It starts when they’re watching television together.
“Do you think aliens are real?” Jia asks, her eyes still glued to her TV. She’s curled up on Fei’s couch with the hood of her sweatshirt pulled over her head. Fei wants to tell her she’s ridiculous for wearing her hood, since they’re indoors, but she decides against it.
Distantly, Fei says, “I don’t know,” because she doesn’t. In all honesty, space is kind of terrifying to her. The idea that there’s just so much of it and so little that they actually know about it is unsettling.
Without being asked, Jia chirps, “I think they’re real. Lots of people see UFOs every day. Besides, there’s just no way we’re the only ones in the universe.”
“We aren’t,” Fei looks over to Jia and smirks. “There’s other people here, not just the two of us.”
After taking a moment to realize that Fei had actually tried to make a joke, Jia huffs and rests her chin on her knees. Fei scoots closer and leans on her just enough to make Jia laugh again.
---
Fei values sleep. Being an idol means that it’s not always guaranteed or that she’ll only get a few hours at a time. Being on a break is nice for lots of reasons, but hours of uninterrupted sleep is something she always takes advantage of.
Until now.
“Feifei! Seriously! Get up!”
Rolling over onto her side, Fei slurs, “Go away, I'm asleep.”
Jia only pads over to the other side of the room and kneels at the end of the bed.
“I swear I saw something on the roof. You have to believe me.”
Fei opens one eye and there’s Jia, looking at her with those eyes. “You were on the roof? Why?”
“I was looking for UFOs. And I found one. Don't you want to see it?”
“Take a picture.”
Jia whines (actually whines, like she's five) and grabs Fei’s hand. She gives Fei her best pout which, admittedly, is better than expected. “If you cared about me, you'd get up.”
“Guess I don’t care about you, then,”
“Ah, well, we both know that’s not t-”
Pulling her hand away, Fei huffs before sitting up. She doesn't even have to look to now that Jia’s got her biggest grin plastered on her stupid face. She does look at the clock, however, and sighs when she sees that it’s 3 AM. So much for sleeping.
Fei doesn’t say a word the entire time Jia leads her by the hand up to the roof (down the hall, in the elevator, and up some stairs that Fei herself didn’t even know existed). Jia yammers the entire time about how Fei’s such a heavy sleeper and that she should be glad to have Jia or else she’d be missing out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.
It’s freezing when they get outside, and Fei habitually pulls herself closer to Jia, who tosses her a smug grin.
Fei looks away and mutters, “It’s cold.”
“Just make sure you don’t fall or anything.”
“Shut up.”
Her hand still tucked into Fei’s, Jia walks across the roof. Her head is tilted up towards the sky. She looks ridiculous, but something about the way she bites her lip and focuses on the stars keeps Fei from telling her so.
After a few moments she drops her head and kicks the top of her sneaker against the ground. “It’s not here. I swear I saw it.”
Fei squeezes her hand and Jia smiles again. Their own secret language.
They’re walking back down the stairs when Jia says, “Next time, I’ll take a picture.”
(She never does and Fei doesn’t ask why.)
---
A few weeks later, they're grocery shopping. Technically, Fei is doing most of the shopping, since Jia is there to lift heavy stuff just to be a little shit about it, despite the fact that her partner in crime has plenty of strength, thank you very much.
Jia swings her arms as she sighs, “What if I never see a UFO?”
When she drops an extra carton of ice cream into the cart, Fei leans over to pull it out and hand it back to her. Her eyes practically watering with fake, over dramatic tears, Jia pouts before tossing it back in. Fei hates how well that actually works these days.
“Lots of people never see UFOs.” She points out, glaring at Jia when she tries to stand on the edge of the cart. Immediately, she steps down, because Fei has a few tricks of her own.
“Whatever. When I see one and you're not there because you don't think aliens are real, you'll be sorry.”
“That hasn't stopped you from dragging me up to the roof whenever you see a shooting star.”
At that, Jia just turns to offer Fei one of her sleaziest smirks and states, “Someday, you'll believe me.”
(Fei doesn't tell Jia that if there's one thing she believes in, it's her unwavering dedication to these aliens and the space that lies between the planets. She doesn't tell Jia that she believes in her stubbornness and confidence so much that she'd jump between the planets with her, just so she could see Jia’s face when they pass every star.)
---
Fei can pinpoint the day Jia’s space obsession began, but this, this is something else entirely.
When Jia kisses her, it's always like she never has anywhere to be, like they can just do this for a few hours and no one will notice they're gone. This isn't entirely true, Fei knows, but something about the way Jia sighs into her mouth makes it feel so casual, so lazy but yet so real and almost fast, like they're driving on an open road to nowhere.
Fei and Jia drive together wherever they want, fingertips pressed lightly against skin and hearts pounding.
If she’s being honest, this started years ago, over time, like a whisper that became part of who she is, who they are. Fei and Jia. Like this, on the couch on an otherwise boring Saturday afternoon, or just standing near each other during an interview, hanging onto each other’s words as if they didn’t already know what the other was going to say. Jia and Fei.
If she’s being honest, she never wants this to end.
