New Years Day
TAYLOR
The only sound in the entire house is the clink of me picking up beer bottles and throwing them in a trash bag. The party is over, everyone has gone home, and Calvin has passed out somewhere upstairs. I know I've got to get most of this cleaned up before he comes downstairs or he won't be happy. Best for him to not start the day in a bad mood.
I think of the way Calvin looks at me when he gets angry. His eyes are sharp, and cold. Nothing like the crinkly, twinkling ones of the man from last night. Travis. Who plays football and makes up star constellations. There's only a few things I know about this man, yet I feel like I understand who he is better than people I've known for twenty years. He's so easy to read. I know that he says what he means and he means what he says.
I let my mind wander to the way the water dripped off his wet hair, and the way his eye contact made me want to melt. I think of his soft, milky voice. I could never imagine that voice yelling at me, or those long limbs hurting me.
I know Calvin means well. He truly does like me. The question is whether he's lying when he says he loves me. I want to think he truly does love me, but how can you hurt someone you love? I know I couldn't.
He says he's teaching me lessons, when he does it. Usually something at work put him in a bad mood, and I do something small to set him off, like saying something he doesn't like or breaking something he does like. Sometimes I don't even know what I've done.
After it happens he usually leaves the house. Maybe he's so mad he doesn't want to look at me. I used to wonder if he was establishing an alibi or something dark like that. To be honest, I think he just doesn't want to help clean stuff up. Clean me up, I mean.
The next day he comes back with a gift. Flowers or jewelry, that kind of thing. He tells me that he loves me so much, and talks about our future kids and cheesy stuff like that. He's an angel for a few weeks, and then it happens again and the cycle starts over. Every time he does it I think about leaving him, but then he comes home with a box of chocolates and I curse myself for ever thinking of breaking up with this wonderful man. This wonderful man without crinkly eyes and a milky voice.
The sound of a door slam jolts me out of my haze, and I see that Calvin has come downstairs. His hair is all messy and I know that his breath must smell like shit.
"Thanks for cleaning it all up." He says and I nod, knowing that I didn't really have a choice. He's silent as he makes his way to the kitchen, and pours himself a bowl of cereal. I keep my head down and keep picking up cans and placing them in the garbage bags.
"Taylor, we need to talk." His eyes wander over to me and I tense.
"About what?"
He takes another bite of cereal and chews it slowly. "I think you know what."
I drop another can in the bag and search through my mind. What have I done now? I was trying so hard to be good!
"I honestly don't know what you're talking about."
He takes a sip of water slowly and I feel myself anger. This isn't a conversation, this is a performance.
"You seemed rather friendly with that man last night."
Oh god.
"Travis? We were just introducing ourselves and I got him a towel. That's all."
Calvin's eyes narrow. "Don't lie to me."
The hairs on my arms stand up. "I'm not, I swear. I don't even know him."
He's silent and so I continue pleading my case. "You know I love you. That stuff didn't even cross my mind when I was with him." Well that part was a lie but he doesn't have to know that.
I offer him a small smile which he doesn't return, and return my eyes to the rubbish on the ground, which I'm now rhythmically picking up and placing in the bag. I can feel his eyes on me and I want to run and hide, but I know it will only make it worse.
The entire house goes silent once more.
"I SAID DON'T LIE TO ME."
I jump as he screams at me. I still can't bear look at him but my blood runs cold.
"You cheated on me. Admit it. And don't you dare lie."
My heart beat quickens. "Calvin," my voice sounds breathy and not like me at all, "I swear Travis and I didn't do anything. I told you we just introduced ourselves and I got him a towel."
The house goes silent again, and this time it is broken by the sound of his fist making contact with my face. I fall to the ground and although I'm not knocked out, I stay there. Deadly still with my face pressed against the carpet.
"FUCKING LYING BITCH!"
He kicks my in my stomach and I gasp for air. I taste something metallic in my mouth. I hear the door slam as he leaves. I stay on the ground for what seems like decades, even though it must have only been moments.
I notice a bottle cap underneath the couch that I need to remember to pick up.