Chapter 1
Sometimes pearl would ask herself if she was perfect, because she knew no one would. It was a responsibility of some sorts – to make sure she still deserved to serve someone as powerful as Blue Diamond. That one question was followed by others naturally, but she was controlled enough to not slip into real thinking, getting ideas and inevitably turning defective. She was quite proud of her willpower.
She did it voluntarily, on her own, but surely others did as well, otherwise there would not be any defective pearls. Thinking made them corrupt just like monsters. She figured it out herself, but small revelations like that were not dangerous but only made her stronger to the primitive, nagging desire to think – an unfortunate byproduct of being a gem.
But she was not a real gem, she was a pearl. Perfect enough to serve her Diamond, one of the best of her kind.
The hair covering her eyes were a blessing – she barely saw anything through it so she couldn’t think about her surroundings. She usually kept her eyes closed anyway. How thoughtful of her Diamond - she always knew and used the best possible option for the benefit of her subjects. Pearl had no doubt that Blue Diamond was the most perfect of them all. She could not be more fortunate to serve precisely her. It made pearl happy - the only kind of happiness she was allowed to feel, but she never complained, never needed other reasons to be happy. Not like she could imagine that there are other reasons for a pearl to be happy. Her whole world and mind revolved around serving Blue Diamond and happiness that it was bringing her. Just as the other gems could not achieve the same amount of happiness from serving a someone as a pearl would, a pearl could not achieve the same amount of happiness from fighting or taking care of Kindergartens, given she had the capacity to do it.
And pearls didn’t.
That’s why the day she heard the Renegade’s voice for the first time was the most terrifying day of her existence.
Because that voice was the same as the one that asked her all those questions in her head, but it sounded so proud and dangerous that it mortified her. She did not dare to look up, for she was sure a mere glance at her clouded silhouette was enough to turn her gemstone to dust. She kept her eyes closed until her Diamond spoke. Her voice was like a healing essence that disperses all doubt and fear – just listening to it was a blessing, something that changes a gem’s whole being. That is, if she wasn’t talking to her.
It was not as beautiful to listen when she was angry though.
Pearl was focusing not to cringe or cower when Blue Diamond would raise her voice to the gems around them. How would she look, thinking like she was part of the assembly? She was not, because she was not even a true gem but a pearl – not even a true servant but an accessory. Her Diamond had the power to eradicate her, not only by using violence, but by simply tossing her out – ending her idyllic existence, making it meaningless, no longer worth experiencing. So her foolish mind taught itself to fear certain tones of her voice - she was doing everything to fix it, to not disappoint her Diamond.
But she was still thinking about the Renegade – not really thinking, of course, but just… repeating the memories of her. Her shouting mixed with those of quartzes, sound of blades cutting through their forms. She had not heard so many different sounds in months. She analyzed what she had on the Renegade – the beacon of defectiveness – and compared it to herself to prove how better she was, how clean.
But no matter how she hard she tried to tell herself that she is good, how many evidences she gathered to prove it – she was still afraid. Afraid that she was lying to herself, that she was already corrupted. She didn’t know what was going on inside corrupted gem’s mind. How she knew she’s not turning into one with her small thoughts? Oh, what would her Diamond say? She was lying to her all the time, rejecting her, like a rebel. And she was too defected to even notice that she was falling into greater defectiveness. She was weak just like every other common pearl, not matter who she serves. That blasted Renegade established a link between them so she could spread her noxious corruption onto her. How powerful one can be, to achieve this, without even a look, a single word directed towards her? It was almost impossible that she was a pearl once, because she was one no longer. Being a pearl meant being powerless and dependent on others, not… this. Defectiveness was truly horrifying, to taint the purpose of a gem into such mighty, chaotic abomination?
Was she really on her way to become like that?
Blue Diamond’s raised voice rung in her head and just for a moment she lost herself and cowered. Even without looking up, pearl felt her master’s stare and it felt like her gemstone was cracking under it. She composed herself quickly. It all lasted less than vocalizing an order, but it still was too long for pearl.
As merciful as her Diamond was, she did not mentioned it later. She knew a stare was reprimanding enough. Or she simply did not care, but pearl thought it was dangerous to think that way.
More dangerous than thinking about the Renegate.