Chapter 15
“So?”
“So what?”
“Do you think she’ll like it?”
Clarke looked at the dinner table she set up. She was so nervous that Lexa couldn’t help, but laugh.
“Relax, Clarke, it’s only my sister coming over.”
It was Friday and they had spent the last few days in a state one could only call domestic bliss. On Monday Clarke would start to work again. Lexa was determined to talk to her about their living arrangements before that. She didn’t want to pressure her girlfriend, but she clearly wanted her to stay. She felt so grounded and calm right now, she was afraid how she would feel without Clarke around.
“Your sister, who is as intimidating as they come.”
“My sister who once cried for two days straight when she found a dead sparrow on our front lawn.”
“That was probably decades ago.”
“Maybe. But she hasn’t changed that much.”
Lexa took a peek through the oven door. The lasagne looked perfect.
The doorbell rang and Lexa answered.
“Hey, An! You’re right on time. Dinner is ready.”
She took her sister’s jacket and hung it on the rack.
“May I officially introduce you to Clarke Griffin, doctor extraordinaire and … my girlfriend.”
She blushed a little when she said it, cause the words were still knew to her.
Anya laughed and held out her hand for Clarke to shake.
“It is a pleasure to formally meet you at last, Clarke. Thank you for saving my little sister and putting up with her … headstrong character.”
Clarke shook her hand and laughed.
“Oh, she’s not that bad.”
Lexa shook her head at both of them.
“I’ll leave you to your five minutes of teaming up on me and take care of dinner instead. An, beer or wine? Or did you drive here?”
“No, I took a cab, so wine would be nice.”
Lexa left them and Anya looked at Clarke.
“So tell me, Clarke, what are your intentions with my sister? Are you able to provide for her?”
Clarke crunched her eyebrows and Anya laughed.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You look so serious. I promise, I’m not going to bite you. In fact I very much approve of this union.”
“Oh, shut up, An. You’re scaring her.”
Lexa called out from the kitchen, but Clarke grinned.
“You know, Anya, I actually like to be a kept woman. Staying at this marvelous apartment, having my own personal chef … I could get used to that.”
Lexa reappeared from the kitchen, carrying two glasses of wine that she handed over to the women.
“You’re impossible. Both of you. Now sit down or I’ll eat the damn lasagne on my own.”
The evening was nice. Once Clarke got to know Anya she realized that Lexa was right. She wasn’t as tough as she appeared. In fact she was funny and very, very smart. In the middle of a long discussion about van Gogh Lexa got up to make coffee. She watched her sister and her girlfriend talk about paintings and brush techniques and it made her smile. She was happy. For the first time in what seemed like forever she was happy.
–------
“It wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Lexa loaded the dishwasher while Clarke poured them another glass of wine. She felt a little tipsy and it made her think about the last time she drank alcohol. It had been to drown out the pain.
She looked at Clarke and smiled.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s just that I liked how much you clicked with An. It was a very nice evening.”
Clarke came closer and handed her one of the glasses.
“Yes, it was. I like your sister. … Not as much as I like you though.”
She grinned and kissed her.
“Shall we reconvene on the couch?”
“I’d like that.”
Lexa followed her and sat down next to her on the couch, putting her legs up on the coffee table.
“Listen, Clarke, there is something I want to talk to you about.”
“Oh?”
Clarke tensed up a little and Lexa put her hand on her girlfriend’s leg.
“No, nothing of the overly serious sort. It’s just … you’ve basically been living here for the last weeks and …”
“Oh god, Lexa. Of course. You need some space. I should …”
Lexa laughed.
“Clarke. Let me finish. Please?”
“Okay?”
“What I wanted to say was … I’d love for you to move in with me.”
She looked at Clarke and was surprised by her own courage.
“I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks and everything was pretty intense. But I can’t imagine being without you. Not here, not at all. … I’m sorry. I know this is all pretty fast, but …”
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
Clarke smiled.
“I would love to move in with you. You’re right. It’s all really, really fast, but I … the idea of being in my apartment … It doesn’t feel right. This …” She pointed at the bookshelves and the kitchen and Lexa. “This feels right. So if you want me to I would be happy to stay here. I insist on paying rent though.”
Lexa laughed.
“I don’t pay rent. I own the apartment.”
“I know, then I’ll pay half of any other running costs. Is that fair?”
“Totally.”
“And I have one more thing.”
Lea looked at her.
“Yes?”
“There is something about me that you might not know yet. … I paint. And I need space for that. So if it’s okay for you I would like to make use of the guest room. The windows are big enough. I like the light that comes in and …”
“Anything, Clarke.” Lexa laughed. “I will give you anything you want.”
It took her a second to realize just how much she meant it.
–------
Lexa got out of her car. She was in a particularly good mood. The sun was shining. It was Clarke’s and her three months anniversary and she was about to take her girlfriend out. She had everything planned. Dinner, movie, dancing. She hadn’t done this in a very long time. In two hours Clarke would be back from her shift at the hospital and hopefully be surprised by the present that Lexa got her.
“Ms. Woods?”
“Detective Miller? What are you doing here?”
Lexa closed her car door and looked at the man who was crossing the street to meet her.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I should speak to you. Our company’s lawyer is handling any further requests.”
“I know. I know.”
He looked at her.
“I am just following up on a few things that your company has been involved in and I thought you could give me some insight in a case.”
Lexa sighed.
“And what might that be?”
His face didn’t give anything away and Lexa tried to figure out on whose side the man was.
“Your fiancée’s murder.”
Lexa’s hand tightened around the car key.
“My fiancée died in a car crash.”
