Chapter 23
“Clarke?”
Clarke stirred, but didn’t open her eyes.
“Clarke, hey, wake up.”
The sound of Abby’s voice was soothing, just like when Clarke was a little kid and her mother woke her from a nightmare.
“Come on, honey, you need to wake up or your back is going to kill you!”
Clarke opened her eyes. At first she was clueless as to where she was, but then she remembered.
“Lexa?”
“She’s fine. Still sleeping. Look, she’s over there.”
Clarke wiped the sleep from her eyes. She was lying on a sofa in one of the hospital’s private rooms. She turned her head and there she was. Lexa. Still pale, but the monitor showed a steady heartbeat and all the vital signs were well within limits.
“How did I get here?”
Abby looked at her.
“You were exhausted. We thought it would be best if we let you sleep in here.”
“You gave me a sedative, didn’t you?”
Clarke sat up.
“Yes.”
Clarke looked at the monitor again.
“I shot someone …”
Abby sat down next to her and took her hand.
“I know.”
“I killed him. I didn’t even hesitate.”
“Bellamy and Anya told me. It was self-defense, honey.”
“It doesn’t … make it any less bad, does it?.”
She frowned.
Abby put her arm around Clarke’s shoulders.
“You had no choice. He would have killed Lexa.”
She kissed her daughter’s temple.
“I would have done the same thing.”
It was merely a whisper.
“I don’t know how I feel about it. I killed someone …”
Clarke looked at her mother.
“I swore an oath to save lives … I just … don’t feel anything, right now. When he pointed the gun at her …”
She took a deep breath and clenched her teeth.
“I didn’t hesitate for one second. I would do it again in a heartbeat. What does that make me?”
“Human.”
Abby pulled her into a hug.
“You don’t have to force this, Clarke, and you don’t have to deal with it alone. We will get you any help you need, okay?”
Clarke nodded.
She looked at Lexa.
“Has she woken up yet?”
“No. But she will soon. She’s tough.”
Abby got up.
“I need to make the rounds. Will you be okay? Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you anything?”
“No. Thanks, Mum. … Where is Anya?”
“She is talking to the detective.”
“I guess, I better give him a statement, too.”
“You already did.”
“I did?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No.”
Clarke shook her head.
“But as I am not in cuffs I guess I did okay?”
Abby smiled.
“Detective Miller seems to be satisfied with all the witness accounts so far. He also appears to be a little embarrassed that Anya and Lexa managed to do what the police couldn’t. They arrested Nia Queen at the airport half an hour ago.”
“That’s good, I guess? What happened to the women? And how is Monty?”
“Monty is fine. Just a little headache. The women are home with their families. There is nothing you have to take care of now, Clarke. Just be with Lexa, okay?”
Clarke nodded. There was a chair next to Lexa’s bed and she sat down in it.
Her mother quietly closed the door.
Clarke looked at Lexa and reached for her hand. This was probably what people called “coming full circle”. When she had first seen Lexa she was a patient with a bullet wound. And even though it didn’t take her much time to realize that the woman was special she would never have thought that only a few months later she would sit at her bedside again, holding her hand and loving her with every fibre of her being.
“Lexa? Baby, please wake up.”
Her hand gently caressed Lexa’s cheek. She didn’t get any reaction, but she kept on talking anyway. She needed to get it out.
“I was scared, Lexa. When he pointed the gun at you … I didn’t think. I just shot him. The idea … The thought of losing you … ” She clenched her jaw so much, it hurt. “I love you. I really hope that you can find some peace now. I really hope … I can’t be afraid of losing you all the time. It hurts too much. I know your job isn’t necessarily safe, but stuff like this … I don’t know how much of it I can take.”
She sighed.
“Don’t worry, I’m not breaking up with you. I never could …”
There were a few tears on her cheek and she hastily wiped them away. She looked at the monitor. She should go and check up on Anya. Lexa would probably be out for another hour or two. She placed a kiss on Lexa’s hand and got up.
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
It was only when Clarke was gone that Lexa opened her eyes. She blinked a few times and finally settled on staring at the ceiling. She had a decision to make.