Don't Panic
It was later that afternoon when Elsa and Tanya finished their work for the inn-keeper Geralt. Though Elsa had fallen into the water, and Tanya slipped a few times afterwards, they both got a good laugh from it.
Elsa did not realize how cute Tanya’s laugh was. It was soft, not too loud but not too quiet. When she did, the princess always smiled big, showing off her straight teeth. Finally with sore arms, they headed back to the inn. Geralt, who was always working the front desk, thanked them again and again for their work.
“My lazy son von’t do eet. All he does ez seet around all day, he ez so lazy. One day he vill have to take over the inn, and realize vith life comes verk. Thank you again, usually pretty girls like yerselves would never do such a favor.”
Tanya blushed and moved closer to Elsa, her arm pressing against hers.
“No really it’s us who should be thanking you,” said Elsa. Though they were more than just two “pretty girls,” as put, she was not going to give away their identity.
“Vell, allow me to tip you girls somedeeng.”
“No really its okay, your generosity has been enough…” The queen held her hands up and laughed.
“Take dees,” in his palm he held a little sack of coins. It was enough to buy some new clothes, and maybe some food.
“I can’t take this,” Elsa paused, amazed at the gift. She felt Tanya tug on her hand behind her back with her own, as if to say "just take it." That alone convinced her to stop trying to be polite and accept the gift. “Thank you,” her small feminine hand took the sack out of Geralt’s callused covered hand.
When they had left the Squidside inn, Elsa counted how much Geralt had really “tipped” them.
“Five pieces of gold!? Are you serious??” Tanya leaned into the queen to get a better look.
“But why?”
“Maybe he was flirting with you,” the princess said playfully.
“I doubt it, the man looked kind of bored, not interested.”
“We can get new clothes for that! We can get a pack, and some food,” Tanya pointed out.
"It’s a good thing it’s not too late in the afternoon, or the market would be closed and we’d have no place to stay.”
“We could stay at the inn again,” Tanya suggested.
“If worse comes to worse, but I’d rather that we don’t take from the man anymore.”
They walked along the pier, close to one another. Tanya had not left Elsa’s side since they left the Squidside Inn, and Elsa rather liked it. The past few days, no, week, had been a whirlwind. Not just physically but emotionally. Elsa did not know what to feel. Her guilt was growing, from their escape from the pirate ship, and causing the death of an entire crew. The pirates could have taken other prisoners just like her and Tanya, but had no way of escaping. There could have been sailors on the ship forced to be pirates against their will. Even the men that had attempted to enslave them. Even they did not deserve to die. Elsa could not believe they died by her hand. Her heart was weakening from hording her horrible secret from Tanya. It was growing increasingly unbearable to keep inside, but she had to.
If Tanya knew what she did, what the potential of her magic was, that would break the girl’s trust. The princess would see her as an enemy, not a friend. A monster, not a protector. Someone dangerous, a murderer.
But being around the girl was doing something else to her heart. The growing feelings Elsa had for her were counteracting with the fact that she had experienced one of her worst fears. Her fear of becoming a monster once more was her sickness, but Tanya was her medicine.
Elsa suddenly believed she could fight the feeling of wanting to curl up into a ball, or lock herself in a room. This time she could take her fears head on in combat. This time when facing her fears, she wasn’t alone. Even if Tanya had no idea what she was going through or what she was feeling, Elsa was okay with that. Simply having someone there that cared, at least she thought so at least, was enough.
But she was also worried concerning her growing feelings. Sure, Elsa did not realize she would ever have feelings for a girl, or that they decided to reveal themselves so suddenly. If she could accept herself with having magical powers, she could certainly handle this. It was not a matter of was she okay with it, but would others be? How would Anna respond if I told her my feelings for Tanya? But she was far away from Arendelle and her responsibilities as queen. She did not expect to be taken out of her role as queen, her original plan was to find Tanya and bring her back to Arendelle. By saying yes to Tanya that she would accompany her to Aldyn, was she rejecting her throne and responsibilities?
No, she was simply fulfilling the promise she made…
But deep down, Elsa knew that was only partially true. Though she did not expect to be kidnapped by pirates and end up in a foreign land, she did have power over her decision of going back to Arendelle. But, very unlike herself, she chose the off-beam choice and she knew it. But somehow, she just could not say no.
The two girls walked into a small store which sold clothing. They decided if they were going to leave that evening, they would need different clothes, not the ripped up dresses they were wearing under their cloaks. As soon as they walked in, they were swarmed by different dresses for different occasions, all on display. The queen knew right away she desired something practical for travel and comfort, nothing too fancy or which said she was of nobility.
As she saw a simple, basic blue dress with a light blue floral pattern, Tanya separated from her, going to the other side of the store. The dress was a slightly different style than that of an Arendelle dress. The pattern towards the bottom of the skirt had a more vibrant pattern, which was quite lovely. Though the dress had an off-shoulder neckline, it had long bishop style sleeves. A large white stripe with a pattern flowed down the middle. The skirt length fell a few inches above her ankles. Though it wasn’t Arendelle fashion, it looked as if it would fit similarly to her dresses at home. The rest of the dresses in the store were nothing like she would normally wear.
