let's get you tidied up and then you can get dressed, alright?"
"Right!" he exclaimed.
He scampered down from the bar stool and toddled over to the sink where she hoisted him up onto against the edge of the sink to wash his hands off. When he was syrup-free, she sent him off to get changed.
"Thanks for grabbing him," she said to Andrew as she finished up the last batch of pancakes on the stove.
He shrugged. "The emergency department is the last place he needs to go right now, so it was in everyone's best interest," he mumbled as he ate. After his first bite he made a face of pure happiness and took a second ravenous bite. "Holy fuck, Cassie, these are incredible."
She tilted her head in acknowledgement. "See? Told you." She began the process of cleaning up. "Sorry about how loud he is. Did we wake you up?" He shrugged and took another bite. She could sense some slight annoyance. "We did, didn't we?"
"It - Alex and I stayed up later than we should have last night. Its my fault," he replied.
"Still," she insisted, refilling his coffee. "We'll try to be quieter tomorrow. I just wanted to make his first day here special, you know? Treat it like a little holiday with lots of special things since we can't really go anywhere."
"Cassie, really you're grand. I needed to get up anyway to put the bins out. You did me a favor," he answered, sipping his coffee. "But if you should feel like waking up early and making these again tomorrow, I won't complain."
Alex appeared with a loud yawn. "What smells so good?" he asked, sliding into Finn's empty stool. "And why is this sticky?" He tapped his fingers against the counter in front of him and Cassie hurried to wipe it down.
"Sorry about that. Finn was sitting there. He had syrup," she explained, feeling slightly chastised. "I made pancakes. Want some?"
"And coffee," he yawned again, rubbing his eyes. "By the way, did you know your kid is up in the bathroom splashing water everywhere?"
She froze as she poured another mug. "Oh fuck!" She deposited the half-full mug on the counter with a splash of coffee and dashed toward the door. "I'll clean it up, Andrew! I am so sorry!"
Cassie took the stairs two at a time and flew around the corner to find Finn splashing water cheerfully in the hall bathroom. He had fully drenched the floor and bath mat and the water was dangerously close to spreading onto the hardwood in the hallway. She rushed to turn the water off, slipping slightly. He looked up at her in surprise and guilt.
"Finn! What are you doing? You're supposed to be getting dressed!" she asked, grabbing the towels that were neatly folded on a shelf and flinging them across the floor.
"I - I was making spwashes!" he exclaimed happily.
"I see that, Bug. But this isn't my bathroom at home. You can't just spread water everywhere," she replied, hurriedly swiping a towel over the black and white checkered tile with her foot.
At their house in Dublin, she'd had the designer put in a wet room in her bathroom and Finn loved splashing in the tub or spraying the shower head all over. Andrew's bathroom was not set up for that. The walls were only tiled halfway up with crisp white subway tiles and a porcelain clawfoot tub held court in front of a window that overlooked the back garden. The showerhead was mounted on top of a tall pipe that stretched close to the ceiling. A linen shower curtain had been pulled back, the bottom tucked into the tub.
"Please help me clean this up before it gets onto the wood in the hall," she told him.
Finn sighed heavily and stepped down from the step stool in front of the sink. He dutifully walked over to the pile of towels strewn across the floor and picked one up, stooping over to wipe the floor.
"Bug, you've got to be more careful here. This isn't our house. Its Andrew's. And he's not used to having a little guy like you around," she explained as she flipped her hair out of her face. "There are some things here that you can't do because its not safe. If the water had gotten into the hallway, it would have damaged the floor."
I'm sowee," Finn said slowly. His blue eyes were as big as saucers.
"You can apologize to Andrew after we get dressed," she told him.
A few moments later, Cassie had herded Finn into their bedroom and ensured he was getting dressed while she piled all the towels in a laundry basket. Then they brushed their teeth and headed downstairs. Alex and Andrew were still sat at the island when they walked into the kitchen. She sat the laundry basket on the island and gestured for Finn to speak.
"I'm sowee I - I got water everwywhere upstairs," he told Andrew, his eyes large and his voice soft. He folded his hands in front of him.
"Its alright, buddy. Just don't do it again, like," Andrew told him with a smile, ruffling the toddler's curls. "The aftermath, I assume?" he asked, nodding to the basket.
"Yes," she answered. "I saved the hall floor from certain demise. Your bath towels fought valiantly. I'll make sure they're washed and replaced by this afternoon."
"Cassie, you missed your calling as a chef," Alex said, pushing his empty plate away. "Those are the best pancakes I've ever had."
"I'll tell my brother you said so," she said. "He is a chef. He'll be pleased," she chuckled. "If you would just point me in the direction of the laundry, I'll get these started and take the wild child out of the house before he starts swinging from the chandelier in the dining room."
***
Cassie watched as Finn took handfuls of potting soil and dumped them into the large clay pots under Andrew's guidance. She was sitting at the table on the patio with her laptop trying to edit next week's piece for The New York Times.