---
It’s hot in the practice room, even though it’s freezing outside. They have nothing in particular to practice, but Jia insists that they dance whenever they have the chance.
Tired, Fei sits on the floor in front of the couch in the corner of the room. With her legs tucked against her chest, she watches Jia lead Min and a few of their dancer friends through part of the choreography that they’re learning. Really, she just watches the way Jia moves like she was born for this and she knows it. This choreography is just for fun, but she puts her heart into it. She follows every move Min teaches her with intense concentration, but somehow she dances like herself.
“Having fun there?”
When Min sits next to her, Fei finally looks away to offer her an expression of irritation.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about her, actually.”
Fei tilts her head. “Who?”
Mocking her, Min tilts her head as well. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Too tired, Fei raises her eyebrows, encouraging Min to continue.
“Have you noticed that she’s a little, uh, spooky recently?”
Turning her attention back to Jia, Fei coughs and shifts before repeating, “‘Spooky’?
“Yesterday she asked me if I think we could be living on an alternate version of Earth because of wormholes or some shit like that.”
“Uh, you know her. She probably just thinks she’s being funny.”
Min sighs and stands up, stretching her arms out in front of her. Fei doesn’t look up.
“Yeah, whatever. Come back and dance with us again when you’re done being transparent as fuck.”
“Will do.”
---
When they're separated, the days feel like lightyears. Jia calls almost every night, insisting Fei stay awake until she falls asleep. Fei thinks of her, on another planet, floating through space.
She always thought these feelings would fade, the need and the attachment, but with things as a group up in the air, things between the two of them have become more essential. Their future in a group, that is like dark matter, she thinks to herself. It's uncertain and scary.
This, the feeling Fei gets when Jia falls asleep mid-sentence over video chat, isn't dark matter. This is real and this is for certain, it always has been.
And when Fei closes her eyes, she thinks of all that empty space in between Jia’s imaginary planet and her own. She considers all the ways she'd try to make it across: a rocket, a jet pack, a jump with a very long running start.
When Fei comes back to Korea and it doesn't take an entire space mission, just a short flight, she buries her face in Jia’s hair and remembers why this planet is her favorite.
---
“When the aliens come, I hope they're friendly,” Jia says one night, the top of her head pressed against Fei’s arm as they lie in bed. She's lying in some sprawled out position and Fei is too perplexed by how she can even be remotely comfortable to get mad about how much space she's using.
“Yeah, me too,” Fei agrees, for Jia’s sake. The image of Jia trying to offer an alien a gift with a perfectly wrapped bow and one of her sweetest smiles makes Fei smile a little too. She'd much rather get to see Jia smile forever than have to witness her getting vaporized by a lazer gun at the disgusting looking hands of an ugly, tiny green man.
Fei can't see her face, but she knows Jia looks contemplative now by the way she asks, “If they abduct us, you think they'll take us together?” This makes Fei smiles even more, but she quickly hides it.
“Probably, since you're always hanging around here,” She deadpans. It's true, but it's not like she exactly complains when Jia inexplicably shows up on nights like this only to hog her bed and drool on her pillows.
“If they do abduct me after you, I'll search their entire spaceship for you.” Fei whispers, because she would.
Jia is silent for a while, so silent that Fei thinks she may have fallen asleep. Her mind drifts until she hears a muffled mumble.
“Maybe they'll be scared.”
“The… aliens?”
“They'll be somewhere new. Earth is somewhere they've never been before. So maybe they'll be scared.”
“That makes sense.”
“And even if they learned about Earth it’ll still be different,” Jia rubs her nose on her sleeve and mumbles, “Even things they thought they understood will seem different when they actually get here.”
Fei raises her eyebrows. Jia doesn't look.
“I guess.”
“So when they're on Earth with us, doing normal things like shopping or cooking or sleeping or watching TV they'll feel scared because it's all new.”
It's then that Fei realizes this isn't about aliens trying to buy milk or grasp the concept of reality television. This is something else entirely. After all this time, they’ve never really had a serious conversation. Sure, they had talked about not seeing anyone else and which friends they’d tell, if any, but there wasn’t anything like this.
Jia shifts onto her back, watching the ceiling like she's seeing constellations in the paint. Slowly, Fei reaches over to rest her pinky finger on top of Jia’s.
Fei whispers, “It's okay that they’d be scared at first, but they don't have to be. If they're the kind and endearing, then the people on Earth will be excited,” Jia turns her palm up towards the ceiling, a silent request for Fei to hold her hand. She does before adding, “In fact, really, they shouldn't be scared at all, since the people on Earth have just been waiting for them to show up for a while now.”
She swears she hears Jia giggle and Fei feels warmth flood her ribs. After a quiet moment, she adds, “You didn’t… know?”
Jia rolls over. “I figured it out last week.”
Fei doesn’t even make fun of her. She simply turns herself over and kisses Jia, trying to tell her all the things she feels, felt, and will feel. When Jia kisses her back, she can practically sense the fear leaving her system.
When they separate, Fei leans closer to whisper in Jia’s ear.
“You’re really weird, you know that?”
Jia only laughs and kisses her again.