Chapter 7
“I’m sorry.”
“What would you be sorry for?”
“For dragging you into my personal mess?”
Lexa looked at Clark who was sitting next to her on a bench in the waiting area.
“There is nothing that you would have to be sorry for, Clarke. I am glad that you trusted me enough to let me stay.”
Clarke nodded and blinked away a tear.
“I have no idea what I am supposed to do now.”
Lexa turned a little to face her directly.
“Well, I might be of some assistance.”
Clarke raised her eyebrows.
“How?”
“I don’t know if Bellamy has mentioned this, but my sister and I … we have a company that specializes in private security.”
Clarke smiled sadly. “I’m afraid I don’t have the financial means to employ a bodyguard, Lexa.”
Lexa smiled back at her. “Who talked about you paying for one?”
“But …”
“No ‘But’, Clarke. You saved my life. The least I can do is to make sure that you are safe.”
Clarke thought about it.
“I don’t know. Having somebody around me 24/7 sounds kind of weird.”
“Oh, it’s just until we figure out how to deal with the situation.”
“And by that you mean how to deal with Finn?”
“Yes.”
Clarke looked at Lexa whose voice showed no sign of hesitation. She had a feeling that it wasn’t a good thing to be on Lexa’s bad side.
“We could put Bellamy on your personal detail. Would that make you feel better?”
“Probably.”
“Okay, that’s settled then.” Lexa took a look at her watch.
“I have a feeling that my sister has forgotten to pick me up.”
She reached for her cell phone and dialed Anya’s number.
“Anya? Where are you? Oh, really? And you couldn’t just call me? No. It’s okay. I can get a cab. Really, it’s no big deal. I’ll call you later.”
Clarke looked at her. “She can’t make it?”
“Obviously something extremely important got in the way.”
Clarke got up and held out her hand.
“Come on, I’ll drive you.”
Lexa looked at her.
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. At least this way I’m going to find out where you live.”
--
Lexa’s apartment was on the Upper East Side close to the Metropolitan Museum and Clarke whistled quietly when she stopped her mother’s car in front of the red brick building.
“This is where you live?”
“Yes.”
“Isn’t the rent in this area unbelievably high?”
“I wouldn’t know. It’s my apartment.”
Clarke stared at her.
“Are you rich or something?”
Lexa smiled.
“Let’s say that our company is doing well and that I am not poor and leave it at that. Do you want to come up?”
Clarke hesitated.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to Clarke, but it wasn’t a code for anything.”
Clarke blushed. “I wasn’t thinking … I didn’t … I would like to come up, thank you.”
Thank you? What the hell did she just say?
“Anya said she bought some groceries for me. Maybe I can make us an omelet or something.”
“You can cook?”
“I do.”
Clarke grinned. “You really are a catch, aren’t you, Ms. Woods?”
This time Lexa blushed and Clarke noticed it with a satisfied smile.
She got out of the car and followed Lexa inside. The building was old, but well maintained and there was even a doorman. Lexa smiled at him, introduced Clarke and they exchanged a few sentences of small talk.
Lexa’s apartment was on the top floor. When they reached it Clarke realized that there was only one door.
“It’s the penthouse?”
Lexa looked at her.
“I never thought about it that way. It’s not like this building has twenty floors. But yes, I guess you could call it that.” She took the key from her pocket and opened the door, then she hesitated.
“Are you okay?” Clarke looked at her.
Lexa nodded. “Yes. It’s just … I have to slay some demons of my own.”
She made one more step and was inside, Clarke followed.
The apartment was beautiful, with brick walls and hardwood floors. The windows were huge and reached all the way down to the floor. To Clarke’s right there was an open kitchen with a counter, to her left an old and comfy looking leather couch and a matching armchair. The set was completed by a small coffee table and a flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall.
There were books all over the apartment. A lot of them were stacked neatly on shelves, others were scattered all over the place. Clarke liked the vibe the room had. She liked it a lot.
Lexa made her way to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
“Okay, I can work with that.”
She took out all the ingredients she needed and looked at Clarke.
“I’m going to make dinner and you can look around if you want to.”
“I don’t want to pry.”
“It’s not prying if I tell you to look around, Clarke.” Lexa smiled.
“Well, maybe you can tell me where your bathroom is?”
“Sure. Down the hall, second door to your right.”
Clarke smiled and left Lexa to her cooking. The bathroom was small, but held a shower as well as a bathtub. It was also really neat. Clarke smiled. The whole apartment seemed to fit Lexa like a glove.