She raised her head and searched the store to see where Tanya ventured off to. Farther in the back she saw the princess looking at tunics and pants. Specifically a black pair of pants, a red shirt, and a thick black belt to go around the waist. The hue of red made the color of the girl’s silky light brown hair pop. It was definitely her color, not that somber dark green hue she wore at the ball. Tanya’s fingertips gently observed the rose pattern, and smiled in approval. Though she was a bit surprised to see the princess going for more masculine clothes, it made sense when they were going to be traveling for a while. Tanya saw Elsa’s stare and from the edges of her lips creaked a smile. Tanya was definitely studying what Elsa’s choice of wear was, and it made her sweat.
What if the dress did not look good on her? Or what if Tanya did not like it? Or more importantly, why did she even care about how she dressed in front of her?
It made Elsa’s head hurt.
Okay so I like Tanya, I think I can handle that now. But why do I feel the need to be perfect in front of her?
But in some aspects, she needed to be stronger. There was no way she was going to let Tanya know what happened on board the pirate ship. If she knew what happened, not only would she fear Elsa but run away from her like in the beginning. And Elsa didn’t know if she could handle someone disappearing from her life again.
A sweat came upon her body, as her topaz blue eyes were still fixed on the dress. Tanya could never know she was a murderer, that she not only killed one, but nearly a hundred men. If Elsa was able to control her powers, yet be unable to stop that from happening, what could Tanya’s fire do? To have that fear and actually become a monster, a lesser human being, was too much to handle. Elsa was queen of Arendelle, blessed and cursed with magical powers, and had unwillingly become a killer. She couldn’t block it out or deny it anymore. Elsa’s hands started to shake.
If she did not have powers, she would have never have killed anyone. None of this mess would have ever happened. She had never fully hated her powers, they were just another part of her, like the barely-there freckles which dusted her cheeks. Growing up, her problem wasn’t hating her own powers. Rather it was others not accepting them, accepting her. But now…
Elsa looked down at her sweating hands. She hated them. She wished it was not a part of her. The Duke of Weaselton was right for calling her a monster a year ago, maybe even predicting what was to eventually come. They were the reason why she was different, a monster, and a murderer. It scared her senseless.
Tanya was coming towards Elsa, but the queen hardly gave her recognition as she fainted and fell to the ground. The last thing she heard was Tanya’s voice calling the woman at the counter for help.
Anna rode on Sven the reindeer’s back as they trekked through the forest. Olaf was on her lap happily keeping the princess company to relieve their boredom. He was funny at times, but one thing the snowman was good at was keeping a conversation. Or at least constantly talking. It distracted her from missing Kristoff so much, after leaving him behind in Arendelle. She missed his huge arms which gently held her close. His reassuring voice that not only made him seem confident, but made her feel confident as well.
“...And then Elsa one time let me have a whole mug of this delicious concoction called hot chocolate…”
If Anna could not think about Kristoff, it was always about her sister. Olaf, made by Elsa herself, was not going to let the princess forget her sister. Along the path made by travelers before them, Olaf told the two several stories about times he had spent with Elsa. He was sharing with them both his favorite story in particular, about when he tried chocolate for the first time.
“Who knew chocolate could be hot?” He exclaimed with a childish wonder.
Sven just grunted back at him.
He was not uncomfortable or bothered with her and Olaf riding on his back. But Anna could tell that the reindeer missed his best friend back at home. It was rather obvious, the way he was so quiet and his head drooped low. Olaf even told him “speak up Sven” a few times, before continuing to talk.
Olaf’s stories gave her determination. She was going to find her sister and bring her back to Arendelle. She would not stop until she did.
The birds flew low up ahead in the distance, leading the way for them to follow. While flying they would circle around each other, and during breaks they would huddle next to one another. Though the magic emanating from the birds clashed and created steam, they ignored the fact they were slowly extinguishing each other while doing so. Olaf was always so charmed by the birds, and the way they interacted with each other. Like his stories, maybe they were a reminder of Elsa for him.
Anna was so oblivious to her surroundings, she hardly saw the traveler on horseback ahead. It was until the stranger was a few feet in front of their group, that Anna took notice.
“Oh! Hello there,” she said, initiating the greeting.
“Hello to you as well,” the man said back.
“So, how long is the road really?” Anna chuckled.
“I’d say you could probably make it to the closest town in about a day or so, depending on weather conditions.”
It occurred to Anna this could be a good opportunity to ask about her sister. “Have you seen or heard of two ladies traveling together east?” At least she thought they were going east, that was the direction the birds were flying anyway.
The stranger was observing their unusual traveling party before he spoke. “I haven’t seen anyone at all on these roads, except for you few. In the town I stopped at however, there was a strange rumor going around. Maybe you would know something of it.”
“Why is that?”
The traveler simply pointed at the two birds sitting in the tree and to Olaf. “According to what I’ve heard, a trade ship sunk at sea by freezing. Only a handful of sailors survived, but they described the ship becoming like a block of pure ice. That magical bird and snowman you’ve got there reminded me of it.”