“That is true, but as you know there seems to be a little bit more to that. … Maybe we can take a walk or have a coffee?”
“I am fine right here.”
She stared at him and felt her heart rate pick up. This couldn’t be happening.
She heard the man sigh.
“Okay. … You are aware that the car your fiancée was driving in belonged to your sister?”
“Yes.”
He waited for her to add anything and when she didn’t he kept on going.
“Her car was in the shop, you were out of town and your sister gave her her car?”
“Yes.”
A bee landed on her car. Lexa looked at it. It seemed out of place and so very slow. Everyone around her seemed to move in slow-motion, too.
“I found the files on your fiancée’s death when I researched your current case. It seems like the breaks of the car had been tampered with.”
He looked at her and suddenly his expression changed to genuine concern.
“… You didn’t know?”
Lexa stared at him and blinked.
“I … I am sorry, Detective. Can we … I need to go.”
“Ms. Woods …”
“Not now, okay? I need to go.”
She opened the car door and got inside. She noticed that he was about to open the door from the outside to stop her, but she locked it. She saw his face. His mouth was forming words, but she couldn’t hear him. She put the key into the ignition and started. The engine came alive with a roar.
She told herself to breathe. She knew she wasn’t in the state to drive. She should stop the engine and wait until she had calmed down. She drove onto the street anyway. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic.
She took a look into the rearview mirror and saw Detective Miller standing on the sidewalk. He was shaking his head, but he didn’t follow her.
–------
Anya was startled when the door to her office flew open and Lexa stormed in. Over her sister’s shoulder she saw the apologetic smile of her secretary. Lexa slammed the door behind her.
“How could you not tell me?!”
Anya stood up.
“How could I not tell you what?”
Lexa was obviously furious.
“What? That Costia’s death wasn’t an accident! Or is there something else of that magnitude that you didn’t tell me as well?”
Anya sighed. How the hell had she found out?
“Lexa …”
“No!”
Lexa started pacing in front of the desk and then stopped again.
“How could you not tell me, Anya? Someone killed her! Someone killed …”
She stared at her and Anya didn’t know how to react. She walked around the desk.
“I didn’t know how …”
“You didn’t know how?! Are you fucking kidding me?”
“You were in no state …”
Lexa closed the distance between them and stood alarmingly close. For a second Anya expected her to hit her, but Lexa just glared at her.
“They didn’t want to kill Costia, did they? It was your car.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t tell my, cause you thought I would hold you responsible.”
“No, Lexa, I …”
“I don’t care, An. I want to know who.”
Anya felt the cold creep up her spine. This was exactly why she hadn’t told her sister. It wasn’t, because she was afraid she might blame her. It was, because she knew Lexa would be out for revenge.
She took a step back.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t lie to me, Anya. You were never good at that.”
The cold in Lexa’s voice was scary, but Anya didn’t back away.
“I am serious, Lexa. There are a few people who are suspects, but I cannot give you their names and let you go out and kill all of them.”
Lexa didn’t relax. She didn’t stop to stare at her, so Anya kept on talking.
“I didn’t tell you, because I was afraid of this. Exactly this situation. I was afraid that the pain you felt would unload in a thirst for revenge.”
“So you watched me drink myself to death instead?”
Lexa let out a small, scary chuckle.
“I didn’t know what else to do, Lexa. What would you have me done?”
She had never seen so much anger in her sister’s face, but she kept on talking.
“I was afraid you might go after them and get yourself killed … or get yourself into prison. You were in no state to deal with this kind of information. I mean, look at you! It’s been almost one and a half years. You are with Clarke. You claim to love her and still you’re standing in my office looking like you’re about to go on a killing spree! Do you really think it would have been wise for me to tell you?”
“You could have told me later.”
Anya laughed, but it sounded bitter.
“When? When you were drinking yourself into a stupor? Or when left literally in the middle of the night to join the army hoping for bullet to hit you?”
Lexa blinked and Anya saw her opening.
“You were in no state to deal with this information, Lexa. At no point during that year. … I was going to tell you. In fact I have a new lead. But then I saw you with Clarke and I thought that maybe this should be my burden to carry. Maybe I should leave you out of this so you can be happy again. You deserve to be happy, Lexa!”
Lexa blinked some more and Anya put her hands on her sister’s shoulders.
“Maybe I should have told you. Maybe you had the right to know … but I was scared, Lexa. I was scared that you might unravel. So I made a decision and I stand by it. … I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry.”
There were tears in Lexa’s eyes now and she rubbed them away half-heartedly.
“Were they after you or me? … The people who killed her.”
“Does that really matter?”
Lexa nodded, but she wasn’t sure anymore.
“They were after the both of us, I guess.”
When Lexa looked up, Anya’s heart broke for her.
She pulled her close and Lexa let her.
“I promise that we will find them and bring them to justice, but please, Lexa, you have to promise me you won’t be going rogue on this one. Promise me.”
“Anya, I …”
Anya let go of her and shook her head.
“No ‘buts’ on this one, kid. You have to promise me. You can’t do that to me and you can’t do that to Clarke. You took a responsibility when you asked her to move in. You are not going to forget that. I won’t let you ruin your life over this.”
Lexa looked at her.
“I loved Costia, too.”
“I know that, kiddo. And I loved her like a sister. I swear to you that this will not go unanswered and I won’t be doing anything without you from now on, but you will not get revenge, Lexa. You know damn well, that Costia wouldn’t want you to. That’s not who she was. … What was it that she always said?”
“Blood does not always have to answer blood.”
„Exactly. … Sometimes inflicting severe physical pain must be enough.“