When she went back to the kitchen she passed what seemed to be the bedroom. The door was only half closed and so Clarke took a peak. There was a beautiful king size bed with an ornate headboard that looked like it was antique. On both sides of the bed there were small tables. On one of them there were more books and lamp. The other was empty.
Clarke went inside. A huge wardrobe took up the whole of the opposite wall. It was white and modern, but fit the room perfectly. Clarke looked around some more and realized that the room felt weirdly unoccupied. She knew that Lexa had been away for a few months, but it didn’t seem like anyone had been in here for a longer time than that.
A group of framed photographs caught her attention. They hung on the wall on the other side of the bed. In two of them Anya was smiling at the camera, in others there were people Clarke didn’t know, but the majority of the pictures focused on Lexa and a beautiful young woman with an infectious smile. She had dark curls and brown eyes that looked at Lexa like she was her everything. Lexa herself looked relaxed and happy. Like she was at peace with the world, because she had found love and intended to keep it. Clarke felt the slightest hint of jealousy and blushed by the pure thought of it. She turned around only to find Lexa standing in the doorframe. Clarke felt like she had been caught red-handed.
“I’m sorry, I …”
“It’s okay, Clarke. I told you to look around.” Lexa looked across the room. “I haven’t been in here for quite a while.”
“Why? It’s a beautiful room.”
“Yes, it is.” Lexa’s eyes locked on her. “I haven’t been sleeping in her since my fiancée died.”
Clarke stood in the middle of the room and didn’t know how to react. She knew about Lexa’s fiancée, but she had a feeling that Lexa needed to tell her herself, so she waited.
Lexa inhaled deeply, before she began to speak.
“Her name was Costia and I loved her more than anything. She died in a car crash about a year ago … well, not exactly. She died some time later in the hospital.”
She looked to the floor like it was hard for her to focus on anything else.
“I couldn’t deal with it. I started drinking … anything to numb the pain. I couldn’t be in here. I couldn’t be in the apartment or this city. That’s why I left.”
“I am so sorry, Lexa.”
Lexa looked up and her eyes found Clarke's. “I sleep in the guest room. It’s across the hall.” She turned around and walked away. Clarke followed her.
The guest room was small and held nothing more than a bed and a small wardrobe. There was a small stack of books next to the bed and Clarke smiled a little.
“You do love to read, don’t you?”
“I do.”
Lexa stood in the middle of the room and looked around.
“Maybe it is time I sleep in the bedroom again.” She sighed. “It’s a little stupid not to use it and the bed’s way more comfortable than this.”
She focused on Clarke again.
“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to kill the mood.”
Clarke reached for her hand. She surprised herself when she did it, but it felt right. “You didn’t kill anything. I am grateful that you told me. It must be hard for you.”
Lexa gave her the tiniest smile, but it didn’t quiet reach her eyes.
“I guess I’m damaged goods.”
Clarke could see a myriad of emotions at once in Lexa’s eyes. She wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but didn’t know how. So she just smiled.
“Well, then I guess so am I.”
Suddenly Clarke’s nose picked up a weird scent. Lexa smelled it too.
“Damn it, the omelet!”
--
“It was good.”
“I burnt it.”
“Only parts of it and it was my fault.”
“I am the cook, it was my responsibility.”
“You really want to argue over who is responsible for burning the omelet?”
“Maybe.” Lexa smiled.
“Well, okay then, I give up. It was entirely your fault.”
Clarke grinned. She felt comfortable sitting in Lexa’s kitchen talking, but she knew she’d have to go home at some point. Both of them were tired after a long day of travel and the needed their sleep, so she got up.
“It’s late. I should go.”
Lexa got up, too.
“Clarke, Bellamy will be with you tomorrow, but I would feel much better if you wouldn’t spend the night alone at your place. Is there anywhere else you could go? Your mum’s?”
“My mum is working. I’d be alone there and Finn knows the address.”
“That’s a no then.”
“Well, but I can always crash at Raven’s.”
“That sounds like a plan. I will call Bellamy and make sure he’s with you first thing tomorrow.”
“Not too soon, please. I don’t think I’ll be awake before noon.”
Lexa grinned. “Okay, then I’ll tell him that.”
She looked at Clarke.
“Are you sure you’re fine? I mean, you could always stay here if you wanted to …”
“Yes, Lexa, I am fine. We both know that you need your rest as well and I won’t spend the night alone in my apartment. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Clarke grabbed her cell phone and her car keys and headed for the door. She stopped abruptly and Lexa almost smashed into her.
“When will I see you … I mean … will I see you again?”
Lexa smiled at her softly.
“Do you want to?”
“Yes.”
Lexa took Clarke’s cell phone from her hands and started to type.