Anna knew it was her sister.
“Really, were these sailors from the east?”
“Yes just over the mountains and through the valley. They were at the town I stopped at while I picked up supplies. I’m sorry, I haven’t heard of your two friends. Friends, am I correct?”
Anna could tell he was a little suspicious of her. The way he worded his question made it so he was trying to learn more about her, without bluntly asking her more personal questions. This stranger was beating around the bush, and that made Anna uncomfortable. She could tell Sven was wary as well, by the way he had his head cocked to the side. Anna was passively yet politely going to make her getaway.
“Yeah… They’re just friends.” Wrong one of them she hardly knew, and the other was her sister, the queen. “Well thanks for your time, but we should be on our way. Right Sven?”
The reindeer made a loud grunt in agreement, and started walking forward and past the man.
“Anytime,” he dipped his head and made eye contact with the princess. His eyes looked hungry. Yet he made his way in the opposite direction. Once they were out of his hearing range, Olaf exclaimed, “That man was kind of creepy!”
“Shhh don’t be so loud or he’ll hear you.”
“Sven didn’t care for him that much either, did you buddy?” The reindeer just shook his head to affirm Olaf's assumption.
“Well, at least he was nice enough to tell us what he heard down the road. Now we know we’re not simply following a random path… at least I think.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, the birds know where Elsa and Tanya are. If they didn’t they wouldn’t be leading us to them, right?”
“I guess you are right,” Anna smiled. “But I do agree, there was something strange about that man.”
She wished Kristoff was there to reverse it on herself, that there was something strange about her riding a reindeer followed by magical birds and a snowman. Of course the traveler was curious about them, he probably had never seen anything like them in his life.
Anna missed her fiancé. She wished Kristoff was here with her.
Just as she was thinking these things, the crew made their way out the other side of the mountain range.
It was the same dream again. Dead bodies floating everywhere in the water. This time though the bodies were frozen in large cubes of ice. Elsa could not close her eyes to the sight, they were frozen open. She tried running away in the empty space, but when she tried to move her legs and feet, they were frozen in place as well. She was stuck, stuck in her own dream and forced to relive her worst nightmare again. All she could do in response was cry. Chilled tears streamed down her face and turned into liquid fire on her face. She drank her tears down as they drowned her face, and it made her delirious. Elsa could not think. She could barely feel any emotion anymore besides the painful tears, glossing over her eyes and covering her face. Her thoughts were just as choppy as her feelings. She tried wiping her tear-stained cheeks with her hand, which was surprisingly warm to the touch.
"Elsa."
She heard her name, though she couldn’t make out the voice.
"Elsa."
There it was again. The blonde was confused. She could still feel the warmth of her hand on her cheeks. It was comforting.
"Elsa… it will be okay."
She could feel a new warmth all over her body. It melted her bad dream, her nightmare which became reality. It melted her soul, every segment in her body. This was new. It felt… good.
Her eyes opened. Immediately she sensed she was on the ground, and her head was in someone’s lap. Her forehead felt heavy, just like the rest of her body.
“She woke up, do you have any water?”
It was that voice again, a female voice.
Was she talking to me? No, it didn’t sound like she was.
A shadow cast upon Elsa and she heard the young woman say, “Thank you.”
Elsa moved her eyes up just slightly to see the young woman who spoke from above, which so happened to be Tanya. She was staring down into her eyes. But it was not a harsh or critical stare, far from it.
“Hey there,” Tanya spoke directly to her.
Elsa just blinked, not breaking off her glance.
“You fainted.”
Her stomach churned. Did she really? How embarrassing.
Tanya took the rag in her available hand, the other helping prop up Elsa’s head, and dipped it in a bowl of warm water. She wrung it, and began stroking Elsa’s face, including wiping underneath her eyes. It felt so good in so many different ways.
“You were crying while you blacked out.” Tanya moved her hand holding Elsa’s head, and adjusted her position slightly. With her fingers, she started gently caressing Elsa’s light blonde hair.
Elsa and Tanya reoriented themselves, and plopped on top of a couch. A door was partially open, and observed that it led to the front of the store.
Tanya could see her slight confusion. “The lady working at the counter saw what happened, and helped me move you to the couch in the back. Luckily she didn’t kick us out for creating a scene in front of customers. Luckily there were no customers besides us, so had to help us.”
Elsa, feeling like she was constantly humiliating herself in front of the girl, tried to sit up. Though her head still felt heavy and dizzy, she could manage it. Who knows how long she had passed out for? It was most likely too late for them to head out on the road. And it was all because she had a nervous breakdown and fainted.
But she felt a touch, a hand resting itself on her shoulder. Tanya’s hand slightly tugged on her shoulder, as if to say “lay back down.” Elsa followed her orders, resting on Tanya's lap as the hand encouraged her to do. Her fingertips continued running through her hair, as the washcloth fell back stroking her face. It sent a chill through her blood.
“You’ve been taking care of me this whole time… so let me take care of you this time.”
Her storm in her eyes were thrashing as she spoke. Elsa nuzzled slightly into her hand. It was warm, comforting, yet new.
The queen smiled. She was alright with that.