"What's this week's article about?" Alex asked, sliding into the empty seat across from her.
"The futility of hope," she joked, earning a chuckle. "My editor has me doing a series about life as a parent with all the lockdowns and everything. But I'm not sure the American market really wants to hear about things over here. So we'll see how it goes."
"Its gotta be terrifying, right?" he asked, crossing his arms and leaning back. "I mean, how do you even explain something like this to a child, like?"
"When you figure it out, let me know," she sighed, closing the laptop.
"Mama," Finn said as he walked over to her. "Can we go swimming now?" he asked. He had dirt caked under his fingernails and several swipes of it over his face.
"You have to ask Andrew," she informed him, looking over her shoulder and giving him a nod.
"Sure we can," he replied with a grin.
Cassie followed Finn inside, wincing as he left a dirty hand print on the kitchen counter. She hosed him down at the kitchen sink and then ushered him upstairs to change into his swimming trunks. She left him playing in their room whilst she went into the bathroom to change.
When packing, she'd put great thought into which swim suit to bring. It had been years since she'd worn a bikini. Some part of her couldn't quite reconcile showing that much skin as a mother. Her own mother rarely wore anything revealing - when she wasn't wearing some type of hospital gown, that is.
The stretch marks from her pregnancy stood out against her pale skin, silvery with soft, blurry edges. And despite her best efforts, her belly still popped out slightly. It was soft and squidgy, with a tiny bit of loose skin sitting just under her belly button. She avoided looking at that part of her body and kept it covered at all costs. Hence the sleek and practical tankini. She wished it had a bit more support for her slightly-saggy breasts, but as she surveyed herself in the mirror it was as good as it was going to get.
Andrew met them at the bottom of the stairs in a pair of dark brown trunks and a t-shirt. Alex stood next to him with a towel slung over his bare shoulders. She felt both men look her up and down and she crossed her arms over her chest protectively. Finn barreled past her.
"Wet's go swimming!" he shouted with a throaty yell.
"Its just through here," Andrew said, gesturing to a door at the end of a windowless corridor. Light came in through its frosted glass.
A small powder room sat just before it, the door open to reveal similar tile as upstairs. He opened the door and the scent of chlorine hit Cassie's nose. She knelt down in front of Finn and took both of his hands.
"Finney, look at me, please," she said patiently, putting a bit of seriousness into her voice to get his attention. When he looked at her, she continued. "This is a space you can only go with an adult. Do you understand? You may not come in here unless its with me or Andrew."
"What about Awex?" Finn asked, looking at him.
"Alex doesn't count," Alex replied. "Sorry little dude but I don't want to be responsible for you." Andrew nudged him in annoyance. "What? Its true! Plus I'll be gone in a few days."
Cassie brought Finn's attention back to her. "I mean it. Me or Andrew. You can't swim yet and you could really get hurt if you try to go in the water alone. Do you understand?"
Finn nodded sagely. "Yes, Mama."
She stood up and let him walk ahead of her after Andrew. The pool area was nice, with tall ceilings and floor to ceiling windows. Andrew was folding them all in on themselves as he walked along the perimeter of the room, letting in the warm breeze. The setting sun hit the water, creating glittering reflections on the ceiling and the concrete floor as the sun continued to set.
"Wow, Andrew. Fancy," she teased, dropping her and Finn's towels on the lounge chair closest to her.
He turned to her. "Hey, its paid for itself already. We shot some of the reference photos for my second album cover in here."
"Yeah. Your mum nearly drowned you," Alex added as he approached the edge of the pool.
Cassie looked at Andrew as Alex jumped in. "What?"
"It was an underwater shoot," he explained. "The place we had booked had a flood, so we ended up doing it all here."
"A flood at a pool. The irony," she chuckled.
He smiled back at her and sat on the edge of the water. "It ended up being better than we could have imagined. We could control the light better here."
Finn sat next to Andrew on the edge, kicking the water with his feet. Cassie hesitated to let go of her silk robe, well aware that her cellulite-covered ass cheeks were going to be on full display and her thighs were rubbing together slightly.
Just get in the water. Neither one of them is going to judge you. They aren't even looking at you, she thought.
With a sigh she dropped her robe on the lounge chair and walked over to sit next to Finn. She slid into the water shivering slightly at the cool temperature as it rose up to her collar bone. Alex surfaced on the far side, swimming laps. She held out her hands for Finn to jump in.
"Come on, Finney," she said gently. "I'll catch you." He surveyed her cautiously. "Buddy, I promise I will catch you."
With a shriek, he flung himself off the wall of the pool and into her arms, bursting into laughter. "I did it! I did it, Mama!" he exclaimed as he clung to her neck.
"Good job, Bug," she said, rewarding him with a kiss on the cheek. "Want to do it again?" she asked. He nodded exuberantly and she walked over to place him back on the wall.
Finn jumped and she caught him over and over again until her arms grew sore and she was positive he'd exhausted himself. It was almost as if the world wasn't crumbling around them.
Almost.