“My cell and my home number. I would love for you to call me.”
Clarke blushed a little bit and she was mad about it.
“I will.”
“Good.”
--
“Reyes, where the hell are you?”
“At work. What’s up, Clarke?”
“At work? What work?”
“At the job I got after you left, Griffin. I’m a bartender now. A girl needs to pay her rent.”
Clarke stared at Raven’s closed apartment door. “When will you be home?”
“I don’t know? Around four? The place is pretty packed.”
Clarke cursed under her breath.
“Why what is up?”
“I had hoped I could crash at your place tonight.”
“What’s wrong with yours?”
“That’s a long story. One that I will tell you the next time I see you.”
“Sorry, Clarke. Why don’t you call O? I guess she is home.”
“Yeah, but so is Lincoln.”
“Uh, yes, I forgot. They’ll probably have sex the whole night and you don’t want to be there when that happens.” Clarke could here voices on the other end of the line and Raven got distracted for a second. “Hey, you could always come around here?”
“Thanks, but I really need to sleep. I’ll just go home.”
“Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent.”
“Okay, Griffin, call me tomorrow, okay?”
“Will do.” Clarke hung up. She considered calling Bellamy, but he was probably asleep by now. She thought about going back to Lexa’s place for a minute and then decided to just go home. One more night alone in her apartment wouldn’t kill her. At least that’s what she hoped.
She found a parking spot outside her building and searched for her key, but found the door of the building open anyway. Her damn neighbors never bothered to lock it like they were supposed to. Clarke went upstairs to the third floor and down the hall where she lived. When she approached her door she saw that something was lying on her doormat. When she got there she saw that it was a single red rose. It was beautiful and it looked fresh. Next to it there was a card. Clarke looked around and when she didn’t see anyone she bent down to pick it up.
“Welcome home, honey. See you soon.”
--
Lexa groaned. She had fallen asleep only minutes ago and now somebody was hammering at her front door. She got up and put a shirt on.
“I’m on my way! What the …?”
Clarke was shaking like a leaf.
“Clarke?”
Lexa grabbed her hands and pulled her inside.
“What is wrong?”
Clarke didn’t answer. Her eyes were unfocused. Lexa cupped the woman’s face with her hands to make her look at her.
“Hey! It’s okay. You are absolutely safe here. What happened?”
“There was a rose …”
“Where?”
“On my doormat. Raven wasn’t home so I …”
She shuddered.
“It’s okay, Clarke. You are safe now.”
Lexa cursed herself for letting Clarke leave in the first place.
“So there was a rose?”
Clarke nodded. “Yes.”
“Anything else?”
Clarke looked at her. “Yes.”
“What was it, Clarke?”
The woman took a step back and Lexa let go of her. Clarke opened her bag and held out a card. It was white and the text that was on it was printed.
“Welcome home, honey. See you soon.”
Lexa felt rage bubbling inside of her. What an asshole!
She looked at Clarke who stood in the middle of the room without moving and made a decision. She vowed to protect this woman whatever the cost. She went back to the door and locked it, then she walked over to Clarke, took her hand and pulled her with her. The light in the guest room was still on, but Lexa just switched it off and made her way to the main bedroom. She pushed the door open and paused on the threshold. After a deep breath she made one very conscious step inside like there was a kind of magical border she had to conquer. Once she was inside everything suddenly seemed easy. She pulled Clarke over to the bed and made her sit down. She opened the wardrobe, took out an oversized t-shirt and handed it to the woman who just stared at it.
“Clarke, you are going to stay here and I bet you’ll be more comfortable sleeping in this than your jeans. I’ll just get something from the kitchen while you change, okay?”
Clarke looked up. She still seemed like her mind was a million miles away.
“Can you manage or do you need me to help you?”
“I … I can do it.”
Lexa smiled at her. “Okay.”
She left Clarke in the bedroom and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. On her way back she stopped at the bathroom to get a sleeping pill as well. Clarke would probably need it.
When she came back to the bedroom she stopped in the door frame again. Clarke’s clothes were in a pile next to the bed and the woman herself was curled up under the sheets. Her eyes were closed and for a moment Lexa thought she was asleep. She put the glass and the pill onto the little nightstand and wondered what to do now, but when she turned to go Clarke’s voice made her stop in her tracks.
“Lexa, please don’t go.”
So she didn’t. Instead she lay down in what had once been Costia’s and her bed and slowly put her arms around Clarke who seemed to relax instantly. Weirdly enough it didn’t feel strange and it didn’t make Lexa feel guilty. What it felt like was like this was a first step into uncharted territory. It felt like a new beginning.